My stomach contracts with nerves as my father continues to go on about the perils of dating a young musician, and I can barely pay attention to what he's saying. Sailor is in his early twenties. A far cry from Toren's thirty-two years. If my dad thinks Sailor is too old for me to be dating, he'll go totally loco if he finds out I have feelings for Tor that go way beyond friendship.

After the texting with Tor a few weeks ago, my dreamer mind had fabricated a scenario where Tor and I are happily dating and my father, all our friends, and family accepted us as a couple. This conversation is a major bitchslap back into the reality that the chances of that ever happening are nearly impossible, no matter how much we might be wishing for it.

"Hot damn," Chloe says. "I'd love to be the cheese in that sandwich." Rayne and I follow her gaze across my back yard to where Tor is talking with Sailor and Finn. We're sitting in chairs by the pool, catching up since I just got back from Maine. There's more people at the bonfire tonight since my father announced it was also to celebrate my birthday, which I really didn't want as I don't like being any sort of nucleus of attention.

"Seriously." Rayne agrees. "I don't know who's hotter. But it's basically a club sandwich since there's three of them. Let's do marry/fuck/kiss and figure it out."

"Ooh I love that!" Chloe squeals. "I'll go first." She narrows her eyes at the guys as her brain works them over. "I'd marry Sailor, fuck the hell out of Tor, and kiss Finn. And if Tanner was here, he'd be my alternate fuck. I can't get enough of him."

I almost choke on my soda at her words about Tor. He's mine. I fight the urge to jump out of my chair and claw her eyes out.

Rayne sits up straighter as she takes her turn analyzing the trio of men. "I'm going to have to marry Tor, fuck Finn, and kiss Sailor. And since we're adding alternates, I'd totally marry Tristan. That boy is so sexy and adorable. I could just eat him up." They turn to me. "Okay, Kenz. Your turn."

Of course now that it's my turn, Tor is walking over towards us with his sexy swagger, drink in hand, his muscular chest stretching the thin white t-shirt he's wearing.

"Why do you ladies look like you're up to no good?" He asks with a grin when he reaches us.

Chloe bats her eyelashes at him. "We're doing marry/fuck/kiss with you, Sailor and Finn with your brothers as alternates."

Tor lets out a chuckle. "Is that right?"

"Yeah, but Kenzi hasn't picked yet," Chloe adds. "You should know, I didn't pick you to kiss or marry, Tor. So you do the math. But Rayne picked you to marry."

Tor does a mock bow to Rayne. "Thank you, Rayne, for not treating me like a piece of meat. And Chloe, I don't think you could handle this." He winks at her and takes a sip of his soda.

"I'm up for the challenge," Chloe teases back, and I can feel myself burning up with jealousy over her blatant flirting. I don't want her or anyone else handling him.

"Well?" Chloe urges, poking my arm. "You didn't pick, Kenzi. You're the birthday girl, so you can have two alternates."

"I think I'll pass." I answer, glancing up at Tor. "I'm going to go get something to eat."

Rising, I walk across the yard to the deck to make myself a salad. I know Chloe is just playing around but it really struck a little green nerve in me. The mere thought of Toren having sex with another woman or marrying someone makes my heart hurt.

My phone vibrates in my pocket so I pull it out while I'm standing next to the table of assorted salads.

Tor: I want to know your answers

I look up and do a quick scan of the yard to find him sitting by himself next to a Tiki torch, his eyes on me. My heart beats skip under his gaze.

Me: You're my pick for everything.

Tor: You would be mine, too.

Me: I think Chloe has a thing for you :/

Tor: Who's Chloe?

I smile at my phone and then sneak a peek back at him. He flashes me a devious smile and waves.

Shaking my head, I take my plate over to the gazebo, where my dad is singing and Sailor is playing guitar. My dad's younger brother, Mikah, is playing percussion on small conga drums behind them, which I love the sound of. I sit in a nearby lawn chair and eat my salad as I listen to their unplugged version of an old love song.

"I used to be a musician too, ya know. If that's what you're into." He suddenly whispers in my ear, dragging the nearest empty chair over next to mine.

"Once a musician, always a musician," I retort. "It's in your blood. And I'm not into musicians. I'm into someone who can make me feel."

He plucks a cucumber slice out of my salad and chews it slowly. "Feel what, exactly?"

