Wedding Night
“I await your command,” repeats Georgios, and withdraws, shutting the doors to the bedroom.
Ben and I just look at each other. I feel a bit hysterical.
“Oh my God.”
“Fucking hell.” Ben rolls his eyes. “That’s a first.”
“Didn’t you want your eggs?” I say teasingly. “They’ve got saffron, you know.”
“I know what I want.” He pushes down the straps of my cami, and just the feel of him sends sparks of lust through me.
“Me too.” I reach for him and he gives a little shudder.
“Where were we again?” His hands travel down under the covers, slow and purposeful. I’m so sensitive to his touch I can’t help moaning.
His eyes are huge and urgent. His breathing is raspy. Now I’m pulling him toward me, and his lips are everywhere, and my mind is emptying as my body takes over. OK, here we go. Here we go. I’m making sounds and so is he, and it’s going to happen, it’s really going to happen.… I’m going to explode … come on, come on.…
And then I freeze. I can hear a sound. A rustling sound. Just outside the bedroom door.
In reflex, I shove Ben away and sit up, every sense on alert.
“Stop! Stop it. Listen.” I can barely frame the words properly. “He’s still here.”
“What?” Ben’s face is contorted with desire, and I’m not sure he’s understanding anything I’m saying.
“He’s still here!” I bat Ben’s hand off my breast and gesture frantically at the door. “The butler! He hasn’t left!”
“What?” A murderous scowl comes over Ben’s face. He swings his legs round and gets out of bed, totally naked.
“You can’t go out like that!” I squeak. “Put on a robe.”
Ben’s scowl becomes yet more murderous. He shrugs on a terry-cloth dressing gown and throws open the door to the bedroom. Sure enough, there’s Georgios, arranging glasses neatly on the cocktail bar.
“Ah, Georgios,” says Ben. “I think you misunderstood. Thanks very much. That will be all for now. Thank you.”
“I understand, sir.” Georgios makes a little bow. “I await your command.”
“Right.” I can sense Ben’s temper starting to fray. “Well, my command is for you to go. Leave the room. Go. Adiós.” He makes a shooing motion. “Leave us alone.”
“Ah.” At last light dawns on Georgios’s face. “I see. Very good, sir. You call me if you need anything.” He gives another bow, then heads toward the kitchen. Ben hesitates a moment, then follows him to make sure he actually exits.
“That’s right,” I can hear him say firmly. “You go and put your feet up, Georgios. Don’t worry about us. No, we can pour our own water, thank you. Bye, then. Bye …” His voice recedes as he enters the kitchen.
A few moments later, he appears at the door of the bedroom and pumps the air. “Gone! At last!”
“Well done!”
“Stubborn bastard.”
“Just doing his job, I suppose.” I shrug. “He’s obviously got a really strong sense of duty.”
“He didn’t want to leave,” says Ben incredulously. “You’d think he’d leap at the chance for some time off. But he kept telling me we’d need him to pour our mineral water, and I kept telling him, no, we wouldn’t, we’re not total lazy gits. Makes you wonder what kind of people stay here—” Ben breaks off mid-sentence and his jaw drops. As I turn my head, I can feel mine dropping too.
No.
That can’t be …
Both of us stare in disbelief as Hermes, the assistant butler, strides into the sitting room.
“Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Parr,” he says cheerfully. He approaches the cocktail bar and starts arranging exactly the same glasses that Georgios was tidying ten seconds ago. “May I offer you a drink? A small snack? May I help you with your entertainment for the day?”
“What … what …” Ben seems almost incapable of speech. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Hermes looks up, apparently perplexed by the question.
“I am your assistant butler,” he says at last. “I am on duty while Georgios is resting. I await your command.”
I feel like I’ve gone mad.
We’re trapped in butler hell.
Is this how rich people live? No wonder celebrities look so miserable the whole time. They’re thinking, If only the butler would let us have some bloody sex.
“Please.” Ben looks almost demented. “Please go. Now. Go.” He’s ushering Hermes toward the door.