With Every Heartbeat

“Feeling guilty?” I asked.



She closed her eyes and nodded.



“Sore?”



Cheeks flushing, she glanced up at me. I couldn’t help it, I smiled.



She groaned. “Quinn.” Then she buried her face in her hands.



The need to pull her close and kiss her hair and hug her against me rose so strong in me, I actually fisted my hands to keep from reaching for her. “I don’t know what to do here, Zoey,” I finally admitted, ducking my face to talk closer into her ear. “I know the timing was all wrong. Two hours after breaking up with one girl is not—”



When she made a sound of desperation, I shut up about that part.



“But never...pretending it didn’t happen and going our separate ways now that it did happen seems wrong too. You are not a one-time kind of girl and I most definitely don’t want to be the guy to make you one. You don’t deserve that, and I...I...”



Her eyes were red when she uncovered her hands from her face. “What’re you saying?”



“I’m saying this is your decision. Do you want me to leave you alone? Or do you want to...I don’t know...” I glanced away, feeling like an idiot. “See where this is going?” I turned back to her. “It’s completely up to you. I’ll respect whatever you want to do?”



Her lips parted and her lashes fluttered as she blinked. I held my breath, not sure which decision I was hoping for until she said, “I think...I think we should never do...what we did...again. Cora’s my roommate and...and getting mixed up between you two isn’t—”



Disappointment crashed through me, but I nodded emphatically as if I totally understood and agreed. “It’s okay,” I told her. “I understand. And the last thing I’d ever want to do is get you tangled up between us. It makes sense to just...not go there.” But sense or not, I still wanted to go there...a lot.



Zoey nodded but looked about as crushed as I felt.



I turned my attention to the bookshelf and tried to keep it together. “If you ever need anything, though, just call, okay? I’m still your friend. Nothing can change that.”



Her head bobbed again. “Okay,” she whispered. “Thank you.”



“Thank you,” I said back to her and leaned in to kiss her temple, inhaling that last little bit of her shampoo scent that I could breathe in. “Thank you for being there for me when I needed someone the most. And I’m sorry for...” I shook my head, not sure what I was sorry for. But I felt like hell for the way all this was affecting her. “I’m sorry for...”



She spun away and ran off.



I cursed under my breath and then leaned toward the nearest bookshelf and tapped my head against it a few times, hoping to knock some sense back into myself. I hoped to God I’d just made the right decision by letting her go, but I felt so bad, I couldn’t see how it had been the right thing to do at all.



In the space of a just a few days, my life went from the lowest point ever, to the highest, and right back to the lowest...and then it just kept rolling on as if nothing had ever happened. I had to skip more classes on Tuesday to get more tests done on my kidneys. When Wednesday came, I approached art class with dread.



I know I’d told Quinn it would be better if we put some space between us, but I missed him, and I regretted every word I’d said to keep him away. He’d insisted we were still friends, but I knew we weren’t. We’d never be as close as we’d been before Friday night.



It was for the best, though...wasn’t it?



I honestly didn’t know. I was still too much of a mess to think logically. When I entered class, Ten, Caroline and Quinn had already arrived, and only one space sat open between Caroline and Quinn, making me wonder if they’d booted me out of the group. I certainly wouldn’t blame them.



I slowed to a stop, not sure if I should approach, but then Caroline caught sight of me and waved me up with a relieved smile. Quinn glanced up, and his blue eyes immediately heated with all kinds of emotions I couldn’t read.



I wasn’t sure if he wanted me there, but I went to Caroline anyway.



“Reese is still home with a sick Mason, so it’s just the four of us today.”



“You ever had chicken pox before, Blondie?” Ten asked as Quinn shifted his knee aside enough to let me know he was making room for me to squeeze in between him and Caroline.



I glanced at him and met his intent blue-eyed gaze. He smiled as if happy to see me, but his eyes still seemed sad and regretful. Gulping, I forced my attention to his roommate. “Chicken pox?” I repeated distractedly, wondering why he was asking about that. “No. Why?”