“It’s gotta be full. The whole company is going. I’ll just see if I can sleep on a couch or maybe bunk up with Jasmine.” I shrugged and sipped my coffee. “It will work out.”
“You’re going alone then?” Landon asked, and I glanced at him and nodded. “I usually have a bigger cottage with plenty of room. Stay in mine.” I watched his eyes darkened while he spoke and licked my lips slowly.
“Maybe. Is that a good idea?” I asked softly as he looked around.
“I want you safe, Lily. With me, you will be.”
Landon
I was hard as a rock and crazy with lust when I found out she was going alone and didn’t have a place to sleep the first night, and I knew my voice was shaking when I told her she could stay in my cottage. I knew from previous trips that it would be big enough, though I had no intention for her to stay in the guest room. Lily was going to be in my bed and underneath me, screaming my name no matter if it was wrong or right. I knew she had the same thoughts as she looked at me and licked those perfect lips.
She never said yes, but I knew the idea was there. I knew she was thinking the same things I was as we finished last-minute tasks before we were to be gone for a week. Lily took care of my calendar and business email, making it clear I wasn’t available as well as making sure all the reports were completed for that time. She was efficient in making me able to relax and enjoy the fun part of the trip.
Everyone left for the day at two and headed home to finish packing. The company flight left in the morning, and we had an early dinner planned as a group, and then Lily would be all mine.
Candy watched as I packed with a pout on her face. She’d wanted to come on the trip despite the many times I told her it was for work. It mostly was, but there was a lot of downtime for some fun. Candy was also annoyed that I didn’t want to fuck her before I left. I was thinking only of Lily tonight, and I walked Candy to the door early, explaining that I needed some sleep. “Are you going to be fucking someone there, Landon?”
Candy knew the deal with us, and I looked at her incredulously for a moment. “I always am, Candy. I was honest about that.”
“You’re into somebody, aren’t you?” she demanded as her eyes flashed at me.
“Fuck, Candy,” I snarled at her. “I need to get some sleep for this trip. I don’t want to do this now.”
She turned on her heels and left with a toss of her hair. I knew somewhere inside that I wasn’t going to see her again. That thought didn’t bother me at all. I closed and locked my door, looking around the condominium to make sure it was set to be empty for a few days before I stripped and crawled under the sheets. I played back the conversation with Lily in my head, reaching down to stroke myself to a release, imagining being inside her again. I came on my hand and kicked off the sheets to wash up, realizing I’d soiled them as well. I slept on the other side of the bed, tossing and turning, wondering where Lily was at in her head. Did she want me again? Was she unhappy with her boyfriend all over again?
I woke to my alarm and made coffee before I showered, drinking it as I dressed in casual slacks and a collared shirt. The dress code for the week ranged from casual to business depending on the situation, and I was ready for all of it. I called a car to get to the airport and finished the pot of coffee as I looked out the front windows. Everyone would be flying out within a few hours, but I liked to be on the first flight. I liked getting away from the city more than most of my friends. I checked Lily’s flight and saw it was the one following mine, which would give me time to get the cottage ready for her arrival.
I was going to remind her of what we had tonight. I was going to do much better than red roses, strewing candles and softer-toned petals throughout the space. I thought about it during the flight, only paying a small amount of attention to the women beside me who talked excitedly about the week. Lauren was part of that group, and I ended up covering my ears with headphones to allow myself to think.
Women dressed scantily in the environment we were heading toward, something I had enjoyed as a single man in the past. These getaways were when most of my indiscretions with work had occurred before, but this trip was going to be different. I would do everything to protect Lily from prying eyes and gossiping lips, but I had to have her again.
I took the shuttle with the others to the resort that boasted several pools, bars, restaurants, and beautiful beaches. It was set up so you wouldn’t have to leave the grounds, even though I favored other parts of the area as well. I got my keys and ignored the flirting of the woman behind the desk, even though she was clear about her intentions. I’d fucked similar women here before since it was so easy. They were so eager and were constantly around, but I was in love with someone now. I no longer wanted anyone else, and tonight, she would know that.
The cottage was beautiful and spread out, just as I remembered it from the last time I was here. There were two large suites, both with ocean views and king-sized beds and fireplaces. They each had a deck as well. I didn’t care which one I slept tonight, as long as it was with Lily. The living room had a full kitchen if I chose to stay in for the night, as well as a grill on the deck with all the perks. It was a perfect place, and I noted the small updates as I dropped my bags on the bed in the closest room to hang some stuff up.
Glancing at the clock, I realized Lily would be arriving in a couple of hours. I got my clothes hung neatly in the closet and shoved my bag under the bed before I opened the sliding glass door that led to the deck. The breeze was strong and salty, and I took in the white sand and bright blue water that lapped at the shore.
This was perfection. I enjoyed a drink from the bar as I sat and took in the natural beauty all around me, glancing around at the other cottages. They were full, judging from the voices that carried over to me from the large spaces between them, and I wondered what had happened to Lily’s reservation. Did she plan this? That thought made me hard as I recalled the flirting, which had gotten darker by the weeks, that had been happening between us lately. There was a definite connection between us, as well as a constant current of desire, and we both had begun to push it toward the end. Every look we shared seemed to make the room heat up, and the touches, when they happened, were lingering.
“Hello,” a voice called out, breaking into my memories, and I scowled. An attractive woman stood before my deck, wearing a slip of a pale purple dress and an inviting smile. She looked familiar and I frowned. “You’re here for the conference? I work on the other side of the building and we’ve never met, though you look familiar.”
I stood and nodded, walking over to her. “Landon Logan. You are?”
“Marilyn James. I just became partner a couple of weeks ago.” She blushed, and I took in that she was about five years younger than I was. “I’ve heard about your early success with the firm. It’s an inspiring story.”
“In reality, it is merely a lot of hours and little sleep. Welcome to the team.” I extended my hand and she shook it as her indigo eyes met my gaze. In another place in my life, she was the kind of woman I’d have welcomed into my bed.
“Will you be at the dinner later?” she asked as my stomach growled, reminding me that I hadn’t eaten. Marilyn must have heard it, since she laughed and looked down my body. “Sounds like you might not make it that long. Want to grab some lunch with me?”
“I’m sorry. I have a meeting scheduled in a bit here, but I will be at dinner. See you there?” I felt sweat pooling in my hair as I realized Lily would be here soon, and Marilyn seemed to sense my urgency.
“Of course. See you later.” She smiled and walked away as I turned and headed inside. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and glanced at the screen to see if there were any texts. One seemed to blind me after I opened it and read that Lily was on her way. I looked around.
The staff had set up the candles and flowers for me before I arrived, so that was all ready. I just needed to order in some lunch for the two of us. I cursed the fact that we could be seen from the deck by any coworkers. I’d have to close the windows for some privacy, likely making people wonder what I was up to. I placed an order for some sandwiches and salads, along with a variety of non-alcoholic drinks for Lily to choose from.
I sent Lily a text with my cottage location and number, expecting the food to be here soon after she was. I was nervous and changed into some shorts and a T-shirt before she got here, eying the bathroom that was massive in size and offered a bathtub and shower. I was looking forward to a long bath with Lily later tonight after we’d made love.
She arrived with a large rolling suitcase and tapped at my door. I opened it, urging her inside before I closed the door and looked her over. Lily was wearing a green sundress that clung to her curves and flared around her ankles, and I licked my lips at the sight. “This is amazing,” Lily said as she looked around the room with a small smile. I’d closed some of the curtains, still allowing light in but not prying eyes. “Is this what they all look like?”
“They differ in size but mostly, yes. I’ve ordered some lunch that should be here soon, if you’re hungry,” I said as she smiled.
“That sounds great. The peanuts on the plane weren’t enough,” she said as I stared into her eyes, watching her skin heat up. “Are you sure about this? I can still call Jasmine.”
“No. Don’t do that. I need you here,” I told Lily as I led us to the living room and took her luggage into the room.
“How many rooms are there?” Lily asked, and I smiled.
“You made the reservations,” I reminded her as I turned to look at her.
“Not properly, apparently. I messed up my own.” She shook her head. She looked so fresh and pretty, closer to her age than she normally looked at work. It reminded me that Lily was younger than I was and that this might not be a great idea, but my cock won that argument as it hardened again. “Is this the extra room?”
I left the suitcase in the room and turned to face her. “I think we both know you’re not sleeping away from me tonight, Lily. It has been in every look we shared and every touch. I know you still want me.” Our eyes were locked as she remained silent, not denying anything. She was beautiful, and I was just reaching for her when there was another tap at the door. “There’s lunch.”
We sat inside at the table as she asked me all about Belize. I explained about the beaches, the activities, and all the sights to see here as she smiled and laughed, still clearly nervous about this arrangement. “I can see that you love it here,” Lily said quietly as she set down her bottle of water.
“I’ve considered buying something here in the past.” I smiled as she gave me a wide-eyed look. “It’s not insanely far and it’s a great getaway. Nadine was never into the idea, so I put it off, but with the divorce going through I might take the plunge. If I had done it before, she’d have tried to take it from me.”
“She sounds so greedy and not about love at all. I suppose you’re bitter about the idea of marriage again?” Lily queried as I stared at her. I would be with anyone but her. I saw a future with Lily and babies surrounding us.
“Not if the right person came around.” I felt her eyes on me as I took a bite of my roast beef sandwich. She took a bite of her salad as I looked back at her, but she avoided my gaze. “I never had kids and didn’t want to after the accident. Now, that might change if the opportunity presented itself.” I looked into her face. “Do you want kids?”
“Maybe. I haven’t thought about it. Everything was about school and getting a job for me,” she said as she stabbed a hardboiled egg with her fork.
“He doesn’t want marriage and kids?” I pressed, and she gave me a long look.
“We haven’t talked about it.” Lily’s voice was soft. “I don’t want to talk about that. I want . . .”
“What?” I asked, leaning forward. “What do you want?”
Lily dropped her fork and stared at me. “I want to kiss you. I want to feel you again.”
Lily
Landon was across the table in an instant, dropping before me to the tiled floor as I watched with wide eyes. He slipped his hands around my face to cup it, moving closer as I swallowed nervously. “I knew you missed me. I knew you wanted me,” he murmured before brushing his lips against mine as the heat rose and burned my skin. It was innocent one second and hard the next as he held my face and tilted his head to slide his tongue inside my mouth. I moaned as I met him with my own, feeling them dance together in a desperate motion.
Somehow, I ended up on the floor with him, holding him tight. Our kiss was careless and rough as we made up for lost time, pressing closer together. Once the hard floor became too much to bear, he lifted me and carried me to the bedroom as he kissed me senseless. “It’s light in here right now, but I have candles and an obscene amount of flower petals for later. I thought you’d make me wait.”
“God, no,” I said as I pulled him over me on the bed. He locked his lips to mine again in a hungry kiss as his hands slid my dress up slowly, making me cry out. I had planned this outfit, knowing it was sexy without trying too hard, and now it was a few moves away from being on the floor. Landon pulled away to drag it over my head, moving his lips down my neck as he reached around my body to unhook my bra.
Fuck, his mouth was everywhere. I was shaking and needy as I closed my eyes, memorizing the feeling of this. I had missed it while we’d been apart, and I cried out as he latched his lips around my hard and ready nipple, tugging hard as I slid my hands into his hair.
