Torn

"Only you would think of that, Angel. But...here's some food for thought - how will you know if it’s for you or not, unless you open it?" He teases, bumping my shoulder.

I gape at him in mock irritation. "Now that's just mean and torturous."

He gestures up towards an ice cream stand in the distance. "Let me buy you some ice cream and then I want to take you home and torture you in ways that are much more fun."

My pulse speeds up as I go up on my toes to kiss his cheek and whisper in his ear. "Ice cream sounds yummy but I really want to lick you."

He groans and puts his arms around my waist, pulling me into him. "You naughty thing. I may not make the drive home if you keep talking like that."

As soon as we get inside his house he backs me up against the wall. His lips covering mine hungrily, and his hands moving slowly up my arms to rest on either side of my neck, holding my face to his as his tongue twists with mine.

"My body's not that sore anymore, baby," He says, his voice raspy from the kiss. "And it wants you in a bad fuckin' way."

"I'm all yours," I whisper against his mouth, and slide my hand down his chiseled body to grope his cock through his jeans, squeezing gently. Any shyness I had about touching him has slowly faded over the past few weeks after taking care of him while he was recovering. Bathing and showering with him was the perfect opportunity for us to reach an even deeper level of intimacy, and I took advantage of it to be able to explore every inch of his amazing body.

He sucks in a breath and watches with dark lust-filled eyes as I slowly slide myself down the wall until I'm kneeling in front of him, holding his gaze as I slowly unzip his jeans and pull them down along with his boxers. His hard cock thrusts out, and I eagerly wrap my lips around the head and slide my mouth down his shaft, filling my mouth and throat with him. He leans one arm on the wall above me and his other hand cups the back of my neck, his thumb slowly rubbing over my cheek as I move my lips up and down the hot length of him.

"I love when you suck me," The deep, breathiness of his voice sends tingles up and down my spine as he thrusts his salty crown against the back of my throat. I wrap my hand around him and grip his hot velvety flesh in unison with my mouth, sucking him harder as I pull my mouth to the tip and then plunge back down on him, quickening the pace as I feel him growing harder and throbbing against my tongue. His hand fists my hair and pulls my head back, forcing me to look up at him as he drives into my mouth and then stops with a deep moan, his hot liquid spurting down my throat. Swallowing, I stare up at him. He looks completely content and sated with his hair hanging down over his face, eyes closed, as he catches his breath, his hand caressing my cheek.

"You just wrecked me," he finally says.

"I hope that's good?" I slowly stand and lean back against the wall where he originally had me, and he leans down for a long, slow kiss that takes my breath away. His hands sink to my hips as he settles his body between my legs.

"It's beyond good," He sucks my bottom lip between his and gently bites. "Now I need more."

We move to the bedroom where he makes love to me to the point of total exhaustion. After a nap, he sits up in bed shirtless and plays his acoustic guitar while I lay with my head on his thigh and listen in woozy bliss. He's been playing a lot since the accident, and I love that it seems to be therapeutic for him now rather than a bitter pill he was forced to swallow years ago.

He plays the ballad he played a few weeks ago at the bonfire, and while he doesn't sing, I know the lyrics by heart.

I wanted your smile to be for me

I watched you from afar for so long

And finally when I had you in my reach

You got stolen away, right in front of me

"You wrote that song, right?" I ask.

He nods. "I did. In high school. Asher tweaked it a little, of course."

"Is it about someone?" Curiosity about the song has been on my mind for a while, and I want to hear the story behind it if there is one.

He chews the inside of his cheek and then looks down at me laying on his lap. "It sorta is. Or was at the time, I should say."

"Can you tell me who? It's kinda sad."

"Do you really want to know, Kenz?"

A twitch of fear burns in my stomach, but I nod anyway. "Yes."

His dark eyes settle on mine and he lets out a small sigh. "It was about your mother."

I pick my head up off his leg and stare at him. "My mother?" I repeat. "I don't understand. Did you write it for my Dad?"

He lays the guitar on the floor next to the bed. "No. I wrote it for me."

My mind starts to spin around with the rest of the lyrics of the song, about regrets, betrayal, and a love that never came to be.

