When I Was Yours

“Nothing.” I clear my expression, forcing a smile.

No more lies, Evie. Tell him.

“You’re sure?”

I’m nodding my head before I realize I’m doing it.

Tell him.

His expression clears. “Good, because we need to go.”

“Go?” Then, I immediately remember. “Oh God, yeah, the surprise.”

Adam told me this morning right before he left for work that he had a surprise for me.

“It’s not the surprise. It’s your surprise. And you seriously forgot?” A smile tips up the corner of his lips. “Because I remember you trying to persuade it out of me this morning.”

“I didn’t forget. I just misplaced it for a second. And yes, I’m ready to go.” I get to my feet.

I’m trying not to think of what surprise he’s gotten for me on what would have been our wedding anniversary. He hasn’t mentioned the fact of what today is, and neither have I.

I figure he hasn’t mentioned it because he’s leaving our past behind and focusing on the future.

Adam wraps his arms around my waist and brushes his lips over mine. “Tell me you’re happy.”

He asks me to say this all the time. It’s the reassurance he needs from me. And I will give Adam anything he needs.

But right now, I feel deceitful.

I press my lips together and smile. “I’m happy.”

And I am. I really am. I just don’t know if he’s going to be happy when I tell him what I have to tell him.

I have to tell him.

“Me, too, babe. Now, let’s go ’cause I’m dying to show you your surprise.”

I will tell him. I’ll just do this surprise thing, and then I’ll tell him.

Evie is distracted. She thinks I can’t tell, but I can tell. And it’s making me nervous because I have no clue what’s bothering her.

I want to ask her, but I don’t want to spoil things before I get to give her the surprise I’ve been working on all week.

I’ve bought her a space to sell her drawings in. It’s right by the surf school and just recently became available. Evie can turn it into a gallery and won’t have to sell her drawings out of the Shack anymore.

I know she’ll be pissed that I’m spending money on her, but since she wouldn’t let me give her any in the divorce that she pushed for—yeah, I’ll be rectifying that little issue soon enough because I want her to be my wife again—I’ve taken to buying things for her.

I’ve also taken to doing good things with my money, which equates to mostly giving it away.

I just kept enough to keep Evie and me comfortable. She’s struggled financially all her life, and I don’t want that for her anymore.

And I still get a lot of earnings from the studio, which helps to facilitate the surf school. It’s still in its early days, so it’s not making a lot of money right now.

But aside from setting up the surf school, I’ve given almost all my money away to charity. I gave the money to people who needed it a lot more than I do. Mostly kids who got the shit end of the stick in life.

I know money doesn’t fix everything. I grew up with it in abundance, and my life was still shit.

Love is what kids need. But I can’t love every kid in the world.

I can, however, give them a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, and food in their bellies. So, that’s what I’ve done.

And I feel fucking good about it.

Doing things for others makes me feel great, especially doing things for Evie.

I pull up outside the shop and turn off the engine.

I feel her looking at me. Giving her a big smile, I climb out of the car, meeting her on the other side.

Taking her hand, I walk her to the door.

“What’s this?” she asks.

“It’s yours.” I open the door, walking inside. “You need somewhere to sell your drawings. This came up a week ago, so I bought it. It needs a bit of a cleanup, and some paint on the walls, but I think it’s a great spot for you to sell your work, and the bonus is you’ll be close by me all day long. I know we’re not married in the technical sense anymore, but to me, Evie, you will always be my wife, so it’s also an anniversary present.”

She’s staring at me, her eyes look a little glassy. Then, she glances around the store. Her eyes come back to me, and then out of nowhere, she bursts into tears.

“Hey.” I go straight over to her, taking her in my arms. “What’s wrong? Is this too much?”

“No. It’s amazing. It’s all amazing. Perfect. You’re perfect.” She pulls back, wiping her face with her hands. “Everything is just so perfect. And I didn’t get you anything because I didn’t know you were going to buy me something so huge. And I have something to tell you, and I’m scared that I’m going to ruin everything.”

My heart pauses. “Ruin everything? How?” My voice is tight. I can’t help it. After everything I’ve been through with Evie, it would be strange if I wasn’t tense right now.

She stares at my face. Her lips tremble, and she presses them together.

I know she does that when she’s holding something in, something she’s afraid to tell me.

My heart starts back up, beating in double time. “Evie, just fucking tell me because you’re really scaring me right now.”

“I’m pregnant.”

Everything stops for me. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. All I can hear are those words.

Her words.

“I’m pregnant.”

Evie’s pregnant. She is carrying my baby inside of her.

“I missed my period,” she starts to babble. “I was too afraid to take a home test, so I went to the doctor yesterday, and they took blood to do a test. I didn’t expect to hear for a few days, so I was forcing myself not to think about it, but they just called right before you got home, and they confirmed it. You had this surprise, and I didn’t want to spoil it for you. Fuck, I’m spoiling it.” Her voice shaking, she pushes her hands through her hair, stepping back. “We’re divorced, and we’ve only been back together for a year, so I understand if this is too much too soon, and I can—”

“Don’t finish that sentence.” I take her face in my hands.

Tears are swimming in her eyes, and I can feel tears filling my own. I know that might make me a pussy, but right now, I don’t care.

“Nothing has ever been too much too soon with you.” I brush my thumbs over her cheeks, tracing her tears. “You’re really pregnant?” My voice is suddenly hoarse.

Blinking, she gives a tentative, watery smile. “Yes, I’m really pregnant.”

I kiss her, hard. Then, I pull her into my arms, hugging her tight.

“Can’t breathe.” She laughs, softly.

I release my hold on her. Stepping back a touch, I press my hand to her stomach.

“My baby is really in there?” I can hardly believe it.

She nods her head, gently. “Yeah, it’s really in there.”

I drop to my knees in front of her. My face level with her stomach, I hold my hands on her hips, speaking to her belly…speaking to our baby…my baby, “Hey, if you can hear me in there, I’m making you a promise right now. I promise to be the best daddy ever. I promise to be there for every single moment in your life. Your first word. First step. I will be at every school play, every baseball game—”