"You guys broke up?"

"We weren't really together, Kenz. Just kinda seeing where it was gonna go. Testing the waters."

I pick a big, juicy strawberry off my plate and bite it in half. "What did she say?"

He looks up at the sky for a moment before answering. "Well, let's see. She had a whole list, actually. She said I don't give enough. I don't communicate enough. I'm too cold and closed off. I'm too quiet. I work too much. I don't smile enough. I don't dress nice enough." He shrugs. "I've heard it all before."

"You're not cold, Uncle Tor. Not at all. You're just not the type to talk for the sake of talking. You talk when you have something to say. And maybe she's just mad because you're not saying what she wants to hear."

"Apparently I never have much to say, and it's never what they want to hear. She said pretty much the same things to me," he raises his chin and nods across the yard, his eyes zeroing in on Sydni, who's talking to my dad, her long fire-engine-red hair cascading down her back like a mermaid. Aunt Sydni is the bass player in my mom's band, and is my mom’s best friend. She's also been Toren's on-again-off-again girlfriend for the past twelve years or so. Mostly off.

But lately, I see her as the woman who's in love with my dad, and she isn't very good at hiding it.

Yes, welcome to the soap opera that is my life.

"Sydni said that too?" I ask.

"Sydni's said a lot of things over the years, but we both know what it all comes down to. I'm not him. I don't smile like him, I don't talk like him, I don't make her laugh like him, I'm not rich like him. I'll never be as good as him. Blah, blah, blah. To her I'm just a dirty mechanic who chases animals around." He gulps down his beer and I wish I hadn't given it to him.

"He doesn't want her, Uncle Tor," I say softly, trying to diffuse him. "He has zero interest in her other than as a friend."

"I know that. Fuck, everyone knows that. But it doesn't change how she feels."

"Maybe you two can work it out? It's been a few months since you broke up, maybe she feels different now. Sometimes you hafta lose something to appreciate it, ya know? She knows you were seeing Lisa. Maybe that made her open her eyes a little. Jealousy can be a great motivator."

A grin spreads across his face. "You're pretty smart, Kenz. But that ship has sailed and sunk. I don't want someone who's in love with someone else. Fuck that."

Agreed. "I don't blame you. You deserve way better than that. She's stupid."

It's hard to love so many people, want to see them happy, but also not like them for the things they do. My mom would be disappointed in Sydni for chasing after my dad and for making Tor feel like he's not good enough. I want to see my dad happy again, and while I admire him for staying committed to my mom, I wonder how long he'll torture himself by not letting himself move on. I don't want him to move on with Sydni, though. Not because I don't like her, I do. But because it's just too twisted. She's his wife's best friend and his best friend’s ex.

I live in a deep, dark, perplexing sea of people. Some might be starfish, and some might be sharks. I just bob along on my little raft; watching and learning.

Rubbing my bare arms, I pull my knees up to my chest and watch as my father walks away from Sydni and takes his acoustic guitar to the gazebo to join the others playing some old rock songs. She doesn't follow him. Good.

"You cold?"

"A little," I answer. "Just when the breeze blows it's kinda chilly."

He pulls off the gray hoodie he's wearing over his t-shirt and hands it to me. "Here, put this on."

I hesitate before accepting. "Then you'll be cold."

He frowns, like he's too cool to feel the chill. "I'm fine. Put it on."

Taking it from him, I slip it over my head, and shiver, but not from the cold. The heat from his body is still in the fabric of the sweatshirt, and it warms me like a hug. I push my hands through the sleeves that are way too long for me and roll up the cuffs.

"It's huge. But thank you."

"You look cute. Keep it. Add it to your growing collection."

Laughing, I lean against his shoulder and he rests his head against mine for a few seconds before pulling away to finish off his beer.

I've been hoarding Tor's things since I was a little girl. Mostly shirts, mugs, his old lighters, his faded denim jacket he wore in high school, a switchblade, some baseball caps, a leather belt, and other random stuff. I've taken all sorts of odd things that I fixated on and wanted to have, just because they were his. And he always let me have them.

He's been collecting parts of me, too. I just didn't know it yet.

2

Tor

Kenzi ~ age five

Toren ~ age twenty

I can hear her crying before I even step through the door. And when I do, she bolts to me and I catch her as she throws herself into my arms. Her face is red, stained with tears, her green eyes bloodshot.

