Transcendence

Beh finishes and then leans back a little, focusing on me from a different angle. Her eyes widen for just a moment, her lashes flutter, and she coughs a little before she looks away. Her cheeks become pink as she rinses out the fur and hands it back to me quickly.



I reach out and touch her cheek, but she ducks away from me and stands up with her arms wrapped around herself. I stand, too, confused, but I don’t have much time to think about it. We have been at the lake far too long, and I need to get my mate back to the cave before dark. We won’t have time to gather anything in the forest today, but I don’t have any baskets for carrying such things anyway.



Thankfully, I now have a mate to make such things.



As I lead Beh from the lake’s edge through the reeds, I grab several of the long, thin plants and hand them to her. Beh reaches out and gives me a quizzical look as she takes the reeds in her hands. I select more, hoping there will be enough for her to make a basket. I only have time to collect a few, but we can always get more later.



I’m glad to see Beh looking around the forest floor for food, especially when she stops and makes a loud sound with her mouth. I look at the plant she has found, and it looks familiar to me though I can’t remember what it is until she places a little piece of it first in her mouth and then in mine.



Mint. It has a strong smell and a fresh, biting taste that leaves a cool feeling against my tongue. It’s a plant my tribe would sometimes rub on meat to make it taste better when it wasn’t as fresh any longer.



I chew the little leaf as Beh collects several more. When she’s done, I hold my hand out and feel warm when Beh accepts my grip. She allows me to take her back through the forest, across the steppes, and to the rocks where my cave is.



Our cave.



I’m surprised that the sun is nearly setting as we approach the crack in the rock. Even though I certainly do not like some of the things that happened at the lake, this day is the best day I have had in a very, very long time. It goes by so quickly! I have my mate now, and being with her is much better than being alone. Feeling grateful for her presence, I cook the fish for her on rocks near the fire inside the cave.



Beh is silent as she sits on the single mat and takes the flat pelvic bone of a wild pig that serves as a plate but only picks at the food. I am ravenous after such a quick and busy day and devour two of the fish right from the hot rock next to the fire where they cook.



After I have my fill, I bring the water skin to Beh and hold it out to her. She accepts it from my hands with less hesitation than she did this morning and takes a drink. I quench my own thirst and then settle back down next to Beh and the fire. As she continues to pick at the fish’s flesh, I reach up and scratch the top of my head and pause.



My hair is…is soft!



Like hers!



All the tangles are gone, and it hangs well past my shoulders in fairly straight strands. I run my fingers through it, hold it out away from my head, and try to turn in such a way that I can see. The strands escape my fingers, so I grab on to them again, tilting my head up and looking out of the corner of my eye to try to get a better view.



Beh laughs, and all my attention goes to her.



I haven’t heard that sound in so long; I have almost forgotten what it sounds like.



The firelight glitters in her eyes as they crinkle up in the corners, and she tosses her head back as the sounds come out of her mouth. She wraps her arms around her stomach, and her whole body shakes with her laughter.



I give her a big smile, trying to contain whatever it is bubbling in my chest. As I smile at her, she stops laughing, and the pink tinge covers her cheeks again. This time when I reach out to touch the warm spot on her cheek, she doesn’t pull away from me. I run my thumb over her cheekbone, and the color deepens.



Beh makes soft sounds as her eyes stay locked with mine. Leaning toward her, I watch closely to see if she will move away from me. When she does not, I touch the tip of my nose to her cheek and run it along the bone there. I inhale slowly, memorizing and savoring the scent of my mate.



Her hand covers mine where it still lies on her other cheek. She pulls it away from her skin, and I try not to feel too disappointed as she pushes me gently away with the palm of her hand on my chest. She still holds my hand between hers, laying it on her lap as she laces her fingers together with mine.



My mate is scared. I’m pretty sure it’s not me she fears, but still, she is afraid of something.



I move closer to her, shifting myself to one side so our thighs are touching, and we are both facing the fire. One arm is crossed over my body, my hand still grasped in between hers. I wrap my other arm around her shoulders and pull her close to me. Beh lets out a long, shuddering sigh as she places her head on my shoulder.