I’d taught Brian all of this, so much so that he did everything the way Landon did. The physical acts were the same but the feelings were incomparable. Brian was sweet and pleasant, but Landon lit me on fire. I tugged at his clothing with hungry hands. Within moments, we were naked and kissing, pressed together before he moved down my body again. He nipped at my neck, dragging the skin between his teeth as his hands roamed my body freely. His mouth moved down to my nipple again before he took one and then the other between his teeth and tugged hard, making me cry out his name. I held on to him, my hands in his hair as he sucked and bit me while he spread my thighs apart with his knees.
His hands traveled between my legs, feeling the dampness as he stroked my folds tenderly. I writhed beneath him as he spread me wide open and kissed my stomach, teasing me. I knew where he was going, and I knew where I wanted him to be, no matter how wrong this was.
All my efforts of pushing him away faded the moment he stroked me with his tongue. Everything he’d done had brought me close to release, and he held me tightly as I instinctively jerked against him. Landon knew better than anyone what set me off, and he liked me still as I came on his tongue, which I was doing within a few moments as he nibbled on my clit and plunged two fingers inside me.
It was slow to start but intense, and I screamed as I released, clutching the sheets as he tormented me through the lingering orgasm. It was everything I needed and wanted, and I threw my morals out of the window as I clutched at him and begged him to fuck me. All my self-control disappeared when I came, and I wasn’t sure it would ever come back.
Landon moved up my body as his mouth clumsily kissed my skin, settling between my thighs. He was hard, and I stared into his eyes for a long moment before he kissed me softly. My taste was smeared on his mouth, and I ate it away as he moved against me, ready to enter me. “Are you protected?” His voice was husky as his chest brushed against my sensitive nipples, and I felt disappointment surge through my veins. I was, but not for Landon. I’d made that choice for Brian, and I was going to let another man come inside me.
“Yes. Just get in me.” I sealed my fate with those words. He slid forward, pressing into me slowly as I arched against him. His thickness filled me inch by inch, and I moaned raggedly and clung to him, hearing his whispers as he claimed me as his own. “So fucking tight. You feel so good, Lily . . . like you were made for my cock. You fit me like the warmest, wettest glove I’ve ever felt wrapped around me.” Landon buried himself inside me and took a breath as he leaned down to kiss my neck. “I am going to fuck you now, Lily.”
“Please.” I almost wept as he started to thrust in and out of me, faster with every movement of his hips. I rocked with him, needing him as deep inside me as he could get. We found a messy beat that worked for us as we both moaned together. I heard my voice, muttering about how he felt and what I wanted to do to him, but it made no sense mixed in with my moans and cries.
He dragged against me inside as I came closer to my second release, digging my nails into his back as I felt the pressure release. I cried out as it started all over again, him still driving himself inside me as I tightened around him, wetting his cock before he stilled and jerked with a cry of my name.
Landon dropped against me, gasping for breath as he buried his face against my shoulder and whispered my name. He softened as we rested together, and I closed my eyes, breathing in our scent as it filled the room.
Fuck, I had missed this. I had missed the smell of our sex and his musky scent as it combined in my nose.
Landon slowly pulled out of me and dropped onto the mattress beside me, facing me as he slipped an arm around my waist. “Did you feel that?”
“What?” I asked as my body cried out for a nap. I’d barely slept thinking about this trip, and I was here in his arms quicker than I’d expected. I felt comfortable and warm.
“How good we are together, Lily. How perfect this is when it will never feel this way with any other person,” Landon said, and I smiled weakly. He had a point, but I was unsure of where we could go with this right now. I didn’t even know what would happen later tonight when we were in the crowd. Tonight! I opened my eyes and gasped. “What?” Landon asked.
“When is the dinner?”
Landon glanced at the clock and snuggled against me.
“We have a few hours before we have to be there, and it’s at the restaurant here,” he responded sleepily, and at his words, I let my eyes close again.
I woke up to him gently shaking me as he whispered that the dinner started in an hour. “What? I have to get ready!” We took a shower together to save time, making love again as he pressed me against the wall.
I hurried to dry my hair with the dryer I’d brought along, pulling it back in a loose bun low on my neck with curls peeking out. I grabbed the red dress I’d packed and slipped it on with some heels, adding some red lipstick and mascara before I walked into the kitchen to see Landon dressed in a suit that was obviously made for him. I dragged my eyes down his body. “Are you going to look like that at all of the events here?” I asked softly as he sipped his beer and looked at me with dark eyes.
“I could ask the same of you. You look like you need to be kept here in my bed, not out there for other men to see.” His tone made me shudder as I forced a small smile, knowing no other man could ever have me.
“It wouldn’t matter,” I assured him as he stepped toward me, staring into my eyes.
“It wouldn’t?” he asked in disbelief, and I nodded.
“Not here. Not like this.”
Landon kissed my hair, promising me so much more to come when we returned tonight. I left first to keep our secret safe, glancing around to see the area empty of other guests. It was a private here, something I’d noticed when I made the reservations. I wandered toward the lobby and the restaurant as I patted my skin, worried about marks. I knew there was really no need to worry, though, as I’d checked closely in the bathroom mirror before dressing.
The walkway wound through a courtyard and then a beautiful garden. I looked around as I walked, taking in the peace and the beauty of Belize as I smiled secretly to myself. It was amazing here, and I couldn’t wait to see more of the beaches Landon had spoken about. I was considering snorkeling as I looked ahead at the spacious restaurant. “Lily?” I turned to see Jasmine walking toward me in a dark purple vintage dress and shiny black heels. “You look so pretty.”
“So do you. Can you believe this place?” I asked her as we walked together, comparing our thoughts on the resort.
“I want some free time to get out and see everything! It’s amazing,” Jasmine gushed as we walked into the foyer to see several familiar faces. I noticed Lauren and her crowd, choosing to avoid them as I found a seat with Jasmine once we were led to the massive private room. My eyes remained glued to the entrance as we sipped cocktails and chatted, softening when Landon entered with a few men. He had a glass in his hand and his eyes swept the room until he found me, resting momentarily on me before he moved to sit with the other partners. My eyes followed him, and I saw a pretty brunette sit with them. She sipped whiskey and laughed beside Landon.
The jealousy inside me was ugly, and I tossed back my drink. I didn’t like it.
We ate a delicious dinner of seafood and listened to a presentation about the company and the history behind it. It was interesting, but my eyes kept moving to Landon, as the woman continually touched his shoulder or leaned close to say something to him. She was clearly interested in him. I learned that her name was Marilyn when they introduced the partners and she smiled around the room as she nodded her head. She was pretty and had a maturity that I didn’t possess quite yet.
After the meal, they gave us an idea of what we’d be doing that week, passing out a schedule before they released us to socialize and get to know others in the company. Jasmine and I ordered a fresh drink and stepped outside, both content with knowing as few people as possible. My reasons were far different than hers, since I was secretly sleeping with my boss and trying to hide it. She just didn’t care for most of the women who worked for the firm and was rather introverted. We wandered out to a fountain and sat down, sipping our cocktails and discussing the schedule.
Some of it was boring work conferences that were mandatory, but there were a few tours lined up as well. Jasmine was talking excitedly about the gallery showing in town, but I stopped listening to her when I saw Landon and Marilyn at the bar together. Again, she was laughing with her head close to him, and I narrowed my eyes as rage throbbed through my body.
“Lily?” I blinked and looked at Jasmine. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry. Just tired.” I forced a bright smile on my face. “That dinner . . .”
“Must be why they have these things at beautiful locations.” Jasmine smiled back in understanding as I giggled. I asked about the guy she’d been seeing, telling her I was sorry when I learned that it hadn’t worked out for them. When she asked me about Brian, I pretended everything was fine. My emotions were on a roller coaster ride, and I didn’t know how to explain any of what was going on right now.
We made our way back to the cottages and I hugged her at hers before continuing to the one I supposedly had. I didn’t know when Landon would be back, so I slipped my shoes off and walked out onto the beach to stare at the dark water.
I felt so conflicted. I knew Brian was at home waiting for me, in love with me. He was being a young guy and his typical social self, partying with friends, but there was nothing wrong with that. It was normal at this age, and he didn’t cheat. Landon had seemed like he was flirting with Marilyn all throughout the evening, and that angered me. I wanted my own cottage tonight even while I didn’t.
I dropped to the sand as the wind blew through my hair. Fuck my cocktail dress. I felt done, and I stared blankly at the water as I wondered what the hell I was doing here.
Minutes or hours later, someone cleared their throat behind me. “What are you doing out here?”
“I don’t have a key. I had no choice,” I said as I kept looking forward. “Maybe I will sleep in the lobby until my room is ready.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Landon’s voice was low as I turned to stare at him. “Get into the cottage. We’re not doing this out here.” He stalked toward his door and I looked around before following him, unable to let this go. I shut the door firmly and turned toward him with fire in my eyes, and he kissed me hard.
“What was that at dinner?” I asked as he pulled away to kiss my neck. “Do you want her, Landon? Did you want her here in this room instead of me?”
“Fuck, no. You were already with Jasmine and the partners sat together. Marilyn might have an interest in me, but it isn’t returned on my end. Trust me. I was in the bar, not knowing where you were. I was worried someone was trying to hit on you.”
“I have a boyfriend at home and am sleeping with my boss. Why would I add to that?” I asked. He sighed and kissed me again. “Where is this going? What are we doing?”
“This is everything. I hated sitting apart from you in there, watching you across the room. I wanted to sit beside you and show you off to every person in there. I want them all to know I am with you,” Landon said as he unzipped my dress and let it slide to the floor. “I have been hard all night looking at you, thinking about you. I can’t wait to be inside you again.”
I tugged his pants open and dropped to my knees to draw him between my lips. Landon was hard, thick, and throbbing as I wrapped my mouth around him. The tile was cold, but he was hot inside my mouth as I bobbed over his cock, his hands slipping into my hair as he started to rock his hips against me. Landon cried out my name as he spilled into my mouth, salty and sweet, clutching my face as I swallowed all he had to give.
I dropped onto my ass as I ran my hands through my hair, loosening the bun. All my emotions had been poured into what had just occurred, and I felt weakened as I looked up at him. “I can’t stand the idea of any other woman touching you like that.”
“I feel the same fucking way. Every time I see those fucking roses on your desk, I want to throw you over my desk and show you who owns this pussy,” Landon snarled as he lowered himself and picked me up. “I do, Lily. It’s my fingers, mouth, and cock that you crave.”
Landon
I felt possessive as I carried her, weak and shaking in my arms, to the bed. Her emotions fed into my own tormented feelings, and I needed to work them out. Marilyn had told me clearly that she’d be happy to meet me at my cottage tonight, but I’d been blind with jealousy when I didn’t see Lily for some time. Once I saw her sitting there alone on the beach, somewhere anyone could have hurt her, I knew I was going to make her mine tonight.
I dropped her on the bed and told her to get on her knees. I’d seen her get dressed earlier and knew that her thin thong, which was all she was wearing now, would be easy to get off. Lily positioned herself in front of me, offering me her juicy ass as I reached over and swatted it lightly. “Mmmm,” Lily moaned as she jerked forward, making me reach down to stroke her damp pussy with my fingers. I used my other hand to spank her again, feeling hot juices squirt out over my fingers as she cried my name.
“I want to redden this skin for the world to see, Lily,” I told her as I hit her again, making her squirt again. “Jesus. I love this on my hands.”
