Troubles and Treats

“Just tell me we aren’t going to be watching any of your home movies,” Claire begs.

“I don’t know. I’d kind of like to see those,” Carter says with a shrug.

“Oh, we’ve already seen their home movie. It’s a finalist over at You p**n ’s 'Home Movie of the Year Awards',” one of the guys on the opposite side of the room says. “We Googled you when we signed up for the class. Using the pumpkin and the ice cream scoop was genius, by the way.”

My smile is bigger than ever after hearing those words.

“Honey, you can Google us!” I tell Jenny, leaning in to kiss the top of her head.

“Alright, fine. We Googled you too,” Liz admits.

“Yeah, so did we,” Claire adds.

“And aside from having to see Drew’s hairy ass, it was pretty hot,” Jim states.

“It was disturbing-hot and I felt a little dirty after watching it, and I’m not sure I can ever look you guys in the eye ever again, but yeah, pretty hot,” Carter admits.

“Alright, let’s bring this class to order!” Jenny shouts excitedly. “First, we’re going to discuss items that should never be placed in a vagina unless you are wearing safety goggles and have a pair of needle nose pliers on hand.”

I wrap my arm around Jenny’s shoulders as she begins the first part of the lesson, holding up items one at a time from the table and giving explanations on where they can be safely inserted without the use of medical assistance or antibiotics.

While she talks, I glance over at our friends that had decided to sign up for our class even though they didn’t know we were teaching it. No matter how perfect you think someone else’s marriage is, this just goes to show you we can all use a little spark and a little fun in the bedroom to make life more interesting. I couldn’t be happier that our best friends are here with us tonight. It just makes me realize how great my life really is.

Veronica and Billy are happy and healthy, and our best friends are the greatest people ever. I’m beyond glad we’ve remained friends and raised families with each other. Oh, and I can’t forget our new best friend, Jackson, that we brought into the circle of trust. My fears of him trying to steal my wife are long gone ever since the day he brought his significant other over to our house for dinner. Dave is two years older than him and lives one street over from us. My only worry now is that Jackson and Dave might want me to have a threesome. I’d be honored and shit because, come on, I’m f**king hot as balls and of course they’d want me, but any more than one penis in a bed is too many, and I would have to sadly decline. Luckily, they haven’t asked yet, so I don’t have to worry about the awkwardness.

I had never thought that night seven years ago when Carter and I went to our new friend Jim’s house for dinner I would meet my soul mate over a plate of lasagna and a discussion on vibrators. Jenny and I…well, I never had a doubt we were meant to be together. She’s my best friend and the best mother and wife there is. No marriage is perfect, but ours is damn near close. And even though we’ve had some troubles, fixing them has been sweeter than any candy I’ve ever eaten.

Well, except for Vagina Skittles. Vagina Skittles are delicious.

Epilogue

Six months later.

“This is Matt with Channel 3 News, coming to you live from the store that started it all, Seduction and Snacks. Seduction and Snacks has grown far beyond the little corner business that two best friends decided to open together almost eight years ago. With the combination of delicious chocolates, cookies, and sex toys, Seduction and Snacks is the perfect store to satisfy your sweet tooth or your bedroom cravings. We’re here today to speak to the women who came up with this idea, as well as their friends and family who have supported them along the way. Welcome, everyone!”

Seated in a straight line are all three couples: Carter and Claire, Liz and Jim, and Drew and Jenny. Sitting on the floor by their feet are each of the couple’s respective children: Gavin and Sophia, Charlotte, Molly, and Ava, and Veronica and Billy.

“Claire, did you ever think that the store you had always dreamed about owning would one day turn into a household name and that you would have locations all over the United States?”

Claire laughs and shakes her head in disbelief while Carter reaches over and covers the hand resting on her thigh with his own.

“This is far beyond my hopes and dreams. Opening just this store by itself was something I never thought would happen. And then to have it take off like it did and to be able to franchise it? I still can’t even wrap my head around it,” Claire states.

“I know you’ve done several interviews about how you and your husband met, and every time I hear that story, it still makes me smile. How are the two of you handling the success along with raising a family?”

Carter lifts Claire’s hand to his lips and places a soft kiss on her fingers. Claire stares happily into his eyes before finally turning back to the camera.

“We’re handling it together, one day at a time. Having the support of such amazing friends and family makes things a lot easier,” Claire states.

“And we really are pretty amazing,” their friend Drew chimes in from down the row. “Well, except for that punk sitting down there surrounded by little girls.”

Drew laughs and points at ten-year-old Gavin, who gives him a dirty look.

“Shut up or I will cut your mother,” Gavin tells him.

“You don’t talk about Eileen Parrit! Eileen Parrit is a saint!” Drew argues.