Torn

"Good. Working on the new album. They're going on tour in the fall. He wants me to go with him."

She grimaces. "I'm not sure you should be traipsing around with all those men, Kenzi, and sleeping on a bus. Even though they're your uncles, there's going to be roadies, and fans, all sorts of strange people. You're a beautiful young lady who needs privacy."

"I'm not sure I'll go. I have to think about it."

"Is he still visiting Ember?" She asks, staring down into her cup of Earl Grey.

"Every weekend when he's not touring."

Nodding, she shakes her head in disbelief and takes a sip of tea. "Let's not talk about that," she says. "I want to have a great time and focus on you. Tell me how was your prom? I got the picture you texted me, and you looked absolutely gorgeous."

I place a slice of cheddar onto a wheat cracker and take a bite before answering. "Do you want the truth or a happy lie?"

"The truth. What happened?"

I sigh and eat the other half of my cracker before I tell her about the disaster that was my prom and then the aftermath of getting teased by half my class for bailing on one of the hottest guys in our school and being nicknamed the slutty prude.

Aunt Katherine touches my hand. "Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. What a bunch of jerks. I really wanted you to have the best time and have good memories. What's wrong with kids these days?"

"I don't know, but it really sucked. Thank God Toren came to get me that night. Please don't tell my father, he doesn't know I had a crappy time. I told him it all went okay."

"I promise I won't tell him."

"Thanks. It will just upset him, and I can't do that to him. He has so much on his mind already."

"You can't always protect him, Kenzi. I know your intentions are in the right place, but he's the adult, not you."

"I know. But you know how he is. He's so sensitive, and he takes it hard when I'm upset like he thinks he could have somehow prevented it from happening. And then he wants to try to make it better."

"Trust me, I know how he is. He's the most empathetic man I've ever met in my life, but someday he's got to come to grips that he can't fix things for everyone. Your dad is like this...mysterious guardian angel. He always has been."

I laugh affectionately at her description. "Yeah, he kinda is," I gaze out at the water for a few moments. "So what about you? Anything new? Are you seeing anyone?"

"Actually, yes. I've been seeing this guy named Thomas for about three months. He's been divorced for eight years and has a daughter. She's ten years old. I've only met her once because we're trying to take things slow, but she's really sweet. Very shy."

"Oh wow!" I exclaim, surprised at the news. "I'm so happy for you! Where did you meet him?" Katherine has been single for a long time. About five years ago she went through a bad break up after she found her then-fiancé cheating on her. I remember her having a very hard time getting over the pain and betrayal of that.

"Believe it or not, he stayed here for a week. It's not often I have single men staying here alone, so at first I was a bit leery of him. Then I found out he had just lost his mother to cancer, and he wanted to spread her ashes in the water, so he stayed here to kinda get his head together. We hit it off right away," she grabs her cell phone that's laying next to her teacup. "Here, I'll show you his picture. He's really good looking."

She flips through her phone and then hands it to me. He reminds me of Ryan Reynolds only with slightly graying hair at the temples. "Wow! He's hot!"

Taking the phone back, she smiles at his picture, her cheeks turning pink, and that makes me feel so happy for her that she's met someone who she's obviously very interested in.

"Thanks. I like him a lot. He's such a nice guy, too. I was hoping we could all have dinner while you're here, so you could get to know him."

"I'd love to."

"I told him all about you, and he's excited to meet you. He's actually been to concerts for both of your parents’ bands so he was a little excited to hear that you're their daughter. He's not a crazy fan, though. So don't worry. He won't be hammering you with questions."

Thankfully I've never been targeted by over-zealous fans of my parents’ bands. Years ago Sydni and Toren were at a bar with my parents, and a fan was obsessing over Sydni, trying to talk to her and take photos of her. Apparently he kept trying to touch her, and Tor went off on him and ended up beating the guy’s ass pretty bad, which is how he ended up in jail for assault. Even though the guy had been harassing Sydni, he hired a lawyer and filed charges, also trying to sue Sydni for emotional distress. People do the craziest things.

15

Kenzi

I thought of you today.

But then again, I think of you every day.

The only difference was today

I could think of you without pain.

Without crumbling.

Today, I thought of you, and I smiled.

And it was all worth it.

