Vandal

I check him out when he goes back to cleaning the grill with a big, gnarly brush. He’s wearing dark jeans, a gray thermal shirt that outlines his chiseled chest, back, shoulders and arms, and black motorcycle boots. His jet-black hair is straight and shiny in the sun. He’s nervous about Lukas coming, but I’m really not quite sure why. There must be more to it than just him not being comfortable around people with a woman he’s in a relationship with.

“What can I do to help?” I ask, rubbing my hand on his back. “I could dice up some of that fresh fruit we have.”

“Yeah, that would be nice. Lukas is bringing steaks and teriyaki chicken kabobs and some other stuff. We have soda, beer, wine, juice and water. It’s just two of them; she’s not bringing her son.”

I look at him, surprised at the mention of her having a son. “I didn’t know his girlfriend had a kid.”

He nods. “Yeah, two kids, actually. She’s much older than him. Older than me, actually. Like, upper thirties. A cougar.” He laughs, shaking his head, and I wonder how old he is. He looks to be about early thirties. “I think her kids are seven and eighteen. She’s a good person … like you, but she’s kinda in a mess right now with her husband, and Lukas is all fucking crazy about her. They are still trying to figure shit out. I told Lukas I didn’t have a problem with her bringing her son but he thinks having a kid around is going to upset me. Especially Tommy. Katie was all gaga about him.”

He looks off out at the lake and takes a deep breath. “Some days I almost feel normal,” he admits, glancing back over to me. “I can get through the day without wanting to drink to numb the pain. Some days I can think about her without fuckin’ losing it. A few times I’ve been able to remember something cute she did and I can actually smile about it.”

I touch his hand. “I know, Vandal. I feel the same. I still have some really hard days, but they are lessening. And that doesn’t mean we’re forgetting them. Our hearts are healing. One day while I was at the cemetery, right after Nick died, an old woman came up to me, and she said something I’ve been trying so hard to hold on to. She said, ‘You’re not dead. You get to live. You get to love. And it won’t be easy, but it’s our gift in this world to be able to feel again’.”

Narrowing his eyes at me, he leans against the wood railing of the deck. “I get that. And I do want to live my life.” He looks down at his boots, his jaw clenching tightly. “I just don’t want to ever forget her, ya know?”

I do know. I struggle with that too, but it’s different for me. I lost my husband, and now I’m trying to move on with another man. I feel guilty. I don’t want to ever forget Nick, but it’s hard to move on without feeling as if I’m replacing him, and it’s hard to try to keep his memory alive without feeling as if I can’t let go of him, and let myself having feelings for Vandal.

“You won’t ever forget her, Vandal. You’re allowed to be happy, and still remember her. You can have both.”

He pulls me against his chest and wraps his arms around my waist. “So can you,” he replies.

I go up on my toes and kiss his cheek. “I’m trying,” I say. “And I’m really proud of you for not drinking again. You’re stronger than you think you are. I’m going to go cut up that fruit now.”

Just as I’m putting all the fruit into a pretty glass bowl the doorbell rings, causing my stomach to flutter with nerves as Vandal goes to the front door. I’m overcome with a bit of a surreal feeling. Meeting another man’s family is not something I ever thought I would be doing. At one time I was very close to Nick’s parents and his brother, and I considered them family. Since the accident I’ve pulled away from them, because being around them hurts too much and reminds me of all the family holidays and good times we spent together that I’ll never experience again.

From the kitchen I see Vandal open the front door and a very good-looking, young guy comes in with a pretty girl. They both hug Vandal, which catches me off-guard. I was expecting fist bumps or back-slaps between him and Lukas, not a long hug.

They make their way into the kitchen, where Vandal takes the shopping bag away from his brother and sets it on the counter.

“Hey guys, I want you to meet Tabitha.” He moves to stand next to me. “Tabi, this is my brother Lukas, and his girlfriend, Ivy.”

Lukas extends his hand out to me, which is covered in tattoos, even his fingers. “Hey, it’s great to finally meet you,” he says. I smile at him and take his hand, and I have to admit I’m a little enthralled. He looks a lot like Vandal, only with shorter, black hair that reaches to his shoulders. They both have the same dark eyes, and are both muscular and covered in tattoos, but Vandal is a few inches taller. Vandal also has a dark sexuality about him, whereas Lukas has an adorable boyish charm that is a lethal combination with his bad boy, sexy look.