I’m going to have to be very gentle with her.



Beh rests her head on my shoulder as the fire slowly turns to coals. I’m a little chilled without the wrap around my shoulders, and I realize my mate may also be getting cold. I turn to look at her and notice her eyes are closed. She has fallen asleep sitting up, leaning against me.



I wriggle my hand out of her grasp and try to move slowly as I turn toward her, slip my arm under her knees, and lift her up. I carry her to the back of the cave and lay her down in the middle of the furs. Once I verify she’s sleeping soundly, I rebuild the fire and check around outside for any danger before I join her.



As soon as I lie down, she rolls to her side and tucks her head against my chest. I start to smile, but I see a single tear on her cheek as I wrap my arm around her, and my smile disappears. I pull the fur around us both, making sure it is tucked around her tightly before I lay my head down and close my eyes.



When I open them again, I’m met with my mate’s gaze. Though I’m disoriented for a moment, the warmth of her body in the furs is welcoming in the cool morning air. One of my arms is still around her middle, and I pull her a little closer to me as I touch the top of her shoulder with my nose. She smiles, and my morning is perfect.



Beh only eats a small amount of the dried antelope meat and drinks a sip of water for her breakfast. I’m worried that she does not eat enough food to give her strength and wonder if she is already concerned that we will not have enough for the winter. I decide she must begin collecting food, so I bring her the reeds so she can start making collecting baskets. As I approach her, she tilts her head to one side and looks from me to the reeds.



She doesn’t start weaving. Instead, she gets some of the mint leaves she gathered the day before and rubs them against her teeth, much like she had with the end of her clothing back at the lake. When she’s done, she chews up another leaf and then goes just outside the cave to rinse her mouth with water from the water skin.



I follow her to keep her safe.



When she’s done, she hands me some of the mint leaves. Unlike Beh, I did eat enough for breakfast, and I’m no longer hungry. When I don’t do anything with the leaves, Beh sighs and takes them from me. Then she makes me open my mouth and rubs my teeth like she did with hers. Afterwards, my mouth tastes cool, and my teeth are smooth again.



I look to my mate and blink a few times, licking my teeth and lips with my tongue. Beh chuckles and reaches up to wipe a bit of mint from my mouth. She hands me the water skin, and I rinse my mouth with the water like she did before we go back into the cave.



Beh goes to the edge of the fire and calls out my name-sound. I sit down next to her and look over the reeds I gathered. I hope she’s ready to start weaving, but she isn’t. Instead, she pokes her finger into the dirt and swirls it around. She uses my name-sound, points at the swirls in the dirt, and then points at other things. Considering how insistent she was about bathing, I’m surprised she wants to play in the dirt.



After a while, I grow tired of it all. I have no idea what she’s doing, and I see no reason for it. Trying to direct her toward something useful, I pick up the reeds again and present them to Beh as she sits on the floor. She doesn’t do anything, so I reach out and push the reeds at her a little more. Beh continues to just look at me in confusion, and I wish I had a basket to show her so she would know it is baskets we need, not mats or something else. I’m not even sure what else could be made out of reeds, but Beh should know.



Despite my prompting, Beh does not weave any baskets. In fact, once I sit down and try to tie a few of them together—just to show her what I want—she does start to intertwine the leaves, but she does not make baskets. She just ties them up in knots, which I take from her and untie. I try to hold the reeds in such a way that they look like a basket, but when Beh tries, she is no better at it than I am!



In fact, she’s worse!



Frustrated, I toss the reeds to the floor of the cave and stomp out through the crack. I huff through my nose and try to figure out just what I should do next. We have already wasted a lot of time we should be using to gather food, and we still don’t have any baskets. Beh needs to make baskets, and I need to hunt. That’s how it works.



Apparently, Beh doesn’t know this.