I give my head a little shake. "I'm confused. You were with my mom?" My voice has taken on a waver that I don't like. I've just stepped into territory I had no idea I was walking into and now I wish I hadn't.

"No. Never. But I liked her first. She was new to town and it took me a long time to get up the guts to talk to her. At the time I thought she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. I know it's hard to believe now but I was really shy when I was young."

Swallowing hard, I touch his arm. "I never knew that."

"Yeah, I had asked her if I could walk her home, and we stopped at the park to get to know each other a little more, and I was just about to ask her out on a date when your dad showed up. The rest, as they say, is history."

"What do you mean?"

"He just swooped in and I was instantly forgotten about. And that's it. I went home and left them there, and they've been together ever since."

A strange, sick feeling washes over me. I feel like I stepped in something wet and squishy while barefoot and have no idea what it is, and I'm afraid to look.

"So you had, what? A crush on my mother?"

"I guess so, yeah."

"How come you never told me this?"

"What's there to tell?"

"A lot, Tor. It's my mother for God's sake."

He sits up and frowns at me. "Why are you getting upset?"

"Because it's my mother. I feel weird. I had no idea you had a thing for her."

"Kenzi, I was fifteen years old. We were just kids."

"The lyrics are pretty deep. It seems like you liked her a lot."

"I did. She was pretty, and sweet, and she could sing. I had a hard time meeting girls I connected with. But I was no match for your dad. Even though we look alike, it stops there. I don't have his irresistible charm."

"That's not true. You're just different."

"Trust me, I know," he says, his voice laced with bitterness.

I sit up and reach for my clothes, feeling very displaced suddenly. "So what about all the years you lived with us? You were with her all the time. Didn't it bother you?"

"A little at first, I guess, but I was happy for them. They were both my best friends."

I stare at him as more memories flood my mind. "I remember when I was little there were times you would sleep on the bed with her. What about that?" I never saw them touch, but it does seem odd to me now, that they would lay on a bed together.

"She used to get really bad migraines from being on the pill. If your dad wasn't home, she'd ask me to lay on the bed next to her when she felt sick. She hated to be alone. Your dad knew about it. Shit, I've slept in the same bed with him, too, Kenzi. You know how close we all were. We did everything together."

"Did anything ever...happen?" I can barely even get the words out.

"No," he shakes his head back and forth and reaches for my hand. "Never. I would never do that, I loved them both."

"But you were jealous that he got her?"

"In the beginning, yeah. It bothered me. He could have had anyone and he took away the one girl I liked like it was nothing."

I pull my hand away from his and rub my arms. "This is making me feel sick."

His mouth falls into a worried frown. "Why? Kenzi, nothing ever happened. We were just kids. And then you came along and everything kinda just fell into place." The look of anguish on his face is tearing my heart apart, but I feel betrayed that he's never told about this. We've talked about everything over the years, but never this.

"What do you mean, fell into place?"

"I don't know. The moment I looked into your eyes, everything felt different to me. I felt like I finally had a purpose. To take care of you. You changed my entire life, Kenzi, and you've continued to do so. Being around you always made me feel at peace. I don't know how else to explain it," He lays his hand on my leg as he struggles with trying to explain himself, his brow creasing. "But it's always been there. It's just gotten stronger as the years have gone by. Maybe I'm fucked up but I've kinda started to think of it as fate that brought us together, that it all happened for a reason and we ended up exactly where we're supposed to be."

Yes. That's exactly how it's always felt.

I smile in agreement. "I've always felt that way, too. Like you were mine. I just feel a little betrayed that you never told me you had feelings for my mom. Why would you never tell me about that?"

"I just didn't think it was important. We were fifteen." He repeats.

"Am I like some kind of replacement for her? In your mind?"

His face contorts as if I've slapped him. "Fuck no. How can you even say that to me? What the hell, Kenzi. Do you not know me at all?"

Tears form in my eyes and I'm not even sure why this has hit me so hard. I feel jealous and somewhat shocked. I reach for my jeans on the floor and pull them on, zipping them up.

"What about the hospital after the accident?” I ask. “You were there a lot. I saw you holding her hand all the time."

"Jesus Christ, Kenzi. She was one of my best friends. Why are you acting like this? Are you jealous?"