“It’s nice to meet you,” I reply, and then turn to Ivy quickly because I feel Vandal’s eyes on me, watching me look at his brother. “It’s great to meet you,” I say. She smiles warmly at me and gives me a hug, immediately making me feel comfortable with her. She’s pretty, in a sweet, unassuming way. She’s about my height, her long cherry-brown hair parted on the side and pulled over one shoulder, and she’s dressed casually in jeans and a pink cashmere sweater. I have that feeling you get around certain people where you just know you are going to become friends.

“You too. We’ve heard so many great things about you. We bought a ton of food. These guys eat like mad,” she says with a teasing smile and bright eyes.

We all go out onto the back deck and make ourselves comfortable around the table, while Vandal puts some music on that pipes through the outdoor speakers and then unwraps the food and places assorted steaks and chicken kabobs on the grill.

“I have my violin in the car. If I can talk my bro into it, we’ll jam a little after dinner,” Lukas says, cracking open a soda.

Vandal grins and shakes his head while he pokes at the food on the grill. “I knew you were gonna corner me.”

“I would absolutely love to hear you guys play. Vandal says you’re amazing,” I say to Lukas.

Ivy’s face lights up. “Wait ’til you hear them play, Tabitha. I could listen to Lukas play the violin for hours. The first time I heard him perform, my mouth about hit the floor. And, I didn’t even know he played.” She slaps his arm playfully. “He took me to hear the band, telling me his cousins and brother were in the band, but he didn’t tell me that he plays guest cameos on some of their songs. So we’re sitting in the club listening to them perform, and Lukas gets up to use the men’s room, or so I thought, and next thing I know he’s on stage.”

“Oh, wow!” I exclaim. “What an awesome surprise!”

Ivy leans against Lukas and he kisses her head. “It really was so cool,” she says. “That’s the first night I met all of them, and Evie, too. That was before her and Storm were together, and Asher was making fun of her on stage about the blizzard, and I thought she was gonna die because she was there with her boyfriend.”

“Asher’s an asshole,” Vandal interjects, still standing over the grill.

Lukas rolls his eyes behind Vandal’s back. “No he’s not, he was just joking around.”

“What happened with a blizzard?” I ask, confused. If my memory is right, Evie is the girl that was here the first morning I stayed here, and she’s the one who gave Sterling to Vandal. I shake my head, remembering how jealous I’d felt, thinking they were involved. I guess she really is Vandal’s cousin’s fiancée, from the sounds of it.

Ivy leans towards me and touches my arm. “It’s kind of a long story, but Evie was driving in a snow storm and her car got stuck, and Storm, who’s Lukas’s and Vandal’s cousin, came along and offered her a ride, and then he crashed his truck.” She takes a bite of fruit and chews before continuing. “They were stuck on the side of a mountain road in the blizzard for an entire weekend together, and they fell in love, even though Evie had a boyfriend already.”

“They didn’t fall in love, they fucked like rabbits in the back of that truck,” Vandal yells over his shoulder.

“Vandal!” Ivy scolds. “They did not! Evie isn’t like that! She told me they didn’t have sex until months later.”

Lukas and Vandal start to crack up. “Poor fuckin’ Storm finally meets a chick and it takes him months to hook up with her,” Lukas jokes.

“They did fool around, though,” Ivy says, grinning knowingly at me. “She was crazy about him, but she was living with her boyfriend and they’d been together since high school. He was a jerk, though, and treated her like crap. She finally left him for Storm.”

“Evie is annoying as fuck,” Vandal spouts, turning around to smile at us. It’s nice to see him joking around and having fun.

“Vandal!” Ivy scolds again, shaking her head. “She is not.” She looks at me. “Vandal hates everyone.”

“Everyone is hated until proven likable,” Vandal advises. “Did you see the cat she gave me? He has no eyes.”

Lukas chokes on his soda. “What the fuck?”

“He’s adorable. He’s inside,” I tell them. “Vandal loves him. I do too, he’s such a cuddle bunny.”

“No eyes?” Lukas repeats. “For real?”

Vandal walks over to the table and stands behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders. His fingers are warm from standing over the grill. “Fuck yeah, no eyes,” Vandal tells them. “Apparently some kids hurt him. He’s awesome, though; he plays and acts like a normal cat. I love that little fucker. He eats like a pig. Good thing we’re eating out here or he’d be trying to steal the food right off our plates.”

“We have to check him out after we eat,” Lukas says.