Worth It

Humming out a sound of pleasure, she lifted her hand to my heart and continued to lounge against me. The bark of our trouble tree was beginning to bite into my spine, but with her in my lap and our legs entwined as they stretched out in front of us, I wasn’t moving a muscle.



I don’t know how long we sat that way without talking, just enjoying nature abounding around us. I kind of thought she might’ve dozed off, and I loved that she was comfortable enough to fall asleep in my arms.



Enjoying the serenity of the moment, I played with her hair, braiding a few tendrils together and then combing it free.



When she drew in a deep breath and smoothed her hand over my chest, I realized she was still awake after all.



“You know,” she murmured, her voice drowsy as if she might drop off any moment. “You still haven’t told me what you want to be when you grow up.”



I grinned at her persistence and brought her hair to my nose to smell it. “Because I don’t know.”



Her fingers worked slowly down my chest toward my stomach. “What about colleges? Do you just want to go to Ellamore, or did you have something else in mind?”



I sighed and dropped the lock of hair. “I’m not going to college.”



“But—”



“There’s no way I could afford it.”



Sitting up on my lap so she could face me, she shook her head. “That’s nonsense talk, Knox. There are all kinds of loans, scholarships—”



“Scholarships?” I sniffed out an incredulous laugh. “I’m barely making it through high school without flunking. I was already held back one grade. There will be no scholarships for me. And I don’t want to start out in debt...when I’m pretty sure I won’t even make it through to a full degree.” Especially since I planned on saving every extra penny I earned from here on out to help support her through school, if it came to that.



Her brow crinkled with confusion. “Wait, you were held back a grade?”



I nodded and began to play with her hair again to distract myself from my growing shame. I didn’t like admitting to her what a dumbass I was. I wanted her to see me as someone...worthy.



“Second grade,” I said, “Because my reading scores sucked ass. Took them another year to realize I had dyslexia.”



She tipped her head to the side, squinting as if trying to figure out a puzzle. “So...was your sister held back too?”



“Mercy?” I frowned, wondering how she’d come to that conclusion. “No, she doesn’t have dyslexia. Just me.” Not even any of my younger brothers had ended up with it.



“Oh...huh. I guess I always thought you two were twins...because you were in the same grade.”



And that was all she said about it. No mention of my dyslexia. No questions about how I made it through. Just simple acceptance, as if it were no big deal.



“I’m a year older than Mercy,” I explained. “Which is another humiliation, being in the same grade as your younger sister. She likes to tease me about what an idiot I am.”



City’s eyes narrowed. “Whatever. You’re not an idiot at all. You’re one of the smartest, most logical people I know.”



“Oh yeah?” I loved her defense of me and had to smile as I asked, “What brought you to that conclusion?”



“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “Maybe from spending every day with you this summer. We do talk, you know. A lot. And I can’t tell you how many small tidbits of information I’ve learned from you. I’ve also noticed what a snap memory you have.”



“Yeah, it’s been my only saving grace, because my reading skills suck ass.”



“Well, all of you seems valuable to me.” She kissed my cheek. “So maybe you’ll never make the best grades in school because your eyes see things differently. You’re still amazingly wonderful in so many other ways. You have street smarts and survival skills. You can still be anything you want to be.”



“I guess I’ll have to think about what I want to be then,” I murmured, awed by her complete sense of faith in me.



“That’s a good idea, since you’re going to have to have some kind of plan after you graduate from high school next spring.”



“I do have a plan,” I said. “To get out.”



She sent me an odd look. “And go where?”



“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Wherever. I’ve always wanted to get away...go somewhere where I’m worth something, where I’m not a piece of shit Parker, where I can just be Knox and make my own way.”