Winter

Why won’t he look at me? And why can’t I feel the bond between us?

“Prince,” Inara calls affectionately. “It’s time to crown your queen.”

My heart flutters as he walks this way. He takes the crown from Inara inside his strong, capable hands. Hands that have been all over my body.

Then he glances casually down at me, his face dark and unreadable, and offers to help me up. Rings glitter from his outstretched fingers. Rings I’ve never seen him wear before.

My palm is sweaty inside his as I stand. Thank God, he’s going to explain this entire mess. His eyes rake over my dress, the one I wore for him. He smiles. Without warning, he leans forward and kisses me. A deep, probing, claiming kiss.

Except this time, it feels different. Shameful and gross. His teeth scrape mine; his mouth violent and bruising.

The great hall breaks into a cheer.

This is all wrong. I yank my head back, touching my swollen mouth. His lips are twisted into a hateful, cruel sneer.

His eyes gleam with excitement as he settles the crown onto my head. He forces it down hard enough that the edges dig into my forehead.

“Did you really think you could be my queen?” he whispers. “That you were my equal?”

Just like that—my heart shatters into a thousand shards of ice. And I remember Mack’s warning.

The Fae males place bets on you. Whatever you do, don’t fall for one.

“It was all . . . a trick?” I whisper.

“What else could it be? Did you truly think you, a slave-marked human, would stand beside me on my throne? That we could ever be anything but master and slave?”

The total disgust in his voice kills any doubts I had left. A slideshow of all the things we did last night flashes in my memory, just as real as the video Inara just played. The promise he made me becomes a taunting echo inside my head.

I feel sick. Used. An idiot. I remember the feel of his lips as they traced the lines of his brand and I want to cry.

All of this . . . all of it was to break me. What did the prince say the first time I met him? That he would freeze me, chipping away at me until all that remained was my heart. And then he would crush that last piece of me to dust.

I would be broken, erased, and forgotten.

He warned me, but I didn’t listen.

But I’m not completely shattered. I refuse to let him have that satisfaction. I force myself to look into his eyes as I wield the raw, consuming pain eating me alive into armor. He cannot hurt me anymore than he already has.

I am broken. I am heartless. I am untouchable.

My rage fills me until it feels like a real, living, breathing thing between us. And then, almost as if my fury has actually transformed into a monster, a piercing alarm sounds over the loudspeakers.

Three loud, succinct wails.

Darkling.

The dance floor breaks into chaos. Shadow guardians file into the room, headed by Mr. Willis. Part of me wonders where they were when I was up here having my heart publicly crushed for fun. But then again, I guess it’s only Fae they protect; we humans mean nothing to them.

I watch inebriated shadows run to find their keepers, and a dark smile finds my face. That duty no longer applies to me.

As everyone rushes around, trying to figure out the best place to hide, no one notices as I slip away, still wearing my crown.

54

The headmistress doesn’t seem surprised when I walk into her office. I’m still in my dress, the long hem stained from being dragged over the floor after I slipped off my heels. The crown fits tightly to my head. She doesn’t seem surprised by that, either.

“I’m here to ask that you expel me from school,” I say. My voice comes out emotionless, robotic.

She lifts her eyebrows. “On what grounds?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard what happened.” One hand goes to my throat, but I force it down. “I used a spell to make everyone think I was the prince’s soulbonded mate. Oh, I also slept with both Rhaegar and the prince. Is that enough? Or do you need the cleverly edited slideshow to convince you?”

She regards me for a long time. Long enough that I notice the ticking of the clock in her office. Long enough that I know she’s already seen the slideshow.

Then she steeples her long fingers together and releases a deep sigh. “Somehow, I think that is not what happened at all, Miss Solstice. But in this particular case, expulsion is best for everyone. Especially after what happened with your friend, Evelyn Cantrell.”

For the first time since this all happened, I let emotion slip through the carefully constructed armor around my heart. I’d forgotten about her. I knew Mack was safe because I saw her with Asher being herded by a group of shadow guardians into the gym.

“Is Evelyn okay?”

Lepidonis glances down at the papers on her desk, back to me. “I’m sorry to inform you that your friend changed into a darkling sometime last night. She escaped the Island, but not before killing two shadows trying to protect their keepers and a Dawn Court Fae. I hear she was searching for you, almost like she was sent to find you.”

