The Return

Page 38

Tru said nothing. Instead, feeling dizzy, he slumped in her arms, as if his limbs had turned to lead. Though he wanted to console her, he felt a numbness spreading through him.

“I’m sorry, Tru,” she said. “I didn’t know how to tell you last night. But I haven’t given him an answer yet. I want you to know that. And I want you to understand that I had no idea he was going to ask me.”

He swallowed, trying to keep his own emotions in check. “Does it really matter that you didn’t expect him to ask?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “Right now, I don’t feel like I understand anything. All I know is that I never wanted it to end like this. I never wanted to hurt you.”

A physical ache seemed to flow through him, beginning in his chest and radiating outward until even his fingertips throbbed.

“I can’t force you to stay with me,” he whispered. “As much as I want to, I can’t. Nor will I try, even if it means that I’ll never see you again. But I would like to ask something of you.”

“Anything,” she whispered.

He swallowed. “Will you try to remember me?”

She made a strangled noise, and he knew she couldn’t speak. Instead, she pressed her lips closed and nodded. Tru pulled her closer, feeling her collapse into him, as if her legs would no longer support her. When she began to sob, Tru felt himself crumbling. Beyond them, the waves marched on, indifferent to the world slowing to a stop between them.

He wanted her and only her, forever. But that wasn’t possible. Not anymore, for despite the love they felt for each other, Tru already knew what Hope’s answer to Josh was going to be.

* * *

 

Back at the cottage, Hope cleared any items from the refrigerator that might spoil and put them in a garbage bag. When she headed to the shower, Tru brought the bag to the bins outside. His head was spinning and by the time he returned to the kitchen, he heard the shower running in the bathroom. He rummaged through drawers until he located paper and a pen. Ravaged, he tried to order his feelings by putting words on the page. There was so much he wanted to say.

When he was finished, he returned to his father’s house and retrieved two drawings. He put those, along with the letter, into the glove compartment of her car, knowing that by the time she discovered them, their time together would already be in the past.

When Hope finally emerged, she was carrying her suitcase. Dressed in jeans, a white blouse, and the sandals she’d picked up a few days earlier, she was heartbreakingly beautiful. He was sitting at the table again, and after turning out all the lights, Hope went to sit on his lap. She put her arms around him, and for a long time they simply held each other. When she pulled back, her expression was subdued.

“I should probably get going,” she finally said.

“I know,” he whispered.

She got up, and after putting Scottie on a leash, she moved slowly to the door.

It was time. Tru picked up her suitcase, along with the box of mementos she’d collected earlier in the week. He followed her out the front door, pausing beside her as she locked the door and inhaling the wildflower scent of the shampoo she used.

He loaded her things into the trunk while she put Scottie in the back seat. After closing the doors, she approached him slowly. He held her again, neither of them able to speak. When finally she pulled back, he tried a smile, even though everything was breaking inside.

“If you ever plan on taking a safari, make sure you let me know. I can tell you which lodges you should visit. It doesn’t have to be in Zimbabwe. I have contacts all over the region. You can always reach me through the lodge at Hwange.”

“All right,” she said in an unsteady voice.

“And if you just want to talk or see me, I’ll make that happen. Airlines make the world a much smaller place. If you need me, I’ll come. All right?”

She nodded, unable to meet his eyes as she adjusted the purse strap on her shoulder. He wanted to beg her to come with him; he wanted to tell her that a love like theirs would never be replicated. He could feel the words forming, but they stayed inside him.

He kissed her, softly, gently, one last time, then opened the door for her. When she was behind the wheel, he pushed the door shut, his hopes and dreams shattering at the sound. He heard the engine fire up and saw her roll down the window.

She reached out, taking his hand in hers.

“I’ll never forget you,” she said. And then all at once, she let go. She put the car in reverse and began to back out of the driveway. Tru followed as if in a trance.

A ray of sunlight broke from the clouds, illuminating her car like a spotlight as it finally started rolling forward. Away from him. She didn’t glance in his direction. He continued to follow, drawn into the street.

By then, her car was already growing smaller in the distance. It was fifty yards away, then even more, her image no longer visible through the rear window, but Tru continued to watch it. He felt hollowed out, a hull.

The brake lights flashed once, and then suddenly steadied, glowing red. The car came to a halt, and he saw the driver’s-side door open. Hope stepped out and turned to face him. She seemed so far away and when she blew him a final, tender kiss, he couldn’t bring himself to return the gesture. She waited for a moment, then got back in the car, the door closing behind her. The car started rolling forward again.

“Come back to me,” he whispered, watching as she reached the corner that led to the main road off the island.

But she couldn’t hear him. Ahead of him, the car slowed but didn’t stop. No longer able to watch, Tru bent over double, his hands on his knees. Beneath him, the asphalt bore the inkblot stain of his tears.

When he looked up again, the car had vanished completely and the road was deserted.

Aftermath

Hope would never remember the drive back to Raleigh. Nor would she remember much about her lunch with Josh that Sunday afternoon. He had called her numerous times since the wedding, leaving messages at her apartment, begging her to meet him. Reluctantly, she agreed to meet him at a local café, but while Josh was talking to her across the table, all she could think about was the way Tru had stood in the road, watching her go. Abruptly, she told Josh that she needed a few days to think about things and left the restaurant before the food even arrived, feeling his stunned gaze on her as she hurried out.

He appeared at her apartment a few hours later and they spoke on her doorstep. He apologized again, Hope managing to mask her turmoil. After agreeing to meet with him on Thursday, she closed the door and leaned against it, utterly spent. She lay on the sofa in her living room, intending to doze for a short while, but somehow slept until the following morning. Her first thought upon waking was that Tru was already on his way back to Zimbabwe, the gulf between them increasing by the minute.

It was all she could do to function at work. She moved on autopilot, and with the exception of a teenage girl who’d been in a horrific car accident, she remembered none of the patients. If the other nurses noticed how detached she seemed to be, they didn’t say anything.

On Wednesday, she planned to visit her parents after work. Her mom had left a message on her answering machine a couple of days earlier saying that she’d be making stew, and Hope decided to pick up a blueberry pie from a local bakery on her way over. The only problem was that the bakery only accepted cash, and in her daze of the last few days, she’d forgotten to go to the bank. Remembering that she kept some money in the glove compartment for emergencies, she returned to the car and opened it up. As she rummaged for the cash, she knocked some of the contents to the floor, and it was only while cleaning up that she recognized the drawing of herself that Tru had completed.

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