The Royal Pain

"Canadian, you dumbass. And ninety minutes of cell time isn't exactly rotting—"



"So will you do it?"



"No."



"Goddammit!"



Teal sighed and looked down at his red T-shirt and faded jeans. "Not that I wouldn't love some face time with the looker, but I'm not really dressed for it."



"Good. They won't suspect we're trying to break them up."



"Oh, brain-dead, are they?"



"Just shut up and get your coat."



"You're so bitchy when you're trying to get laid."



"Coat. Grab. Now."



"I notice you didn't deny it."



"Move faster."



"Has the Princess seen this side of you?"



"Sure."



"Just checking."



Chapter 15



"They're on the way up," Jenny reported.



" 'They'?"



"Apparently Dr. Rivers felt the need for a chaperone." This in a tone of grudging approval.



Alex raised her eyebrows. "You're kidding."



"No, Highness."



"A chaperone?"



"Yes, Highness."



"Weird."



"No, proper."



"Proper!" the princess hooted. "Ha! Exactly the sort of thing that springs to mind when I think of Shel Rivers."



There was a quick rap at the door. It was pushed open by one of her team members, and in walked Shel and his nice-looking friend, the fellow with the funny name.



"Hello, Mr. Grange!" Jenny said, with a little more enthusiasm than Alex privately thought was necessary.



"Teal," he corrected her, holding out a ham-size hand for her to shake. "Nice to see you again."



Jenny flicked invisible dust off her lapels. "It was kind of you to accompany Dr. Rivers this evening."



"Yes," Grange replied, pushing his glasses further up on his nose. "It sure as shit was."



"I'm afraid I only had dinner sent up for two," Jenny said nervously, smoothing her navy skirt. Alex wondered if she'd start disrobing out of sheer nervousness. Had she ever seen Jenny this jittery? She had not. "But I can certainly call and—"



"Why don't we go out?" Teal asked.



"Oh. Oh! I, uh, couldn't do that." She gestured in Alex's direction. "My job. I mean, the princess. I mean, I can't do that. But you're very very very very very very nice to ask. Really nice." She gasped for breath. "Very very nice."



"Are you all right?" Dr. Rivers asked, honestly puzzled.



"Yes," she said, fanning herself with sheet six of the day's itinerary.



Alex pinched her lower lip between her thumb and forefinger, so she wouldn't laugh. She'd never seen Jenny look so defiant and crushed (and cyanotic!) at the same time. "Don't be silly," she said, after she was sure she wouldn't snort, or giggle. "You and Teal can go out. Dr. Rivers and I can stay here in my suite."



"Your Highness—"



"Security's a lot better here than at the—than at other places," Shel pointed out cheerfully. He winked at her and, feeling like a conspirator, Alex winked back.



"No no no no no, I couldn't."



"Sure you could," Teal said, grabbing her by the elbow. "You like Chinese? No? Good, because the closest Chinese place sucks. How about American? You like American? I know a great burger place. They serve 'em as big as your head!"



"But—"



"Bye," Alex said, holding the door for them. "But—"



"Bye," Shel said, closing the door on them. They looked each other in the sudden silence of the room, and burst out laughing.



Chapter 16



"First trip to Minot?"



"Yes," Jenny replied stiffly.



"So, whaddya think?"



"It's very nice."



"Are you, uh, gonna be this tense all night?"



"I shouldn't be here," she explained. "My job."



"Like that Alex gal would let you hang around if she didn't want you to."



"Well," Jenny began helplessly.



"Besides, I jumped at the chance to see you again."



Jenny nearly knocked over her water glass. "You—you did?"



"Sure." He sucked up a terrifying mound of spaghetti, then downed the rest of his beer, then took another bite. "Your burger okay?" he asked with his mouth full.



"It's fine, I had actually eaten before you arrived."



"Well, shit, why'd you order it?"



"You ordered it," she reminded him. "But it's fine. As I said, it was kind of you to take me out."



"You kiddin'? I haven't been able to quit thinking about you, good lookin'. Has anyone ever told you—"



"Yes." She couldn't help smiling a little. "Including you."



