Chapter Five
Mark
Mark’s belly was tight, his muscles tense as he walked alongside Clara. Her perfume filled his nose and he realized he’d never been tested as much as he was being right now.
Being in this woman’s company thrilled him. It made him feel complete, and something in his soul, which had been dormant, lying so low he’d forgotten it was even there, had risen to the surface with the speed of an erupting volcano. Clara was special, so special. There was no one else on the planet like her.
He wanted her, again. There was no disputing that. Her lips were so enticing, and he was sure they’d taste of sugar and cherries the way they used to. Her alluring shape, the heat of her body, the way her smiles came easily and went straight to her eyes. He was hooked. Cupid had fired an arrow years ago, and it was still there, in his heart. He knew full well Corinthians stated sex outside of marriage was immoral, sinful, and should be condemned. But damn it, Mark was pretty sure sex, right now, with Clara would be wondrous, special, and deeply connecting.
As they walked, he was aware of himself hardening. He frowned and shoved his hands into his pockets again.
Sex with Clara right now was not going to happen. He was simply seeing her safely do her door, the way a good Christian man should.
“This is it,” she said, pausing at a flight of concrete stairs.
He glanced at the tall high rise. “I’ll come up with you.”
She laughed softly. “You don’t have to. It’s a lot of steps.”
“I can cope.” He strode ahead, glad of the darkness to hide the bulge in his pants, but also wishing Clara had somewhere better lit, a bit more welcoming, to call home. Was this really safe for her?
Eventually they reached the top of the stairs. As they headed along the walkway open to the elements, London twinkled into the distance and the breeze lifted Clara’s hair off her shoulders.
She came to a halt at a red door with a black letterbox and the number one hundred and twenty pinned to it. “This is me.”
Mark glanced left and right. “It’s very quiet around here.”
“Considering there are so many people living in this block, yes, it is. Mainly families, a few teens who can be excitable at weekends with their skateboards and bikes, but it’s an okay home, for now.”
“You’d like to move?”
“Of course, one day. A garden would be heavenly.”
He smiled at her use of the word. “I can imagine you growing prize roses and cultivating a vegetable patch full of tasty, nourishing treats.”
“How did you know that’s what I wanted to do?”
He studied her face, doused in shadows. “Because I do know you, remember.”
“It’s been such a strange day, to see you again,” she said quietly.
“Are you calling me strange?” He tipped his head and smiled.
“No, of course not, I think you’re…” She touched her fingers to her lips, as if holding in words.
“You think I’m what?” he asked, curiosity getting the better of him.
“I think you’re off limits.”
He frowned.
“This.” She flicked her hand between them. “What we had … it’s over.” Pain flashed in her eyes, and her bottom lip trembled.
Mark could stand it no more. It was the word over that hit him like a punch to the chest. It snatched his breath away. Reaching for her face, he cupped her cheeks, pulled her near and set his lips over hers.
She gasped, her body tensing, but she didn’t fight him as he probed his tongue into her mouth.
The next thing he knew, she’d wound her arms around his neck and aligned her body with his.
He held in a groan, his abating erection springing back to life.
Clara was everything he remembered and more. As a girl, she’d captivated him; as a woman, she’d ignited his passion and pushed everything in his life to one side, including God.
She ran her fingers into his hair. Tangled her tongue with his.
Mark was giddy with longing. He pushed her backward, against her door and ran his right hand down the side of her torso, to her ass.
Quickly she lifted her left leg and wrapped it around his thigh.
He tilted his head, deepened the kiss, and ground up against her. If only they were naked right now, he could plunge deep. Do what he’d wanted to do all that time ago. Act out the things he’d dreamed off and finally find fulfilment.
She tore her mouth from his. “Hang on, my key. We can’t … kiss … here.” She was breathless as she dug into her bag.
Mark stepped back, his lips bruised and tingling, and his arms empty without her in them.
She pulled out her key and turned to the door.
Now what? He was going to go in there, to her flat and they’d have sex outside of the confines of marriage? A sin he’d promised himself never to commit.
But this is Clara. You’ve gone most of the way there with her anyway.
But that was before you committed your life to His work.
He had an angel on one shoulder, the devil on the other. His head spun. His emotions were at war with the needs of his body.
Clara opened the door and stepped in. She slung her bag to the side and faced him.
He stood stock still, his feet frozen to the floor.
“Mark?”
