Vain

Ian! “I can’t tell him. Not now, Pemmy. News that his mother did this would send him over the edge!”



“He’s going to know you’re gone, love.”



“I know. I think I’ll try slipping out with you tonight when your plane arrives.” I’m a coward.



“You won’t even entertain the idea of letting him know his mother did this?”



And risk her cutting him off too? Never!



“No, I can’t, it would kill him, Pembrook.”



“So you’ll let him believe you betrayed him? Is that really a better fate?”



I nodded, sure revealing the blackmail tactic would only hurt. “Betrayed by someone he’s barely known six months or his mother?” Not to mention her little threat.



“But why be the fall guy? Why allow her to escape this intact?” he asked, suspicious.



“Because I love him, more than you could possibly imagine,” I confessed truthfully. Let him take that however he wishes.



Pembrook smiled at me but his expression was sad. “How unselfish,” he told me, wrapping me in a hug. “Who would have thought such an unselfish act would, in turn, cause you so much pain?”



“Not me,” I confessed candidly.



Pembrook left my CHU and I looked around me, certain I didn’t need to take back a single thing. I discreetly gave away all my things, leaving Mandisa my comforter. I would return home with only a single pair of jeans, shirt, boots and toothbrush.



Which is why Ian hadn’t thought it anything weird when we went to say goodbye to Pembrook together.



“Are you coming?” Ian asked as he passed by my CHU.



I nodded, a queasy feeling residing in the pit of my belly.



I followed closely, listening to him fill Pembrook in on whatever they would need soon. Pemmy dutifully dictated it all on his pad. I had no doubt Pembrook wouldn’t hesitate in accommodating them. I would ensure it was my money that paid for it all though.



I watched Ian’s hands as he gestured when he spoke and even they looked tired. Calluses on his palms and fingers screamed out they needed tending to but I knew him well enough he would ignore the plea. His own needs never came before Masego and that was unfortunate because Masego would always be needy.



I looked on him knowing I would be saying goodbye to him soon and that familiar hollowness began to creep within, making me feel cold and alone already. My gut twisted at the thought of how he’d react, how he’d interpret my leaving. I was determined though. I wouldn’t be responsible for his mother making his life miserable not when she so callously and easily made my current life a living hell.



When we reached the plane, I yelled at him to stay back with me. He obeyed without thinking much of it, hugging Pembrook goodbye. Charles, whom I’d tearfully said goodbye to earlier, waited for Pemmy below the hatch and they spoke to one another briefly before Pemmy boarded the plane.



“Ian,” I said softly, fighting tears.



He turned toward me, his concerned expression wounding my already wounded heart. Something in his eyes lit in understanding.



“I...”



“Don’t you dare, Soph,” he said. A muscle ticked in his jaw. “I swear to God, Sophie Price.”



“Ian,” I said, the unshed tears giving way.



He edged closer but I stepped back, unable to handle his touch without breaking down completely. He recognized this and grabbed me by the upper arms, bringing me close to him. “You owe me,” he gritted. “Why?”



“I- I’ve been given an opportunity to go home and I decided it was for the best.”



“Bullshit,” he said, shaking me a little in his frustration. “You’re lying. I know you and you’re lying.”



I avoided eye contact, focusing in on the tips of my worn boots. The same boots that worked tirelessly with me day after day caring for Masego. The same boots I wore while falling in love with him.



“Look at me, damn it!”



I raised my gaze toward him.



“Answer me,” he demanded. “Why?”



“I- I told you already. My answer won’t change. I think it’s for the best,” I lied.



He shook his head back and forth.“You can’t go,” he begged, hugging me to him like he could hold me there forever.



“Why?” I whispered in his ear.



“Because I’m in love with you.”



I clenched my lids and kissed his tanned cheek. “I love you, too,” I confessed...and walked away.



“Soph,” I heard behind me.



“Sophie,” he pleaded, softer.



“Soph,” he barely whispered.



But I didn’t answer. I just kept on walking, the tears cascading forth in a sea of excruciating pain.



“Sophie Price,” he yelled, agony and animosity lacing each word. I turned to face him. “You leave me like this, alone here, and I’ll never be able to forgive you. Don’t bother trying to come back. You get on that plane and I’m done with you!”



My breath hitched in my throat, warm tears spilling anew. I nodded, choking back another sob, and stealed myself. For him. For him. For him, I kept chanting. A large bellowing roar rumbled behind me, shattering my heart into a million pieces. I gulped back my own cry, placing one heavy foot in front of the other, refusing to turn back around. I knew if I saw him, took even a second to gaze on him, I’d forego all threats and ruin any future he may have had if he ever left Masego.



For him, I breathed internally, shutting the hatch behind me.



CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX



My cell phone buzzed and woke me.



Disoriented, I surveyed my surroundings. My room. In L.A. It was quiet and cold. Quiet, cold and empty. No sweet, baby voices woke me. I would never wake to the sight of Mandisa’s angelic face or the stalwart baobab tree, never eat the odd dinner with Charles or Karina again. My heart thudded harder in pain.



