The Write Stuff

"I do want my degree, and eventually I'll get there. I've just decided it doesn't need to be a race. Someday I'll have the diploma, and it'll look good framed on the wall, but beyond that, what will I do with it. I guess I'll have something to fall back on if this writing thing goes in the toilet."



"I don't see that happening anytime soon," she said, grinning wickedly like she knew something I didn't.



"Spill it," I demanded.



She laughed with delight before answering. "Obviously, you haven't checked your emails today."



"You know how I get when I'm writing. I haven't checked them in days."



"Well, I'm not sure what it means exactly, but a literary agent emailed expressing her interest in Wicked Lovely. She asked if she could set up a phone conference with you."



My heart kicked into overdrive. Other author friends of mine had signed with agents, and I had wondered if it was in the cards for me. "Are you kidding me?"



She grinned broadly. "I would never joke about this, slutbag. I emailed her back and set up a time for tomorrow afternoon."



"Holy shit. That's insanity. Do you know what this could mean?" I bounced in my seat with excitement.



"This means we're one step closer to seeing you in bookstores, baby."



"I think I'd pass out if that ever happened."



"Better get ready, then. Mark my words: One day soon you'll need smelling salts."



I laughed with glee. We had talked about this. What I would do if the opportunity arose, but I never put much stock into the conversations. Now that it was actually a possibility, I felt like a whole new door had been opened. I opened the email on my phone and for the rest of the drive, we analyzed every word, and what questions I should ask the following day.



The party was already in full swing by the time we arrived. I wasn't surprised in the slightest. Olivia had this thing about never being the first person to show up anywhere. She never let it happen, claiming it made people look needy. I argued that at least showing up early meant everyone wouldn't be looking at you when you arrived late. Since she was orchestrating this night, I went with the flow.



"Gah, how many people did you guys invite?" There had to be at least a dozen vehicles parked in the driveway and down the street of my childhood home.



She shrugged, climbing from the car and lighting a cigarette. If I would have been more observant earlier, I would have picked up on the fact she was smoking again, thus ensuring Taylor was history. Olivia only smoked between dating guys. It was her coping mechanism. I'd tried to Dr. Phil her on more than one occasion, but eventually I let her have her vice. If it gave her the comfort she sought, then so be it.



She put the cigarette out after only a few puffs and deposited it in Dad's trash bins on our way past the garage to the front door. Linking her arm through mine, we entered the crowded house together.



"Sweetheart, you look lovely," Dad greeted me, sweeping me up in a bear hug.



"Thanks, Daddy. Olivia waved her magic wand and this is what we got. The spell will be lifted by midnight and I'll return to my normal reclusive self."



He laughed, ruffling my hair. Olivia glared at him playfully before smoothing it back in place. "Careful. My magic only stretches so far."



"Holy cannoli. Is that Nicole?"



"Can't be. That girl actually looks like a girl." If Zach and Tony weren't my brothers, their smart-ass remarks would get them a kick in the ass. I would let Olivia do it though. I wouldn't want to ruin my cute shoes.



"Har - har. You two are so funny."



Tony whistled as he stepped closer, looking me over like a new car. "Hear that? She sounds like our sister. I guess she kinda looks like her too. I think we need to mess her up a little to make sure."



Olivia stepped between us, not willing to let sibling shenanigans ruin her work. "Touch her hair and you'll be singing soprano for a week. Got me?"



Tony's eyes sparkled like they always had when Olivia spoke to him. He stepped closer, invading her personal space. "The pain might just be worth it, coming from you," he murmured.



They stood chest to chest. "You would like that, wouldn't you?" Olivia's hand slid provocatively across Tony's shoulder. "Maybe we can try it out sometime," she whispered into his ear. She turned her head, practically offering Tony her lips. He looked hypnotized and leaned in to take what he had always wanted. "Or not," she added, stepping away from him. "I need a drink. How about you, Nic?"



Zachary roared with laughter as Olivia and I walked away. "You dumb bastard. How many times are you gonna fall for that?" He licked his finger and shoved it in Tony's ear, causing Tony to attempt to put him in a headlock. Before I knew it, my dad walked over quickly and separated them, slapping each one on the head. My brothers would never grow up. They were both older than me and still had to be treated like a couple of teenagers.



