Yours for Christmas
“You’re right—I am a package deal. You’ll never be Chloe’s biological father and the possibility exists that if something happened between you and I, then you would be at risk of losing another child you’d come to care about. I know that has to be really scary. I want to tell you I know how you feel, but we both know I don’t. I can’t. But here’s what I do know. I know that you’re a wonderful person. You’re caring and gentle and funny and kind. You are the kind of person others admire. You make my heart beat faster whenever you’re around and you make me feel safe.”
Heat burned on her cheeks, but she kept talking anyway. So what if she was embarrassed? She had to tell him the truth—they both deserved that.
“I’m not like the models and actresses you’ve dated. I get that. I’m just a regular kind of person who lives in a small town. Nothing flashy. Nothing special. But I know what it’s like to be alone and I know what it’s like to want to belong.”
Now for the hard part, she thought, wishing she was just a little more confident in his response.
“Kenny, I’ve fallen in love with you. I’m pretty sure Chloe has as well. I want us to be together. I want to be the love of your life. I want...” She shrugged. “I want a lot of things. More kids. A dog. But mostly I want you. And I’m hoping you want me back.”
She reached out to touch him, then dropped her hand to her side. The man hadn’t said a word. Sure, she’d told him not to, but did he have to pick this moment to listen? She couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but worried it couldn’t possibly be good.
“That was all I had to say,” she whispered, returning her gaze to the center of his chest. “Please think about it. If you’re not interested, then you don’t have to do anything. If I don’t hear from you by New Year’s, I’ll get the message.”
She looked into his blue eyes again. “I hope whatever happens, we can stay friends. And if it’s not me, then I really hope you find someone you can give your heart to. I want you to be happy, no matter what.”
She turned to the door, then spun back. “Merry Christmas,” she said, and then she left.
* * *
KENNY SAT ALONE in the dark. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve. For everyone in town it was a magical time. The presents were bought, the dinners planned, and there was the promise of snow tomorrow night. What could be better?
He hadn’t been out of his house in days, hadn’t seen anyone. The weekend had made that easy and the Score offices were closed today through Christmas. It gave him time. The question was, what was he going to do with it?
Bailey had laid it all on the line when she’d come over on Saturday. She’d bared herself, heart and soul. All she’d asked was that he think about what she said. And he had. Endlessly.
She said she loved him. Those words—how he wanted them to be true. He wanted all she had to offer. Her and Chloe and more babies and a dog. Yeah, it was a perfect picture. But was it real?
Could he trust her? That was what it came down to. Was he willing to try again, to love, knowing he could lose it all? Chloe would never be his. If the worst happened, he would lose her, too.
But the alternative was not to have her at all. It was to not try. To give up before he’d begun and that wasn’t who he had ever been.
What was safe battled with what he needed as much as he needed air. The pain of not having wrestled with the potential of losing. The hours passed from night to dawn and he was no closer to an answer. But maybe that was because he’d always known how this was going to end.
* * *
“THAT WAS THE BEST!” Chloe crowed as they walked home, hand-in-hand, in the lightly falling snow. “The show and the day.”
“I agree. It was magical.”
Bailey walked next to her daughter as they made their way home from the annual performance of the Dance of the Winter King, followed by evening services at church. It was snowing, but not too cold. Or maybe they were warmed by the season itself.
Her daughter smiled up at her. “This was the greatest Christmas Eve ever!”
“Wow. Thank you. What was your favorite part?”
“I don’t know. All of it. I loved the live nativity.”
“Me, too.”
Bailey smiled as she remembered the eccentric animals filling the manger next to the Baby Jesus. There had been goats, an elephant, a pony and a camel, all compliments of the Castle Ranch. This year there had also been the unusual addition of a small service dog, Cece. Her holiday sweater had kept her poodle-self warm, and she’d been up for snuggles and kisses. The rest of the manger animals had preferred to simply have their pictures taken.
Afterward, she and Chloe had wandered through downtown, taking in all the decorations. Carolers had gone from store to store. Most of the businesses had stayed open to offer cookies and hot chocolate to singers and residents alike.
After dinner, Bailey and Chloe had gone to see the Dance of the Winter King, a seasonal production with great music and dancing. Chloe had loved it all. Bailey had enjoyed it, too, but she’d also been aware that Kenny wasn’t with them.
She hadn’t heard from him since she’d announced she was in love with him, and then had left his house. While she’d known that she might not get him to change his mind, she’d been hopeful. Okay, more than hopeful, she thought wistfully. She’d imagined him striding into her office at city hall and sweeping her into his arms, à la that old movie An Officer and a Gentleman. Or simply walking up to her somewhere in town and saying that while he couldn’t love her today, he thought he might be able to eventually.