Torn

"I'll think about it." I say.

"Kenzi...what's going on with you? You've been acting so off lately. You were totally preoccupied with Sydni being at the hospital with Tor, and you've been distant and distracted. Even the trip to Katherine's was sudden. You never just do things like that, you always plan. You're not flighty."

I struggle for the right words. "I don't know. I guess just basic life confusion after graduation." I offer weakly.

He shakes his head and turns his body to face mine. "I'm so good at reading everyone else in this family. I can feel what's going on with all of them, like a deep intuition, if that makes any sense. It's always been there. But with you....it's so hard." He sighs and hugs the pillow tighter. "I know this will sound crazy, but since the accident, I dream about your mom, and she shows me things. Like things that are going on with people we love. Like the day Uncle Talon got married. I dreamt that your mom showed me his wife all alone, with no one to walk her down the aisle. That's why I walked her." His eyes close and he leans his chin on the pillow. "I sound like a head case."

"No, Dad. You really don't," I reply softly. "You sound like someone who has an amazing connection with their wife and the people they love."

He studies my face some more. "Where were you tonight? It's late. Actually, you've been coming home late almost every night. Chloe's in New York, so where are you every night? Who are you with? I feel like I have no idea what you do anymore or who you spend time with, and I don't like it. I don't want to lose you, Kenzi."

Swallowing hard, I refuse to lie right to his face. I can't. "I was at Tor's. Watching movies."

His stare deepens and his expression changes to one I've never seen before. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his cell phone.

"That's funny. I sent a text to Tor earlier asking if he wanted to grab a drink and he wrote back that he was spending the night with a chick. Did his plans change?"

My heart goes into ballistic overdrive. "Oh. I'm not sure." I stand up and my legs wobble with shaky nervousness. "I'm going to go to bed. It's late."

"Is something going on?" He asks, with a touch of suspicion in his voice.

"No, Daddy. I'm just tired."

He follows me down the hall to my bedroom and my panic escalates with each step. His radar is tuned directly at me and that is definitely not a good sign.

"Why are you hovering?" I ask him. "I just want to go to sleep." My cell phone beeps from where it's laying on my bed and his eyes immediately go to it. I reach for it but he grabs it from my hand.

"Dad-"

His jaw clenches and his eyes go wide as he stares at the screen.

"What. The. Fuck." He says with agonizing slowness, his gaze shifting to mine. "Is something going on with you and Tor?" He asks in disbelief.

I snatch the phone away from him and quickly read the screen.

Tor: I love you, Angel. I can't stand the way you left tonight. Please call me. Any time tonight, I don't care. I just want to hear your voice.

"Dad...he always says he loves me." I try to brush it off casually and roll my eyes a little for added effort but his eyes take on a dark anger that tells me he's not going to let this go.

"No," he says, shaking his head. "This is different. What the hell is going on? Why is he texting you at almost two in the goddamn morning, asking you to call him so he can hear your voice?"

"We had an argument."

"About what?"

I stare at him, frozen, unable to think fast enough. I'm not a liar. I don't know how to do this. I don’t want to do this. My lips quiver and tears brim in my eyes as I watch the truth settle in his, making him take a deep breath. His hand goes to the center of his chest, as if he's in immense pain, and his eyes shut for a long moment before opening again, revealing tears.

"Dad..." I whisper. "I'm so sorry."

He doesn't move. He just stands there, taking deep breaths, clutching at his chest. Fear grips me like a vice at the thought of him having a heart attack from the shock and stress of what he's just pieced together.

I gently touch his arm. "Dad...are you okay?" I ask softly.

"No. I'm not okay." He replies, rubbing his chest. "Did he touch you?"

My head shakes back and forth. "It's not like that."

"What does that mean?"

I don't know what to say, or how to say it. How do I explain what Tor and I have to my Dad? I was never supposed to go through this alone. Tor and I were going to tell him together and try to explain what happened in a way that he would understand.

I just have no idea how we thought we were going to do that.

"Kenzi?" He urges. "Answer me. What the hell does that mean?"

"We love each other." I say, my voice shaking with a myriad of emotions. It seemed like the best, most honest answer. I thought it would cover everything that needed to be said.

"What?" The word rips out of him in a tormented roar that shakes the walls.

