Wedding Night

OK, Fliss. Don’t overreact. Be cool. Be an enlightened parent.

“Really, darling? Gosh. Well.” My cheeks have flamed. Both men are waiting with expressions of glee. “That’s … that’s interesting, sweetheart. Maybe we’ll have a little talk about it later. Our bodies do wonderful, mysterious things, but we don’t always talk about them in public.” I give a meaningful look at Richard.

Noah seems perplexed. “But the lady talked about it. She told me to put it up.”

“What?” I stare at him in equal confusion.

“For takeoff. ‘Put your tray table up.’ ”

“Oh.” I gulp. “Oh, I see. Your tray table.” I can feel a snort of mirth rising.

“Poor Uncle Ben’s tray table doesn’t go up,” says Richard, deadpan.

“Stop!” I try to sound admonishing, but I’m in fits of laughter. “I’m sure it does—” I break off as the air hostess’s voice comes over the sound system.

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention? I have a very important announcement.”

Uh-oh. I hope the old lady’s OK. I suddenly feel mortified that we’ve been laughing while a drama’s going on.

“I regret to inform you that, due to a medical emergency on board, the plane will be unable to land at Ikonos as originally planned but will be landing at our nearest available airport with full medical facilities, which, at this moment, is Sofia.”

I’m pinned to the seat with shock. My hilarity has melted away. We’re being diverted?

“I do apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you and will of course give you any further information when I have it.”

A ruckus of protest has broken out all around me, but I barely hear it. This cannot be happening. Lorcan turns to me incredulously.

“Sofia, Bulgaria? How many hours will that delay us?”

“I don’t know.”

“What’s wrong?” Noah is looking from face to face. “Mummy, what’s wrong? Who’s Sofia?”

“It’s a place.” I swallow hard. “Turns out we’re going there first. Won’t that be fun?” I glance again at Richard. He’s lost all his ebullience too. He’s sagged right down and is gazing at the seat back with a savage scowl.

“Well, that’s it. We’ll be too late. I thought we had a chance to get there before they … you know.” He spreads his hands. “But now it’s impossible.”

“It’s not impossible!” I retort, trying to reassure myself as much as him. “Richard, listen. The truth is, Lottie’s so-called marriage is already falling to bits.”

I wasn’t going to say as much as that, but I think he needs a shot of confidence in the arm.

“You don’t know that,” he growls.

“I do! What you don’t know is, there’s a history here. Every time Lottie breaks up with someone, she does this.”

“She gets married?” Richard looks scandalized. “Every time?”

“No!” I want to laugh at his expression. “I just mean she does something rash and idiotic. And then she comes to. I’ll probably get off the plane and find a text waiting for me, saying, Fliss, I made a huge mistake! Help!”

I can see Richard digesting this idea. “You really think so?”

“Believe me, I’ve been here before. I call them her Unfortunate Choices. Sometimes she joins a cult, sometimes she gets a tattoo.… Think of this marriage as an extreme piercing. Right this minute, they’re doing a Couples’ Quiz,” I add to encourage him. “I mean, what a joke! They haven’t got a clue about each other. Lottie will see that, and she’ll start to think straight, and then she’ll realize.”

“Couples’ Quiz?” says Richard after a pause. “You mean like that TV game?”

“Exactly. Like, ‘What is your partner’s favorite meal that you cook for her?’ That kind of thing.”

“Spaghetti carbonara,” says Richard, without missing a beat.

“There you go.” I squeeze his hand. “If you guys did it, you’d win. Ben and Lottie are going to tank. Then she’ll come to her senses. You wait and see.”

15

LOTTIE

It’s a game. Just a game. It doesn’t mean anything.

Even so, I’m feeling more irritable by the second. Why can’t I remember this stuff? And, more to the point, why can’t Ben? Isn’t he interested in the details of my life?

We’re sitting in the hotel garden with ten minutes to go before Couples’ Quiz starts, and I’ve never felt less prepared for a test in my life. Ben is lying in a hammock, drinking beer and playing some new rap song on his iPad, which really isn’t improving my mood.