This Man Confessed

‘Hi, Daddy.’ I whisper, my voice quivering slightly as I watch him scanning my face.

‘Fuck me,’ he whispers back. ‘I can’t breathe.’ He collapses to the floor on his back and stares up at the ceiling. Why the shocked reaction? He wanted this.

I straighten myself out and roll my shoulder blades a little. I feel all stiff. ‘Are you okay?’ I ask, looking down at him. This wasn’t what I expected, but then his mouth starts twitching and his greens land on me. He jumps up and seizes me in his arms, lifting me clean from my feet on a shocked squeal. ‘What’s the matter with you?’

He paces quickly into the bedroom and places me down way too gently on the bed, yanking my towel away before crawling up above me and settling his body between my thighs and resting his chin on my stomach. He looks up at me with the most incredible amount of contentment in his eyes. They are twinkling madly, his damp hair is all over the place and his frown line and chewed lip are nowhere to be seen. How could I have ever doubted this when he’s looking so relaxed, like I’ve just given him life? Well, I have, I suppose. Or he has given life to me. Either or, my husband is one happy man, and now that I may have gotten my own head around this, I can see clearly—very, very clearly. He has more than enough love to share. This devastating man, this ex-playboy, will be an amazing daddy, if a little over-protective. I’ve not just given him life, a life revived and worthy, by giving him me, I’ve given him new life, too—a part of him and a part of me combined. And seeing him so unbelievably euphoric has chased away every single doubt. I can have a baby with this man.

‘I love you.’ he says quietly. ‘So much.’

I smile. ‘I know.’

He presses his lips to my stomach tenderly, and then strokes it softly. ‘And I love you, too.’ he whispers to my flat belly. He circles his nose around my bellybutton before he works his way up the bed and lays himself all over me. My hair is brushed from my face and he gazes down at me. ‘I’ll try to be better. With you, I mean. I’ll try not to smother you and make you crazy.’

‘I like you smothering me. It’s the unreasonableness that we need to work on.’

‘Give me specifics.’ he prompts.

‘You want to know exactly what drives me crazy?’

‘Yes, tell me. I can’t try to control it if I don’t know exactly what bothers you.’ He drops a chaste kiss on my lips, and I struggle to prevent a laugh. He doesn’t know? We could be here for the rest of the year, but I’ll focus on my main grievance for now.

‘You treated me too gently. When you thought I was pregnant, you stopped being fierce in the bedroom and I didn’t like it. I want my dominant Jesse back.’

He pulls back and his eyebrows shoot up. ‘What the hell have I done to you?’

‘You’re addictive, and lately I’ve been having Jesse withdrawal.’ I’m frank and honest with my answer. I need to get this out because another eight-ish months with gentle Jesse might send me crazy.

His frown line flickers straight across his brow. ‘I’ve taken you hard lately.’

‘Yes, but only when you thought I wasn’t pregnant, and when you thought I was, I had to provoke you into it. I want shock and awe.’

His frown deepens further. ‘Don’t you like sleepy sex?’

I sigh and reach up to grab his cheeks. ‘You won’t hurt it, you know.’

‘It?’ he laughs. ‘Let’s get one thing straight, lady. We will not be calling my baby it.’

‘It’s hardly a baby at the moment.’

‘What is it, then?’

‘Well, it’s probably more like a peanut.’ I watch as his eyes sparkle delightedly and a cheeky grin spreads across that otherworldly face. ‘Oh no, Ward!’ I laugh.

‘What?’ He leans down and rubs his nose up my cheek. ‘It’s perfect.’

‘I am not referring to our baby as peanut! End of!’ I yelp as I’m grabbed on my sensitive hipbone, and I start bucking under him, somewhere between delight and torture—the torture for obvious reasons and the delight because this is normal. This is us. ‘Stop!’ I cry.

And he does. ‘Shit!’ he curses.

‘What are you doing?’ I shout angrily. He looks down at my stomach and then back up at me, his shamed expression telling me he knows exactly what he’s just done. ‘See,’ I hit him with critical eyes. ‘That is what I mean! If you don’t reinstate some of your normal behaviour soon, then I’ll be moving to my mum and dad’s for the rest of this pregnancy.’ I’m not even being dramatic. I absolutely will. ‘I mean it, Ward. All of the fierceness, the rough, the countdowns and f**kings of various degrees, I want them back, and I want them now.’

He’s just looking at his wife like she’s a complete nutcase. I think she is. ‘Calmed down yet?’ he asks seriously.

‘That depends on whether any of this is sinking in to this thick skull of yours.’ I reach for his hair and yank it.

‘Ouch!’ He laughs a little and then sighs, rolling over onto his back and taking me with him. His knees come up to support my back, and he studies me thoughtfully. I let him. I sit and wait for him to piece together what he wants to say until he inhales deeply. ‘Do you remember when I found you at the bar, when I showed you how to dance?’

I smile as I relax against his thighs behind me. ‘That was the night that I realised I’d fallen in love with you.’ I confess.