I shrug. "Everything. I want to experience everything and feel everything."

"Everything is a dangerous path, Angel."

"Not if it's with the right person."

He holds my eyes for a few moments before breaking contact. "You actually look older to me now. I'm not sure if it's because I haven't seen you in two months or if you changed while you were gone. But you look older to me."

"Maybe it's because you allowed yourself to think about what you would do to me, as you put it."

"Jesus, Kenzi," he whispers. "Don't bring that up here. We're surrounded by your family."

"No one can hear us over the music. There's not even anyone near us."

"I don't care. Just don't talk about it here."

Sighing, I turn my full attention to the band, my father’s voice like smooth velvet even sitting here in his back yard with no mic. I let my eyes shift over to Sailor, who smiles at me when he catches my eye.

And Tor sees it, too.

He leans closer to me, almost knocking his lawn chair over onto me. "What's up with you and him?"

"Nothing, why?"

"He just smiled his little pretty boy smile at you."

I laugh. "Really, Tor? You're all growly over a smile? I just had to witness Chloe practically getting on her knees in front of you. How do you think that felt for me?"

"As you saw, I didn't encourage her."

"Thank you. That would have gutted me."

"Where would Sailor fall in your marry/screw/kiss list?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"On if you're one of the options."

"You're so naughty, Kenzi." He shakes his head and leans away.

"I refuse to consider Sailor in any way. Even for a game. You have my heart, and you know it. We can sit here and make a list of all the wrongs but it still won't change how I feel, Tor."

"Trust me, I know the feeling."

The song ends and Tor stands up. "I'm going to do something special, just for you." He says, and I watch with curiosity as he goes up to my dad, says a few words, then takes the guitar from Sailor, shooing him out of the gazebo like he's a puppy.

My father is all smiles as Tor drags a stool closer to him and then begins to play one of their oldest songs that my parents and Tor wrote together when they were teens.

To the best of my knowledge, Tor hasn't played in front of people since he left the band years ago. I'm pretty sure he doesn't play alone because the guitar case in his closet never looks like it's been moved. But the way he's playing the guitar so fluidly and perfectly right now is like he never stopped.

Sailor has taken the chair beside me that Tor just vacated, which I'm sure is only going to further agitate Tor's suspicion that Sailor might be interested in being more than friends, but I can't ask him not to sit with me.

"Whoa," Sailor says. "No one's heard Toren Grace play in years."

"I know," I say, not taking my eyes off the man who owns my heart and is now recapturing a dream he gave up, just to give me a glimpse of himself that I never got to see.

"He was one of my inspirations when I was younger. Storm is great too, they just have very different playing styles."

My dad’s brother Storm took Tor's place in the band after he had to leave when his father passed away, and Sailor is right - Storm is very talented and the fans love him. He slipped into the band with ease without causing a disruption to their songs. I'm still a little perplexed and slightly disappointed that everyone in my family has amazing musical talents except me.

The next song they play is the song that put them on the map and launched the band’s popularity. It's a ballad about losing your first love, and while I'm sure I've heard it at least a thousand times, this slimmed down acoustic version is raw and intimate, sending chills down my spine. I've always known Tor wrote this song, but before today I never wondered if there's personal inspiration behind it. Now, it's got me thinking. Other than Sydni, who has broken his heart? He didn't start dating Sydni until my mother introduced them, which was after this song was written. Was there someone else along the way he's never talked about? Or is it simply just a well-written, emotional song?

They play two more songs, and I'm practically hypnotized watching Tor play. I grew up watching musicians, quite a few were friends of my dad or other bands they toured with, but there is something erotic about watching a man you're attracted to play the guitar. The sensual words he typed in our text messages are on repeat in my mind as I watch his fingers move over the strings, wondering how they would feel touching me. That day he kissed me on the couch was the first and only time he ever put his hands on my body in any kind of sexual way, but the memory of the possessive way he pulled me onto him and the burn of his hand on the flesh of my lower back makes my insides quiver.

Later, my father and my grandmother bring out a huge cake blazing with candles and my dad sings a rocked out version of Happy Birthday to me like he does every year. A few people have left cards and gifts for me, but thankfully my father doesn't make me open them all in front of everyone like I'm five. I'd rather open them in private and then send hand-written thank you cards to everyone.