Three, Two, One (321)

But this pause… this pause is all I need to know. What we have is real. No matter what you call it, it’s real.

She finally looks back up to me. “I can’t lose you. I know nothing lasts forever, but I’m not ready, Ark. I’d rather stay in my cage and watch the world from my high perch than risk flying out that door and never finding my way back.”

I take a deep breath and nod. “I’ll go get us a tree.”

The snow crunches under my feet as I walk back to the terrace door.

JD never looks up from his wild cheering as some big play happens on the TV in front of him. I walk straight to the front door and let myself out.

Once there, I place my palms against the wall and lean forward until my forehead hits the brick.

I’m not sure which part of that conversation hurts the most. The fact that she doesn’t trust herself to stay if she leaves. The fact that she thinks of herself as a bird in a cage. Or the fact that this is temporary, and we both know it.

Love happens in twos.

There is no holy trinity of love.

Would I still love JD without Blue?

I shake my head and push away from the wall. I head to the stairs, needing the physical activity to clear my thoughts. But all the way down, with each thumping step of my shoes on the steel, I can only hear one word in my mind.

No.

I would not want a relationship with JD without Blue. I love him as a friend. I love him as part of this arrangement. I love him in many different ways. But I don’t love him as a man.

I push through the stairwell door and end up in our lobby. I can see the Christmas tree lot down the street from here, so I go outside and start weaving my way through the slow-moving stream of cars when my phone buzzes.

I reach into my pocket and read the message from Blue.

Will you buy ornaments and lights tonight too? So we can decorate it?

I’ll do that first, I text back.

She sends me a little picture of a Christmas tree and then a heart.

No, I don’t love JD as just a man.

But I do love Blue as just a woman.

I would definitely be happy with her all by herself.

The tree lot is full of people as I pass, and I notice they are low in inventory, so I step into the roped-off area and figure I might as well pick a tree first. Then I can drop it off at home and go back out for the other stuff.

There’s not a lot to choose from, so I grab the tallest one they have left and wait patiently as my tree goes into the checkout line where they will wrap it in a net and take my money. Fifteen minutes later, I’m walking back across the street with my first Christmas tree purchased as an adult.

Before I came to Denver, I lived in Miami. And Miami just wasn’t the same at Christmas. I never had time for a serious relationship back then, so I never bothered to get a tree. But this is meaningful for partners. Celebrating holidays is part of strengthening the bonds of love.

JD and I never got a tree either. The holidays were always a busy season for us. Lots of girls need money at Christmas. We never had a shortage of willing participants.

I drag the tree inside the building and then inside the elevator, picturing how nice the loft will look once it’s decorated.

The car dings and the doors open, so I drag my tree out and head to the door.

I expect squealing when I enter the loft. And I do hear that. But it’s not for the tree I dump in the foyer.

It’s Blue, screaming like she’s getting a beating.

I run down the hallway to JD’s room and fling the door open. It takes me whole seconds of silence to come to terms with what I’m seeing.

Blue is face down on the floor, her cheek pressed so hard against the polished concrete I can’t even see her left eye. The right eye is wide open, looking up at me. Makeup runs down her cheek from the tears. Her face is red, like she was just slapped. Her breathing hitches, letting me know she’s really crying.

JD’s dick is in her ass, her dress ripped open up the back to give him access. And her panties are still on, but skewed off to the side. One hand is wrapped around her throat, his thumb pressed over her artery. The other is pulling her hair.

“It’s not what you think,” JD growls. Almost like he’s pissed off I’m interrupting his fuck.

I walk over and punch him in the face, and he goes reeling across the floor.

“I told you,” he yells. “It’s not what you think!”

I pull Blue up from the floor and pull her close. “Are you OK?”

She can’t or won’t meet my gaze. But she nods.

“Ark—”

“Shut the fuck up, JD!” I yell it. My voice booms up to the very top of his high ceilings, making Blue jump in my arms.

He’s up off the floor now, his dick still hard, his eyes raging with anger. “We had an arrangement.”

“Yeah, our arrangement was that you’d treat her nice.”

“Not me and you, Ark. Me and her.”

His words stop me cold.

“She likes it rough, man. She does. Just ask her. She loves to be ravished—”

“Raped!”

“I’m not raping her, asshole. It’s fantasy.”

“It’s sick!”

As soon as it comes out, I regret it. Because Blue wriggles in my arms, manages to escape, and then runs to JD’s bathroom and slams the door.

“Good one, dickface,” JD says as he follows her. He twists the handle, but it clicks from side to side. “I’ll break the door down, Blue. You know I will. So unlock it.”