The Cruelest Month
‘You weren’t smoking garden mulch again while I was in Montreal, were you?’
‘Not this time,’ Clara laughed. ‘You have something on your nose.’
Myrna felt around, found something and examined it. ‘Mmm, it’s either chocolate, or skin. Only one way to find out.’
She popped it in her mouth.
‘God.’ Clara winced. ‘And you wonder why you’re single.’
‘I don’t wonder.’ Myrna smiled. ‘I don’t need a man to complete me.’
‘Oh really? What about Raoul?’
‘Ah, Raoul,’ said Myrna dreamily. ‘He was a sweet.’
‘He was a gummy bear,’ agreed Clara.
‘He completed me,’ said Myrna. ‘And then some.’ She patted her middle, large and generous, like the woman herself.
‘Look at this.’ A razor voice cut through conversation.
Ruth Zardo stood in the center of the bistro holding aloft a chocolate rabbit as though it were a grenade. It was made of rich dark chocolate, its long ears perky and alert, its face so real Clara half expected it to twitch its delicate candy whiskers. In its paws it held a basket woven from white and milk chocolate, and in that basket sat a dozen candy eggs, beautifully decorated. It was lovely and Clara prayed Ruth wasn’t about to toss it at someone.
‘It’s a bunny rabbit,’ snarled the elderly poet.
‘I eat them too,’ said Gabri to Myrna. ‘It’s a habit. A rabbit habit.’
Myrna laughed and immediately wished she hadn’t. Ruth turned her glare on her.
‘Ruth.’ Clara stood up and approached cautiously, holding her husband Peter’s Scotch as enticement. ‘Let the bunny go.’
It was a sentence she’d never said before.
‘It’s a rabbit,’ Ruth repeated as though to slow children. ‘So what’s it doing with these?’
She pointed to the eggs.
‘Since when do rabbits have eggs?’ Ruth persisted, looking at the bewildered villagers. ‘Never thought of that, eh? Where did it get them? Presumably from chocolate chickens. The bunny must have stolen the eggs from candy chickens who’re searching for their babies. Frantic.’
The funny thing was, as the old poet spoke Clara could actually imagine chocolate chickens running around desperate to find their eggs. Eggs stolen by the Easter bunny.
With that Ruth dropped the chocolate bunny to the floor, shattering it.
‘Oh, God,’ said Gabri, running to pick it up. ‘That was for Olivier.’
‘Really?’ said Olivier, forgetting he himself had bought it.
‘This is a strange holiday,’ said Ruth ominously. ‘I’ve never liked it.’
‘And now it’s mutual,’ said Gabri, holding the fractured rabbit as though an adored and wounded child. He’s so tender, thought Clara not for the first time. Gabri was so big, so overwhelming, it was easy to forget how sensitive he was. Until moments like these when he gently held a dying chocolate bunny.
‘How do we celebrate Easter?’ the old poet demanded, yanking Peter’s Scotch from Clara and downing it. ‘We hunt eggs and eat hot cross buns.’
‘Mais, we go to St Thomas’s too,’ said Monsieur Béliveau.
‘More people go to Sarah’s Boulangerie than ever show up at church,’ snapped Ruth. ‘They buy pastry with an instrument of torture on it. I know you think I’m crazy, but maybe I’m the only sane one here.’
And on that disconcerting note she limped to the door, then turned back.
‘Don’t put those chocolate eggs out for the children. Something bad will happen.’
And like Jeremiah, the weeping prophet, she was right. Something bad did happen.
Next morning the eggs had vanished. All that could be found were wrappers. At first the villagers suspected older children, or perhaps even Ruth, had sabotaged the event.
‘Look at this,’ said Peter, holding up the shredded remains of a chocolate bunny box. ‘Teeth marks. And claws.’
‘So it was Ruth,’ said Gabri, taking the box and examining it.
‘See here.’ Clara raced after a candy wrapper blowing across the village green. ‘Look, it’s all ripped apart as well.’
After spending the morning hunting Easter egg wrappers and cleaning up the mess, most villagers trudged back to Olivier’s to warm themselves by the fire.
‘Now, really,’ said Ruth to Clara and Peter over lunch at the bistro. ‘Couldn’t you see that coming?’