Undead and Unappreciated

"Dare I ask what prompted this change of heart?" he asked after slamming the door shut with his heel and dumping me in the middle of the bed.



"It's boring," I replied, removing the shreds of my clothes. "Besides, you shouldn't look a gift horse in the crotch."



"A cliche that should be cross-stitched onto a sampler, no doubt." He was hopping on one foot as he frantically tried to remove his shoe, and I laughed at the sight.



I had a thought, there in my head and almost gone, but I groped for it and got it. I wondered why I hadn't been able to read Sinclair's mind during sex, as I had always been able to do so before.



Well, my head had been a lot emptier before. There was room for him in there while we were boning away. But there wasn't room for him anymore. That was all right with me, though. A lot of things were going to be different from now on.



Finally he was rid of the stupid things and joined me on the bed. "I am glad you're here," he told me. "I've waited a long time."



"Lover, the waiting's over. I think it's safe to say I'm finally in a position to appreciate all your excellent qualities."



And speaking of positions, we sixty-nined for a while-the cool thing about being a vampire? You don't need to stop to catch your breath. He was all the way down my throat and it didn't bother me a bit. We'd have to find someone to come in and fix the headboard, though... it was cracked right down the middle. One of us had kicked it-well, at one point we'd both kicked it.



After a while I climbed on top of him (Heigh-ho Silver, awaaaaay!) and was happily bouncing my way toward yet another orgasm when I heard the unmistakable sound of a car pulling into the drive.



"Who's that?" I asked, looking at my watch again. Hmm. Fifteen minutes until sunrise. Vampire?



"Tina," he groaned. "Do you think you could focus on the matter at hand, darling?"



Tina! Little Miss "You're the Queen but Sinclair's my boy" backstabber. So quick with the "Your Majesty" routine and so quick to sabotage me, leave me in the dark, do anything she could, every damn time, to make sure Sinclair came out on top.



I needed him; I sure as shit didn't need her. She was old-the oldest vampire I knew-and she was dangerous. I had to get rid of her.



I dismounted and groped for my robe, which was hanging off the door to the master bath. No time to get properly dressed; I wanted to take care of this now.



"Elizabeth!" Sinclair sounded equal parts aggrieved and surprised. "Do you have an appointment you've forgotten?"



"Yeah." Just a little something I should have done six months ago. "I'll be back. Don't finish without me."



"But-" I was already hurrying down the hallway and didn't hear the rest. Sex with him was always super, and I'd get back to it soon enough, but this was a lot more important. The last thing I needed in my house was an infinitely old, infinitely crafty vampire who didn't have my best interests at heart.



Besides, there were plenty more where she came from. Younger. Less dangerous. Certainly less annoying. And my boy Sinclair wasn't going anywhere. He practically had a leash and a collar.



I caught up with Tina in the front entryway; she had just shut the door. I guess I'd really jammed down those stairs.



"Good morning, Your M-" Then she screamed. Possibly because I'd taken the small gold cross out of my robe pocket and thrown it at her.



Sinclair had given me the delicate necklace a few months ago (it had formerly belonged to his ages-dead baby sis). I couldn't wear it around the house; it hurt Sinclair and Tina to look at it, not to mention any vampire who wanted to come calling.



But (and this is the dopey part) I liked to keep it close. So it was usually in the pocket of my jeans or, at bedtime, my robe.



"Tina, in case you haven't noticed, I've had just about enough of your shit."



"Don't-don't-" She'd dodged and was cringing in the corner. "Don't do that!"



"Don't ever tell me don't." Hmm, that had sounded more menacing in my head. Oh well. She'd catch up with current events soon enough. Out with the old, in with the new. And all that.



"What's happened?" she cried.



I sent a fist looping toward her face for an answer, but she was too quick, and next thing I knew I was wrist-deep in the wall.



"Dammit!" I pulled my hand out and shook the plaster dust off. When I had someone call the headboard repairer, I'd also have them get a wallpaper hanger in here and have someone build a new door.



But first, back to the business at hand. I looked around for the cross. I could jam that sucker right through her forehead and bye-bye Tina; she'd die screaming and that was fine, as long as she died.



Ah! There it was, on the floor beside the small table we dumped our house keys on. I bent for it-and Tina grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back so hard I went sailing into the opposite wall.



"Hey!" Now I really wanted to kill her. "You keep your hands to yourself, you fucking cow."



"I'm sorry, Majesty." She was standing perfectly still, well to the left of the cross. She watched me carefully and with interest, like a cat watches a mouse hole. "But I'm not going to let you kill me. I want to help you. What's wrong?"



"Help me by standing still," I replied, and launched myself at her. And got a kick to the chest for my trouble, and broke a chair as I hit the ground.



Damn! "You've kept in shape the last hundred years or so."



"It's one of the advantages of being immortal," she said calmly. It was actually sort of impressive how quickly she'd gone from flabbergasted surprise to cool assessment. Like I needed another reason to kill her. "Plenty of time to learn how to fight. What's happened?"



"Nothing much. Got some light reading done earlier tonight. The good news is, I know all about my sister. The bad news is, you're gonna have to go, Tina. Sorry."



"She's gone crazy, Tina, watch out." I looked. Jessica was standing in one of the doorways, gray-faced and bloody. She had a palm pressed to her forehead, stanching the yummy flow of blood. How had I let her sneak up on us? Son of a bitch! This house had too many people in it, and all but one or two were gonna have to go.



Jessica swayed a little and clutched the doorframe to steady herself. "I mean really crazy. I think-I think she read the Book for too long."



"I gathered. Oh, Majesty." Tina shook her head. "What are we going to do with you?"



This was annoying, to put it mildly. "You, shut the fuck up. And get lost; this is vampire business. And you, stand still." I crossed the room too quickly for Tina to see-except she did see and easily avoided me. That was okay; it brought me much closer to the cross. I bent to get it. I'd ax Tina, and then I'd tool up on Jessica so bad, she'd be more worried about her iron lung than ratting me out ever again.



I heard the whoosh a split second before I felt the impact. The sun must have come up early, because my skull was filled with light.



Then the sun fell down. And so did I.