The Unfailing Light

It was the height of the St. Petersburg winter season, and most of the girls bemoaned the balls and ballets we were missing. Pepita's staging of the ballet The Sleeping Beauty had debuted at the Mariinsky Theater. It was said even the tsar liked it, although his comments were not effusive enough to please its composer, Tchaikovsky. There was a much-talked-about ball, given by Grand Duchess Ella, where everyone wore emeralds. Elena sulked and obsessed over whom the tsarevitch had danced with. Alix sulked too, in her own dark corner of our room.



It was also the full moon, and I contemplated how much of an effect on my roommates that had.



I sat on my cot and sulked myself, wondering what George Alexandrovich was up to in Paris. I wondered exactly what dark magic he was learning.



"The Black Lily has great plans for him."



I sighed and rubbed my temples. Danilo, do not tease me if you are not going to tell me everything you know.



His laugh filled my head. "They are waiting for an auspicious time to hold their great ritual. And then George will be initiated into their Inner Circle."



Their Inner Circle? Are they organized in a similar fashion as the Order of St. John?



"Very similar. As are most occult orders these days."



Danilo, you wouldn't know who the current Koldun is for the Order of St. John, would you?



He laughed again. "Your precious George would not tell you?"



I was a little mad at myself for not thinking to ask George when I saw him.



"I do not know who the Koldun is, Duchess. That is one of their most closely guarded secrets."



I sighed. The crown prince was no help at all. It did concern me, though, that he knew George would one day become the next Koldun, and what would Danilo do with that information? What could he do?



Alix and Elena were both deeply absorbed in either their own thoughts or their geography books. I couldn't tell which. I didn't dare disturb them to say I was going to the library.



"Watch out for the ghost, Duchess." Danilo was still listening to my thoughts.



Thank you kindly for your concern, but I must learn who she is.



"Why? There is nothing you can do about the ghost while you are safe behind the empress's spell."



There has to be something, Your Highness. I can't let her hurt anyone else.



There was no answer, which surprised me. Only silence in my head. Where had the crown prince gone?



It was nice having my thoughts to myself again as I hurried to the library. It seemed as if Danilo had been in my head more and more often over the past few weeks. I was getting tired of his interruptions at the most inopportune times.



A frightened girl from the Blue Form came running out of the library. "There's something horrible in there!" she cried, grabbing my arms. I hugged her to me, trying to calm her down.



"What did you see?"



"Nothing, but something is still in there! I'm not crazy! I heard it laugh!"



I pulled away from her to look at her closely. "Did anything hurt you?"



She shook her head. "Please don't tell the headmistress! I don't want her to think I'm crazy!"



"You are not crazy. Run down to the kitchen and see if the cook has something warm and sweet for you to munch on."



"Do you think he'd let me?"



"Tell him that Katerina Alexandrovna sent you," I said, smiling kindly.



She started downstairs, but turned back. "You're not going in there, are you?"



"Just to get a book. I'll be right back out."



She shuddered and hurried down the stairs toward the kitchen. I hoped Sucre would be helpful and make her feel better.



The library was freezing. The ghost was there. I took a step into the room. "I'm not here to hurt you. I just want to find out who you are. Were you a student at Smolny?"



The bookcase began to shake. I took a tiny step back, closer to the door, and the shaking stopped. Was I making her nervous?



"I wish there was a way we could communicate," I said. "You could tell me what your name is, and how old you were when you-"



A heavy force came out of nowhere and knocked me on the side of the head. I fell to the floor in a daze.



The room began to spin slightly.



"Katerina? What have you done now, my beloved?" Danilo's voice was sarcastic.



I felt like someone was kicking me in the ribs. I curled up on the floor, holding very still, and trying very hard not to cry out. I'd never felt pain like this before. I had to get out of the room. Trying to reason with a ghost was one of the stupidest things I'd ever done.



Over and over, the cold force slammed into me, knocking the wind out of me. An angry young girl's voice hissed around my head. "I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it."



I tried to crawl back out of the library. There was a dull roar in my ears, like a winter storm had kicked up inside the tiny room.



"I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it." Books began to tumble off the shelves.



She was throwing a temper tantrum.



"It's all right," I groaned, holding my side. "You don't have to talk about it." I pushed myself up carefully and stepped back out of the room. I could not take in a very deep breath without pain. I knew it had been foolish of me to try to deal with the ghost alone, but now I was furious. From the hallway I whispered to her, "Once I find out who you are, I'll find the means to send you away. I will not let you hurt anyone here anymore."