I lose it.

“You know what?” I yell, so loudly I scare even myself. My hands fly out in front of me as I continue. “Do whatever the fuck you want, Rae. I’m done with you. I’m done helping you. I’m done being nice to you. It isn’t my fault your brother turned into a drug user, and it certainly isn’t my fault he took his rage out on us, mostly me. I was afraid, but I got you out of there, and I’ve worked my ass off to keep a roof over your head and food in your belly. But for what?”

I’m panting now.

“You’re the most selfish, self-centered brat I’ve ever met. I’m not wasting a single second more on you if you’re not going to start giving something back. Show some damned respect. I don’t care what kind of life you’ve led, I’m not treating you like a fucking piece of shit on my shoe, so I don’t deserve to be treated like that either. So, if you’re going to continue to speak to me like this, then I’m done.”

She stares at me.

She just stares.

Then she stands and snaps, “I do not have to put up with this!”

“Neither. Do. I.”

“Fuck you, Baylee,” she bellows. “You’re ruining my life.”

With that, she turns and storms out of the room. Damn her. Damn it all. I can’t handle her right now. I need to find Jack and tell him I’m sorry, then I’ll deal with Rae. I can’t think. This is all getting to be a little too much. I walk out of the room, ignoring the stares of the bikers that clearly heard me screaming at the young pregnant girl. A twinge of guilt spreads in my chest. Maybe I was too hard on her?

No.

No.

She’s been walking all over me for too long. She needed that.

I exit the house, taking a deep breath of fresh air as I move towards the shed. I open the door when I reach it, peering inside. Jack isn’t in here, so I close the door and continue searching. I find him behind the house sitting on an old fallen down tree, fists clenched in his lap, just staring straight ahead, jaw tight. Taking a shaky breath, I shuffle closer and sit down beside him.

“I’m sorry, Jack.”

It’s the only thing I can think of to say, because what else is there? Jack is hurting, and I’m the cause of that hurt. He deserves an apology from me. He deserves a whole lot more, actually, but right now, that’s the only thing I have to offer. He doesn’t move at my words, he just keeps staring, his chest rising and falling with his heavy breathing.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you,” I try again. “I did. But I was afraid. I didn’t want you to get hurt trying to protect me and ...”

“You didn’t trust me,” he says, his voice low and hurt.

“What? Of course I did,” I say quickly. “Of course I trust you. I didn’t want to see you get hurt, Jack!”

He finally looks to me, and I can see the anger in his eyes. “Because you didn’t trust me. If you trusted me, you would know I’d never put myself in danger. I’d never put you in danger. Sure, I might have gone off, but I would have thought it through, I would have protected you, dammit!”

My heart clenches.

“I didn’t know that. Jack, I know you’re upset, but please ... I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“He could have been there when you got home, Baylee,” he says in a pained, angry voice. “He could have been in that fucking house, and he could have gotten hold of you. I wouldn’t have fucking known. I wouldn’t have even fucking known.”

His voice rises on the last word, and my heart breaks. This is my fault, I know that. I should have told him. I should have given him a chance, at the very least, to prove himself.

“I’m sorry. I am, Jack.”

“I would have protected you. I would have stayed by your side, and I wouldn’t have left. He could have taken you, Baylee.”

My stomach twists, because Jack is right. York could have taken me. If he was still there when I got home, he could have hurt me, or worse. It’s only by sheer luck that I wasn’t there. I don’t think his intentions were to leave a note. I think his intentions were to barge in and make my life a misery. It was only lucky I wasn’t there.

“I know that, and I’m sorry. Please believe that. I feel terrible. I should have told you, and I promise you I’ll always be open with you from now on. Please don’t be angry at me, Jack, because right now I really need you.”

His eyes hold mine, and for a moment, I feel like he’ll stand up and storm away, but he doesn’t. He sighs, dropping his head and staring at the ground for a minute. “I’m angry, but I’m not going to hang onto it. Right now, I need to help make sure you and Rae are safe.”

I nod, but my heart still feels heavy.

“I’m going to go and do that, okay?”

I keep my eyes locked on his. I want to lean forward and wrap my arms around him, or kiss him, but I don’t do either of those things. He needs some time, and I’ll give it to him. “Okay,” I whisper softly.

He nods, standing. For a second, he just stares down at me, then without another word, he turns and disappears.

I let a lone tear roll down my cheek.

This is too much.

I truly wish, for the first time since I met him, that York didn’t exist.

I just wish he didn’t exist.

~*~*~*~

I sit on that log for so long my legs go numb.

I should go and see Rae, I know that, but I need some time to cool down. I can’t handle anymore of her attitude right now.

But still, I care about her or I wouldn’t do what I do. Once I’ve cleared my head, I’ll go and see her. Hopefully, some of my words penetrated. I want to get along with Rae; I want a good life for her. I know it’s not entirely her fault, but I also know she has a choice about how she behaves now, and all I want for her is to see she has control over her life, if she so chooses.

My phone rings in my pocket. It’s a new number, so when I see Rae’s number flash on the screen, I answer it without hesitation. Only a few people have this number. I wonder for a moment why she’s choosing to call me, but then, knowing Rae, she’s probably been told off by an angry biker and is sulking somewhere, wanting me to save her.

“Rae,” I answer, my voice still a little snippy.

“Is that any way to speak to my sister?”