I'd do it again.

Every tear, every sleepless night, every day of missing you.

I would do it all again, just to have you.

I miss you. I want you. I love you.

I wish for you.

Kenzi

I love waking up at the Inn because the cool breeze blows through the bedroom windows, and I can see and hear the water if I sit up in bed. Watching the sun set and rise every day is a beautiful bonus.

My moment of tranquility on the tenth day of my visit quickly fades as my eyes lower from the view out my window to Snuggles in her cage. Usually, she sits atop her little wooden house, and also stares out the window or sleeps peacefully up there, enjoying the fresh air, her little bunny nose twitching.

But today, she's laying on her side in the cage, up against her pile of hay. Throwing my quilt off, I race over to her cage and pull the little door open, reaching inside to stroke her.

"Snuggles?"

My tiny best friend is unmoving. Not breathing. Her little nose incredibly still.

She's gone.

"No, no, no..." I whisper, gently stroking her ears. "Please wake up."

Years and months of pent up anguish roll over me as I lean my forehead against the metal cage. The heartache that came from losing my mother, then my little cousin, the teasing at school, and the confusion with Tor rips through me as I stroke my bunny’s tiny lifeless body.

I want it all to stop. I want off this ride.

I didn't realize I was screaming and going into hysterics until Aunt Katherine came rushing into the room and had to pull me away from the cage while Tina covered it with a sheet and they both sat with me on my bed, trying to calm me down. Katherine made me chamomile tea and rocked me like a baby while I cried over my little rabbit that lived so much longer than most do, but still wasn't long enough. I feel safe having my aunt comfort me like my mother used to, so I let her, instead of fighting it like I normally would. If I close my eyes and listen to her voice, it's almost like mom is here with me again, telling me everything is going to be okay, and she loves me with all the love in the world.

I cry until I have no more tears left, and then Katherine puts me on the phone with my father, who cries with me and offers to come be with me, but I tell him no. There's no sense in disrupting his schedule and making him drive all the way out here, so I assure him I feel much better after having a good cry and I'm in good hands here at the Inn.

After Katherine leaves to prepare the mid-day snack for her guests, I fall asleep, exhausted from crying. I dreamt that Toren came to me, the faint scent of his earthy cologne enveloping me in its familiarity as he gently brushes my hair from my face and presses his lips to my cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Angelcake," he whispers.

"Tor?" He's here, sitting on the edge of my bed. Blinking, I expect him to vanish back into my dream, but he's still here, big and incredibly masculine in this tiny room with its canopy bed and flowered curtains.

"You're really here?" I push myself up to lean against the headboard, eyeing him, still expecting him to disappear.

If smiles could heal broken hearts, his definitely holds that magic. "Of course, I'm here. Your father called me after he talked to you."

I throw my arms around his neck and hug him tight. I love this man without end. No matter what, I know that will never, ever change. He is my heart.

His muscular arms circle me and he holds me until I slowly and very reluctantly pull away from the haven of his chest. "I'm so glad you came," I say, reaching for a tissue from the box on my nightstand. I don't want to cry anymore, but new bittersweet tears are already welling up behind my eyes.

"I loved her, too," he says simply. "And I have something for you." He reaches into his worn leather jacket and my mouth falls open as he pulls out Mopsy, my old, raggedy stuffed bunny that he gave me for my fifth birthday. I thought I had lost her and threw quite a tantrum, which led to him taking me to adopt Snuggles.

I slowly take the plush toy from him, confused as to how he has it after all these years. The ear is ripped, just like it was long ago, so I know this is definitely the same toy and not a similar one he found at a garage sale someplace.

"It's my Mopsy... I thought she was gone. I totally forgot about her."

"I know," He nods and a faint smile crosses his lips. "A few days after you lost it, I found her in the bushes by the front door of your house. It must have fallen out of your little backpack," his smile turns into a disappointed frown. "I feel like shit that I didn't give it to you, Kenzi. I just wanted something of yours, I think. It's been in my closet all this time. I know I'm an asshole-"

"No," I stop him, my voice wavering. "You're not. I totally understand," I reach out and hesitantly touch his cheek, making him look at me. "I wanted your things, too. I always wanted some part of you to hold onto."

"I guess I felt that about you, too."