When I Fall

Hattie squeezes my hand gently.

“I’m sure that’s not the only reason why they didn’t hire me. I know I didn’t look that great after not having a real shower in several days, and I probably smelled worse. I really tried to stretch my money, but I was . . . I was just so hungry.”

Danny slides the pancakes closer to me, and a laugh bubbles in the back of my throat.

“Danny, let her finish,” Hattie scolds with a soft voice.

He leans back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t like thinking about my niece starving, or the fact that she had to go through all that hard life shit by herself. It shouldn’t have happened. Hearing about it makes me want to go have a smoke.”

“You better not! You’re going on three weeks without one.”

“It’s okay. I only went a few days without any food.”

My words don’t seem to ease his discomfort whatsoever. If anything, he seems to become even more uneasy, running both hands down his face and blowing out a harsh exhale.

“Go ahead, Beth.” Hattie gives me a gentle smile, removing her hand from mine and placing it into her lap. “What happened after that?”

“Rocco happened,” I reply, the words spilling from my lips.

Danny clenches his jaw tight and begins pacing back and forth between the counter and the island. Over and over, his heavy boots stomping against the wood. I’m not sure what has him so worked up. I haven’t told my aunt hardly anything about Rocco, but it’s almost as if he knows, or suspects I’ve endured worse things than going days without a meal.

I decide to get through this last part as quickly as possible.

“He found me, crying in my car after I’d gone several days without any food. I was kinda defeated at that point. I guess he saw how hungry I was, or maybe I just looked homeless. I was trying to sleep, trying to take my mind off my stomach cramps when he came up to my window with one of every item from the Burger King menu. I normally wouldn’t take anything from a stranger. I’m not stupid, but I was desperate, and very hungry. And he was . . .” I close my eyes for a moment, almost ashamed to admit this next part. “He was really handsome. No girl in their right mind would say no to a hot guy holding a bag of free food.”

I shake my head at myself as Hattie laughs softly next to me.

Danny continues to pace, not finding my humor at all funny.

“Anyway, he sat with me and talked to me while I ate. I was so happy to have someone to talk to. I didn’t want him to leave. I actually panicked when I thought he was getting out of the car. I just . . . I hated being alone, and I didn’t want to be alone anymore. Plus, what was going to happen to me? I was going to have to start stealing food, or finding ways to get money. I didn’t know if I would ever see him again, and no one else had ever stopped to offer me help.”

I picture the look on Rocco’s face when I reached for him, begging him not to leave me. The smile that twisted across his lips as I wrapped my hand around his arm. Now I know, he got off on that.

He saw my vulnerability, and he took advantage of it.

“I almost couldn’t believe it when he asked me if I wanted a place to stay. He offered me his home, food, and money for as long as I needed. He didn’t ask for anything in return, and he was so nice to me. I know I had a choice, but I felt like I couldn’t say no. I was scared to be alone, and I liked him.” I feel every muscle in my body tense at the memory. My voice softens. “I really liked him. I moved in that day, and everything seemed pretty close to perfect for a little while.” I look over at Hattie, her eyes still glistening with unshed tears. “I never would’ve stayed with him if I had somewhere else to go, but I couldn’t . . . Aunt Hattie, I couldn’t go back to living out of my car.”

Danny halts his pacing, and moves to stand directly across from me. “I’m gonna ask you somethin,’ and I want you to be straight with me.”

Hattie flattens her hands on the island, leaning forward. “Danny.”

He looks over at her. “No, I’m askin.’ She’s our niece, and if I have to go handle some asshole in Kentucky for puttin’ his hands on her, I’m doin’ it.”

“Oh, no. He didn’t . . . he never hit me.” I look between the two of them, Hattie’s eyes regarding me with suspicion. She doesn’t believe me, and by the rough exhale coming from Danny, I’m doubting he does either.

“Rocco never touched me unless I let him,” I admit, dropping my head to avoid the judgment in their eyes. “Our relationship, or whatever it was, it was more about me needing him for things, and him knowing I needed him. He talked down to me a lot, but he never hit me.” I look at Hattie, then at Danny. “Never. I swear.”

“He sounds like a real charmer,” Hattie says through a tight jaw. “So, he verbally abused you? Is that what you’re saying?”

I shrug, and Danny pounds his fist on the island, startling Hattie and myself.

“I need a goddamn smoke.”

“No, you don’t.” Hattie stands and walks around the island, placing a hand to his chest. “Beth is fine. She’s here, with us. She’s not with that man anymore.”

“He won’t come after you?” Danny asks me, his chest heaving with each breath he takes.

I shake my head, adamantly. “No. I know him. He’d never do that.”

“You’re sure? ‘Cause if you think you’re in danger, I need to know about it.”