Until Lilly

“Shit,” I hear Cash say as his hips jerk before leaning forward and biting onto my shoulder. His movements slow and I can feel myself still convulsing around him, trying to pull him deeper. “That went better than I expected.” The skin of my neck muffles his words.

“What?” I run my hands though his hair and wrap my legs a little tighter around him.

“I didn’t think I would be able to hold out until you came.” He licks my shoulder where he had bitten it. His head leans back so I can see his face. “Hey.” He smiles, and both of his dimples make an appearance. His finger runs from my forehead to my chin.

“Hi,” I say softly back; he is so handsome, and I can still feel him inside me, and I know that it’s stupid and immature, but I want to stand up and jump on the bed while yelling ‘I just had amazing, mind-blowing sex with Cash Mayson!’

“What’s that smile?” he asks, leaning in to kiss me.

“Just happy,” I say, tilting forward to kiss him. His c**k twitches inside of me, and he groans before slowly sliding out. My eyes close slightly, and a soft mewl climbs up my throat at the loss of him.

“Let’s shower.” He kisses my lips, then my chest and belly, as he climbs off the bed. Once he’s up, he pulls me up so we’re both standing next to the bed. “Then we can come back here and do that again.” His smile is wicked before he kisses me, leading me into the bathroom. I stand behind him, watching his muscles move as he tosses the condom into the trashcan and leans in to turn on the shower. Once he has the temperature right, he looks over his shoulder at me, his eyes traveling down my body. “I have wanted to see you naked, soapy, and wet since we were in Asher’s shower. I guess sometimes wishes do come true.” He smiles, taking my hand, pulling me in and under the showerhead. His hands work warm water through my hair, then shampoo and conditioner. I close my eyes, relaxing into the feeling of him touching me. “Am I putting you to sleep?” He chuckles, and I open my eyes to see him with a big, pink loofa that is covered with bubbles. I raise an eyebrow, looking at it. “It’s the only color they had.” He shrugs and starts washing me slowly. When he’s finished, he kisses me, and then pulls me behind him and starts washing his own hair. I pick up the same loofa and dump tons of soap on it, washing his back and watching the bubbles slide down his skin and onto the floor of the shower. When he turns around to face me, he’s hard again. He takes the loofa from me.

“Hey, I was doing that.” I pout, feeling like he just stole my candy.

“I know, baby, but with your hands on me, I can’t control myself, and I didn’t bring a condom in here.”

“Oh,” I say, looking him over, my hands tingling with need to touch him.

“You need to get on birth control,” he says, and my eyes go to his.

“I'm on birth control. I got on it after Ashlyn was born because my cycle went all wonky,” I say, and I can feel my eyebrows pull together.

“You are?”

“Yes. But that doesn’t protect against other things.”

“I haven’t been with anyone else, Lil, not since long before my divorce. Even when I was married, I used a condom.”

My stomach rolls, and I hide my face with my wet hair. “Oh.” I bite the inside of my cheek. I hate that he was married. I hate that I forget about it all the time, and then something reminds me that this hasn’t always been mine.

“Hey, what’s going on in there?” he says, tapping my forehead.

“I just hate it so much. Can we not talk about you sleeping with her? Like, ever?” I say, feeling like I want to cry.

“I hate it too.” He nods, pulling me into him. “We can use protection until you feel ready not to, okay?” He rubs his hands down my back. “I'm clean. I get tested every year with my physical for insurance.” His body stills, then he pulls me away from him. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Have you?” His jaw clenches. “I mean, have you been tested lately?”

I shake my head. “Cash, you’re the only person I’ve ever slept with. Before a few minutes ago, the one time we did it, when I gave you my virginity, was the only time I’ve ever made love. I was too concerned with Ashlyn. I didn’t have time to date…or even really want to.”

He looks at me with a mixture of shock and awe. “I’m so happy I’m the only one you’ve ever been with. I don’t think I would be able to handle it as gracefully as you do, knowing I’ve been with others,” he says gently. I lay my forehead against his chest. “I don’t mind not using condoms. I mean, I got pregnant with Ashlyn when we used a condom before.”

“Yeah, and the same thing happened with—” he starts to say her name but stops, and his arms around me tighten so much that the air rushes out of my lungs.

“What’s wrong?” I say when I'm able to take a breath.

“Nothing, baby, let’s get out,” he says abruptly, turning away from me to turn off the water and get out of the shower, pulling a towel down from the shelve and wrapping it around me before getting one for himself.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m good. You’re here; my kids are here. I couldn’t be better.” He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes, and I want to ask again but know it will be pointless, so I just sigh and let it drop. Once we’re back in the bedroom, I start to pull out one of his shirts from the dresser. I squeak when he picks me up, carrying me to the bed and tossing me onto the mattress before ripping my towel from my body.

“What are you doing?” I don’t know why I ask; I can tell by the look in his eyes exactly what he has planned.

“I'm going to explore you.” He smiles, climbing up the bed.

“Oh,” I breathe when I feel his hands at my feet start to move up my legs.

“Yeah, I missed you. I missed the way you laugh.” He pulls my leg up, kissing the inside of knee. “I missed your smell.” He pulls my other leg up, kissing that knee as well. “I missed your touch.” He runs his hands up the tops of my thighs. “I missed the way we could talk for hours about nothing and everything.” His hands go to my stomach, then up my rib cage. “I missed your kisses.” His knees spread my legs wider. “I missed your mouth.” He leans forward, his mouth landing on mine. “I love you, and I'm so glad I have a second chance,” he whispers against my lips, his forehead touching mine before sliding back inside me. And for the rest of the night, we make love, touch, talk, and share. He explores me and lets me return the favor. When I close my eyes to go to sleep, my body is tucked tight next to his, my head on his shoulder, my leg between his, and his arm wrapped around my waist. I love him, and I’m happy to have a second chance too.