“I’ve never done that before,” she moaned as I massaged her ass firmly, making her drop her face to the mattress. I slipped my finger inside her, pumping in and out as she rocked against me, bringing her to a rough release. I slipped my cock inside her, slapping against her ass as I fucked her hard and deep. We both moaned as she moved with me, pulling me deeper inside until I was coming again as her warmth washed over me. “Fuck, Landon. This feels so good. I . . . I can’t stop.” Lily kept rocking against me, taking me deep inside until she was crying my name again.
I watched in awe as she dropped to her stomach, taking deep breaths. I couldn’t believe the feelings rushing through me, both physical and emotional. I was still in love with her, and I hated the idea that she was so jealous of anyone else touching me. I knew I had added to that with the women at the office, but she was with another man.
There was no ring on her finger—I had checked several times once I’d read the card with the roses—but she had said yes to something. Was she living with him and now here on my bed? Was she just coming for me when she slept with the same man night after night at home?
I dropped beside her on the bed and looked her over. What were her intentions with me after tonight, or even after this trip?
Lily’s breath evened out after a few moments, and I stood weakly. I needed some water after all the drinks I’d tossed back tonight, so I padded to the kitchen naked through the dim rooms. All the curtains were drawn, so I wouldn’t be seen. I grabbed a bottle from the fridge that had been stocked for my arrival, taking a long sip.
I slipped some shorts on in the bathroom and slid the door open that led to the balcony. I made sure I looked presentable before stepping onto the cool cement of the spacious balcony and walking to the railing to stare over the dark sea. The moon was bright and high, reflecting off the swirling water as I watched and tried to take in everything I loved about this place. In the years before, I’d been happy and carefree, here to enjoy the recreational activities along with the gorgeous weather. Whether alone or with my former wife, I had enjoyed myself every time, though I knew now that I had never loved Nadine. It had just been an easy situation to step into, nothing more and nothing less.
My feelings for the woman sleeping in my bed inside were a whole different animal entirely. Lily made me want to claim her, to mark her as my own. She made me crazy when I was away from her, and I craved her more than any other woman in my entire life. The thought of how it felt to be with her made me stand at half-mast again, and I ran a hand through my hair. What the fuck was happening to me?
I could sleep with any woman here or at home, or even in between. Why was I in love with one who was not only taken, but also my employee? I had tried to stay away from her, but it had been impossible, and now that I had her back, I wasn’t willing to let her go. I was going to fight for her and win this time.
I stood outside for a while, contemplating my situation, before I went back inside, locking up the door. I walked back into the bedroom and pulled Lily against me, memorizing the feel of her skin against mine. I thought ahead to the brunch tomorrow with the company and then the free time we had to explore. That was where Lily working for me would come in handy, since she was my assistant and one of the people I was closest to in the company.
She woke up halfway through the night, and I pulled her closer, feeling her lips searching for mine. I eagerly cupped her face and kissed her hard as she wrapped her legs around me. I loved that I could just be inside her without the wait of getting a condom on now, and before I knew it she was on her back and my fingers were plunging inside her just before my cock. She was wet and as tight as the first time we were together, and I got some immature joy from the fact that her boyfriend probably had a small dick and didn’t please her. I filled and stretched her every single time, but she was always wrapped tightly around me the following time, milking me for all I had.
This time was no different. I thrust deep and hard into her as she rocked with me, her legs drawing me closer to her. Fuck, we were perfect together, and I wanted to spend every night with her from here on out. We drew close to our release. Lily was first, moaning and clutching at my body as I felt the familiar tightening of hers before she came. I followed as her heat washed over me. I found her mouth in a hungry kiss as we stilled, feeling the intensity of the near-mutual orgasm.
I dropped gently over her as the kiss continued, slow and sweet. I felt her love with every sweep of her tongue against mine, as well as with the way she kept holding me close. “Stay with me for this trip,” I whispered once she pulled away to take a breath. “I like this too much to be away from you.”
“Yes. I want to,” she replied, and I smiled and kissed her again. We fell asleep in each other’s arms before the alarm went off in the morning.
Our day started with a quick round of lovemaking before we poured ourselves cups of coffee. Lily looked at me in the light of the sun that shone through the windows of the kitchen. “I think I should get the key to my room, just to avoid any suspicion.”
“Do they even check that kind of stuff?” I asked in a challenging tone as she raised an eyebrow at me. Damn, Lily was beautiful with her fresh, clean face in the morning.
“The company paid a lot of money for it, so I should make it look like I’m using it. Maybe we can go back and forth between the two or something. It would throw people off.” Her eyes were hopeful as she looked at me, and I let my bare shoulders drop as her eyes smoldered.
“I am not going to out this, not here,” I told her as she stared at the warm red of the kitchen tile with a sad look.
“Great. I can worry about you with your colleague and you can agonize about who is looking at me. That sounds amazing.” Her voice was soft and a touch sarcastic, and I set my cup on the marble counter and stepped forward.
“I will let the world know that I am with you right now, if that’s what you want.” Lily stared at me as I took her cup to move it to the counter before pulling her close to me. “Just say the word.”
“No. I’m not ready for that. We’ll just keep it hidden during this trip,” she said as I stroked her robe-covered back. I hadn’t wanted her to say that, but I knew that she was right. We had to do that for now so that the entire company wouldn’t be talking about us. Lily showered and then dressed in a pretty pink and purple sundress with sandals before she made her way to the lobby. There was just enough time for her to grab her key before we were to meet for the brunch. While she was gone, I dressed slowly in some casual slacks and a button-up shirt in a soft green that brought out my eyes, according to Candy.
Candy was a thing of the past. I thought about her, and the last time I’d seen her, for a moment as I slipped my feet into some comfortable shoes. She had known that was the last time as well, guessing right that I was into another woman.
There was a tap at my door, and I opened it to see Lily, who stepped inside quickly. “I got the cottage just to the right. It’s at the end of several and might offer a bit more privacy. There’s just the beach.”
“I still think we should keep the windows covered,” I told her, remembering how Marilyn had come wandering by that first day. I didn’t think she would stay away, despite my brushing off her advances. There had been something in her dark eyes that had told me she was a woman who went after what she wanted, and being caught with Lily by Marilyn concerned me a bit. “They’re just thin cotton curtains, so there is still light in the day.”
“I want to make love with the doors open, listening to the waves. I don’t want to use curtains and blinds.” Her mouth was set in a pout, making me hate her indecision right now. I wanted the same.
“We can light candles and do that in your room. Nobody will see anything but the dim light. We’ll just have to keep from screaming,” I murmured as I pulled her against me and kissed her.
“I don’t want to,” Lily told me in a torturous, teasing tone just before our kiss deepened. I knew we didn’t have time for what I wanted, but I pushed her over to the couch and lifted her skirt as she moaned against me anyway.
Lily
I gave myself to him there on the couch. I pushed him down onto his back and we undressed just enough for me to ride his cock hard and fast. I was addicted to Landon’s body, to his mind. I came twice on top of him, once before his release and then after at the feeling of his heat filling me. He was the perfect man.
Once I redressed, I took my stuff over to my cottage after making sure there was nobody around. It was slightly smaller than Landon’s, with just one huge bedroom, but that room faced the ocean and nothing else. There were no paths that would cross in front of the window and no reason other than the beach for anyone to be out there. The beach was long though and people could go to the other side. This stretch was all mine. I chuckled, knowing how many people were here who might use this part of the beach. They had every right to, but I wanted the perfect week with Landon. That included a private beach and a room we could open to hear the waves as he took me in my bed.
Maybe there was no perfect scenario for us. Maybe this was all it was and would ever be—stolen nights together while we were away from home. I thought about Brian with guilt, realizing I hadn’t checked my phone since I’d arrived. I walked over to my purse, pulled it out, and saw that it desperately needed charging. I pulled my charger out of my luggage and plugged it into the wall near the kitchen counter. I hooked up my phone and watched as it started to charge.
I checked my texts, seeing a few from Brian asking me if it was awesome here. He sounded positive in them and said that he was doing some stuff with the guys while I was away, as well as working.
My aunt had called as well, checking to see how I was doing. She knew all about my trip and had asked if it was as gorgeous as the pictures she’d seen. I told myself I’d call her later, but I did take a picture of the view from my deck and send it to her. Her response made me laugh.
I left my phone there to charge and locked the door to the cottage before I headed to the conference room where brunch was. I was going to meet Landon there, as I would for all the events, and I strolled along as I took everything in during the daylight hours.
The flowers were beautiful and the scent was intoxicating as I passed by. The grounds were perfectly kept, making me stop to look a few times before I walked through the lobby and found the conference room we were converging in. It was a large room with several round tables and a wall of windows that displayed the beautiful courtyard of the resort, and the view made me stop and smile. My eyes wandered over the room and caught Jasmine standing beside her own boss. Then I took in Landon, who was looking right at me.
He was all man, standing confidently near the drink table as he held a glass of something in his hand. His stance screamed that he was comfortable with himself and knew that everyone saw that, and I couldn’t blame any woman for wanting him. The look in his eyes told me I was it for him, though, and I smiled his way as a flush passed over my cheeks. I wandered over to the beverage table and took a glass of fresh-squeezed orange juice before I glanced at the buffet-style spread on another long table. It looked delicious and my mouth watered as I sipped the juice. There was eggs and bacon, fresh fruit piled up on trays, some seafood, and a variety of other options. I thought about how I’d need to practice some self-control so as to not gain too much weight here, but then that made me laugh.
I’d be working off every calorie I ingested.
I gave Landon a look that made his eyes smolder. I was happy to see that Marilyn was focusing on another man this morning and that men surrounded Landon.
“Hey, there,” Jasmine said, and I smiled at her as she joined me. She was wearing a gorgeous burnt orange dress.
“Good morning. How are you?” I asked warmly, seeing her curious gaze.
“You seem better today,” she said as she grinned. “And I’m good. I slept well, and if that food doesn’t get me going, I don’t know what will. What are you doing later?”
“I think Landon told me he wanted to show me a particular beach or something. He’s been here several times for these things,” I said, and she smiled and nodded.
“Vince offered the same thing. He’s very familiar with the area, and he mentioned scuba diving. I’m terrified!” I chuckled at her girlish laugh, knowing there was nothing between them apart from a boss and employee relationship. I was a little jealous until I met Landon’s gaze again and felt the desire in his eyes.
We took seats for the meal and listened to more new laws and policies that the company needed to follow. I took notes on my tablet in between bites of food, making sure to be clear about them so there would be no confusion later. I filled up on fresh tropical fruit and avoided the mimosas so I could keep a clear head later on. Afterward, I hugged Jasmine good-bye as we promised to meet up for dinner later.
I headed back to my cottage when we were dismissed, knowing Landon was following close behind. He called my name on the path behind me, and I turned with a smile before leading him to my cottage. I showed him around, making a big deal about the added privacy, before I slipped my phone into a small purse. Landon insisted on rubbing sunscreen on me, leading to a great orgasm with his finger strumming my clit in the process. We headed out after that, taking the luxurious SUV he’d had delivered to the resort the day before. He told me that he was taking me to Xunantunich, a site of ruins. It was several miles away, but with his skillful driving, it seemed like we were there in no time at all. The drive was gorgeous, a lot of the scenery being the bright blue ocean and cliff views that were breathtaking.
