He cups my cheek and runs his thumb underneath my eye. “You do realize we’ve crossed the line of things being personal.”

He’s right, so summoning confidence, I continue. “She says I didn’t get hugged enough and I told her you hugged me all the time, but she didn’t seem that impressed.”

He laughs softly. “I remember the first time I tried to hug you… I think we were, like, eight or something. You’d scraped the shit out of your knee trying to climb up a tree and I wanted to make you feel better, so I went to hug you.”

I wince at the memory. “And then I punched you in the arm. I remember… you scared me. I’d never had anyone approach me like that.”

“I know.” He bushes his lips against mine as his finger traces my cheekbone. “The next time I made sure I was a little more careful, although I did sneak in a few arm wraps and pats on the back.”

“It was weird for me when you did it,” I confess. “But there were too many people around and I didn’t want to look nuts by running away from your celebration… God, I can’t believe I was that old the first time I can remember being hugged.”

“What were we, like, thirteen?” Micha recollects, dazing off as he coils a strand of my hair around his finger. “I was so fucking excited that I’d won that stupid bet.”

“It was a stupid bet.” My eyelids flutter as his hand runs through my hair and tugs at the roots. “We all knew Danny was afraid of heights. I have no idea why he even tried to jump off the cliff into the lake.”

“I held my breath the entire fall.” I clutch onto his shoulders. “I think I was scared you’d hurt yourself or something.”

“That’s because you loved me. You just didn’t know it yet.”

“You didn’t know it either. You were just as blind as me.”

“I know, but I can remember swimming out of the lake totally stoked because I’d won two hundred bucks. Plus I was so hyped up on adrenaline. When I saw you standing on the shore in the cut-off that showed off your long skinny legs”—he pinches my ass and I shake my head—“I wasn’t even thinking. I just went over, picked you up, and latched on to you.”

“You nearly squeezed the life out of me,” I recollect. “And you got my clothes all wet… but I did like it.”

He crooks an eyebrow. “It didn’t seem like you did.”

“I did.” I latch onto his gaze, needing to look at him. “It was scary, but nice. Everything with you is scary, but nice.”

His expression changes at my honesty and he leans in to kiss me fervidly, ending the conversation. I eagerly unzip my jacket and toss it into the backseat. He pulls my shirt over my head and quickly unfastens my bra with one flick of his finger. His gaze instantly lowers. Cupping one with his hand, he brings his mouth to my breast and I fall backward, bumping the horn. It honks into the night, but I’m too lost to care as his hand glides down my stomach and delves inside my jeans. Once his fingers are inside me, my eyes seal shut and warmth ripples through my body. The horn keeps honking and “Don’t Wait” by Dashboard Confessions flows from the speakers.

“Micha, I want you,” I moan as he sucks kisses along the hollow of my neck and I can hardly breathe. “I really do.”

He draws back slightly, his eyes penetrating mine. When his lips return to mine, it’s not just about lust or desire—it’s about making us whole.

Rising my hips upward to take my jeans and panties off, I accidentally bang my head on the roof. Laughing softly, he steers my mouth back to his forcefully as I fumble to undo the button of his jeans and then he wiggles them down. Seconds later he’s inside me and I hover forward to stop the horn from honking as I open my mouth, allowing his tongue to devour me. The windows fog up as he thrusts into me and I cling onto him like he’s what keeps me thriving. Because he is.

Chapter 20

Micha

I smile the entire drive home. Not just because she let me do her in the car, but also because so much has changed. She opened up to me and her eyes lost a little bit of the sadness in them.

When I pull the car up to the front of her house, however, my gut wrenches at the idea that all the progress could be taken away in a heartbeat if Dean or her dad decides to bring painful things up. I decide before I get out of the car, that if they do, I’ll hurt them.

Dean’s red Porsche is in the driveway, along with Ethan’s truck. As we walk toward the back door, holding hands, snow falling from the sky and crunching under our shoes, neither one of us speaks. When we reach the door, I pause before opening it.

“You sure you want to do this?” I ask. “Because we could take off right now, just you and I and go wherever you want.”

She stands on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek and then nods. “I think I have to.”