Olivia and I made our way to the patio where Mom stood off to the side of the makeshift bar, chatting with her best friend, Eloise. They had been friends since we were kids, and my brothers and Eloise's boys played soccer together. Her sons spent as much time at our house as they did their own growing up. Mom and Eloise liked to joke that they shared custody of them all.



"Nicole, you look lovely," Mom said, pulling me in for a hug before passing me to Eloise, who also gave me a hug. Being the only girl among five boys had ensured that I was treated differently. Eloise always considered me the daughter she never had. She loved taking me shopping when I was younger and designated at least one day a month as "girl time." She was worth admiring since her husband walked out on her and the boys ten years ago and she finished raising them on her own. To this day, their sons Ryan and Hunter hadn't forgiven their father for hurting their mom.



"Hey, Eloise. How's the gardening going?"



She rolled her eyes. "Don't ask. Whatever possessed me to think I'd have a green thumb when I can't even keep a houseplant alive is beyond me."



"Maybe you should hire a hot young landscaper to help you out," Olivia piped in, winking outrageously as she poured herself a glass of wine. "Or give up gardening altogether and just hire yourself a pool boy."



Mom and I both laughed when Eloise blushed brightly. She had never recovered from her husband's betrayal. We had all been trying to nudge her into the dating pool for years.



"I'd have to get a pool first," she finally tittered.



"That's just a technicality," Olivia laughed, taking a sip of her wine.



The patio became crowded as more of the party guests made their way to the bar.



"Hey, look who it is." My ears perked up at the sound of my brother Riley's voice. I was about to turn around, thinking that he had been talking to me. "You might need to take off your shirt for us," he laughed. "You know, give us a little flex."



An achingly familiar laugh drifted my way. I shot daggers at Olivia, who was suddenly too busy to look at me. Surely she wouldn't do this to me. As my friend, she should automatically be on my side when something went wrong with a guy. Just like I'd do for her. It was the friendship code.



"Hey, Riley, it's good to see you again."



"You too, Alec."



Chapter Twenty



The hole in my heart that had been held together by a haphazard Band-Aid felt like it was bleeding.



"And who is this pretty lady?" Riley asked.



And he brought a fucking date? I was in hell. Maybe this was his way of showing he was over me, or she could be a buffer to make sure I didn't try to beg him to take me back. Evidently, he didn't realize I couldn't have begged him even if I wanted to. There was no way I could handle the rejection again. I couldn't take the pain.



The only way I could save face would be to turn around and show him I was the one who was over him. Paste a brilliant smile on my face for him and his slut date. My nonchalance would be enough to prove I was fine. First, I needed to believe all that bullshit myself. Convince my face to accept a smile. Plead with my eyes to not betray me. Channel all the inner help I could muster.



"This little lady is Lily Bell," Alec answered, his voice brimming with pride.



I whirled around so quickly I nearly lost my balance. My eyes peered at perhaps the cutest little girl I'd ever seen. Maybe I was a bit biased because I knew she belonged to him, but no one could deny she had been blessed with some dynamic genes. Her auburn hair hung in ringlets halfway down her back, and her rich brown eyes were highlighted by long, thick eyelashes. She was a striking replica of Alec.



"Alec and Lily, I'm so glad you could make it," Olivia said, stepping smoothly around me while I remained gaping at them.



Alec's eyes met mine. "I wouldn't have missed it for the world. It's not every day my pecs have the words 'New York Times bestseller' written across them." He smiled at me and I tried to return it, but my mouth seemed to have formed an alliance with my broken heart.



"Daddy, what are pecs?" Lily asked, tugging on Alec's arm.



"Uh." Alec struggled for an acceptable answer, looking around helplessly like the words would suddenly magically appear.



Mom leaned in and whispered in Lily's ear, making her cover her mouth, giggling. I noticed she had a purple cast on her arm.



"You have to make sure it's okay with Daddy," Mom said conspiratorially.



"Daddy, can I go make an ice cream sundae with the lady?"



"Sure thing, pumpkin bug," Alec answered, rustling her hair.



Lily laced her small fingers with my mom's and skipped along her side toward the kitchen.