I relaxed and laughed with Landon, holding hands since I knew we were alone. We could be seen together, just not in the intimate sense, and I felt like I could handle that with this drive. It was so natural and fun that I almost forgot what we were facing if we were caught.
He parked at the base of the ruins and we walked up the hill to the massive stone structures. I was overwhelmed by their size and the feeling in the air as Landon explained a bit of the history behind them. El Castillo had been constructed in painful detail around 800 AD, and it was still beautiful in its detail. I took several pictures of it, a few of the entire structure, and several more of the smaller details, feeling Landon’s eyes on me the entire time.
We didn’t go close to it, given the time frame we were working with. We just wandered, talked about all the history of the area, and took pictures. It was one of the most relaxing times of my life, apart from time spent with my adoring aunt.
The difference in this was the deep attraction between Landon and me. It was everywhere around us even though we didn’t touch once out at those ruins. It was more than that, though, too. It was the way he listened to me and respected me, showing me I was the only thing in his world at that moment. It was the way he gave me every moment we had together. It was the way he worshiped me without seeming immature about it, like Brian did.
Brian faded from my mind increasingly as I spent time with Landon. He seemed more like the boy I met in college and less like a man. Landon showed me things I could have never expected in life: intimacy, depth, and an endless supply of ways to take me places I’d never go on my own.
When we were driving away from the ruins hours later, I looked at him as I reached for his hand. I had missed touching him. I thought back to the beach that Jasmine had said she was going to, impressed that Landon had known I would want more. He knew to bring me here and show me the beginnings of this place. It was so thoughtful and, more than that, observant. I kept my plans with Jasmine, enjoying a late meal of seafood and fresh vegetables as we discussed our days and then I returned to my cottage. Landon was inside, working on his laptop, and I smiled as I dropped my key on the counter. “Hey there. I hope you’re not working on vacation.”
“Not anymore,” he said easily as he typed something and made a few motions to end whatever he was doing. He didn’t do it in the way a person who was hiding something would, but why should I care if he had? I was the one hiding something from everybody right now.
“How was dinner?” He asked.
“Yummy. Jasmine went scuba diving today and saw a shark,” I told him, my shock evident in my voice, and he laughed. “I don’t think I want to do that.”
“We’ll see. The sea isn’t as scary as you make it out to be, Lily. It’s quite beautiful, much like you.”
I kissed him as I dropped onto the comfortable plush sofa beside him. “Thank you, but I am not yet convinced of that.”
“We need to see some beaches during this week. You’ll change your mind,” he said before I kissed him again. It deepened as we pressed together, and soon I was in his lap and he shoved his computer aside. He lowered my dress with skillful hands, finding my nipple with his mouth as I balanced on my knees before him, wrapping his arms around my neck. It was intoxicating the way he drew me between his teeth, flicking me with his tongue as I fell apart before him. His hands slipped the dress down my body slowly, and he traced my hips with his fingers before squeezing my ass in his strong hands.
I arched my back, offering him more as he drew me between his teeth again and found my ready clit, hard and waiting. He stroked me as he dragged his teeth over my sensitive skin, making me moan and rock against his hand.
I had craved him the entire time we’d been apart, and now that I was in his embrace again, I knew I wouldn’t want to go back to reality. He moved his lips up to my neck and slide his shorts off so his cock nudged my entrance. “Fuck me, Landon,” I told him as I slipped over him and clutched his shoulders.
He held me tight as he arched his hips up and took me, easily finding our familiar rhythm as we fucked like it was our first time together. It always felt that way, and I knew he was everything I wanted in my life. It was just wrong in so many ways. Yet it was also so right.
We made our way to my bedroom after resting and finishing a movie, where I cracked the window and let the ocean air into the space. I kept the thin curtains closed for privacy, but I needed the sound of the waves as I pulled Landon close to me and kissed his chest. I had just had him inside me, but I wanted him again, and I drew his nipple between my teeth as he groaned my name. “Baby, you’re insatiable.”
“I love you being inside me. Don’t fault me for that,” I told him before I kissed him and ran my hands over his toned chest and shoulders. Landon was perfect, and the idea of us ending when we went back home broke my heart. I kept the kiss going to distract myself. We made love with me on my stomach as he stroked my nipples gently, my legs parted as he moved slowly. It was beautiful, and I inhaled our combined desire as I memorized the sound of the waves as our backdrop.
I came with tears in my eyes, and he stilled and whispered my name softly, making my heart soar and my body cling to him tightly. I was so in love with Landon that it was going to kill me. I wiped my eyes before we faced one another. He pulled me against him and kissed my neck until I fell into an exhausted sleep against his hot skin.
Landon
The week passed quickly with the meetings we had as well as the free time. Lily and I were in bed together every chance we got, mostly in her more private cottage. I caught wind of Marilyn telling some of the other partners that she stopped by my cottage a couple of nights but received no answer, making them ask me who I was fucking this time around. I laughed it off and mentioned a waitress at some bar in town. I said she had a condominium near her job, so I was spending some nights there. I made it out to be very casual so they would drop it, but inside I knew I had to keep everything between Lily and me secret for the time being. I was a bit livid that Marilyn stopped by at all since I hadn’t been responding to her advances. I had figured she was going after some of the other partners. I had to give it to her, Marilyn knew who to hook up with and didn’t seem to bother with any of the men in the firm who weren’t at her level, and I wondered how much that had to do with her position.
I took Lily to a great private beach midweek to show her how welcoming the ocean was. She wore a two-piece purple bikini that concealed more than some with a sheer black cover-up, and I still wanted to rip it off her and fuck her right there.
Every time I was inside her, I wanted her more. I was trying to find a way to tell her my feelings and establish something for when we arrived home, but I kept putting it off.
We walked along the soft sand as three other people sat on towels and took in the view, none of them from our firm, as our coworkers seemed to flock to the more touristy beaches where activities were plentiful. I took the chance to take Lily’s hand and pulled her into the surf as it pooled around our feet. She protested with a throaty giggle but clutched me as she followed slowly. “See how far you can see out there? We can walk all the way until we’re swimming and know everything that is around us.”
The water was warm and welcoming, and Lily smiled softly as she stepped forward hesitantly.
“It is lovely here. I like that we’re nearly alone. I don’t like crowded places, even if it’s a beach.” I looked at her, taking in her natural beauty for a long moment, before I licked my lips.
“I’ll take you to every private place I know of, Lily. I want to show you the world,” I told her as she looked at me through her wide sunglasses. I couldn’t see her eyes, but I felt her grip my hand tighter as she moved farther into the water. I looked at her pale skin, uncovered for this trek, and told my cock to stay down as the water lapped against my knees. This wasn’t the place, even if she did look like the sexiest woman on the planet in her vintage-style bathing suit. She laughed as the waves brushed against her upper thighs and looked back at the shore. I held her hand tightly to keep her by my side.
“Where is your favorite place?” Lily asked as she let herself acclimate to the water for a moment.
“Let me see . . . I’ve been to a lot of places. I would love to take you to France and eat at this great little place near the Eiffel Tower. I love any coast that I’ve ever been to, but I prefer the ones in Northern California to the ones on the East Coast. They’re not like this, not for swimming. They’re for observing and finding your peace. I love the Hamptons for a road trip. I have friends who live in most of these places, and they often line me up with a great place to stay.” I looked at her to see her staring at me with a smile on her face. “What?”
“I have only ever been on the East Coast. I stayed in Philadelphia with Amy after my parents were gone, and then I moved to New York after college. I think a lot of it had to do with a fear of planes initially, but I worked through that. I know history doesn’t always repeat itself and I’ll have to fly to go to the good places, like this. I won’t say I am entirely comfortable with it, but I have ways to cope.” Lily shrugged. “I make do.”
She’d told me about her parents when we were first together, and it had made me admire her strength. Lily had been devastated by her loss, but the love of her aunt had pulled her through it, along with a will to survive. I couldn’t imagine what she’d have done if it was just her left behind at that young age. “I think you’re amazing. You’ve been through more than most people ever will, and while you were so young. Others grow up into horrible people, falling back on their life circumstances, but you are making the best of everything. You are going to be a successful woman.”
“I don’t know. I’m just plugging along like anyone else would.” Lily brushed my compliment off and I let go of her hand to cup her face as the water swirled around her hips and my thighs.
“You’re stunning,” I murmured as I brushed my lips against hers, feeling her freeze. It was risky, but we’d been nearly alone before, and what was a kiss on a romantic beach? Nothing.
“Landon, should we?” she asked before she kissed me again, softly and slowly.
“Always.” I wrapped my arms around her and held her still as the current moved around our legs. The kiss deepened and we became lost in one another. We both forgot where we were for several moments, but then she pulled away and looked around with a nervous energy. “We have to be careful, Landon. Anybody could see us.”
I stared at the empty beach before I looking into her face again. I pushed the glasses on top of her head so I could see her eyes. “I want them to.”
“What?” Lily asked as I captured her lips in another kiss. This one lasted several moments before she pulled away and looked at the beach before pulling me out of the water.
“I told the guys I’m fucking a waitress in town when they asked. Word got back to them that I haven’t been in my cottage. I guess someone decided to stop by or something,” I left out the details of who that was, knowing what it would do to Lily. “I want to tell everyone who it really is.”
“I thought this was just for the trip. I thought that this was just for fun,” Lily said as she looked everywhere but in my eyes.
“It was never for a night, a week, or a trip. I told you how I felt about you before, Lily. That didn’t go away.” I growled as she pressed her fingers between her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. “What did you say yes to?”
“What do you mean?” she asked as she looked at me.
“I saw the card with the flowers and he specifically mentioned that you said yes to something. What the fuck was it?” I demanded. Anger flashed in her beautiful eyes.
“You just come to my desk and look at whatever you want?” Lily asked as she stepped back. “That’s not part of the deal, Landon.”
“No, the deal is that we cannot stay away from each other. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see that I love you and I want to be with you?” I asked her. She blinked and shook her head. “What did you say yes to?”
“He moved in with me. He asked me and I just agreed, even though it doesn’t always feel right. Are you happy now?” she asked. I narrowed my gaze at her. “You’re my boss. This job is my future. We can’t be together.”
“The fuck we can’t. There’s other equally successful firms in the city, and I could get you on with any one of them,” I told her as tears sprang into her eyes.
“I earned this job, Landon. I want this job because of that. I don’t want you to set me up with something else because you know somebody.” She started to cry as she spoke, and I wiped her eyes. “What if we fade away? This fire can’t last forever, and then I’ll be in a job that you got me. They could let me go once it doesn’t benefit you any longer.”
“You would be the best assistant I’ve had even if I wasn’t in love with you. That is what I tell everybody, and I know for damn sure that you have a future in law if you want that,” I told her, but she stepped away from me. I knew our voices were rising, and while we seemed to still be alone, tensions were flaring. “I love that you have aspirations, Lily. I love that you want to work for what you get, but I want you. I want you so badly. I’ll give up all other women for you if you’ll just be mine.” I kissed her, and she threw herself into my arms as it deepened immediately.
We stumbled completely out of the water and behind some foliage as my hands slid over her hardened nipples. Lily moaned as I dropped to the sand and pulled her with me. She straddled my thigh as our tongues danced together. I looked around quickly to assure that we were shielded before I unhooked her suit and pinched her breasts, causing her to gasp into my mouth. My fingers slipped down between her legs to feel her heat through the thick material of her suit before I slipped my hands underneath it to stroke her swollen clit.
