“They were captured,” I say. “They were put into cages.”
By the giraffes, lighting another cigarette, making a wisecrack about Michael Jackson, Bruce says, “Don’t leave me.”
This is what he said when British Vogue offered me a ridiculously well-paying job that I was not capable of doing and that my stepmother arranged and that, in retrospect, I should have taken and he said it again before he left me that weekend for Florida, he said “Don’t leave me” and if he hadn’t made the request I would have left but since he did, I stayed, both times.
“Well,” I murmur, carefully rubbing an eye.
All the animals look sad to me, especially the monkeys, who mill around unenthusiastically, and Bruce makes a comparison between the gorillas and Patti LaBelle and we find another refreshment stand. I pay for his hamburger because he doesn’t carry cash. We got into the zoo today because of a friend’s membership Bruce had borrowed. When I asked him what kind of person would have a membership to the zoo, Bruce silenced me with a soft kiss, a touch, a small squeeze on the back of my neck, offered me a Marlboro Light. Bruce hands me a receipt. I pocket it. A newly married couple with an infant sit at a table next to ours. The couple make me nervous because my parents never took me to a zoo. The baby grabs at a french fry. I shudder.
Bruce takes the meat patty off the bun and eats it, ignoring the bread since he considers it unhealthy, “bad for me.”
Bruce never eats breakfast, not even on days he works out, and he’s hungry now and he chews loudly, gratefully. I nibble on an onion ring, giggling to myself, and he will not talk about us today. It crosses my mind, stays, starts melting, that there is no impending divorce from Grace.
“Let’s go,” I say. “See more animals.” “Mellow out,” he says.
We move past uselessly proud llamas, a tiger we can’t see, an elephant that looks as if it has been beaten. This is a description hanging by the side of the cage of something called a bongo: “They are seldom seen because of their extreme shyness and the markings on their sides and back make them blend into the shadows.” Baboons strut around, acting macho, scratching themselves brazenly. Females pick pathetically at the males’ fur, cleaning them.
“What are we doing here?” I ask. “Bruce?”
At some point Bruce says, “Are we as far back as we can get?”
I’m staring at what I think are ostriches. “I don’t know if we are,” I say. “Yes.”