"Uncle Tor..." she gasps for breath between each word, tearing my heart out.

I wipe her cheeks with my thumb. "What's wrong, Angelcake?"

"My bunny! I looked everywhere and he's gone. I think he's on that fucking tour bus!"

Ah. The coveted stuffed bunny I gave her for her last birthday. She drags it everywhere with her.

I try not to laugh at her epic use of the word fucking.

"Whoa. Kenzi...that's a very bad word." Her eyes meet mine defiantly and she says she doesn't care.

I love her fire.

"I wonder where she learned that." Ember says, glaring at me.

Kenzi pulls on my hair. "He's gone, Uncle Tor. That's all that matters."

"He's not gone, Angel. He's just on a journey. But ya know what? There's another bunny out there that needs you. Do you think we should go find him?"

She nods solemnly and sniffles. "Yes. Right now."

Ash and Ember just shake their heads when Kenzi and I come back hours later with a new stuffed bunny...and a real live bunny equipped with a deluxe cage I set up by the window in her bedroom. Kenzi is over the moon with the little rabbit we named Snuggles, and I feel like a hero for saving the day and bringing her smile back.

"She's got you wrapped around her little finger, man." Asher says.

"And you're gonna take care of that rabbit, Tor," Ember warns. "I'm not cleaning that cage every week."

I shrug. "I don't mind. Pets are good for kids. It teaches them responsibility."

"She's five, Tor."

"So? Age doesn't mean shit."

I wink at Kenzi who's cradling her new bunny across the room, an adorable smile on her face, tears long forgotten. It's the best high I've ever felt.

Tor

Asher hands me a cup of black coffee and falls into the chair across from me at his kitchen table, zoning in on me with his dark eyes.

"Sydni thinks you're avoiding her."

My head hurts too much from drinking last night to deal with Asher's probing into my life today. He's always trying to play shrink, and sometimes he has great advice, but other times his philosophical ramblings grate on my nerves. Now is one of those times.

"That's because I am." I vaguely remember her following me to the couch last night and me telling her to go fuck herself.

"You think she deserves that? She just wants you to talk to her."

"I have nothing to say to a chick that tells me she wants to get married one second and then admits she's in love with you the next."

He shifts in his chair. "She's not in love with me, Tor."

Something comes out of me that is half laugh and half snort. "Oh trust me, she is. And ya know what? I don't give a fuck. I'm done. You can have her."

"I don't want her. I'm married." He fingers his platinum wedding band, turning it in circles. It's a habit he does often, and I'm not sure even realizes he's doing it.

As I sip my bitter coffee, I decide to let him stay in his delusion. Trying to make him see that Ember is never coming back is a feat I can't tackle. And if Sydni's attempts to do so haven't worked, then nothing will. Not many men can say no to Syd with her legs for days, flaming red hair, double D's, endless talent, and overactive sex drive. We'd all be better off if he would just hook up with her and move on with his life. Then they'd both be happy and I can slam the revolving door shut that she keeps trying to creep through every time she realizes she can't have him.

I'm not going to be anyone's second choice.

But somehow, I always am. I should just get the number two tattooed onto my forehead.

"What are you two doing up so early?"

Kenzi interrupts our silent stare-off as she comes into the kitchen - still wearing my sweatshirt from last night, no pants, and fuzzy purple socks. As she reaches up into the cabinet, she goes up on her toes to grab one of her favorite mugs that once was mine and the sweatshirt rides up, uncovering half her ass and exposing her white panties with red hearts. I quickly look away and bring my coffee cup to my lips. I didn't just see that. I didn't just see that...

"I have a meeting and Uncle Tor had too much to drink so he slept here. And where are your clothes? I know we can afford pants. You shouldn't be walking around half-naked when we have company."

She runs her hand through her rumpled hair. "Well, Dad, how was I supposed to know anyone was here? I just woke up. And it's only Tor. Since when is he company? He used to live with us." She opens the refrigerator and pulls out milk, eggs, cheese and a container of diced veggies, then bends over to take a frying pan out from one of the lower cabinets.

I divert my eyes again as Asher downs the last of his coffee and stands. "I'm outta here." He nods to me. "See ya later, man. You up for a ride tomorrow? It's supposed to be warm."

I'm always up for a ride. "Hell yeah."