Lily came after a few touches, and I laid her back on the sand as I ripped my shorts open. All I heard was the sound of the waves as I moved her suit to the side and entered her as she cried out lightly. She was hot and tight, and I drove myself into her hard and fast as my need for her consumed me.
We dressed afterward and she sat up as she took a deep breath. “I can’t believe I did that here. Do you think anyone saw us?”
“We’re in the middle of a lot of trees and bushes, Lily. We’re alone,” I assured her as I stood and looked around. We were for the moment, and she adjusted her swimsuit before she led the way back to the beach. She looked stricken as she turned to stare at the water before she looked at me.
“I want to go back to the cottages.” Her voice was shaking, and I took a deep breath. We walked to the SUV and I drove back, terrified of her leaving me forever once we got back to the resort. I knew she feared what was happening between us, and I’d had no intention of declaring my feelings on the beach, or of making love to her right there on the sand. Everything was flashing before my eyes, and I gave her a long look as I stopped at the light just before the resort, seeing her staring forward through the windshield.
“Lily?” I asked as she blinked and kept looking forward.
She said nothing as we parked, looking around and rushing to her cottage as I stepped out of the car. I let my gaze wander over the parking lot, seeing no familiar faces as I let out a sigh of relief. I walked away from the car, pushing the button to set the alarm as I made my way to my own cottage. I poured a drink at the bar and sat on the couch with the sliding door wide open, listening to the waves and praying for a knock at my door.
I knew I couldn’t go home without her in my life as much more than just my assistant. I’d had Lily twice now, and it had only gotten better, mirroring the love I’d had for my first wife that I had lost so tragically. I kept drinking to get through the pain of the memories of Madeline that were mixing with the ones I now had of Lily.
It came hours later, when I was drunk and sloppy. I was half asleep on the couch, and I stirred as I looked around the room, which was lit only by the television. “Lily?” I asked as I made my way to the door blindly. I reached for it, falling to the floor before I could open it. “Lily, come back to me.” I crawled forward and managed to get the door open before I looked up, pain and hope in my eyes.
* * *
PART 3
Lily
I paced the living room in my cottage as emotions raced through my mind. There was so much confusion about all of this. I ran my hands through my hair, which was tangled from the wind.
Sleeping with Landon again had opened so many feelings as well as worries, though I had to admit that I’d set myself up for the fall. I had known we wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off one another the moment we were alone, as much as I’d tried to deny it. I hadn’t stopped to consider the way I would feel when I saw him with other women, not expecting such bitter jealousy. I hadn’t expected that I’d fall harder for him than before, making everything so complicated.
Brian was living in my apartment now. We were making a life together, and I blew that here. I barely got back to him when he called or texted, using work as an excuse. I knew he was busy with friends and didn’t worry too much since he’d seen the itinerary and where we would all be staying. It was paradise and full of fun, only not the kind my boyfriend was thinking about.
I wasn’t even mad at the idea of him taking things too far with another woman back home. At this point, what did it even matter? I walked to the sliding glass door and stepped outside to breathe in the air, trying to make sense of the mess in my head. We had another two days here that I had to get through, and I pictured doing that without Landon.
I dropped into a chair and let tears slide down my cheeks. I thought about the beach earlier and our urgency to find a private place as I admitted to myself that I was in love with him. I hated myself for that, in part since I’d worked so hard to get this job and my pride was too involved in the situation.
I knew Landon cared for me and would get me another job, but what if I looked like the office slut who got promoted because of who I slept with? I knew all too well that people talked a lot and that this would be the rumor of the year.
Still, Landon made me feel like no other man had before. Could I get past that?
Could I go back home and pretend that we’d never been together at all?
The more I thought about it, I realized that I was invested in this relationship with Landon. As fucked up and painful as it was, I was in love with him. I’d slept with him earlier on the beach because I loved him.
I came running here with a plan in mind to seduce Landon all over again, so what had I expected? I knew I was getting into something deeper than I could handle, telling myself to just let it go even as I cried. I was in control of all of this. I could go back home to Brian and make everything all right again, put this behind me.
Brian didn’t have to know that any of this had happened. I could pretend that things were perfect and we could progress to where we’d been going before I lost my mind for a moment.
I walked back into the cottage and closed the door quietly, feeling my strength from outside wane as I ran a hand through my hair. Two more days. There was a conference tomorrow over lunch reviewing some more new laws before a dinner in the restaurant with some dancing and entertainment. It was one of the most popular events here among visitors, but I had no clue how I would get through it. Jasmine would know something was wrong with me since we’d grown close. I had to find a way to make it through the day and then fly home to my normal life. I had to find a way to straighten out my head and my life, even if it meant finding another job.
Oh, god. Another job meant I would be away from Landon, and that idea killed me inside. The thought of never seeing him made me feel so empty. I thought back to his offer of another position if we stayed together. Was that something to consider?
No. I needed to do what was best for me.
I walked into the bedroom to change into something else, looking at the mussed sheets as memories of Landon and me filled my mind. I inhaled deeply and swore that our scent was still in the air as my resolve weakened. My phone chimed from the living room as I stared at the bed and then looked toward the front door of the cottage.
I went to look at the screen of my phone, and I cried when I saw Brian’s name. I dropped it down, not ready to talk to him or deal with what this might do to him. Instead, I picked up my key and walked to the front door, toward the man I did want to see. I needed to talk to Landon, though I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. I just needed to see him.
I made my way to his door, pausing when I saw it cracked open slightly. Looking around, I didn’t see anyone else and stepped forward slowly. I took in a breath as I leaned forward and looked through the door into the living room, my eyes widening when I saw the woman from the other morning sitting on the couch. She was wearing a tiny slip of a dress and seemed to be cradling Landon as she spoke softly, her lips close to his. There was a sense of intimacy between them that made me wonder if I had anything with Landon at all. She glanced toward the door as I stepped back and started toward my cottage with my hand over my mouth. I unlocked the door, running inside to the bathroom just in time to throw up in the toilet. I felt used, knowing he might have been sleeping with her while he was with me. I felt stupid because I loved him and he might have been fucking someone else, all the while making me feel like I mattered to him.
I finished getting sick and made my way to the bedroom, sitting on the bed as I started sobbing. I was a fool who had risked everything I had at home for this pain. I dropped back onto the sheets and curled up into the fetal position.
I cried myself to sleep, dozing off for a little while before I woke up with a start. I looked around, finding myself alone as I remembered what had happened.
All the time I had spent with Landon felt like a waste now that I’d seen him with that woman. He must have called her to come and console him when I left him in the car, and that made my stomach twist all over again. I was that easy to replace when he was everything to me.
Brian was a good man, and he would always take care of me, but he didn’t make me feel the way Landon did. Was that enough? I pushed myself up slowly and made my way to the living room, where Landon had left his laptop the day before. I dropped onto the couch in front of it, turning it on and waiting for it to warm up. I’d left mine at home, intent on enjoying this trip, but now I knew there was no chance of that.
I was relieved to see that there was no password to get into the computer, which made me wonder for a moment if I could trust Landon. No. He was in his cottage with another woman after all we had shared. I went online and found the website for the airline, swallowing the lump in my throat as I changed my flight to later tonight. I’d make an excuse involving some emergency; I just couldn’t stay here. I paid with a credit card and leaned back, taking a deep breath as I assured myself that leaving would make all this bearable.
I packed my bags after I changed into some leggings and a T-shirt, walking through the cottage to look for anything that could get left behind. I’d never come back here, and I needed to ensure that there would be no signs I had been here to begin with. When the time came, I grabbed my luggage and went to the lobby to meet the cab that was taking me to the airport. Landon’s laptop I left powered off in the room.
I didn’t look at his door to see if it was open any longer when I walked toward the lobby. I just wanted to get the hell out of here, away from all the bad memories I’d created.
I cried the entire flight home, huddled up in a seat by the window as I looked at the beauty of Belize that was imprinted in my memory. I cursed myself for my plan and the results of it, so unsure why I had thought it would be anything different. I fell asleep hoping that Brian would never know any of this.
I’d sent Jasmine a text explaining that I needed to return home because Brian was sick and needed help, but that was it. I told Landon nothing. I was going to go back and fix what I’d done to my life if it killed me.
Landon
I woke up on my couch, blinking at Marilyn, who was draped over me in a summer dress that barely covered anything. “What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked her in a hoarse voice, pushing her off me as I scooted back. “What did we do?”
Marilyn, wide-eyed, lifted her head after landing on the floor. “You let me in, Landon. Last night. You let me in. Don’t you remember?”
I already knew I was working a hangover from the way my head was pounding and the taste in my mouth. I must have been drunk when she came over and remembered nothing about it, even though I knew the reason I’d been drinking. “No. I would have never let you in, much less had you sleep here, if I was sober. Tell me we didn’t do anything.”
“You were way too drunk to fuck me, but I sucked your big cock. You were hot when you came in my mouth.” I watched her eyes darken as nausea flooded my stomach, knowing it was a possible lie. I’d never know, though, since I’d been stupid drunk, and I’d have to live with that.
“I don’t want to know anything else,” I told her, standing to go to the bathroom. “Get the fuck out of here, Marilyn. Don’t come back, because this will never happen again.”
I stumbled down the hallway, holding my loosened shorts with shaking hands. I dropped down in front of the toilet and vomited, sickened by the idea that I’d touched Marilyn.
A vague memory of calling out Lily’s name as I crawled toward the door flooded my mind, making me wonder if that was when Marilyn had been at my door. There was a part of me that wanted to demand every detail of what had happened in my cottage, while the most logical part of me understood that Marilyn would lie to make herself look better. She was all about gain, and she wouldn’t care about my needs or wants.
I knew she’d had to fuck someone to get partner, at least in part. She was an intelligent woman, but something was disturbing about her as well. I looked down at my flaccid cock and angrily pushed away from the thought of her mouth wrapped around it. I didn’t want Lily to be erased from my memories, and my heart ached for her for a long moment.
I finished my business, cleaning myself up as best I could before I changed into some fresh clothes. I needed to get to Lily now and fix things, tell her I loved her and needed her in my life. A part of me worried that Lily knew what had happened in my cottage last night, but how? Did she come over at any part of the evening and see us?
I had to know.
I glanced at my couch when I left and saw that the room was empty. I was barefoot and wearing old shorts with a T-shirt that probably didn’t even match, but I didn’t care. I strode to her door and knocked, loud and hard. “Lily, open the door,” I said, when there was no sound. Was she with someone else in their cottage? Had she slept with someone else to get back at me, as it appeared I had? No. I remembered her words about Brian and sleeping with me, and I knew deep down she wouldn’t do that. She loved me, and she’d open this door so we could fix things. That was who Lily was.
Only nobody was answering the door.
“Lily?” I called out, trying to remind myself that we were in a work situation and I needed to remain calm. “Open the door. We need to talk.”
Nothing. Where was she? I turned and tried to think of where she could be. It was too early for her to have left for the work lunch, so I slowed my brain down and tried to think of someplace Lily might go to if she needed some peace. I looked at the water, knowing how much she loved it, and walked toward the waves. I looked over her balcony to see it empty, and even a closer look at the cottage revealed that she wasn’t there. I kept walking over the sand until I was in a place where I could look left or right and see anyone who was on the beach. There were people, but I didn’t see Lily, and I sucked in my breath.