I sink against the wall, too shocked to feel the pain of it all yet.

“Very few are aware that when a human is pregnant with a Fae child, that child’s magic can turn its host mother into a kind of darkling. They are more sentient than regular darklings, and they look almost human.”

“I—I didn’t know that was a risk of carrying a Fae baby.”

“But you knew she was pregnant.” The disappointment in her voice is like a slap to the face. “If we had been aware, we might have been able to give her medicine to stall the transformation until the child was born but . . .” She waves her hand, an angry gesture, and fixes her stern gaze on me. “That is why our rules are so important.”

I nod as guilt settles in my belly. I should have told someone. I should have done something.

“Do you have any things to gather before you leave?” she asks softly, and the almost kindness in her voice is enough to bring me to tears.

I shake my head. As soon as I left the dance, I rushed to the dorms for the picture of my parents. I have nothing else.

She nods as if that was expected. “Very well. I’ll have Magus prepare to transport you back home.”

It takes a moment for that last word to sink in. “Home?”

The word feels awkward in my mouth. Wrong.

Home. Until a few hours ago, I would have said that was here.

“Yes, didn’t the prince tell you? He made a special exception for you that specified if you were ever expelled, you were to be sent back to your human house in the Tainted Zone. It may not have all the luxuries you’re used to here, but I assure you the Tainted Zone is better than fighting the scourge. The prince did you a kindness.”

At the mention of Valerian, a wave of bitterness washes over me. “He did, but not in the way you think. He taught me an important lesson.”

Never love a Fae. Lesson learned.

“Indeed.” She stands, her moth-like wings unfurling behind her. It’s still dark outside, and moonlight filters in through the stained-glass window, coloring her wings green and red and blue. “Unfortunately, whatever lessons you might have learned will be glamoured away, along with any memory of what happens here. We cannot have you spilling secrets for the entire world to hear.”

I smile, my hand twitching to go to the necklace burning against my sternum. “Of course. Can’t have the things I know falling into the wrong hands.”

Her eyes narrow.

“But first, I have to do something.”

The headmistress follows me through the darkened corridors to my Faerie Courts classroom. The question is still there on the chalkboard, the third component to power.

A few hours ago I would have guessed the answer was fear.

Not now. Fear may be a component of power, but there’s something stronger and more dangerous than making people terrified of you.

Lepidonis watches with a curious expression as I take a piece of broken chalk and scrawl an answer on the board.

Love.

The third component to power is love. Trick a person into falling in love with you and you can make them do anything. Forget their morals. Their promises. Their friends. Their obligations.

Trick someone into falling in love with you and they will give up themselves entirely. Trick someone into falling in love with you and they are yours forever.

I pause for a moment, then scratch something below it so hard the chalkboard squeals and my chalk breaks twice.

Fuck love. And fuck the Evermore.

55

Two Months Later.

The sun shines down, scalding and angry, and I shield my eyes as I hang another shirt on the clothesline. It’s only May but my cheeks are on fire and the flesh of my arms are tinged bright red. Even after two months back in my world, I don’t take the sun for granted. Every morning when it lances through my window like the asshole it is, I feel thankful.

I still dream of the cold. I dream of snow that spears the air like shards of glass, of frost that invades my marrow, and a prince who weeps sleet and ice. Sometimes I dream he carves out my heart and packs the wound with snow, and I wake up screaming, my chest aching with cold.

Very rarely, I dream that he kisses me. Those mornings I wake up to a pillow soaked with tears.

I don’t care what he says. Our connection was real, just like I know Valerian is his true name. Whatever game he was playing, whatever cruel kick he got from making me fall for him, a part of him fell for me, too. And giving me his name raised the stakes for him somehow.

He knows I could crush him with that truth. And, deep down, I know he likes the power I still wield.

Mostly, though, I’ve managed to forget him and the dangerous, intoxicating world on the other side of the Shimmer. For a while, Mack would email me updates about school and our friends.

Evelyn is still missing. The Council for the Mistreatment of Humans has started a formal investigation into the school. Because of the inquest, the academy has doubled the training for the end of year Wild Hunt. Rhaegar grows darker by the day, and Basil traded Mack to Asher rather than face her glaring looks. She still hasn’t forgiven him for not stopping what happened to me.