“I’m not sure how I would have reacted if London had done that. And one thing I can say for sure: Vivian would not have laughed.”

“No?”

“She wasn’t a big laugher.” In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d heard her laugh.

“Even with Marge? Marge used to crack me up all the time.”

“Especially with Marge. They don’t really get along that well.”

“How is that possible? Does she still tease you?”

“Mercilessly.”

Emily laughed again and I was reminded of how much I had always liked the sound of her laugh, melodic and genuine at the same time.

“You know what?” she said. “This day turned out a lot better than I thought it would. If you hadn’t come along, I don’t know what I’d be doing. Probably staring at my paintings in frustration. Or cleaning the house.”

“I’d probably be working.”

“This is way better.”

“Agreed. Would you like another glass?”

“Of course,” she said. “But I won’t. I have to drive. But go ahead if you want one.”

“I’m fine, too. What are you doing tonight?”

“Like you, I’ll be hanging out with my sister. You remember Jess? She and Brian invited me to dinner.”

“That sounds fun.”

“Mmm… not so sure. I sometimes wonder if Brian thinks I’m putting ideas in Jess’s head. Like about getting divorced.”

“Are they having troubles?”

“All married couples have troubles now and then. It kind of goes with the institution itself.”

“Why is marriage so hard?”

“Who knows? I think it’s probably because people get married without knowing who they really are in the first place. Or how they’re crazy.”

“Are you crazy?”

“Of course. And I don’t mean crazy-crazy. I mean, in the way that everyone is. One person might be too sensitive to perceived slights, or another might get really angry when they don’t get their way. Another shuts down or holds grudges for weeks. That’s what I’m talking about. We all do things that are unhealthy in relationships, but I’m not sure people recognize that unless they’re really self-aware. And when you consider that each partner brings his or her own set of issues, it’s a miracle that any marriages last the duration.”

“That’s a little pessimistic, don’t you think? Your parents have been married forever. Mine have, too.”

“But are they happy with each other? Or are they together out of habit? Or because they’re afraid to be alone? In the coffee shop earlier, I was watching this older couple a few tables over. They may have been together for fifty years, but I don’t think they said a single word to each other.”

I thought about my parents, remembering that Marge and I had wondered the same thing.

“Do you think you’ll ever get married again?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “Sometimes I think I want to, but other times, I think I’m happy being alone, too. And with Bodhi, it’s not as though I have a lot of energy to devote to finding a new life partner. What I can say is that I’m a lot clearer on the kind of person that I want if it ever comes to that. I’ve decided to be very picky.”

I was quiet, suddenly returning to Vivian, bringing with her an almost physical weight. “I don’t know what’s going to happen with Vivian. And I still don’t know why she was so unhappy with me.”

“Maybe she was just unhappy. And maybe she just thinks she’s happier with someone new, but sustained happiness isn’t something someone else can deliver. It comes from within. That’s why there are antidepressants; that’s what people hopefully learn in therapy.”

“That’s very Zen.”

“It took me a while to finally accept that David’s philandering wasn’t about me, or whether I was pretty enough, or affectionate enough. It was about David’s need to prove to himself that he was desirable and powerful – and the way he did that was by sleeping with other women. In the end, I know I did my best to make our marriage work, and I know that’s all I can ask of myself.” She reached across the table and put her hand on my arm. “The same goes for you, too, Russ.”

When she removed her hand, the warmth and comfort of her touch lingered, a physical affirmation of her words.

“Thank you,” I managed to say.

“You’re welcome. And I mean it. You’re a good guy.”

“You don’t know me that well anymore.”

“Actually, I think I do. You’re pretty much the same guy you always were.”

“And I blew it with you.”

“You made a mistake. I know you didn’t do it to hurt me. And again, I’ve forgiven you. You still need to forgive yourself.”

“I’m working on it. But you’re kind of making it hard, since you’re being so nice about it.”

“Would you rather I be cruel and vindictive?”

“If you were, I’d probably crumble.”

“No you wouldn’t. You’re stronger than you think.”

We’d finished our wine and by unspoken agreement, we rose from the table. A glance at my watch showed that we’d spent nearly three hours together, which didn’t seem possible.

We started toward the exit and made our way to our cars. “Remember what I said about finding a couple of good friends to lean on. You’re probably going to need them.”