Twice a Wish

If I wanted to avoid being emotionally tortured anymore, I had to become something he avoided at all costs.

I had to become Neptune and Calico and Jupiter. I had to turn my back on Jealousy who had secrets about Sully, who genuinely believed something could happen between us, and become a goddess he couldn’t care less about.

That was my protection.

The space I needed to survive.

With my hands balled, I stepped from my villa and headed toward Divinity.

* * * * *

“Jinx…”

I sucked in a breath, freezing in the middle of the path.

A male voice, not female.

Tears pricked my eyes for no other reason than I’d had my fill of men. My body still carried two men’s marks, one physical, one emotional. My mind wasn’t ready to face more turmoil.

Footsteps quickened, linking the detached voice with its owner.

Roy Slater.

The man from the beach when Sully and I had arrived from Serigala. The man who probably heard me ask Sully to like me as an animal before he sent me away so he could negotiate my service.

Roy Slater was the guest who fucked me last night.

All colour drained from my body.

I stared at a total stranger.

A stranger I knew absolutely nothing about but had been extremely intimate with. He seemed normal, kind even, watching me with concern and affection. But…the fantasy last night? God, why did he have such twisted desires to sleep with his son’s girlfriend? Was that true in real life or simply an erotic daydream he’d acted out with me?

He was handsome for an older man. Trim and healthy with a perfect white smile. He raised his hand as if to touch me.

I couldn’t control my response.

I reeled backward, almost tripping into a spray of purple orchids. Orchids that gave their magic to Sully to make his foul elixir.

“Whoa, careful.” He reached for me again, cupping my elbow with gentle fingers. “You okay?” Once he knew I had my balance, he let me go, retreating to a more appropriate distance.

I didn’t speak. I choked on words and had nothing to share. I didn’t know how to unscramble the fact that this man had been inside me. He’d been on his knees with his entire face between my legs. He’d made me scream. He’d driven into me over and over again.

Yet he’d covered up who he was by choosing the face of another. He’d asked Sully to program him as slightly younger, slightly taller, and probably a lot more endowed.

“Jinx, I—” His cheeks pinked. “I’m glad I found you. I’ve been searching for you all day.”

His embarrassment granted a salve to my own shame. My knees locked, and I stood straighter.

Just as he’d camouflaged who he was, my goddess name deleted everything I’d ever been. Would he still stare at me with lust and awe if he knew I’d only finished school a couple of years ago? Would he still remember touching me, fucking me, with satisfaction and pride if he knew I’d been stolen from my family and friends?

My stomach clenched on self-pity.

I’d promised myself I wouldn’t wallow. Catching up on sleep ought to give me courage to keep going in this torturous existence, but my heart was drained. My heart that gave me a well of strength and optimism was empty, wrung dry by a man who cared more for an ant than he cared for me, and cracked thanks to this guest who took what he wanted from me and now had the audacity to believe there was mutual affection.

“How…are you?” he asked softly. His gaze staying on my face rather than trespassing on my body.

My nostrils flared with a blend of fury and frustration. Fury that this guy was nice. That he’d done something as gross as paying to sleep with me but had the compassion to check up on my well-being. And frustration because, it seemed Sully was right. Humans couldn’t be trusted. This man probably had a doting wife at home who believed he was at some work conference. We were all liars and selfish to our own gains…over other’s misfortune and pain.

At least my temper gave me my voice back. Squaring my shoulders, I replied, “Do you honestly care how I am?”

He flinched, dropping his gaze awkwardly to the sand.

Was I expected to ask about his welfare? To be grateful? Did Sully have a handbook on how a goddess was to treat a guest after Euphoria? Because in my mind, this man had taken all he’d get from me last night. Today, I hadn’t been forced to drink a drug or have my senses stolen from me.

Today, I wasn’t for sale.

I have another week until I’m up for rent again.

The morbid thought made me want to laugh for no other reason than helplessness. How many did Sully say I’d have to sleep with? One-hundred-and-ninety-two?

I still have one-hundred-and-ninety to go.

I sighed heavily, wrenching the guy’s gaze back to mine. He no longer looked at me with rosy-coloured afterglow but an honest, raw expression that made my stomach tighten.

“Look, I know you’ll think low of me. After all, I paid money to enjoy your company. I’m probably over double your age. And you most likely didn’t enjoy our night together as much as I did.” He rubbed a hand over his mouth. “But…I need you to know that I enjoyed every minute of it. I loved how eager you were. How receptive. How damn beautiful you are. I know your participation came from the serum Sinclair has created but I just wanted to say you gave me something I’ve been missing since my wife died ten years ago.”

I froze as his voice wobbled without warning.

He smiled even as tears wetted his eyes. “Fuck.” Swiping away his grief, he added, “Sorry, I don’t know why the hell talking about her is affecting me so much. It’s been years but…after last night…it reminded me just how much I miss female company. How much I miss being touched and touching someone. How much I miss looking after someone.”

I flinched as he strode toward me and took my hand.

I wanted to pull away, but the imploring look on his face made me pause. He didn’t strike me as evil or that I was at risk of being made to sleep with him again while alone on this sandy laneway. He honestly looked lost. Lost, alone, and terribly sad.

“Do you judge me for my fantasy?” His eyes tightened. “That you were in the role of my son’s girlfriend?”

I wriggled my fingers in his, trying to get away. I couldn’t exactly tell the truth, but I wouldn’t lie, either. Then again, why couldn’t I tell him the truth? Hopefully, he was leaving tonight, and we’d never see each other again.

Pinning him with a cool stare, I said, “Yes, I judge you. Why have such a fantasy if it’s not based on truth? Why fantasise about your son’s girlfriend? If you miss your wife like you say, then why not fantasise about her?”

He sighed, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. Unlike when Sully touched me, I had no sizzle, no spark. Just the annoying stroking of a man who carried far more baggage than his happy-go-lucky veneer suggested. He needed a therapist, not a goddess.

“I think about my wife constantly.” He shrugged. “But I don’t think about her when she died. I remember her how she was when we first met. Young. Vulnerable. Trusting and full of unconditional affection. Unfortunately…my daughter-in-law looks very similar to my wife… with the same blind devotion.”

“Devotion to your son. Not you.”

“I’m aware of that.”