I don’t know what to do. The bright sun reminds me that spring will provide us with much of the food we will need to survive the winter. Though the cold is never too bad inside of the cave, we will need food if we are both to survive. Meat will still be available though not plentiful. I realize Beh will need furs for clothing as well, or she won’t be warm enough. I will need to hunt more and kill larger animals to give her what she needs.



Though summer has yet to come, my mind conjures up images of what could happen to Beh if she isn’t warm enough or doesn’t have enough food during the winter. She’s so small, she won’t fare well.



I must keep her warm.



I have to make sure she has enough food, too. Beh is my mate, and I have to provide for her, even if she doesn’t make a basket to collect food.



I march back into the cave, take her by the hand, and head out to the steppes. Beh watches as I follow the line of trees on the other side to a grassy field where the grains stand on long, green stalks. They wave in the cool breeze as I walk into the center of them, look around and sigh. I have nothing else to carry them in, so I will have use my fur.



I take the wrap from around my shoulders and lay it on the ground, shivering a little in the wind. I grab the first stalk and try to pull the grains off the top one at a time. After collecting a few in my hand, I get frustrated and try to pull them all off at once. The grains scatter in the wet earth.



This is usually the point when I go back to the cave, pull out my spear and start hunting, but I can’t do that now. I have to have food for Beh. If she won’t make baskets and collect it for us, I will have to do it.



I take a breath and try to relax myself a little. As I start to pick up the dropped grains, Beh kneels beside me and starts picking them up as well. She places them on the center of my fur and then moves to one of the other stalks of grain. Within minutes, she’s gathering much faster than I, but I don’t stop. Actually, I try to catch up with her. It quickly becomes a game: who can get the grains off the stalks the fastest without spilling any on the ground.



Beh even laughs when I drop a whole handful, and the sound is lovely.



We are at it all day, and we collect much of the grain in the field.



With the fur tied up in a bundle to keep the grain from falling out, I toss the sack over my shoulder and take Beh’s hand as we head back. Once we are inside again, I gather up one of the furs from the bedding and lay it across the low rock shelf on one side of the cave. Then Beh helps me pour the grains from one fur to the other so I can warm up.



It’s quite cold as the sun begins to set, and I’m shivering by the time we’re finished. Beh starts make a lot of noises with her mouth again. She hadn’t really done that all day except when she laughed, and it was kind of nice. She grabs another fur from the bed and wraps it around me as she practically pushes me into the fire. She makes more, louder sounds as I take a deep breath and stare up at her. She sighs as her eyes meet mine, and though she still makes those sounds, she is much quieter now. She places some of the antelope meat on the cooking rock near the fire and sits back while it warms. After a few minutes, she pulls out the stick she had used before and starts to work on her hair.



I warm up slowly as I watch her intently. This time when she looks back at me, she smiles and moves closer. She reaches up, and she starts to pull the stick through my hair again. The slow, steady movements lull me as I watch the fire burn. As I feel my eyes drooping, I shift and lay my head down in her lap. Abandoning the stick, I feel her fingers take their place on my scalp as the warmth from the fire, the fur, and her touch soak into my skin.



Finally, after so much time despairing, I know contentment.



CHAPTER FIVE



Beh still sleeps though I have been awake since before light started to shine through the crack in the cave’s entrance. I have already been up to stoke the fire and warm the small enclosure. As I lay next to her, I can’t stop touching the hair on my own head.



It’s never felt like this before.



It doesn’t feel quite as good as Beh’s does, but it still feels good.



I touch hers for a while, too, but soon she turns slightly in her sleep, rolling away from me. It’s still chilly this morning, and Beh seems to realize this even though she doesn’t wake up. She pushes her back up against my chest, her body seeking the warmth I am all too happy to provide.



I drop my hand from my hair and wrap it around her waist, pulling her closer as I tug the fur up to her shoulders. She sighs and settles back down against the fur she has tucked under her head. I don’t know why she likes it like that, but she rolls up a few scraps of fur into a small ball and places it under her head when she sleeps.



My mate is strange.



But she is mine, and she can shove a fur under her head if she likes. I will keep the other ones over the top of her so she will stay warm.