When I Was Yours

Maybe she still sees that now.

“She didn’t know I was coming.” I force myself to smile at her.

“Well, she’s out back, on the terrace. I’ll let her know that you’re here.”

“No, it’s fine.” I stop her with my hand. “I’ll surprise her.”

“As you wish.” She smiles. “Can I get you anything to drink? Your mother’s having her afternoon cocktail. You know how she likes them.”

“No, I’m fine, Millie. I won’t be staying for long.”

I walk through the vast empty house. The house that is void of family photos. The only pictures hanging on the walls are of Ava—portraits, photos of her movies, pictures of her with other celebrities.

But none of me—no baby pictures, no school pictures.

No family photos of me, her, and Eric.

But why would there be? We were never a family.

Neither of them ever gave a fuck about me. I was a means to an end for both Ava and Eric.

I step out onto the terrace. Ava is sitting on a chair at the table, sipping on a cocktail. Her cell is in her hand, and she’s reading something on it, like she doesn’t have a care in the world. Maybe she doesn’t.

“Hello, Ava.”

She jumps at the sound of my voice, nearly spilling her cocktail.

“Jesus, Adam. You startled me. What are you doing here?” She shoots me a cool look as she puts her glass and cell down.

I stand for a long moment, just staring at her, trying to understand. I know why she did what she did. I just can’t understand how, how she’s done any of the things she’s done to me.

She might not have beaten or abused me, but she has broken and hurt me over the years. Left me alone as a child. Starved me of love. Tore me down. Had me do her bidding. Take care of things no kid should have to take care of. Had me see things no kid should see.

She might not be an abuser in the physical sense, but she’s an abuser of the heart and mind. Yeah, she’s definitely one of those. A fucking expert at it.

“I know, Ava.”

“You know what?” she snaps. “You’re going to have to be a little more specific than that, Adam.”

And that’s because there are probably so many things that she’s done to me, taken from me, that I don’t know about. Probably never will know about.

But this is the big one, the one that mattered.

The only thing that ever mattered to me, Ava stole from me.

I take the seat on the other side of the table from her, so I can look her directly in the eyes when I say what I have to say.

“I know about Evie and what you did.”

She freezes. And even though I knew it was the truth, seeing her reaction slides that knife in a little deeper.

I don’t love Ava, but she is my mother.

To a small child, a mother is a god. No matter how awful that mother is to the child, no matter the shitty, wretched things she does, the connection that child has to his mother just can’t be severed. It can be broken but never severed.

And that’s where her power lies.

It’s the power that Ava has always had over me.

She has always had the ability to cut me hard, and there is fuck all I can do about it. I can hate her, loathe her, but at the end of the day, buried deep down in there, I’m still that little kid who just wants his mother to love him. And I’m the one who gets cut each time he remembers she doesn’t love him and never has.

I know that. And I’ll live with that.

Because living my life without Ava in it will make things a whole lot easier.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She frowns.

Denial—Ava’s first line of defense. And it’s not because she’s worried about hurting me. It’s because she’s worried about losing something—the part in her latest film…or more, losing the studio.

Everything always comes back to the fucking studio.

I lean forward, putting my arms on the table, linking my fingers together. “I’m not here to play games. Admit it or don’t—I really don’t care. I know the truth because I know you. I should have figured it out years ago. That was my mistake, a mistake I won’t make again.

“Ten years ago, you stole from me the most precious thing in the world. You used the love Evie had for her dying sister to get what you wanted from me. I knew you were evil, Ava. I just didn’t know how evil.

“So, now, I’m here to return the favor, eye for an eye and all that. Your career is over. The film is gone. And all future films with Gunner Entertainment are gone. The studio is gone. I had already planned on giving it to Richard, but being the stupid fuck that I am, I was going to give Richard the studio with the terms that he keep you on with a full-time contract. That’s gone now. And you know, without me, you won’t get a foot in the door there. Or anywhere. Because you’re old and washed up, Ava. And I will personally ensure that you never work in this town again.” I push my chair out, standing.

She still hasn’t said a word. She’s just staring at me, expressionless.

“Taking Evie from me bought you ten more years at the studio. I hope they were worth it. Goodbye, Ava.” I turn and start to walk away.

I hear the scrape of her chair against the ground.

“I will fight you on this, Adam, and you know I’ll win,” she says from behind me. “You can’t just take my studio from me.”

Stopping, I turn back. “I can do whatever the fuck I want because the studio isn’t yours. It never was.”

“It was always mine.”

“Then, you should have done a better fucking job at ensuring that you got your name on the deed!” I yell.

She lets out a shallow laugh and sits back down on her chair, casually tossing her arm around the back of it. “Have your little show, Adam. Stomp your feet. Give your little speech. I’m not worried. You know why? Because you’ll be back. You always come back. And I always get what I want.”

I look at her, releasing a tired breath. “You’re right. I always say I’m going to leave. Always say no to that favor you want. No to that part in a film you desire. No to that problem you need me to sort. But then I always come back. Always do that favor. Always give you that part in the film. Sort that problem for you. But the thing is, Ava”—I take several steps toward her until I’m looming over her—“people have a fucking limit, and I reached mine when I found out that you stole my wife from me! Now, if I can’t make it any clearer that you and I are done, then you can take my extended silence as my answer.”

Then, I walk out of that house with the sounds of her yelling behind me, and I feel truly free for the first time in my life.

I’ve tried not to care, tried to pretend that I’m okay.

I know the truth now, so I can move on.

But thing is…I can’t.

The more I’ve sat and thought about what Ava did, the angrier I’ve gotten. The more I think about Evie keeping the truth from me while climbing into my bed and making me want her again, the more the anger manifesting inside me grows like a fucking tornado, and I feel ready to blow.

But worst of all, I miss Evie. I miss her more than I did in all those ten years combined. Even now, after all of this, I still love her.