Undead and Unworthy

"Well, that was - "



"Can you believe the nerve of that guy?" Jessica bitched, plunking down in the chair opposite Sinclair. "Asking me to marry him just so I'd move."



"Perhaps it was the right question under the wrong circumstances," Sinclair suggested, which I thought was an elegant way of looking at it.



"And perhaps he's losing his damn mind."



"There is always that," he admitted.



"Are we all going to pretend that he didn't make some really good points?" I demanded.



"Oh, right," Jess replied. "I forgot: this is all about you."



"Well, it kind of is," I grumbled, chastened.



"When you are older," my husband said, folding up his newspaper (I don't know why he didn't read them online), "you will see the futility of second-guessing yourself and wasting time with it."



"Great. I can't fucking wait. Hey, when I'm older, do you think I'll turn into an emotionless robot like someone we all - "



"Betsy!" The kitchen door swung open, and Nick stuck his head inside. "There's a vampire here to see you. I think she's a vampire. She fucking stinks, man."



"Great. A new subject to disappoint! Let's go see her, so I can let her down right away."



"Can someone let me off of the pity train now?" Jessica asked, getting up and following me. "This is my stop."



I thought I heard Sinclair snicker, but when I glanced at him, he was as smooth-faced as usual. And, thank God, the Ant wasn't following us. Perhaps she'd popped out again. I'd hope it was permanent, except I wasn't that dumb.



"Thank you, Detective Berry, you would make a fine butler. Now run along."



"Like I want to stay?" he retorted, falling into step beside us. I wondered who the new vamp was. Maybe a straggler of sorts who had just heard about the new king and queen. Now and again a vampire from the middle of nowhere would show up to pay tribute (gag). "Besides, I gotta get back to work."



"He did," I whispered to Jessica, "get here really quick. He must have hung up and rushed right over. That's pretty sweet, doncha think?"



"Hey, that's right! You called him and told him about the Fiends!"



Oh, shit.



Jessica was shaking her head. "The things I'm gonna do to you when we have a little privacy - I think it's time to pour vinegar on your Jimmy Choos again."



"No!" I practically screamed, beyond horrified. "Once was enough!"



"Obviously not, since I've done it twice."



I'd probably put up a psychological block the size of the Great Wall.



"Anyway, here she is," Nick was saying. "I put her in the, uh, other parlor." He meant the one that was the least presentable of the four we had. Or was it five? Anyway, the wallpaper was faded and even torn in some places; the rugs were worn. And it smelled musty, like old books in an attic. We hardly ever spent any time in there. In a mansion this size, it was no trouble to ignore the less comfortable rooms and stick with the ones you liked. "She, uh, really stinks pretty bad."



"Maybe she got caught out late and had to pop into the sewer," Tina suggested. "That's happened to me a time or two."



"I'll see you later," Nick said, giving Jessica a noisy smack on the lips.



"To be continued," she warned him, but at least she kissed him back.



"Hello," Sinclair said. "I am King Sinclair, and this is Queen Elizabeth."



The vampire, who had been huddled by the fireplace, turned to face us. "I know who you both are."



Tina took one look, shrieked, "Clara the Fiend!" and launched herself at the smaller, smellier vampire.