"Hey, I want a sundae too," Riley whined, following behind. Olivia and Eloise brought up the rear, leaving Alec and me together. The whole thing reeked of a setup. Alec had to know what he would be walking into and yet, there he stood.



I remained as frozen as a statue, unable to follow my family who had just abandoned me. A small part of me was thrilled about seeing Alec again, and even happier to be alone with him. That was my sensible side. The vulnerable half of me wanted to cower in the corner.



"How have you been?" he asked, closing the distance between us. My limbs threatened to betray me. He was like a tractor beam, drawing me in. It took everything inside me not to throw my arms around him. Trying to clear my muddled head, I took a step backward to regain a small measure of dignity.



A half-dozen responses to his question sprang to mind. How was I? It was a loaded question. Did he want to know about the sleepless nights? How about the story I was currently writing that was channeling all my hurt? I was sure only one answer would satisfy him. "Fine," I lied, smiling brightly.



He nodded, taking another hesitant step toward me. My smile faltered. I couldn't keep up the charade with him so close. I was barely hanging on as it was.



I stepped backward again, only to run into one of the patio chairs. Of course, being me, I lost my balance and would have landed face first on the cement if not for Alec's quick reflexes. He reached out and snagged my wrist, keeping me on my feet.



His touch was as familiar and as warm as I remembered. It had been a month since we last saw each other, but it felt like no time had passed. Neither of us spoke as we looked down at his hand that clasped my wrist. His hold was not intimidating or confining. It was more a caress than a shackle, holding me gently in place.



My eyes moved to his, wondering what his game was. Did he know how susceptible I was to his touch? Couldn't he tell that he was stealing a piece of my heart every time he did this to me? Maybe he wouldn't be satisfied until he had shattered me into a thousand tiny pieces.



Not surprisingly, I couldn't find the words to end his games. It wasn't the first time he'd had me tongue-tied.



His eyes bore into mine as he made a confession. "It's funny, but I haven't been fine."



His words slowly filtered through my head as I tried to process them. "You haven't?" I finally croaked out.



He shook his head, running his hand gently up my arm. "I thought I'd be okay. I was sure I'd made the best decision. In my head, I thought it was crucial that I focus on what was important." He ran his hand back down my arm, clasping my fingers with his. "The only problem is I suddenly had the feeling I had walked away from something really special in my life." His eyes held mine, soaking in my response.



My heart thudded painfully in my chest, warning me not to trust him again. A voice in the back of my mind told me I was making this too easy for him.



"I tried to ignore it and move on, but every single damn thing reminded me of you. It didn't matter if it was a puddle in a parking lot or if I was driving by a Starbucks. You were everywhere I looked except the one spot I wanted you the most."



My eyes glistened at his words. Any resolve I had left was crumbling with everything he said. "Where is that?" I asked.



He tugged me until I was standing in his embrace. "Here in my arms. I'm sorry I was a fool, Nicole. I was scared and reacted the only way I could think of."



"It was too soon for me to lay that on you. I know that now," I said, taking ownership for my part.



"Does that mean your feelings have changed?"



I debated lying. Confessing how I was feeling had pushed him away once. What if I admitted that even though he'd broken my heart almost a month ago, I was still in love with him? I couldn't even convince myself that I didn't want him back. "Would it scare you away if I told you my feelings haven't changed?" What else could I do but pour my heart out and hope he didn't stomp on it? If that happened, at least I would have closure.



He tightened his arms around me. "Sweetheart, that's what I'm trying to tell you. Somewhere along the way, maybe it was in New Orleans or hell, it could have been the first time I saw you and you were soaking wet. At some point, I fell for you. I was just too stupid to listen to my feelings. When that asshole put his hands on you, I wanted to kill him. I can't tell you how hard it was for me to let the police handle it. I wanted to break every single finger on his hands." His voice was ragged and thick with emotion. "Then selfishly, I was the one who turned out to be the asshole who hurt you. It took me going home without you to make me realize what you had come to mean to me."



I shook my head in confusion. "You expect me to believe that? If all that's true, you could have come see me as soon as I returned home."



"I wanted to. I swear, but I convinced myself I didn't deserve you, that you would be better off without me. I come with a whole lot of baggage, and I tend to make poor decisions constantly."