"Well, there you go. Not that there's not more to you than being really pretty."



"Oh, there isn't," Jenny replied straight-faced.



"Finally, she loosens up!"



"You're very—I mean, I like your outfit."



"Aw, come off it. I said I jumped at the chance to see you again; I didn't say I had any advance warning. You think I dress likethis for a date?"



"I'm not dressed well, either," she admitted.



"What, you kidding? You look like a million bucks."



"This is a second-day suit," she explained. "Something I wear on the job. Not at all appropriate for private socializing."



"Well. I didn't want to say anything, but youdo look a little… starchy."



"Oh, that's good," she said earnestly.



"You should get yourself some jeans and a few T-shirts. Maybe some a' those, what do you call them… the rubber sandals—flip flops!" he finished triumphantly as the words came. "Red ones."



"Oh, no."



"Oh, yes." He leered at her in a friendly way and beckoned to the waitress. "So, how long do you think those two are going to need to do it?"



This time she did knock over her water glass, then sat in embarrassed silence until the waitress cleaned up the mess and departed. "I—uh—that's really none of my—our—concern."



"God, you act like you never had to do a discreet vamoose while the princess got some mmm-hmm." He raised a fist to eyebrow level and wiggled it back and forth.



"It's not part of my job description," she replied stiffly.



"I bet you could write a book filled with all the shit you do that isn't in your job description."



"I wouldnever ."



"Okay, okay, calm down, I don't have a book contract in my pocket. Listen, I figure, two hours should do it. I mean, I've got to get up early tomorrow for work. And I bet you do, too. And frankly, Shel can't bethat good."



"What—what is it you do?"



"I'm a hunting and fishing guide."



"Oh, how interesting."



"Yeah? Because you sounded less than thrilled."



"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. It's just… I'm from Alaska. Hunting and fishing is a primary way of life for most people."



"Oh, yeah? So it's like a guy telling you he sells copiers or whatever?"



She smiled. "Something like that."



"So, what's your dream date's dream job?"



"We shouldn't be talking about this. Your job is fine. Honorable. It's fine. It's really fine."



"Come on… fess up. What's your future husband's dream job?"



"That's private," she said primly.



"Stripper? Candygram guy? Cop? Palace guard?"



"It's none of your business, Mr. Grange."



He beat the table with the palms of his hands. "Come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn."



"Mr. Grange."



He pouted, which was alarming on a man as large as he was. "Fine, don't tell me."



"As should be clear, I wasn't planning to."



"Exotic dancer? Cab driver? Kindergarten teacher? Paramedic?"



"I must admit, the more you snivel, the less I want to tell you."



"Oh yeah? Well, I'm all done sniveling, how about that?"



She stifled a sigh as she stole another glance. It was ridiculous, how wonderful he looked, even in casual clothes. Normally she liked her men in Saville Row, but Teal looked fabulous despite what he was wearing. It was the broad shoulders, she decided. No, the hair. No, the glasses—they made him look smart and tough. No, the eyes. The green, green eyes. A pity he was so childish. So large and childish. And large.



And perhaps the smallest bit insensitive. Imagine, she had mentioned her vegetarian proclivities in the car and he hadstill ordered her a burger.



"—should be safe to go back after dessert."



"Of course," she replied.



"You want to split a tiramisu?"



"Of course," she said again.



The eyes. Definitely the eyes.



Chapter 17



Shel stared at Alex, then stared at her some more. Curled up like a cat on the cream-colored chaise lounge, she looked back and raised her dark brows.



"Penny," she said after a long moment.



"Honestly? I was thinking that you're the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen."



"Ever?" she teased. "Ever ever? Or ever in real life ever? Because I think Halle Berry is much prettier."



"Ever ever. Women on their wedding days don't look as good as you look in—what are those, little pants?"



"Clam diggers," she said, giggling into her palm. "Little pants? Did you think they'd shrunk in the wash?"



"I don't know," he said impatiently. "Come here."



She got up from her seat and bent over him. Her black hair fell into his face as they kissed, and her perfume was like spring, and her mouth was like silk.