I turned and checked the restaurants, the lobby, and any of the other little place we’d spent time in for a quiet moment. There was no sign of Lily. I was walking back to my cottage when I heard my name. I turned to see one of the partners walking over to me, looking at my outfit curiously. “How are you?”
“I was just looking for someone,” I replied vaguely as he smiled and nodded. “When does the lunch start?”
“It starts in an hour,” Ken said after checking his phone. “Marilyn is having coffee on the beach.” I stared at him for a long moment before I realized that she must have told the others something about us. He thought I was looking for her, something that disgusted me even though it was slightly better than the truth.
“Thanks, Ken. I should take a shower before lunch and get myself together.” I forced a smile on my face as I ran a hand through my messy hair. “I had a few too many last night.”
“A lot of us did.” He smirked as I laughed and nodded. “See you in a bit.”
I told him the same as I wandered back toward my cottage, not sure of anything. I couldn’t find her. I felt lost as colleagues walked by me and greeted me, nodding and trying to respond as normally as possible. I unlocked my door and walked inside, feeling the emptiness of the room settle over me. It occurred to me that my phone was in the kitchen and I’d never even looked at it to see if she had left a message or called me. I walked over and stared at it, seeing it was dead as I cursed softly. I walked it to the charger in the bedroom, plugging it in, and sat and waited for enough juice to check it.
I scrolled past all the other text messages and calls, just looking for her name but finding nothing. “Fuck, Lily. Where are you?” I asked as my head started pounding. If I were in my right mind, I would be doing what was needed to get me through this lunch. Right now, I couldn’t think. I decided I would go to the function, both to see if she was there and to ask around if that wasn’t the case. I could talk to her friend Jasmine if nothing else. Lily didn’t trust anyone but her, so Jasmine would know something. Whether she’d share it was a different story.
I showered and dressed in some clean shorts and a button-up shirt, respecting the relaxed dress code of the company. I walked into the conference room and sat with the other partners, refusing to make any eye contact with Marilyn. I looked calm on the outside, but my eyes scanned the room for Lily every second until someone started talking.
She wasn’t there.
I sipped some orange juice and nibbled on fruit to calm my stomach as the voices droned on and on. I looked at Jasmine a few times, who was seated by her boss and sipping coffee. She didn’t look upset, so maybe there was a good reason Lily wasn’t here, even though we weren’t leaving until tomorrow.
Tomorrow, we would be going back to normal, but I didn’t know what that was any longer. I didn’t know what to do or say.
I made my way across the room as casually as possible, approaching Jasmine as she looked at me. “Where is she?” I asked as her eyes narrowed. “I can’t find her. Where is she?”
“There was something at home. Lily flew back last night.” I stared at her. “She didn’t tell you. Were you sleeping together again?” There was no one close enough to overhear the question she asked as her keen eyes judged me.
“Yes,” I said softly, and she pressed her lips together. “I didn’t force it.”
“I know that. I know Lily even though she tried to hide her feelings for you. I could see it in her eyes and all through this trip. She left because of you, didn’t she?” I looked out the window, knowing I would be leaving early as well.
“I didn’t hurt her in any way. I didn’t harm her,” I said, and she shook her head at me.
“Of course not. You love her,” Jasmine said. “You broke her heart, though. Something happened.”
“I have to go,” I said, turning to leave the room. I didn’t say good-bye to anyone, and I intended to get a flight home as soon as possible. I remembered that my laptop was in her room and walked over there to see the door cracked open. “Excuse me?” I called out as I peered inside.
One of the maids walked down the hallway, looking at me curiously. “Yes, sir?”
“Did you find a laptop here?” She paused and nodded. “That is the firm’s property, and I was hoping to collect it.” The resort was familiar with the company, and she gave me a curious look for a moment. “The woman in this room was my assistant. I assure you that I am telling the truth.” I wanted to push past her just to see the bedroom one last time, to imprint it in my memory.
Did it still smell like her?
She finally pointed at the small bistro table, and I saw the computer there. “Thank you.” I picked it up and looked around the cottage slowly before leaving to go back to mine. I sat down on the couch and powered it up, finding the airline already in the search history. I shook my head. She made her own way home by using this computer, and that hit me in a place deep inside. If I’d had my computer with me instead of at her cottage, would Lily still be here? If we hadn’t made love on the beach that day, would she still be here?
I could ask myself a million questions that wouldn’t help me at all right now. I focused on getting a flight home and packing my things. I told the partners that something came up and I had to leave, which wasn’t a big deal since the work portion of the trip was completed.
I called for a cab, taking it to the airport with an empty feeling inside. I didn’t know what would happen now, because the timing was off. I had planned to leave for home with Lily knowing that I loved her. I wanted to leave with her being mine and looking forward to a future. The last time we made love played back through my mind, and I saw her face as she came as quietly as possible. It had been a beautiful moment despite the harsh words beforehand and even afterward, making me hate that it might have been the last time I ever felt Lily in my arms.
I dozed off during the flight, waking up when I arrived home. It tormented me that Lily had done this same trip alone, making me wonder if she was as torn apart as I was. I left the plane, getting my stuff before I took a cab home.
The apartment looked the same. There was no trace of what had happened in here, and I wondered if I could make it all go away. I thought of the saying about Vegas and how what happened there stayed there, but this was love. I wanted Lily.
I knew the entire firm would be coming home tomorrow and work would resume next week. I didn’t want to give Lily any space now that I was back, but it was clearly what she’d wanted when she left.
I lay in bed that night wondering if she was curled up with her boyfriend in their home. I couldn’t imagine her being at peace with herself right now, not after I saw all the feelings on her face, in her eyes, the past couple days. I knew how she felt every time that we were in bed together, and I knew it was more than just sex for both of us. It was everything.
I had a moment of weakness when I woke up alone and sent a text to her work phone. I didn’t know if she would even have it on, but I waited for a response. I’d make things so much worse if I used her personal phone. I didn’t want to do that to Lily, as much as I wanted to claim her as mine. I wanted her happy no matter what, and blowing up her life wouldn’t do that.
I could wait until work, where we could talk privately.
I dressed for work that Tuesday in my favorite suit, determined to get my girl. I looked put together and confident when I drove in, though I feared what might happen inside. I left the car and walked to my office, knowing I’d never felt like this returning to work after one of the annual trips before. There was the occasional awkwardness that followed a one-night stand with a colleague or fights with Nadine if she didn’t come along with me, but nothing like this.
I was earlier than everyone else, and I assumed they were all still recovering from the getaway. I remembered the last dinner being a time of relaxation, partying, and letting loose. It was the night that a lot of careless things happened, based on my experience. There were a lot of apologies in my past from that night and others on trips that I could remember, but I didn’t regret a single thing about Lily. It was more than a night or a drunk moment.
I sat down at my desk with the door open, warming up my computer and looking over the city. It was beautiful in a different way than Belize was, since the memories I had of Lily transcended both places, but this was home. I went to make some coffee, and I saw the one woman in the firm I didn't want to see standing in the room. “You have a break room. Why are you here?” I let all my bitterness in my voice, not holding back since we were alone.
“I wanted to talk. You left so suddenly,” Marilyn said as she turned to look at me. Her surface beauty was marred by her selfish intentions, and I narrowed my eyes at her.
“About what?” I asked, and she smiled and tossed her hair.
“I won’t tell anyone about you and your assistant if you continue what we started in Belize, Landon. I want more than I got,” she said.
I thought about her words. I could get into some trouble for being with Lily and possibly lose my job, but I also had a lot of years here and far more security than she did.
“I think we could be good together,” she said.
“I don’t want you, Marilyn,” I told her. Ice flashed in her eyes. “I never did, and I don’t remember anything that happened between us; nor do I want to. I was drunk, and you know I wasn’t truly in the moment. Why continue that?”
“You’re willing to lose everything for her?” She was stunned, and I made my coffee with shaking hands.
“You and I both know I will be here longer than you are. In time, everyone will know that you’re looking out for yourself, Marilyn. I wouldn’t doubt if they already do.” I turned and looked into her pale face. “Leave me alone and don’t you even look at her. I can have you fired so fast that your head will spin.”
I walked past her to my office. The woman I loved was sitting at her desk and getting ready to work. She was beautiful, but I saw the sadness in her face as she stared at her monitor while it warmed up. She glanced over to see me approaching her, and her eyes widened as a frown crossed her face. “Are you okay? Jasmine said that you had to return home early.” I kept my tone even as a flurry of emotions crossed her face.
“Fine,” was her clipped answer. She avoided any eye contact with me, looking pained.
“Come into the office when you’re settled in. I have something I want you to go over with me.” I walked through my door once I’d spoken and played back her tortured face in my mind. There was a lot of pain there, and I didn’t know why, but I was going to get to the bottom of things when she walked in here.
Lily
I knew he wanted to see me, and as his assistant, I needed to go in there. I also knew it wasn’t business he wanted to discuss, and my heart sank at the idea of facing the pain that had haunted me since I’d looked into his cottage that night. I went to make coffee to kill some time, listening idly to talk about the trip and how much fun it had been. I wish that had been the case for me.
I’d come home with a broken heart. I’d come home to change my life and try to put the pieces back together. I walked back to my desk slowly, feeling the ache in my body as I thought about everything. When I got back to my desk, my phone was lit up, and I picked it up to see a text from Brian.
He was so innocent in all of this.
I shoved the phone into the drawer with my purse and locked it before I took a deep breath. I just needed to get this over with. I tapped at Landon’s cracked door before I heard him tell me to come inside. I straightened my black dress with my hands. “You needed to see me?” I asked as I gave him a hesitant look.
“Close the door,” Landon said, and I nodded and pushed it behind me until I heard the click of it shutting tightly. “Why did you leave?” He came around his desk and stepped toward me as I pushed myself against the door. I knew how private this office was, and I licked my lips as he cupped my face, staring into my eyes.
“Stop. Don’t touch me,” I choked out, tears filling my eyes.
“What?” He sounded shocked as I found the strength to push him away.
“I saw you with her. I saw her in your cottage holding you,” I said, and Landon’s eyes widened. “I was going to tell you that I loved you, that I wanted you. I didn’t know I was so replaceable.” His eyes looked haunted, and I pressed my hands against the door, still feeling his warmth.
“You’re not,” he protested, and I gave him a long, searching look. “I thought it was you when I got the door. I guess you didn’t come back before that?” Landon looked at me hopefully before I shook my head painfully. “I got sloppy drunk going over what happened, Lil. I answered the door and don’t remember anything until I woke up on my couch.”
“So you slept with her,” I said in a strained voice.
“It wasn’t me, whatever happened. I’ll never trust that bitch to tell me the truth, Lily. She is out for herself and nothing else, so she’ll make it benefit her. I can tell you that I never wanted her at all. It’s you. I want you.” Landon stared into my face, into my wide, frightened eyes, before he pressed his forehead against mine. “I just want to turn back time and change the part that changed us. I wanted to come home feeling you beside me.”
“I was going to tell you that before I saw her. It was hours after we were…together, and you were in another woman’s arms. I don’t care that you were drunk, Landon. You’re not twenty-one anymore, and you have more control of yourself than that.” I hated that he was an older, mature man and acted so much like Brian in that single way.
