What I Need

He had every opportunity to tell me . . .

Bile burns my throat. I don’t know what’s worse, the taste of a lie or the sound it makes.

“You wouldn’t need to choose me over your family, babe. I’d make sure of that,” CJ shares when I’m halfway to the door.

I stop and turn back to look at him.

He blinks. I blink.

It’s a standstill. He fucked up. Maybe we both did. I hated lying to my mom, and maybe I should’ve told Reed and dealt with the consequences or trusted CJ to take care of it. Maybe CJ should’ve asked me to move in after revealing his recovery, and not under the pretense of this being a business deal. I love him. I think he loves me too. We both did this. Or maybe we didn’t.

It was just him . . .

This was all my fault . . .

I open the door and step outside, thinking about our last high five in the bedroom and CJ’s adorable excitement.

I don’t share it. Our first fight broke my heart.

I KNOCK THE side of my fist against the door and step back, stuffing my hands into my pockets.

I should’ve done this sooner. I should’ve done a lot of things sooner. I never regretted anything when it came to Riley before today. Not hooking up the way we did. Not being in her business and having that shit lead to getting put through a window. I could’ve had something worse happen and still, nope. No fucking way. I’d do it again. Even agreeing to be friends with her and suffering daily just so we could be something. I didn’t have regrets. But now? Now I gotta live with the memory of Riley walking out my door with that pain in her eyes all because I didn’t man the fuck up and handle this like I should’ve, and that’s something I can regret all I fucking want but it doesn’t change a thing.

I deserve to live with it. This is on me.

Yeah, coming to Reed when Riley didn’t want me to tell him probably would’ve stirred up some shit, but like I told her before she walked out, she’d never have to choose between me and her family. I’d do anything. I’ll do anything.

I’m not leaving here until he accepts this. I’m even prepared to camp out on this fucker’s lawn. I tossed my tent in the truck before I left the house.

Whatever it takes.

My head lifts when the door swings open. Reed furrows his brow. He isn’t expecting me.

“What’s up?” He lifts his chin in greeting before glancing behind me. Probably looking to see if Riley is here too. “What are you doing here?”

“You got some time? I want to talk to you.”

Reed stares at me for a breath. His eyes are suspicious as he leans his shoulder against the frame. “About . . .”

“Your sister.”

“What about her?”

“Can you just step outside so we can talk?”

His brows lift. “Is there a reason we aren’t going to have this talk inside where I got my AC going? It’s hot as shit out.”

“There’s a reason,” I tell him. “One you’ll understand in a minute. Come on.”

I get out into the yard a few feet off the sidewalk. When I turn around, Reed is grumbling in annoyance and hopping down off the step. He stops in front of me.

“Well?” he probes. “You got me out here sweating my nuts off. What is it?” He crosses his arms over his chest.

I stuff my hands into my pockets again and think about what I want to say to Reed.

Riley and I are together. She’s not just living with me. We’ve been together for a while. I love her.

I love her.

I’ve known. I’ve known it for a while, but I never said it. Not out loud. Not to anyone. But that’s about to change. And the fact that it isn’t Riley hearing these words from me the first time I say them fucking sucks. I should’ve told her.

Another mistake I’m going to have to live with. I’m really racking them up today.

“Christ,” Reed mumbles, jarring my attention. He rubs at his mouth. “How long?”

I blink. “What?”

“How long have you been sleeping with my sister?”

My eyes narrow. His tone is cavalier. I feel a muscle in my jaw twitch. “We’re together. It’s not like that.”

“Fine. You’re together. How long?”

I breathe deep. I’m here to be honest with Reed. And that means not leaving anything out. If I do, that shit is just going to hang between him and Riley, and I don’t want that.

“A few months, but this started back at your wedding,” I share, watching disbelief widen his eyes. “Nothing else happened again until after Riley moved in with me. She was still with that asshole so we stayed friends. I didn’t push anything with her. I wouldn’t do that. We happened when she was ready.”

“Dude.” He gives me a hard look. “You hooked up with my sister at my wedding?”

“Hey, you’re the one who paired us up,” I remind him. “And don’t fucking say it like that. I was never looking at getting with Riley as a one-time thing.”

“Aren’t you a little old for her?” he asks.

I stare at him for a breath.

“What?” he probes.

“Is that really a problem for you, or are you just fishing?”

“The fact that you both thought it would be better if you lied to me about it is a problem for me,” he says, irritation flashing in his gaze. “I’m just pointing out the other thing.”

“I wanted to tell you. Riley wanted to give it some time. She didn’t want you hating on me like you did with her ex. She was worried. As for the other thing, there’s eight years between us. We’re both adults. It’s been a few years since she became one so no, I don’t think I’m a little old for her.”