The Iron Butterfly

You don’t have to speak out loud, if you think your thoughts and direct them at me; I can hear them as long as you’re not blocking me.



“I’m sorry. I didn’t…” I cut myself off as I realized I was talking out loud again. Scrunching up my face I concentrated on Faraway and thought the words. Mean too.



Faraway blew air out his nostrils in an obvious attempt at a laugh. I felt his amusement fill my body as he sent an image of my face scrunched up in concentration into my mind.



I started sputtering to cover the obvious snorting noises that exploded from my mouth at the ridiculous image I saw of myself. Settling down, I wiped the wet tears of laughter out of the corners of my eyes.



It felt so good to laugh. I looked out across the field to the Denai students who were practicing on disarming guards, or working on sword drills, and for once I didn’t feel jealous. I felt whole.



The setting sun over the horizon drew my attention away, as a breeze brought my hair across to tickle my face. The open plain called to me. It spoke of freedom and new beginnings, of hope, second chances and new friendships. A smile pulled at my mouth.



Run?



YES! Grabbing his mane I swung onto his bare back and let him lead me to the gate that I kicked open with my foot.



Once the gate closed, we ran. The wind blowing in my hair, I shifted my weight and hunched closer to Faraway. When he opened his mind to me, I saw the world through his eyes. I felt then and there that we were one. He was right. I was his and he was mine.



Chapter 20



Faraway helped me the next few days with my archery skills, and every free moment I had, I practiced. Through his eyes I could look at my stance and posture and see what I was doing wrong. Pretty soon, I was hitting the target every time and from greater and greater distances.



Garit still came to train me and was amazed at my speedy progress and natural skill. I had decided to not tell anyone about my bonding with my guardian Faraway. It was nice to have a secret of my own and I wasn’t yet ready to share him.



Knowing full well that I would have to tell the Adepts about him sooner or later was depressing enough. If Faraway was right and there hadn’t been anyone that could summon a guardian since the Denai wars, then that would make me different, unique, and obviously a candidate to be studied. I was willing to put off that torture for as long as possible.



Faraway had encouraged me to try shooting from horseback and after I tried a few practice shots with him standing still, we tried with him walking.



I was becoming so in tune with his stride that I was rarely bothered by the motion. He taught me how to hold on with my leg muscles and how to direct him. We were beginning to anticipate what each other was about to do. For once something was coming natural to me.



Faraway was trotting and I had notched my last arrow when I heard a voice yell, “What the heck do you think you’re doing?”



Releasing the tension in my bow and pointing the arrow at the ground, I turned Faraway around toward the speaker. I had recognized the voice of Joss but I was still surprised to see him there.



Maybe it was because I had been avoiding him for the last week, eating in my rooms, ducking out of class early, coming in late. I was a failure at a lot of things and I was punishing myself by denying myself a friendship with Joss.



I kept telling myself that I was an embarrassment to the Denai and until I could become stronger, better, then I wasn’t going to embarrass Joss by my existence.



It was pathetic, demeaning and also unfair to Joss, but he practically glowed with power and perfection and I felt like a dim candle next to him.



“I’m practicing? What does it look like I’m doing?”



“It looks like you’re about to get yourself killed.” His tan face went pale, and I felt a small shadow of guilt. “You aren’t even holding on, that horse could throw you any minute.”



I felt Faraway’s amusement at being called that horse. I had yet to explain to Joss that Faraway was special and not some crazed horse. “He won’t harm me, remember, he saved my life.”



Joss strode over and grabbed Faraway’s reins in an effort to still an already perfectly behaved horse. He gave the horse a cautious look as if he was sure he would bite his hand any minute.



“Joss, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be preparing for the training game that begins tonight?”



Just mentioning it made my mouth go sour with fright. It had been announced during lunch that the two weeks were up as of midnight tonight.



I still didn’t understand how this training program was fair and, from what I could tell, only Adept Pax, Commander Meryl and I knew that the fake assassin was a SwordBrother.



“I wanted to let you know that I petitioned the Adepts to stop the game.” His eyes looked up from Faraway and pleaded with mine.



“What? Why?” I gasped out.



“I told them to choose someone else to be the target.”



“What? Joss, how could you? You had no right.” I could feel my anger rise, but I was also confused. It’s what I secretly wanted, wasn’t it; to not be bait?



“Thalia, I don’t think it’s fair after what you have been through.”



“Joss, I agreed to this, I did. No one made me do it.” My fingers dug into Faraway’s mane and I felt him send calming emotions to me.



Taking a deep breath I went on, “Joss, I won’t let myself be made a victim again, and right now this is exactly what I need. I need a chance to be able to fight back against the unknown and defend myself. How will I ever be able to go out into the world again and feel safe and secure? The only one I can rely on for protection is myself. I need to do this.” And right then, hearing the words from my own mouth, I realized I did need this. Looking Joss straight in the eye, I jutted my chin out defensively.



“It doesn’t have to be,” he said quietly, looking up at me with his intense blue eyes. “I would protect you if you would let me.” His jaw clenched and unclenched in hidden emotion. “It seems like whenever I’m around, you withdraw from me and try to build a wall between us.”



He was right; I had tried to accomplish this without his knowledge and without hurting him, but I had failed. Without speaking he pulled the reins and led Faraway over to the fence and looped them around the post.



Joss reached up and placed his hands on my waist and I let him help me down from Faraway, his hands burning with heat through my shirt. He let them linger lightly on my waist and I moved away uncomfortably.



Now that I was off of my perch on my horse and looking up to Joss, my head barely reaching his shoulders, I felt more vulnerable. Wishing that I still had the advantage of height, I tried to make myself appear taller by standing up as straight as I could and putting my hands on my hips.



“I’m sorry, Joss. But you must understand I’m still missing a lot of my memories, so in reality I don’t know who I fully am. So how can I let someone else get to know me, if I don’t even know myself?”



“I don’t care about who you were in the past; I care about who you are right now, in the present.” His voice was rising in frustration. “I don’t even think you’re giving our friendship a chance. And that’s all I’m asking for, is friendship. If anything else develops, so be it.”



Joss turned his back to me and leaned both arms on the top rung of the fence. He stared out over the mountains in the distance. “But you have to admit, it’s a fair question, and I have been really patient.”