Three, Two, One (321)

I’m not the hero he’s looking for. I am scum.

“Still wanna work tonight?” I ask him after a few moments of silence, puffing out smoke rings.

“Why the fuck not,” he says, getting up to stub out his cigarette in the ashtray next to me. “Why the fuck not.”

“OK.” I nod. “Grab my gear bag. I’m just gonna go let Blue know we’re leaving and what time you’ll be back.”

“How’s she doing?” he asks, looking down the hallway to my room.

“I’m not sure, actually.” I open my mouth to tell him who she is and what she really did, but he turns away before the words can come out. And then I lose my nerve.

Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know. If he knew who she was, he might do something stupid.

It’s a risk I can’t take.

I leave him to gather our gear and walk down the hallway, trying not to make my boots thud too hard on the floors. I don’t turn the light on, I just walk over to the bed and sit down next to her.

“Is he OK?” she asks.

“I think so,” I tell her back. “We’re gonna go to work tonight. I go to Ray’s to edit after each shoot, so I won’t be home until tomorrow morning. But JD should be back a little after two. You gonna be OK?”

“Yeah,” she says.

“Don’t say anything to him when he comes back tonight. About who you are. Where you were. That kind of thing.”

She turns her whole body so she can look at me. “Do you really think that’s a good idea? Considering how… connected we are?”

“I do, Blue. I wouldn’t ask you to keep secrets if I didn’t think it was absolutely necessary. But it is. Please trust me. It is.”

She nods her head at me and then her tired eyes win the battle she’s having with fatigue.

“We gotta get you a phone tomorrow,” I say, leaning in to kiss her. “And clothes. And shoes. Shit, we have a lot to do tomorrow. So try to sleep.” I place my palm against her cheek and feel wetness. She’s still crying.

“I’m sorry,” she says, the tears coming out freely now. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry, Blue?”

“For being a part of that. For being part of the thing that tore his life apart.”

“It’s not your fault. You were trying to save your friend and you got in over your head.”

“I was stupid. And naive.”

“It’s over now. JD wants to move on. He wants to move on with you. And me. Give this shit a go. See where it takes us. And I’m all for that too. Sometimes you just gotta drop that baggage you’ve been carrying around and leave it behind.”

“I feel like my baggage is inside me, Ark. It fills me up and overflows.”

“I know, baby. I know. But every day that goes by, a little bit of it will evaporate. And one day you’ll wake up and realize you’re OK. It’s over. And they can’t get you ever again.”

“But they can get me. They’re not far away. Maybe right down the street. Sometimes I hear the bells—”

“Shhh,” I say, leaning down to kiss her wet cheeks. “Don’t do that, Blue. You’ll stay inside for now. They don’t know you’re here. No one saw us take you home. No one’s seen you in the building. We’re going out alone tonight and they’re not gonna know. We’ll find a way to get you a new ID and then we’ll go from there.”

She relaxes and I sit with her another few seconds before leaning down and kissing her on the lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow. JD will be back in a few hours. Just get some rest.”

She nods to me in the darkness and then I get up and walk out, closing the door behind me.

JD is standing in the hallway, a few paces off. I hold my breath and wait to see if he heard me tell her to lie to him.

“She’s OK?” he asks.

I exhale my relief. “She will be. Just sleep with her when you come home, eh? Take her into your room. Don’t let her spend the whole night alone.”

He nods at me and then hands over my bag of camera equipment. “It’s still raining so I put it in the waterproof bag.”

“Thanks, man.”

“Yeah,” he says. “No problem.”

And then we leave the condo together. Going out to do what we do. And I don’t know about him, but I’m feeling pretty damn ashamed of how I make money right about now. The whole walk over there I talk myself up.

It’s just temporary.

You’re gonna make a difference.

Things are moving fast now.

Don’t give up what you’ve worked so hard to get.

Be strong and finish what you started.

And by the time we walk up to Aldo, the big German bouncer manning the door to The Sanctuary Club, I believe it.

“Hey,” Aldo says, sticking out his hand. I shake and he thumps me on the back a few times before moving on and doing the same thing to JD. “What time will you need us?” he asks in his thick accent.

I look at JD and shrug. “We probably need to throw back at least half a dozen shots before we get this party started. Let’s say twelve thirty.” I pull out an envelope with his take in it from the bag JD packed. “Here you go, man.” I study the line outside—which wraps around the building—and the level of noise from inside—which is pounding—and make a decision. “All six guys watching tonight, Aldo. They seem a little rowdy.”