When I Was Yours

He hasn’t mentioned his dad, but I know they’re not close. Adam’s dad is not the kind of father who calls up for no other reason than to have a chat with his son.

I’m just happy that he’s spending the holidays with me.

Dad is even letting him spend the night at our apartment tonight, so we can all wake up together tomorrow morning to open presents.

Adam will be sleeping on the couch.

We still haven’t gotten to the actually-having-sex stage in our relationship, not that Dad would let Adam sleep with me if we had gotten there. Not a chance in hell.

And I want Adam. I really do. I’m crazy about him. I love him. But I’m just not there with the sex thing yet. The thought kind of terrifies me. I’ve seen the size of his cock, and I honestly can’t wrap my head around how the hell it’s supposed to fit inside me, not that I’ve said that to Adam.

He’s just so patient with me. It’s amazing. He’s amazing.

“I’ve never done this before,” Adam says, pushing the cart alongside me.

I continue to deposit food into it from off the shelves. “Done what?”

“Shop for Christmas food.”

“No?” I give him a surprised look.

“Nope. The house staff always got the food and prepared it. Believe it or not, I didn’t actually have to shop for food until I moved here with Max.”

“That’s tragic.” I laugh.

“Yeah,” he agrees, laughing.

“So, what did you do for Christmas?” I imagine, with the money his family has, they probably spent it in Aspen or somewhere equally as nice.

His eyes lower. “Christmases were usually pretty shitty in the Gunner household. If Ava and Eric weren’t fighting over one thing or another, then Eric was getting drunk and waiting for the moment he could leave. We weren’t really the open-the-presents-around-the-tree kind of family. I usually spent most of each Christmas up in my room.

“When I was around thirteen, I started spending Christmas alone. Ava and Eric decided I was old enough to fend for myself, so they would go off—separately—to do whatever with whomever, so I would be home alone. There was the staff, but I would let them go home, so they could spend the day with their families. And I would just eat whatever our housekeeper, Millie, had made for me before she left, which was always something nice.”

“Your parents left you alone on Christmas?” I gasp, my heart hurting for him.

He shrugs like it doesn’t matter. Averting his eyes, he picks up a pack of cookies and starts examining them.

But I know it bothers him, and it makes me ache for him.

“I mean, I only spent two Christmases alone before Max found out, and he never let me spend another Christmas alone again, so it wasn’t all bad. Christmases got better after that. Max would take me to his house. Even though his parents are as close to fucked up as mine, they’re always home for Christmas. And it didn’t matter ’cause I was with Max, and we always had a laugh.”

I hate his parents. I’ve never even met his dad, and I hate him already.

No, I don’t hate them. I loathe them.

I mean, what kind of people leave their kid alone at Christmas?

The fucking evil kind—that’s who.

Stopping in the middle of the aisle, I walk over to where he is and wrap my arms around him from behind, hugging him tight. “Thank God for Max. I’m going to let him know how much I appreciate him when he gets back after the break,” I say into his shirt.

Adam turns in my arms and looks down at me. “I hope you’re not going to show your appreciation in the same way you show me that you appreciate me.”

I laugh, slapping his shoulder. “No, dork. I’m just going to thank him.”

“You don’t need to.”

“I know. I just…” I reach up on my toes and press my hands to his cheeks, his scruff tickling my palms. “I hate that you didn’t have the kind of Christmas you deserve. So, I’m going to make sure this year is your best Christmas yet, and then every year after this one, I’m going to make sure we top the year before. I mean, we’re going to spend every Christmas together from now on, right?” I don’t want to sound presumptuous.

I know he’s as serious about me as I am about him. But I also know he’ll be leaving for school in the fall next year, which means he’ll be moving to the other side of the country, and we haven’t talked about what that will mean for us.

He leans down and brushes his nose against mine. “You can bet your hot ass that we’ll be spending every Christmas together. I don’t want to be anywhere but with you, babe.”

He gives my behind a squeeze, and I giggle. My fingers work their way into his long hair as he brushes his lips over mine, kissing me.

“So, that’s what you would have done this year, if you hadn’t met me? You’d be at Max’s?”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t think he minds you spending the holiday with me?”

“Nah, Max is cool.”

He kisses me one more time before releasing me. I get back to filling the cart.

Christmas is the one time of year I don’t have to scrimp on the food I buy because, as a Christmas bonus, Grady gives us supermarket vouchers.

God bless Grady.

My cell starts to ring in my pocket. I pull it out and see it’s Dad.

“Hey, we shouldn’t be much longer—” That’s when I hear the siren in the background. My heart stops. “Dad?”

“Evie, we’re in an ambulance. Casey—she-she was fine, talking to me about what kinds of mashed potatoes she was gonna have you make for dinner tomorrow. Then, all of a sudden, her speech went all slurred, and-and then she collapsed and started convulsing. She was having a fit, Evie.” His voice breaks, and tears fill my eyes. “The paramedics stabilized her, and now, we’re heading to the hospital.”

“Wh-which hospital are you going to?”

“West Hills.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can. I-I…love you, Daddy.”

He shudders out a breath. “Love you, too, baby.”

I hang my phone up.

“Evie?”

I turn to Adam, and my lips tremble. “Casey…she-she collapsed.” My voice is wobbling all over the place. “She had a fit. Da-dad called from an ambulance. Th-they’re on their way to the hospital.”

There’s no hesitation in him. “Let’s go.”

He grabs my hand, taking charge, and we abandon the shopping cart before heading for the parking lot.

“Which hospital?” Adam asks as we’re climbing into his truck.

“West Hills. Her neurologist is at the UCLA Medical Center, but maybe they’re taking her to West Hills because it’s closer. I don’t know.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll get to her soon, and then we can find out what’s happening,” he reassures me.

Adam pulls out of the lot, speeding as he does. I should tell him to slow down a little, but I don’t because I want to get to Casey as soon as possible.

I press my head back into the headrest, shutting my eyes, as I suck in a breath.

I know what this means. The tumor is back.

I feel Adam’s hand curl around mine. I open my eyes and turn my head to look at him.