This Man Confessed

‘Ava?’ he says quietly.

‘What?’

‘I need to tell you something.’ He goes to move, but I make myself a dead weight, ensuring optimum difficulty for him, not that it makes a blind bit of difference. I’m removed from his chest with minimal effort and turned onto my back. He straddles my waist, but doesn’t rest himself fully on me. He chews his lip for a few moments while I look up at him, a sceptical expression plastered all over my face. I know knowledge is power is the sensible option, but given what Jesse has presented me in the knowledge department, it scares the f**king life out of me.

He takes my hands and holds them tightly. ‘I’ve had Sarah at The Manor while we’ve been gone.’

‘WHAT?’ My head lifts and my throat is instantly hoarse.

‘She’s dealing with things while I’m gone. John can’t do it on his own, Ava.’

‘But Sarah? You said she was gone, end of!’ I’m livid. My blood is instantly boiling and it’s heating my face, all thoughts of absconded parents and painful histories eradicated at the mention of her name. ‘Why after everything she’s done would you allow that?’ I snatch my hands from his and try to push him way. ‘Get off!’

‘Ava, will you calm down! ‘

‘Why? Worried I might injure your babies?’ I spit at him.

Those words just changed his concerned look to one of displeasure. He’s scowling at me, but I couldn’t give a toss. ‘Don’t talk f**king shit.’ He manages to seize my flailing hands and secure them above my head.

‘You think it.’ I yell in his face. ‘Your constant monitoring and over-protectiveness tells me all I need to know.’

‘I’ve always been overprotective, so don’t brandish that card, lady!’

He’s right, he has, but I’m pissed and I’ll use anything against him, which reminds me that we’ve steered off course a bit. ‘She goes, or I do!’

He actually rolls his eyes. I don’t appreciate it. I buck myself, and he releases me, but it’s because he doesn’t want me to hurt his babies. It makes me madder. ‘Ava, I was in a mess, you refuse to work for me, and I need someone who knows what they’re doing.’

I stop and swing round. ‘So she’s working for you again?’ I don’t believe this. Her compassionate little speech at the coffee house stood for shit. She’s probably delighting in this. He gets up and walks towards me. ‘Stop where you are, Ward!’ I point my finger in his face. ‘Don’t try to placate me or convince me that this is all fine because it f**king isn’t!’

‘Watch you f**king mouth!’

‘No! She’s in love with you. Do you know that? Everything she has done really is because she wants to take you away from me, so don’t even think about trying to convince me that this is a good idea.’

‘I know,’

I snap my mouth shut and retreat back a little. ‘What do you mean, you know?’

‘I know she’s in love with me.’

‘You do?’

‘Of course I do, Ava. I’m not f**king stupid.’

I scoff. ‘You obviously are! You’ll trample anyone who tries to take me away from you, yet right under your nose, she’s doing the best job and you’re choosing to ignore it!’ I swing around and stamp my way into the kitchen. I need some water to sooth my scratchy throat.

‘I didn’t just let it go unsaid, Ava. I had it out with her and she admitted and regretted it all.’

‘Of course she regrets it. She failed! She’s probably regretting not doing a better job.’ I slam my glass down on the worktop. ‘And you may as well have let it go unsaid. Did you offer burial or cremation?’

His face screws up. ‘What?’

‘The usual option you give people who hurt me. Did you offer it to Sarah?’

‘No, I offered her a job in return for her word that she’ll never interfere again. I told her that if you say so, she’s out.’

‘I say so!’ I shout. ‘I say she’s out!’

‘But she hasn’t done anything.’

I look at the thick skinned idiot across the worktop in disbelieve. ‘She’s not done anything?’

His eyes close and he exhales long and wearily. ‘I mean she’s not done anything since I reinstated her. And you rewarded her with a tidy crack to the jaw for the stuff that came before.’

‘Why are you doing this? You know how I feel, Jesse.’

‘Because she’s desperate, Ava. She has no life past The Manor.’

‘You feel sorry for her?’ I ask more calmly. I love everything about this man, except his sudden empathy for all of these historical women who are trying to sabotage our relationship. Look what he did to Matt, for Christ’s sake.

‘Ava, first of all, I want you to calm down because it’s not good for you or the babies.’

‘I am calm!’ I screech, lifting my glass with wobbly hands. I’m far from calm.

He sighs and cocks his head to crack his neck, almost like he’s alleviating some stress. I have no idea what he’s so stressed about. Let me tell him that I’ll continue to work for Mikael and see what reaction that sparks. It’s the same principle, kind of.

He walks over to me, takes the glass from my hand and picks me up, placing me on the worktop. My jaw is seized and pulled up to meet his face. I maintain my scowl, looking at him through pissed off eyes.

‘Sarah has nothing. I kicked her out when she came clean, and thought no more of it.’ He takes a deep breath. ‘Until John spoke with her and she was saying all kinds of f**ked up shit, the most worrying part mentioning death being better than living her life without me.’