“I was fucking miserable after you walked away from me. If I didn’t drink, I would have been at your door breaking it down. You needed space, and I needed to escape,” Landon said. Tears slid down my cheeks. He kissed my lips softly, still lighting a fire inside me. “I never intended for anything to happen, if it even did. I only want you.”
I parted my lips as he kissed me again, wanting to push him away even as my arms circled his neck. It didn’t fix anything, but it felt so good as he pressed his body against mine until I felt him hard against me. I pulled away, looking down as he glanced between our bodies. “You were that way for her.”
“I don’t fucking know if I was. I don’t remember,” Landon said, and I closed my eyes. “You came home to him in your bed, Lily. How am I supposed to feel about that?”
I did come home to Brian, surprising him as he slept. I was exhausted and emotional, and I turned his kiss into something carnal, fucking him hard as he gripped my hips. I knew it would replace the feeling of Landon inside me, which had made me ill when I’d seen him with Marilyn. I needed to get all traces of Landon a shower couldn’t touch off my body, and Brian coming inside me was supposed to do that.
It only made me feel worse, and I lay awake after he went back to sleep, holding me in his arms.
“Do you think I felt good about that?” I asked as I slid away from him and walked to the window. “I hate myself for what I did to him. That isn’t who I am, or at least who I was. The last few days have been horrible, Landon.” Tears slipped down my cheeks uncontrollably as I felt him move behind me. “It changed everything.”
“What do you mean?” he asked. I took a deep, shuddering breath.
“I had to take a good hard look at myself in the mirror, inside my heart. I hurt people, both you and Brian.”
I didn’t want to pretend it had never happened at all, because I knew it would haunt me inside. I shrugged Landon’s hands off my shoulders before he pulled me against him and kissed my neck, and I cried when I felt my body heat up for him. I still wanted Landon, and I allowed his hands to slide up my body as I pressed against the window.
“I hate myself, Landon,” I said.
“Don’t,” he said. His hands cupped my breasts, my nipples hardening under the lace of my bra as I imagined his mouth on Marilyn. Did he do this with her as well? “We got carried away.” His mouth sucked the tender skin of my neck between his lips, and I felt an odd sense of relief that I wasn’t cheating on anyone right now.
I’d ended it with Brian yesterday after a long time of thinking. He’d wanted more from me than I could give, his eyes pleading with me to tell him why.
I felt bare fingers on my pert skin as Landon tugged on me, and I moaned, craving him inside me. I wanted him to fuck me the way I deserved. I needed punishment. I hadn’t told Brian what had happened to bring me to my decision. I hadn’t been willing to hurt him any more than I already had.
That being said, I still wasn’t free for Landon. I needed some space, even as he turned me toward him for a heated kiss. This would be sex and nothing more, because I was dead inside now. Landon carried me to the couch, sliding my dress off after he assured me that the door was locked. I allowed it, needing his lips and teeth on me. I asked for more, needing pain, as he stared into my face. I needed closure even though the idea made me sick somewhere deep inside.
He slipped his hand over my throbbing clit. Fuck. I jerked against him as I reached out to undo his pants and release him. Landon stroked me hard as I wrapped my hand around him, ready to come as he slipped a finger inside me and continued to stroke my pussy.
“Baby, it’s only you I want. Please believe me.” Landon continued to beg as I spread my legs wide and rocked against him before covering his hand in my release. “I love you, Lily.”
I gasped and moved on to my stomach, my ass in the air. “Fuck me,” I whispered, but then something crossed my mind. “Wear a condom.” I heard him let out a breath before he left to go to his desk. I heard a wrapper and then he was inside me.
“I’ll get tested. I’ll do anything,” Landon said as we rocked together, one of his hands on my hip while the other cupped my breast. “I just want you.”
My body clung to him, and my heart wanted to do the same. When I came again, I heard him moan my name before he jerked clumsily. There was no heat of his release meeting mine, no trace of him anymore. “Lily, oh fuck. I can’t live without you.”
Landon dropped against me as we both took deep breaths. “I needed that last time with you,” I told him as he stilled against my body. “I am giving you my resignation today, Landon. I received an offer from a firm across the city and accepted it.”
“Brown and Caldwell?” he asked, and I nodded. He leaned down to kiss my hair. “I knew they were going to be contacting you.”
“I accepted the job,” I told him, feeling tears in my eyes. “I am going to prove that I am a good worker and not just someone you want to move to benefit us. I am going to do this all on my own.” My heart was breaking as I felt him pull out of me to drop onto the couch beside me.
“What?”
“I ended things with Brian, but not to be with you. I wanted to stop putting him in a place where he’d keep getting hurt, as well as to stop hating myself,” I said. Landon sat quietly and listened. “I am going to stay in my apartment on my own and take the time to settle into my new job. If I told you I’d be with you, I know it would be a lie. I can’t get the image out of my head of you with her, not when I wanted you so badly at that moment. It is just there, and I need to move past it alone.”
“When do you start?” he asked, and I sighed.
“One week from today. They wanted me to start sooner, but out of respect for you, I compromised.” I heard him let out a breath as he reached over to take my hand. “I am not going to contact you after I am gone.”
“Do you love me?” Landon asked. I stared forward.
“Yes, more than anything, but it is wrapped in guilt and all of the wrong that I’ve done. I blame myself as much as I do you…we’re even here. I knew what I was doing when I went to Belize, but I didn’t think it would hurt so much to see you with someone else. I was so wrapped up in need, and I fucked up by staying with you. I got into something I couldn’t handle. I need to heal now and figure out who the hell I am.”
“You’re Lily. You’re a beautiful, compassionate woman who feels so hard and who made a mistake. Life isn’t pretty, as you know. It is difficult, and you learn things the hard way sometimes.” I looked at him to see his eyes intent on me as he tried to smile. “We’ve all been there. I hate myself for losing control and knowing that you saw me in my cottage like that. We both know we needed to be together, but it didn’t happen that way.” His eyes locked on mine. “I am going to miss you around here.”
I walked out to my desk a little while later with his blessing for the job, even though it didn’t make me feel any better. I still felt blank inside and not at all like myself, but I was going to make it through this.
I spoke to my aunt every night, pouring my heart out to her. Brian moved out right away, and I was alone, fighting the urge to call Landon every moment as I prepared for the beginning of my new life. We saw each other at work, but I was busy training my replacement and only spent any real time with Jasmine.
She knew everything as well. She didn’t judge me while I cried and let my feelings out at my now-empty apartment. Jasmine talked to me as all the emotions flooded me and helped me through the long nights.
The week I was still with Landon, every day passed by too quickly. Soon I was walking out of those doors forever. His new assistant was a perky blonde and she was smart, someone who would help him a lot. I didn’t think about any other possibilities as I met Jasmine for dinner and drinks, toasting my new job. It was a brilliant company, just as Landon had told me, and I knew it would be a great step for my future. I just wish it was happening under different circumstances.
I went to the new office every day, smiling and ready to learn. I did so much of that, using what Landon had taught me as well as what my new supervisor did. Murphy was a smart man who had been in law just over twenty years, and he had been a partner for most of that time. They handled finances for some of the wealthiest people in the world, protecting celebrities from fraud and theft. I knew it was an excellent opportunity, but still.
I went to see my aunt Amy the first weekend after I started. We stayed up late eating ice cream and watching movies once I met her boyfriend over dinner and drinks. He was caring and funny, everything that I had ever wanted for my aunt after she took over caring for me. She looked happy and so in love, making me feel bittersweet inside as I celebrated their happiness while I was so alone.
Landon
Life was empty without Lily. I felt worse than when I’d split up with Nadine, but I kept a smile on my face as I went to work every day and pretended everything was fine. The trip had been beautiful, and according to what I told everyone in the firm, I had enjoyed myself. I laughed at their stories of the beaches and the drinks. They had done what normal people did when they were at a beach or a bar; they didn’t fall in love with their assistant as they fucked her behind closed doors and behind foliage.
When I was alone at night after being at a bar with friends, I’d think about what could have been done differently. Did I push her too much? I remembered going to Belize, the story of how she didn’t have a place to sleep, how she knew I would offer. That hadn’t been my doing. That was all Lily, making me realize she had to have known we would end up together. Didn’t she know that I loved her then? Didn’t she know that it would be so much more than a night or a week?
Maybe neither of us knew when we jumped in. Maybe we were both stupid. I looked out over the city from my desk, telling myself everything was peaceful now. The firm was doing well, and my assistant was helpful and keen. There was no attraction whatsoever to Kristen, and we worked together on only an intellectual level, making me miss the moments with Lily when we slipped into lust. I would never see my couch the same again, or my desk, and I considered replacing both for the millionth time. I knew it would never make me forget her, but her name faded from the minds of colleagues. I saw the satisfaction on Marilyn’s face when she met my gaze, confident she was the reason Lily had left.
She was so wrong. Nobody ever asked me about Lily, and I offered nothing. I just became a robot. I worked all hours of the day and went home to sleep after drinking with friends at the bar. There were a couple of one-night stands to try to satisfy my needs, but it was useless.
I still loved Lily, and I wondered how much time she would need to see that.
I jumped at the chance to have lunch with Murphy one afternoon to catch up. We didn’t see each other too much, being busy with our firms, but I wanted to see how Lily was progressing. I half hoped she’d come along, but it was just the two of us at the café. I sat down and ordered a glass of water from the waitress who popped by before I grinned at Murphy.
He was about ten years older than me and a legend in the world of law. I looked at him as a mentor of sorts. We took the time to order some entrees before talking shop. That was easy to do when two lawyers got together, and we compared cases and clients throughout the meal before the conversation faded, giving me my chance to speak up. “How is Lily doing over there?”
“She’s fantastic. She keeps me completely organized and everything runs smoothly. Why did you let her go?” Murphy asked, and I felt my face fall. I looked across the street as if something interested me. “Oh . . . that’s why.”
“That’s why what?” I asked as casually as I could muster while he gave me an understanding look.
“While she is a brilliant girl, I sense that she is missing something in her life, or perhaps someone. Did you initialize the process because of something between the two of you?” Murphy asked. I looked at him and nodded slowly. “That was a good plan, but something obviously happened. I don’t think the girl does anything but work and go home, apart from dinner with a friend of hers from your building that she talks about.”
“That would be Jasmine.” I filled in the blank and he nodded.
“That’s the girl. Lily speaks highly of her,” Murphy said. “She never mentions dating anyone and looks sad sometimes when she thinks nobody is looking. I see it a lot.” Murphy looked curiously at me. “What happened?”
“I don’t even know. There is so much between us, but I wonder if it’s too much sometimes. It kind of imploded on us, and Lily surprised me when she took the job and left. She didn’t do it for the original reasons at all.”
“Should I apologize for taking her?”
I thought of Marilyn and shook my head.
“No. She’s in a great place now. It will work out the way it’s meant to,” I said, adding a positive note to the end of my sentence as he chuckled.
“Is it the age difference? You do know there are twenty years between Nancy and I, right? It has never caused an issue at all.”
I took a bite of my steak and chewed it slowly.
“You never worked together. That adds an ugly element to things.” I sipped my water, and he seemed to consider my words.
“You don’t know.” Murphy looked at me. “Lily is a lovely girl, and I suspect you were good together. Why don’t you reach out to her?”
I promised her space, but it had been a couple of months. Lily didn’t seem to be moving on with anyone, so maybe I would. We finished our meal and headed back to our respective offices as I mulled the idea over. I just wanted to talk to her again.