Karina.



The sing-song voice of my gorgeous Karina would never greet my ears again. I would never stand in line at lunch with Ian and talk to our students, teasing or playing with them.



Ian. Ian. Ian.



My heart sputtered with exceptional misery. I’d never known such sorrow before, never would be able to convey fully just how badly I was willing to be stretched and torn into pieces if it meant it would stop the heart ache, just keep me from never knowing the pangs of missing Ian again.



I rolled onto my side and my cell buzzed once more. My hand stretched before me and I picked it up.



“Hello,” my voice cracked.



“Sophie fucking Price!” a male voice howled over the phone. Spencer.



“Hi, Spence.”



“Hi, Spence? Hi, Spence? That’s all I get?” he teased. “I think I at least deserve an Oh, Spencer!, he crooned in mock falsetto. “Come on! I haven’t seen or heard from you in five months, Sophie.”



I sat up, wiping the sleep from my eyes. “Oh, Spencer,” I deadpanned.



He laughed heartily and breathed deeply. “God it’s good to hear your voice, Sophie.”



“How are you?” I evaded.



“I’m fantastic now that you’re home,” he said. “I’m in your drive, actually. Come to pick your beautiful ass up. I’m taking you to lunch, baby. A celebration of sorts.”



“I’m not really up for it,” I told him.



“Sophie, I’m not taking no for an answer. If you’d like, I can honk my horn until your dad calls the cops.”



“Fine,” I relented. “Give me five minutes.”



“Five?”



“Yes, five minutes please.”



“But didn’t I just wake you?”



“Yeah, so?”



“Sophie Price only needs five minutes to get ready?”



“Hush, Spence. I’ll be right down.”



I lay there for a minute just to spite him then sluggishly brushed my teeth, threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and some black Converse. I grabbed a hoodie out of my closet after putting on a little bit of makeup. I ran a brush through my bone-straight hair. My eyes burned thinking of the waves Ian liked to run his hands through when it would dry after being plaited. I spritzed a little perfume and didn’t glance twice at my reflection.



I exited my front door and followed the dramatic path down to his car. I stifled an eye roll at Spencer’s reaction.



“Who the hell are you?” he asked me.



My hands rose to my hips. “What are you saying?”



“I want to know what you’ve done with sex goddess Sophie Price?”



The title made my stomach roil. “I’m not that girl anymore.”



He studied me intently, his head cocked to one side. “Apparently,” he stated and I wasn’t sure how to interpret his reaction until he’d scooped me up into his arms and spun me around. “I like this Sophie. You look relaxed and able to have fun. You’re still as beautiful as ever but add carefree to the mix and that’s the new Sophie. I like it. It’s a good look on you.”



I inclined my head. “Thank you.”



He opened his door for me and I got in. “How’d you get off early?” Spencer asked, sliding into the sleek driver’s seat.



I snorted. “You don’t wanna’ know.” I sat up a bit in my seat. “How did you find out I was home anyway?”



“Pembrook texted me.”



I didn’t know what to be more stunned at. The fact that Pemmy contacted Spencer or the fact that he’d done it by text. I smiled knowing he’d done it because he knew I needed a friend.



I hadn’t been paying attention to where we were going until he pulled into The Ivy.



“Oh no, no, no. Not here,” I told him, sitting rigidly. My fingers worried my lips, desperate to leave.



“Why not?” he asked, puzzled.



“I’m not prepared to see anyone we know here.”



“Shit,” he said suddenly.



Sav knocked on my window, startling me. I turned Spencer’s direction and gave him the dirtiest look. Sorry, he mouthed.



I got out and she eyed me with obvious disdain at my appearance. “Sophie?” she asked, obnoxiously raising her sunglasses as if that would change what I’d worn. A snicker left her lips before she checked herself. “Um, how are you?” she asked, letting her glasses fall back down on her plastic nose.



“I’m all right. How are you?” I asked.



“I’ve never been better,” she said, not disguising the obvious pleasure she got out of seeing her mighty queen fall so hard. Little did she know how much I could care less what she or any of the others thought of me. I just didn’t want to be kicked while I was already down.



Savannah led us into the restaurant and Spencer fell in beside me. “If I had any idea, I never would have done this, Sophie.”



I wrapped my arm within his to reassure him. “It’s okay, Spencer. I’ll survive,” I told him, offering a smile.



His eyes blew wide for a moment before he checked them. “I’m still very sorry.”



I squeezed his arm to reassure him it was okay.



We sat at two tables pushed together. Two by two they all came flitting in, dramatically announcing themselves with flourish by flaunting their ridiculous material. Everywhere I looked, an Hermès scarf, a Fendi bag, a Patek Phillipe watch would flash in my face. Before, all I could think of when I saw these things was that I wanted or needed to have them as well but after Masego? All I could think of was if I pawned these items, I could buy them food for a year, purchase a new generator or even a new building.