“Are you… all right?” he says warily.
“Um… hi.” I force myself to my feet. “I’m actually… I’ve come to pay a visit to your… to pay my respects. It’s my great-aunt. Sadie Lancaster. I believe you’re… this is where…”
“Aaah.” He nods somberly. “Yes.”
“Could I… possibly… see her?”
“Aaah.” He bows his head again. “Of course. Just give me a minute to open up the place, get a few things straight, and I will be with you, Miss…”
“Lington.”
“Lington.” There’s a flash of recognition in his face. “Of course, of course. If you’d like to come in and wait in our family room…”
“I’ll be in in a moment.” I give an approximation of a smile. “Just got… a call to make…”
He disappears inside. For a moment I can’t quite move. I want to prolong this moment of limbo. I want to stop us doing this. If I don’t acknowledge it, maybe it’s not really going to happen.
“Got the necklace?” comes Sadie’s voice beside me.
“Right here.” I pull it out of my bag.
“Good.” She smiles, but it’s a tense, remote smile. I can tell she’s moved on from 1920s sex tips.
“So… are you ready?” I try to sound lighthearted. “These places can be quite depressing-”
“Oh, I’m not coming in,” says Sadie nonchalantly. “I’ll sit here and wait. Much better.”
“Right.” I nod. “Good idea. You don’t want to…”
I trail off, unable to continue-but also unable to bring up what I’m really thinking. The thought that’s going around and around my head like an ominous tune, getting louder and louder.
Is neither of us going to bring it up?
“So.” I swallow hard.
“So what?” Sadie’s voice is bright and sharp as a chip of diamond-and instantly I know. It’s on her mind too.
“What d’you think will happen when I… when…”
“Do you mean, will you finally be rid of me?” says Sadie, as flippantly as ever.
“No! I just meant-”
“I know. You’re in a tearing hurry to get rid of me. Sick of the sight of me.” Her chin is quivering but she flashes me a smile. “Well, I shouldn’t think it’ll work for a moment.”
Her eyes meet mine, and I can see the message in them. Don’t lose it. No wallowing. Chin up .
“So I’m stuck with you.” I somehow manage a derisory tone. “Great.”
“Afraid so.”
“Just what every girl needs.” I roll my eyes. “A bossy ghost hanging around the place forever.”
“A bossy guardian angel,” she corrects me firmly.
“Miss Lington?” The elderly man pokes his head out of the door. “Whenever you’re ready.”
“Thanks! I’ll just be a sec!”
When the door closes, I adjust my jacket needlessly a few times. I tug at my belt, making sure it’s completely straight, buying myself another thirty seconds.
“So I’ll just dump the necklace and see you in a couple of minutes, OK?” I aim for a matter-of-fact tone.
“I’ll be here.” Sadie pats the bench she’s sitting on.
“We’ll go and see a movie. Something like that.”
“Let’s.” She nods.
I take a step away-then stop. I know we’re playing a game. But I can’t leave it like that. I swivel around, breathing hard, determined that I won’t lose it, I won’t let her down.
“But… just in case. Just in case we…” I can’t bring myself to say it. I can’t even think it. “Sadie, it’s been…”
There’s nothing to say. No word is good enough. Nothing can describe what it’s been like to know Sadie.
“I know,” she whispers, and her eyes are like two glittering stars. “Me too. Go on.”
When I reach the door of the funeral parlor I look back one last time. She’s sitting bolt upright with perfect posture, her neck as long and pale as ever, her dress skimming her slender frame. She’s facing directly ahead, feet lined up neatly, with her hands clasped on her knees. Utterly still. As though she’s waiting.
I can’t imagine what’s going through her mind.
As I stand there, she notices me watching her, lifts her chin, and gives a sudden, ravishing, defiant smile.
“Tally-ho!” she exclaims.
“Tally-ho,” I call back. On impulse, I blow her a kiss. Then I turn and push my way in with determination. It’s time to do this.