Michael: So. Princess of Genovia, huh? Were you ever going to share that little piece of info with the group, or were we all supposed to guess?
Me: I was kind of hoping no one would ever find out.
Michael: Well, that’s obvious. I don’t see why, though. It’s not like it’s a bad thing.
Me: Are you kidding me? Of course it’s bad!
Michael: Did you read the article in today’s Post, Thermopolis?
Me: No way. I’m not going to read that trash. I don’t know who this Carol Fernandez thinks she is, but—
Then Lilly got into the act. It was like she couldn’t stand not to get involved.
Lilly: So you’re not aware that the crown prince of Genovia—namely, your father—has a total personal worth which, including real estate property and the palace’s art collection, is estimated at over three hundred million dollars?
Well, I guess it’s pretty obvious that Lilly read the article in today’s Post.
Me: Um . . .
Hello? Three hundred million dollars?? And I get a lousy $100 a day???
Lilly: I wonder how much of that fortune was amassed by taking advantage of the sweat of the common laborer.
Michael: Considering that the people of Genovia have traditionally never paid income or property taxes, I would say none of it. What is with you, anyway, Lil?
Lilly: Well, if you want to tolerate the excesses of the monarchy, you can be my guest, Michael. But I happen to think that it’s disgusting, with the world economy in the state it’s in today, for anyone to have a total worth of three hundred million dollars . . . especially someone who never did a day’s work for it!
Michael: Pardon me, Lilly, but it’s my understanding that Mia’s father works extremely hard for his country. His father’s historic pledge, after Mussolini’s forces invaded in 1939, to exercise the rights of sovereignty in accordance with the political and economic interests of neighboring France in exchange for military and naval protection in the event of war might have tied the hands of a lesser politician, but Mia’s father has managed to work around that agreement. His efforts have resulted in a nation that has the highest literacy rate in Europe, some of the best educational attainment rates, and the lowest infant mortality, inflation, and unemployment rates in the Western Hemisphere.
I could only stare at Michael after that. Wow. Why doesn’t Grandm่re teach me stuff like that at our princess lessons? I mean, this is information I could actually use. I don’t exactly need to know which direction to tip my soup bowl. I need to know how to defend myself from virulent antiroyalists like my ex–best friend Lilly.
Lilly: (to Michael) Shut up. (to me) I see they already have you spouting off their populist propaganda like a good little girl.
Me: Me? Michael’s the one who—
Michael: Aw, Lilly, you’re just jealous.
Lilly: I am not!
Michael: Yes, you are. You’re jealous because she got her hair cut without consulting you. You’re jealous because you stopped talking to her and she went out and got a new friend. And you’re jealous because all this time Mia’s had this secret she didn’t tell you.
Lilly: Michael, SHUT UP!
Boris: (leaning out of the supply closet door) Lilly? Did you say something?
Lilly: I WASN’T TALKING TO YOU, BORIS!
Boris: Sorry. (goes back into closet)
Lilly: (really mad now) Gosh, Michael, you sure are quick to come to Mia’s defense all of a sudden. I wonder if maybe it ever occurred to you that your argument, while ostensibly based on logic, might have less intellectual than libidinous roots.
Michael: (turning red for some reason) Well, what about your persecution of the Hos? Is that rooted in intellectual reasoning? Or is it more an example of vanity run amok?
Lilly: That’s a circular argument.
Michael: It isn’t. It’s empirical.
Wow. Michael and Lilly are so smart. Grandm่re’s right: I need to improve my vocabulary.
Michael: (to me) So does this guy (he pointed at Lars) have to follow you around everywhere from now on?
Me: Yes.
Michael: Really? Everywhere?
Me: Everywhere except the ladies’ room. Then he waits outside.
Michael: What if you were to go on a date? Like to the Cultural Diversity Dance this weekend?
Me: That hasn’t exactly been an issue, considering that no one’s asked me.
Boris: (leaning out of the supply closet) Excuse me. I accidentally knocked over a bottle of rubber cement with my bow, and it’s getting hard to breathe. Can I come out now?
Everyone in the G & T room: NO!!!
Mrs. Hill: (poking her head in from the hallway) What’s all this noise in here? We can hardly hear ourselves think in the teachers’ lounge. Boris, why are you in the supply closet? Come out now. Everybody else, get back to work!
I need to take a closer look at that article in today’s Post. Three hundred million dollars?? That’s as much as Oprah made last year!
So if we’re so rich, how come the TV in my room is only black and white?
Note to self: Look up the words empirical and libidinous
Wednesday Night
No wonder my dad was so mad about Carol Fernandez’s article! When Lars and I walked out of Albert Einstein after my review session there were reporters all over the place. I am not even kidding. It was just like I was a murderer, or a celebrity, or something.
According to Mr. Gianini, who walked out with us, reporters have been arriving all day. There were vans there from New York One, Fox News, CNN, Entertainment Tonight—you name it. They’ve been trying to interview all the kids who go to Albert Einstein, asking them if they know me (for once, being unpopular pays off; I can’t imagine they were able to find anybody who could actually remember who I was—at least, not with my new nontriangular hair). Mr. G says Principal Gupta finally had to call the police, because Albert Einstein High is private property and the reporters were trespassing all over, dropping cigarette butts on the steps and blocking the sidewalk and leaning on Joe and stuff.