"Daddy...let me call Tor and have him come over so we can all talk together," I say, hoping he'll agree and Tor will be able to calm him down and then everything will be okay.

"I'll kill that motherfucker," he seethes. "This is why you were so upset about Sydni at the hospital. Isn't it?"

I cringe away from him, wishing I hadn't had such a meltdown that day in the hospital. This is all my fault. I should have been more careful.

"Isn't it?" he bellows.

"Yes," I answer. "Please stop yelling. Please."

A crazy grin crosses his lips, so foreign compared to his normal handsome, charming smile. "Stop yelling? You want me to stop yelling?" he asks, his voice only rising with each word.

"Yes. Please let me explain."

He steps closer to me. "Did he touch you?" The words come out of him like he's choking on them.

"Please don't do this, Dad. Please calm down and just let me try to explain."

"Did he touch you?" He demands again, so loud it makes me want to cover my ears.

"Yes," I cry. "It's not like you're thinking! He loves me. I don't know how it happened, but it did. We fell in love. It's not bad, Dad. Please listen." I beg as he starts to rove around my bedroom, like he expects some clues are going to pop up from the corners. "He makes me happy. He's never hurt me or pushed me, ever."

"Did he fuck you?"

"Daddy!" Tears burst from my eyes at the vileness in his tone. He’s never spoken to me this way. "Stop it."

"Did he?"

I shake my head and wipe at my eyes. "You're being horrible! Stop asking me things and let me explain, please. We love each other. We care about each other. He's my best friend. You know that. He would never, ever hurt me."

"You're too young to know what love is, Kenzi. He took advantage of you because I fucked up and left you alone too much thinking I could trust him, and now I'm going to rip his fuckin’ heart out and shove it down his throat." Never have I heard my father speak so venomously or with such hatred. He's a peacemaker. A lover. Always helping people work out their problems. Always caring and understanding.

Never like this.

And it’s all my fault. I did this.

"I'm not too young. You and Mom were younger than me when you fell in love and look how long you lasted. So don't you dare say that to me. I'm not a little girl, and I'm not stupid. I know exactly what and who I want."

He grimaces and rubs the center of his chest again. "I'm going to be sick. He's got your head all fuckin’ twisted up."

"No, he doesn't. I love him. You know he's a good man, Dad. Calm down and think, please. He's your best friend. You know what kind of man he is. He would never hurt me, and this has been tearing him apart. He didn't want it to happen. You have to believe me."

"Then it never should have fuckin’ happened!” he shouts. “He's an adult, he knows better. He should have some fuckin’ self-control.” He glares at the standing framed photo of Tor and me on my dresser, taken when we were younger, and slams it down onto its glass face. “I trusted him with you, Kenzi." He says, coming back to stand in front of me, his eyes wild and his jaw clenched. "I trusted him with my baby girl and this is what he does?"

"He never wanted to hurt you."

"Hurt me?" he spits out. "He's fucking destroyed me, Kenzi. And so have you."

I swallow back more tears. "Please don't say that, Daddy. I love you. Tor loves you. We never meant for this to happen."

"When?" he asks, snapping his head to look at me. "When did this happen?"

It's always been happening. I take a deep breath and try to think back.

"A few months ago. A few weeks before I graduated, I think." My God, it seems like so long ago when it all started.

"He touched you when you were under eighteen?" he asks, his voice oddly leveled.

"He kissed me but that was it. Nothing else happened until I was eighteen. The age of consent is sixteen. He didn't do anything wrong. We waited until I was eighteen."

His eyes close and his head hangs down. "I'm going to fucking kill him."

"Please stop saying that. Please."

"He betrayed me, Kenzi. You don't screw with your best friend’s daughter who's a teenager and has been through the trauma of losing their mother when you're supposed to be looking after them. It's wrong no matter how you want to slice and dice it in your own head."

"He's the one who was there for me the most, Dad. Everyone else was all wrapped up in their own grief or life. Including you,” I remind him. “Tor was with me all the time. He's been taking care of me forever so don't stand there and act like he's some kind of pig because you know damn well he's not. You turned him into a live-in nanny for God's sake! He took care of all of us when we needed him,” my voice rises with each word and my body starts to tremble with a mix of anger, fear, and devastation. I take a deep breath and lower my voice before I continue “Maybe you need to remember all that." I wipe at my face as I attempt to defend the man that somehow became the glue in my life.