“I can understand that you had a job to do, but tell me something, Cole. Do they not have phones in South America? You couldn’t find one?”
If you had been married, a phone call from your lovers might have pissed off your husband.
But that hadn’t been the only reason. Instead, he said, “And risk those bastards tracing the call back to you? No way, baby. You don’t understand how corrupt these men are or how far their reach extends.”
She nodded reluctantly. “Since they just blew up my house, I have to suppose you’re right. You could have given me your real names before you left. All I had was a phone number written on a tiny piece of paper. Do you know how easy it was to lose that number?”
She’d lost it? “Did you try to call us?”
“When I found out I was pregnant, yes. But I shoved the paper into my jeans that morning when you left. Housekeeping took my jeans and washed them. No more number. So I waited. I was sure you would come back. You said you loved me.” She sniffled but kept her tough-girl armor around her. “I believed you.”
Cole closed his eyes, feeling low and sad and twenty kinds of pissed off at fate. “Fuck.”
“I used every dime I had saved up to try to track you down so I could tell you I was pregnant, but no one knew Burke and Cole Carlisle.”
“It’s Lennox. Our last name is Lennox,” Cole conceded.
Jessa simply shook her head as though it no longer mattered. “When I was about seven months along, I gave up. I figured the whole song and dance about coming back was just a line to ease your way out of my life.”
“Jessa…”
“Don’t.” She held up a hand, looking moments away from tears. “I understand why you did it. I’ll concede that I would have tried to keep you. I would have cried and begged and been a general nuisance, so you were probably right to lie.”
“We didn’t want to lie, Jessa.” His voice started to rise, but Caleb shifted. He had to stay calm for their son’s sake. A son they had to protect above all else.
“All this dangerous stuff… This is your life, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” This was why he’d stayed away from women like Jessa. “Burke and I joined the Navy when we were just kids. Our parents died when we were fifteen. We had one relative, a cruel bastard of an uncle. He went through any money our parents had, not that it was a lot. When we turned eighteen and the state support stopped, he gave us twenty bucks each and told us to get out. We joined up and made the SEAL program. We served overseas and started our own security company when we were discharged. Burke took heavy fire in Afghanistan. He lost some use of his left arm. The Navy cut him loose. I followed. We take rough cases. It’s the only life I know.”
It was brutal and ruthless and never stopped.
“I can’t live this way. You know that if we survive this, I can’t be around you. I can’t let Caleb be around you. He’s my baby. He’s my only family. I can’t risk him. I want you gone as soon as possible.”
Cole felt the cold like never before. He’d told her from the start. He’d warned her. He’d fucking tried to walk away from her, but she’d drawn him in. Damn it, he’d loved her. And now she was telling him he had no place in his son’s life? Bitterness crept through his veins. Caleb was so sweet, so trusting. The kid’s fathers had been in his life for less than two hours, and what did he have to show for it? His house in rubble, and he was on the run. He was about to be separated from his mother. Yeah, Cole saw that he’d been real fucking good for the kid so far.
Jessa’s lip trembled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m twelve kinds of freaked out right now. I really did try to call you and Burke because I thought Caleb needed his dads. Can we not make any decisions right now?”
But she’d already made the smart one. Cole pulled Caleb off his shoulder gently and handed him to Jessa. “Take him.”
As soon as the baby’s soft, sleeping weight left his arms, he clenched his jaw and exited the car. Fuck. He might never hold his son again, but she was right. Caleb deserved better.
Jessa followed, the coat back around her body. She’d tucked Caleb inside, only a tuft of hair visible. “Cole?”
“I’m no good for him. I never wanted a kid in the first place.”
He hadn’t—at least in the past. But now he wanted Caleb desperately. He wanted Jessa. Even that stupid cat who had thrown up everywhere. He wanted the goddamn white picket fence, but his life didn’t work that way.
Caleb turned his little head, pushing at the coat around him. His sleepy eyes sought Cole. That innocent gaze felt like a stab in the fucking heart.
“Just do what we tell you and you’ll be with him again. You won’t see me after this.” He would disappear. He would walk into Colombia and save as many abducted girls as he could until he found that bullet with his name on it. Burke would stay. He’d said as much that day in the Mexican restaurant. Burke had been willing to take Jessa without Cole. Burke loved her. He was way fucking smarter.
“I got everything on the list.” Burke approached, pushing a full cart. At the tension in the air, his eyes shifted, narrowed, quickly figuring out the situation and assigning blame. “What did you do?”
Cole shook his head. He wasn’t having this fight. She was Burke’s now. Burke would charm her, say all the right things. He would take care of her and Caleb.
And Cole would protect them all from afar.
When Jessa started to cry, Burke wrapped his arms around her. Cole turned away.
This was for the best. He wasn’t good for anyone. His uncle had drummed that into his head for years, and given the ugly things Cole had done to survive and put money in the bank, he couldn’t disagree. Jessa and Caleb would be better off if he disappeared from their lives forever.
* * * *
One year earlier, December 28 – New York City
Jessa wanted to have sex—with both of them. Burke was pretty sure his cock was going to explode. And he was pretty sure his heart wasn’t far behind.
She was different. He’d known it the minute he’d set eyes on her. Cole was just a stubborn bastard. But Jessa had quickly figured out exactly how to take him down.