Reluctantly, I open the door and we walk head-on into the lion’s den. At the table, Ella’s dad, Lila, and Ethan are sitting quietly around bowls and plates full of corn, stuffing, chicken, peas. There are rolls and butter and much more than both of us are used to seeing. Keeping a hold of Ella’s hand I walk over to the table and we take a seat side-by-side.

“It took you a long time to get back,” Ethan mutters under his breath with an accusing laugh. “What, did you get stuck again or something?”

“Knock it off.” I take a roll as Ella grips my hand under the table with her eyes fixed on the tablecloth. Her dad looks awkward sitting across from us, cutting a piece of chicken into absurdly thin slices.

“Hello, Ella,” he says formally, without making eye contact. “How have you been?”

My muscles tense waiting for her response.

It takes her a second. “Good. Really, really good.”

I exhale and the heaviness and worry of the night alleviates for the moment. Dean enters with a box in his hand and a confused look on his face.

“Who drew on the bathroom floor?” He drops the box on the counter.

Ella raises her hand. “I did.”

“Okay.” His tone holds annoyance. “Well, next time close the damn door. You know how I feel about it being open.”

I grit my teeth, trying not to say anything as Ella raises her chin and looks at her father, who seems obsessed with the chicken. “Dad, I think the chicken is cut.”

“Oh.” He sets the fork down to the side of the plate and sighs. “I didn’t even realize I was cutting it.”

“Be nice,” Caroline hisses at Dean from behind us. “Or I swear to God you’re sleeping alone tonight.” She appears at the table with a plate of crackers and cheese. She’s wearing a red dress with a skeleton on the bottom and a cross around her neck. “Alright, who’s hungry?”

We all dig in like we’re starved animals and my mom and Thomas come waltzing in right on time. My mom has a green dress on that’s a little too short and Thomas has a polo shirt and cargo pants on. Ella’s dad stands up to give my mom a quick kiss on the cheek, and then they take a seat at the opposite end on fold-up chairs.

After everyone is seated, Caroline clinks her fork against her cup. “Okay, so my family has this tradition where we all go around and say one thing that we’re thankful for.”

“Baby, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Dean says, reaching for the gravy. “Not here, anyway.”

She swats his hand away from the food. “I don’t really care what you think. I think we should do it.”

We wait for him to react because the Dean we used to know had a fucking hell of a temper on him. Back when we were kind of friends and played in a band, he would get pissed over everything and he broke a lot of drumsticks.

He rubs his hand tensely on the back of his neck. “Fine, I’m really grateful for you cooking this delicious dinner for everyone.”

Caroline beams at him. “And I’m grateful every one showed up.”

My mom chimes in. “I’m grateful the kids could make it here. It’s been so lonely without them.”

Thomas glances around the table, looking lost. “Umm… I’m grateful the Vikings won the game.”

I roll my eyes and Ella covers her mouth to hide her laughter. My mom scowls at us, but then Ella’s dad clears his throat, seeming nervous.

“I’m grateful for being sober,” he says and sips on his water. “This is the first Christmas I’ve not been drunk in as long as I can remember.”

Ella lets out a shaky breath and her eyes water over, like she’s going to cry. No one speaks for a minute and finally Caroline looks at Ethan.

“What about you?” she asks.

He contemplates it with a smirk on his face. “I’m thankful for red lacy bras that have an easy-access clasp in the front.”

I restrain a laugh as Ella’s head falls onto the table, her shoulders shaking as she laughs under her breath and Lila and I join in.

“Ethan Gregory,” my mom warns. “That was uncalled for.”

He surrenders his hand in front of him. “Hey, I was just being honest.”

My mom rolls her eyes. “What about you, Lila?”

Lila twists a strand of her blonde hair around her finger with a twinkle in her blue eyes. “I’m thankful for candy canes.”

Ella raises her head up and smoothes her hair into place, looking as mystified as everyone else, except for Ethan.

He winks at Lila, who blushes a little. “That’s a good thing to be thankful for.”

Ella remains quiet for a while with this strange look on her face, like she’s thinking deep, and then she glances at me. “I’m grateful for Micha.”

I lean over and kiss her in front of everyone. “I’m really grateful you said that.”

“Wait,” Dean interrupts, gaping at us with a disgusted look on his face. “Are you guys dating?”

“Yep,” Ella says indifferently, scooting her chair closer to the table. “Now, can we please eat?”

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