“This might be the worst idea I’ve ever had,” I say to the mirror. I’m in the only lingerie store I know of, and they do have a hell of a selection, but nothing feels right. I’m currently wearing a bright red babydoll dress that feels garish and like I’m trying way too hard. This was probably a mistake. It feels like I’ve already tried on the entire store, and I don’t know that I’m going to find something that I’m comfortable in—if that’s even possible when shopping for something you’re going to wear to a sex party.

“Hello?” A chirpy voice calls from outside the dressing room.

I open the door a crack and peek out at one of the sales assistants I’ve seen walking around the floor. “Hi.”

“Can I help you find anything? I heard what you just said, and maybe I can help.”

Groaning, I open the door further. She works in lingerie—I’m sure she’s seen plenty of women in it. “As embarrassing as it is,” I say, clearing my throat. “I’m going to a Halloween lingerie party tonight. I’ve never done anything like this, and I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Her face lights up. “That’s awesome. I can totally help you.”

“You sure? I think I’ve tried on the entire store.”

“I’m sure.” She looks down at what I’m wearing. “It’s not your worst idea ever, but I understand why it’s not what you’re looking for. Too bold if it’s your first time.”

I put on the robe they give to customers. “You sound like you’re familiar with all…this.”

She chuckles, “You’re not the only one that comes in shopping for parties like this.”

“What’s your name?”

“Hope,” she holds out a hand. “And you?”

“Christine.”

Hope nods. “Well, Christine, the first thing you should tell me is how you want to feel.”

I stop for a second, trying to recover that feeling I had this morning when I ran into Hudson. I didn’t feel like me. I felt…special. “I don’t want to feel like me,” I say. “I want to feel like someone who goes to a sexy lingerie party and is confident. I want to be that mysterious woman across the room.” That feels right. I want to be the person Hudson locks eyes with from far away, our stares drawing us closer until we meet, unable to resist each other.

“I can work with that,” she says with a smile. “I’ll be right back.”

The dressing room is really nice. It’s posh and brightly lit with tri-mirrors and soft couches. I sit down on one and wait while Hope moves around the store. I can see her move back and forth, collecting items for me to try on. There are still gnawing nerves in my stomach, but somehow Hope’s approval gives me more courage. She doesn’t think I’m crazy for doing this. Neither does Sandra.

Hope enters the dressing room again with an armful of lingerie. “Okay, I think we’ll definitely have a winner in here.” She hands me a green babydoll a little longer than the one I have on. “This one first.”

When I come back out, I can see she’s right. This looks much better on me. The cut is flattering and the color is perfect for my skin tone, but it’s not quite right. Neither are the next two that she has me try. “That’s fine,” she says. “I saved the best for last.”

This outfit is different from the rest. It’s not frilly or soft. It’s not a teddy or babydoll, it’s…stark. A deep blue bra and panties set, the panties high waisted in a way that makes me feel a little like a superhero. But that’s not all. She’s given me a long robe of the same color, completely sheer. It ties in the front, and it hangs open, billowing around me like a cloud or a cape, and as soon as I put it on I feel different. Powerful.

The look on Hope’s face when I open the door is more than a confirmation, and when I step on the pedestal in front of the mirrors I know. “This is the one.”

“Without a doubt,” she says. “Here.”

She hands me a pair of matching high heels, and they make me feel even more like a badass. I never thought lingerie could make me feel this…awesome. But then again, it works for Wonder Woman, so why not me?

“I also thought you might need this.” She hands me a small black mask. It’s not fancy, just a simple black one that covers the eyes, but she’s right. It gives me the exact air of mystery I’d been hoping for.

“Wow.”

“It’s perfect,” she says.

I nod, unwilling to step away from the mirror yet. “Thank you, I really didn’t think I was going to find anything.”

“Glad I could help. I’m sure whoever he is will be knocked off his feet.”

“I hope so,” I say, pressing my lips together. I do, I hope he even remembers the girl from the coffee shop this morning, and that maybe he’ll…I don’t know, like me? I didn’t lie to Sandra, I’m not going to this party with the intention of having sex, but if something were to happen, I wouldn’t say no. It’s been so long, the idea of a night of sex without any attachments practically makes my mouth water.

Hope helps me off the pedestal and I get dressed and buy the entire outfit. It’s more than I should spend, but it’s too perfect, and I’m too committed to this now to back out. She wishes me well as I leave the store and head into the fading heat of the day. Now to head home and get ready for this. I need hair and make-up to match the outfit.