The Golden Lily

"They knew about vampires. But they were human," said Dimitri.

"Even I could tell that," I agreed. "The one was pretty tall, but he was no Moroi." Admitting our assailants had been human was difficult - and baffling - for me. I'd always believed the Strigoi were evil. That was easy. Even Moroi couldn't always be trusted, which was why the thought of Moroi assassins coming after Jill didn't seem that far-fetched. But humans... the people I was supposed to be protecting? That was tough. I'd been attacked by my own kind, the so-called good guys, not the fanged fiends I'd been taught to fear. It was a jolt to my worldview.

Dimitri's face grew even grimmer. "I've never heard of anything like this - mainly because most humans don't know about Moroi. Aside from the Alchemists." I gave him a sharp look. "This had nothing to do with us. I told you, swords aren't our style.

Neither are attacks."

Sonya set the sword down on the coffee table. "No one's making accusations about anyone.

I assume it's an issue you'll both want to bring up to your groups." Dimitri and I nodded.

"Although, I think we're overlooking a key point here. They were treating me like a Strigoi. A sword's not the easiest way to kill someone. There'd have to be a reason."

"It's the only way a human could kill a Strigoi, too," I murmured. "Humans can't charm a silver stake. I suppose they could set you on fire, but that's not practical in an alley." Silence fell as we all mulled this over. At last, Sonya sighed. "I don't think we're going to get anywhere tonight, not without talking to others. Do you want me to heal that?" It took me a moment to realize she was talking to me. I touched my cheek. "No, it'll heal fast on its own." That was one of the side effects of the vampire blood in our lily tattoos. "I'll go clean it before I go."

I walked to the bathroom as confidently as I could. When I reached it and saw my reflection in the mirror, I lost it. The scrape wasn't bad, not at all. Mostly, what upset me was what it represented. Sonya had had the blade to her throat, but my life had been in danger too. I had been attacked, and I'd been helpless. I wet a washcloth and tried to bring it to my face, but my hands were shaking too badly.

"Sage?"

Adrian appeared in the doorway, and I quickly tried to blink away the tears that had started to fill my eyes. "Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"Can't you tell from my aura?"

He didn't answer but instead took the washcloth from me before I dropped it. "Turn," he commanded. I did, and he dabbed the scrape with it. With him standing so close to me, I could see that his eyes were bloodshot. I could also smell the alcohol on him. Nonetheless, his hand was steadier than mine. Again, he asked, "You okay?"

"I'm not the one who had a sword to my throat."

"That's not the question I asked. Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"No," I said, looking down. "Just maybe... maybe my pride."

"Your pride?" He paused to rinse the washcloth. "What does that have to do with anything?" I looked up but still didn't meet his eyes. "I can do a lot of things, Adrian. And - at the risk of sounding egotistical - I mean, well, I can do a lot of pretty awesome things that most people can't."

There was amusement in his voice. "Don't I know it. You can change a tire in ten minutes while speaking Greek."

"Five minutes," I said. "But when my life's on the line - when others' lives are on the line - what good am I? I can't fight. I was completely helpless out there. Just like when the Strigoi attacked us and Lee. I can only stand and watch and wait for people like Rose and Dimitri to save me. I... I'm like a storybook damsel in distress." He finished cleaning my cheek and set the washcloth down. He cupped my face in his hands. "The only thing true about what you just said was the storybook damsel part - and that's only because you're pretty enough to be one. Not the distress thing. Everything else you just said was ridiculous. You're not helpless."

I finally looked up. In our conversations, Adrian wasn't usually the one accusing me of being ridiculous. "Oh? So I am like Rose and Dimitri?"

"No. No more than I am. And, if memory serves, someone told me recently it was useless trying to be like other people. That you should only try to be yourself." I scowled at having my words thrown back at me. "This isn't the same situation at all. I'm talking about taking care of myself, not impressing someone."

"Well, there's your other problem, Sage. 'Taking care of yourself.' These encounters you've had - Strigoi, crazy guys with swords. Those aren't exactly normal. I don't think you can really get down on yourself for not being able to fight back against those kinds of attacks.

Most people couldn't."

"I should be able to," I muttered.

His eyes were sympathetic. "Then learn. That same person who likes giving me advice once told me not to be a victim. So don't be. You've learned how to do a million other things.

Learn this. Take a self-defense class. Get a gun. You can't be a guardian, but that's not the only way to protect yourself."

A cluster of emotions boiled within me. Anger. Embarrassment. Reassurance. "You've got a lot to say for a drunk guy."

"Oh, Sage. I've got a lot to say, drunk or sober." He released me and stepped away. I felt oddly vulnerable without him near. "What most people don't get is that I'm more coherent like this. Less chance for spirit to make me crazy." He tapped the side of his head and rolled his eyes.

"Speaking of which... I'm not going to give you any lectures about that," I said, glad to shift the topic from me. "Lunch with your dad sucked. I get it. If you want to drown that out, it's fine.

But please, just keep Jill in mind. You know what this does to her - not now, maybe, but later." The ghost of a smile flickered across his lips. "You're always the voice of reason. Just try listening to yourself once in a while."

The words were familiar. Dimitri had said something similar, that I couldn't take care of others without taking care of myself first. If two people as wildly different as Adrian and Dimitri had the same opinion, then maybe there was something to it. It gave me a lot to think about when I returned to Amberwood later.

One of the good things about Adrian's intoxication was that Jill hadn't been able to witness our talk. So the next day over lunch when I gave Jill, Eddie, and Angeline a recap of what had happened, I was able to edit the story and leave out my own breakdown. Jill and Angeline's reactions were about what I expected. Jill was concerned and kept asking over and over if Sonya and I were okay. Angeline regaled us with tales of all the things she would've done to the attackers and how, unlike Dimitri, she would have chased them through the streets. Eddie was quiet and didn't say much until the other two had left, Angeline back to her room and Jill to get ready for class.