What I Need

I look at CJ to give him my silent apology for having this stupid idea in the first place, but he doesn’t seem the least bit mad at my suggestion. The eyes I meet are full of warmth, and his mouth is lifting in a gentle smile as he chews up his bite.

“How long are you staying for?” CJ asks, turning back to Jake. “Are you hanging out here for a while?”

Jake shakes his head. “Can’t. I only got approved for four days, and I need to go up and see Mom before I head to Katie’s. I just figured we could hang for a couple hours, if that’s cool with you.”

“Yeah, man. Whatever you want to do,” CJ replies. “I don’t have anything going on until later tonight. We can chill here or head into town. I don’t care.”

“Cool,” Jake mutters before scraping up another bite and shoveling it into his mouth.

Nice. They are going to hang out today. Get some brotherly time in. This is great.

I smile, looking between the two of them.

“Babe?”

My eyes fall on CJ. “Mm?”

“Do you want to finish telling me what was on your mind?”

My mouth pulls down.

Do I want to finish telling him what was on my mind? No. Do I need to? Yes. Just not with an audience.

“Uh,” I look to Jake, then back to CJ, shrugging. “That’s okay. It’s fine. I can wait.”

“You want me to step out?” Jake asks, brows lifting, reading my apprehension and interpreting it wrong.

“No.” I quickly shake my head. “No, please eat.”

“Darlin’, just say it,” CJ returns, eyes serious when he has mine. “You said you were worried about something. And there’s no way I’m going to be able to get that worry out of your head unless you let me in there.”

“It’s fine. It can wait.”

“Babe . . .”

“I don’t think Reed should know about us,” I blurt out.

His brows lift. “Say again?”

I knot my fingers together in front of my stomach. “Uh . . .”

Shit! I don’t want to repeat it. CJ doesn’t look like he’s going to take this news well at all. This could ruin his entire day with Jake.

I pull my lips between my teeth and pretend I’ve gone mute.

CJ cocks his head just as Jake pushes his stool back, dragging the legs against the wood.

“I’m gonna step outside for a smoke. Give you two a minute,” he announces, standing and moving with purpose toward the door, and I know he’s really stepping out because I just made things crazy awkward.

God, I hope I didn’t embarrass CJ. Why didn’t I just get this out while I was half naked, standing in the bedroom with him?

When the door shuts behind Jake, I turn to assess my damage, but CJ doesn’t look embarrassed. He doesn’t look angry either. He looks unsettled. His brows pulling together and his mouth tense while he hunches over the counter, arms outstretched in front of him and hands steepled beside his plate.

My stomach rolls.

What the hell is wrong with me? He deserves an explanation. How could I say something like that and then pretend I've gone mute?

“Reed hired Richard for the job he fired him from,” I begin, stepping up to the sink. “Did I ever tell you that?”

CJ thinks for a beat, then shakes his head.

“He liked him at one point,” I continue. “Richard said they got along, but then we started dating and for some reason, Reed would get on Richard about stuff at work, like single him out about things, and I don’t know if he was doing it because of Richard messing up or because he was dating me. But eventually Reed just started to hate him. And it made things really uncomfortable. He talked bad about Richard in front of me all the time and called him Dick. It put a strain on us. And I know Richard is basically the absolute worst, I know that now, but in the beginning when this all started, he wasn’t. Reed liked him, then we got together and he hated him. And the last thing I want is for Reed to start hating you. I won’t let that happen.”

CJ drags in a heavy breath, then slowly lets it out. “Riley, your brother and I go back a couple of years,” he says, brow no longer furrowed, mouth no longer tight, but relaxed, and his eyes warm and full of understanding. “I get that you don’t want him reacting badly to this and hating me, but that’s something you need to let me worry about, darlin’. If he has a problem, I’ll handle it.”

“You handling it might make it worse and then he could hate you even more,” I argue.

“Babe—”

“Please,” I beg. “Just don’t say anything. Not yet. I can’t have Reed hate you, CJ. I can’t ignore it like I did with Richard and pretend I don't care. Not when I like you this much.”

CJ sits up taller, a look washing over his face like what I just said meant a whole lot to him. “Come here,” he orders, twisting his torso on the stool.

I rush around the counter, step between his legs, and wrap my arms around his neck, getting gathered against his body.

“If he asks me, babe, I’m not lying to the man,” CJ murmurs beside my ear. “That’s fucked up and a guaranteed way for him to hate me.”

I nod, replying, “I know. I’m not asking you to lie. I wouldn’t want you to do that.” I lean back just enough to look into his face, forcing my grip to his neck and his hands to slide to my hips. “I want everyone knowing about us,” I say. “I promise. I love our secrets, CJ, but I don’t want us to be one. I just want to wait a little while before we announce it. And it could be a good thing. Look how well Reed reacted when I left him that message about us living together months after I moved in.”