“I can’t.” He shook his head as his mouth dried and his throat constricted. “I’m sorry, Clara, I don’t know what came over me.”
She pressed her lips together and tilted her chin up. Wrapping her arms around her torso, she nodded. “Of course, I’m sorry, too.”
“No, you have no reason to be sorry. That was my fault, I shouldn’t have…”
“Done what every fiber in your body wanted?”
“It’s not that. I mean, I do want to, with you.” He paused. “It’s only ever been you. I didn’t think we’d ever see each other again.”
“Well we have, and it seems our lives are to be running parallel.”
“I agree, and that brings great joy to my heart.” He pressed his fist to his sternum.
“But makes you uncomfortable somewhere else, huh?” She glanced at his groin.
“I, er…” He didn’t know how to respond to a comment about his cock. It wasn’t something usually brought up in conversation.
“It’s perfectly fine. You’re married to God and the church, and there’s no room for a woman in your life.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But it’s what you’re trying to say.” She reached for the door. “Good night, Reverend Mark. God bless.”
He was left looking at the red door, the echo of its slam ringing in his ears.
After pushing his hand through his hair, sighing deeply, he turned and slowly made his way back to the concrete steps. Part of him wanted her to open the door, beg him to go in. The other part of him was grateful she’d been strong and stopped it going any further.
Because if he’d kissed her for another few seconds, her sweet body seducing his and erasing all thoughts of the Bible’s teachings, he’d happily be getting sweaty and naked with her right now. Sod the price he’d pay, the dent in his faith and conscience. It would be worth it to have Clara as his, in his arms, in his bed. Even if it was just once.
****
The next morning dawned bright. Mark awoke in the small house he’d been assigned to beside the church. Reverend Gerald lived in the larger one next door. Having never married, he enjoyed the company of two small terriers whose excited yaps echoed around Mark’s courtyard garden.
Mark made tea and stepped outside. Clara was on his mind, and everywhere he looked something reminded him of her. Right now, he was sipping his morning brew and studying a pink rose bush and thinking how much she’d like it. A few seconds later he was examining a sunny corner and wondering if it could house a vegetable patch and perhaps a small greenhouse for her to potter around in.
He closed his eyes and allowed the heat of the sun to caress his face. What was he doing? Clara would never live here, with him. He’d never get to see her working in this garden, her hands busy, the scent of flowers surrounding her.
Sadness washed over him. It was such a chilly feeling that even the warm sun couldn’t take the coldness from it. For years he’d been satisfied as a single man. Okay, he’d had urges that at times had meant he’d had to take himself in hand, and lately, before the move to London, he’d been having vivid dreams about being with a woman.
And now, as he thought about it, that woman always had curly red hair, long, pale limbs, and a bright smile.
Clara. She’d been with him all this time. She was the one he’d dreamed of. How had he not realized that?
The phone in the kitchen ringing caught his attention. He wandered back into the house and picked it up. It was an old fashioned one, black and polished with a spiral cord.
“Mark?”
“Good morning, Reverend Gerald. I trust you slept well.”
“Like a baby. Listen, I’m going up to the hospital this morning as planned, but you should know Hilda was taken in overnight with chest pain.”
“Oh dear, I hope she’s okay.”
“God willing, yes, me too.” Reverend Gerald paused. “I wondered if you might come with me, as you’re learning your way around and it would be good to show your face.”
“Of course, though you did want me to do that admin work today.”
“Oh, there’s not much, a few hours at the most. Come with me. Hilda is on the ward Clara works on.”
Mark set down his tea, a small drip sloshing over the side. “I see.”
“You seemed to be getting on rather well, and I would have thought you’d enjoy seeing where she works.”
“Yes, of course.” He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. He’d hoped to have a few days to clear his head, get his thoughts and body back under control before he had to see Clara again. And now here he was, heading off to the hospital in a matter of hours.
“Great, I’ll knock for you at eleven.” Gerald ended the call.
Mark closed his eyes and sighed. He could still taste Clara on his lips, he was sure of it. And the press of her chest to his, the way she’d wrapped her leg around his thigh, it was imprinted, so fresh, so damn sexy.
What the hell was he going to do? Temptation, it seemed, was on his doorstep and around every corner he turned, every moment of every day.
How was he supposed to stay strong, and true to his belief in the Bible’s words? He was just a man, a mere mortal, and a beautiful woman who filled his dreams and his fantasies had bewitched him.