I ended up meeting friends at a bar after work, and I was surprised when I looked up to see Lily walking in with Jasmine and a guy. I gave the guy a hard look until I saw that he was holding Jasmine’s hand. Lily moved to a stool beside them as I watched her carefully from the table I was at, taking in every detail.
Lily looked a bit thinner than before, but still gorgeous. Her hair was cut just a bit shorter and curled around her shoulders, moving with her. I remembered what it had felt like to have my hands in it. She smiled and laughed in what seemed like the right places, but something was missing from her eyes. I reached for my beer as someone walked over to her, hugging her with one arm over her shoulder as she looked back with a smile.
It was the boyfriend I’d met at the office. Was Murphy mistaken in thinking she was single? Was she back together with Brian? I watched them carefully as they talked casually, but they didn’t act like lovers or enemies.
When Lily stood to go to the bathroom, I excused myself and followed her. I planted myself in the hallway where she’d be certain to see me. When she came out, she bumped into me because of the crowd of people rushing both the men’s and women’s bathrooms. “I’m so sorry . . .” Lily’s voice drifted off as she looked up and met my eyes. “Landon.”
“I saw you come back here and wanted to say hi,” I told her as she licked her stained lips and stared at me. “Murphy says you’re doing well at his firm. He enjoys you.”
“It’s a great firm and just as successful as yours. It’s a pleasure to work there, just different.” Her face fell as she looked down at the floor, and I reached out to touch her soft skin, lifting her eyes to mine.
“How are you?” I asked her as our gazes locked.
“I miss you,” Lily admitted, and I cupped her face with my hands. I could do this and anything else I wanted to her since we were no longer working for the same company.
“I saw Brian here. Are you with him?” I asked her directly, and she shook her head.
“We talk when we come across one another, but no, we’re not. He’s mentioned getting back together a few times, but I keep telling him no,” Lily said as envy flooded my veins. “He doesn’t know why I ended things. I think it would change his feelings.”
“Are you seeing anybody?” I demanded, my face closer to hers as people bumped into us.
“No, Landon. I meant what I said about needing space. Adding someone else to the mix wouldn’t do anybody any good,” she said sadly as she gave me a disappointed look. “Are you?”
“Not seriously,” I assured her, slowly sliding my hand down to take hers before pulling her away from the bar and bathrooms to a more private corner. “I haven’t been able to get you out of my head.” I pushed her against the wall gently before I kissed her hungrily, hearing her moan as she melted into me. The time apart seemed to fade as our lips went right back to the familiar passion.
“You’ve slept with someone?” Her voice in a moment apart broke my heart for a moment as I slipped my hands into her hair and stared into her eyes.
“Nothing matters except for this moment, Lily. I was lost without you,” I promised her as she blinked at me for a moment. “I want to see you again, Lily. I want to be a part of your life again.”
We were kissing deeply again when hands yanked us apart and I looked into the angry face of Brian.
“Who the fuck is this, Lily?”
“You remember from my old firm, right? This is Landon,” she said as her face flushed a dark pink.
“Your boss,” Brian said, looking from her face to mine.
“Former,” Lily reminded him, trying to steer him away from the truth.
I saw the moment it clicked in Brian’s mind when he turned to give her a dark look before walking away. I pulled her against me as a cry reached my ears. “Baby, it’s okay.”
“He knows. He figured it out, and he knows,” Lily said in shock as she looked up at me. “I never wanted to hurt him, Landon. He was trying so hard with me, and I never wanted him to find out what was happening.”
“He’ll be okay once he’s had some time to recover,” I promised her, remembering the way he had looked at her. It had been filled with hatred, making me worry.
I led her out of the bar once she said good-bye to Jasmine and her boyfriend, quiet as I held her hand and led her to my car. I drove her right to my place without offering an alternative, and she came along in silence.
We ended up in the bedroom right away, stripping our clothes off as we made up for the last few months of no contact. I kissed Lily all over her body, teasing her about how I was going to fatten her up a bit with some good meals while we worked it off in other ways. Lily laughed and held my hair tightly as my tongue lapped at her sweet pussy.
It was like being home when I sank inside her, even with the condom on. I sensed she had her guard up given my vague confession early, but we were going to talk about that once she was finished screaming my name again.
Lily
I fell against the bed as my body pulsed with my release, breathing in and out. I resisted letting him pull out of me, but Landon moved slowly, tying off the condom before he tossed it into the trash. “I have missed that so much.”
“I have too, despite your thinking right now,” Landon said as he looked into my face. “I am a man, and sometimes we try to fill a void, Lily. It’s idiotic on our parts and solves nothing. I knew you were the only woman I wanted.” His words didn’t make me feel much better since I couldn’t bear the idea of sleeping with another man. Brian had tried several times after the breakup, but I always turned him away. I knew he was angry and hurt now after catching me making out with my former boss, as I’d told him there was nobody else. I wasn’t stupid enough to think it looked like the first time between Landon and me. We were well versed.
“I just couldn’t want another man,” I admitted after a moment. “The idea of it hurt so much, even when it was someone familiar trying.”
“Brian?” Landon asked with a dark gaze. I nodded. “He’s not going to let you go that easily, Lily. I don’t know why, but I have a bad feeling about him.”
“He’ll be okay. He just needs to adjust,” I said, even though I felt uneasy as well. Brian had never displayed violence toward me, though I’d seen him get into a few fights at parties with other guys over nothing. It wasn’t frequent, but still . . . I wondered if he was capable of hurting me.
Brian had asked if there was someone else when we’d broken up. I’d always told him no, to spare him the pain involved in my confession. I hadn’t wanted to lie to him, and the guilt had plagued me, but I’d done it to protect him. Now he knew everything.
“I can keep you safe,” Landon said as he leaned down to kiss my neck tenderly, making me smile.
We both worked a lot but usually met up afterward to have dinner somewhere and stay the night at an apartment together. Everything was great with Landon and me. I still had my insecurities and worries, but I tried to focus on the way he treated me.
Landon confessed that he had pinned Marilyn down and she’d admitted they hadn’t slept together that night. She’d tried, but he was unresponsive given his state of mind. He then got her fired once all the partners realized she was trying to get ahead by using each of them. It wasn’t unheard of in any business, but none of them were willing to stand for it. I remembered the way Landon and Marilyn had looked together on the couch, and I shuddered every time. She had seemed too comfortable, and now that I knew he’d been drunk, the image in my head made sense. She wanted Landon, and that was her chance.
Landon admitted that he got her fired because of the way she’d acted with the knowledge of us. When I left, it couldn’t hurt anyone, but she was a known gossiper, and the gossip was often unkind. Marilyn was out to hurt people with her words and would have made it out to be much worse than it was. Landon didn’t want my reputation to be ruined in any way and thus pushed for her termination, with the help of several other partners.
Landon preferred to stay with me every night for safety as much as love, but he had a conference to go to for a long weekend before the holidays. I assured him I would be fine and made plans with Jasmine to have dinner. He left, and I spent Saturday decorating my apartment before dressing to meet her at a place nearby.
The restaurant was new and modern with sleek tables and mood lighting all around, which made me smile. We were seated and ordered drinks as Jasmine looked around slowly. It was dark, but you could see who was sitting at the tables and the bar, and she was a naturally curious person. Her eyes were wide when I looked at her after reading a text from Landon. “What?”
“Brian is at the bar.”
I shrugged.
“He’s looking right at us, Lily. I think he might have followed us or something.”
I slowly turned my head to look, not willing to make eye contact but admittedly curious. Brian was at the bar, staring intently at me, but I was more surprised by the woman beside him.
“Marilyn,” I whispered as I turned to look at Jasmine again. “How did he meet her? What’s going on?”
“I recognize her now. I was so focused on Brian that I didn’t even see her.” Jasmine sipped her Cosmo as she gazed thoughtfully at me. “That can’t be good.”
“Maybe they just hooked up. It can’t be malicious, can it?” My skin burned knowing that Marilyn probably had a lot of information that would make me look even worse than I already felt. I also knew she liked to embellish things.
“I hope so,” Jasmine replied before she looked down at the menu. We decided to have a good dinner even though he stared at me the entire night. I tried to keep things normal, but I saw the concern in Jasmine’s face even though I kept the conversation light.
I left in a rush with my friend following me, turning left to walk down the street. I breathed in the cold air for a few moments as Jasmine caught up to me and wrapped her red coat tightly around her body. “I am supposed to stay with Mike tonight. Is that okay?”
“Of course,” I said, thinking of the three locks on my apartment door. I had gotten Brian’s key back when he moved out, so that didn’t concern me . . . unless he had decided to be a creep and make a copy. “I can stay at Landon’s.” He gave me a key the first day we got back together, and I knew I would feel safer there.
“Perfect. Isn’t he asking you to move in there?” Jasmine asked, and I smiled.
“Every chance he gets.” I wasn’t ready yet. It had only been a month since we’d gotten back together, and I was wary of jumping in so fast, particularly after living with Brian under the wrong circumstances. I was enjoying dating and being able to sleep together through the night and wanted to take time for everything else. I knew this was real with Landon, and we didn’t need to rush it.
Jasmine and I parted ways, and I took a cab to Landon’s place, smiling at the doorman as he held the heavy glass door for me. I walked over to the elevators, and as I waited I heard my phone chime. I opened the text on the elevator and read that Landon was just getting back to the hotel after a night of drinks.
When I told him that I was headed up to his place, Landon asked why.
I was explaining when another text came through. It was from a strange number, and I stared at the attached picture for a long, silent moment. There was no mistaking the couch from Landon’s cottage in Belize, but what had my attention was the joined bodies. The picture was taken from the woman’s point of view, but I’d never taken any pictures of us and I did not have the olive skin this woman had. I heard the ringing of the elevator door and glanced up to see that I was on Landon’s floor. I made my way to his door, unlocking it and closing it right away before I locked it again. I walked to the couch and sat down, examining the picture.
My phone rang, and Landon’s face appeared on the screen as I blinked my eyes and answered it. “Lily, what’s going on? Why are you at my apartment?”
“I . . . well, Brian was at the place we had dinner with Marilyn of all people, and I think I just got uncomfortable. How would they know each other?” I asked as he sighed on the other end.
“I have that fucking conference tomorrow, so I can’t leave.” Landon was in Chicago for this trip, and I knew it would be a huge hassle for him to go back and forth over this. “Does he have a key to your place?”
“He gave it back to me, and there was nothing wrong when we broke up. I hope not,” I said as I looked around the spacious room.
“I am calling your landlord tomorrow, Lily. He’s going to change the locks. Or else you could move in with me?” I heard the plea in his voice as I dropped back against the cushions of the couch. “I love you, and I want this to be forever.”
“I know you do,” I said as I smiled in the dim light of the lamp.
“I’ll call him myself tomorrow.” I loved the alpha tone in his voice, even if it was tinged with disappointment. We’d discussed my moving in and giving up my space, all of which were honest conversations.
“Thanks,” I replied, the picture weighing heavily on my mind. “There’s something else. I’m going to send you a picture.” I made quick work of it, and I heard him curse on the other end. “Do you know what this is, Landon?”
“I know what it fucking looks like. Where did you get this?” he demanded, and I stilled at the tone of his voice.
“I don’t know the number," I admitted, and he cursed again.
“I was drunk, Lily. I know that, but I don’t remember sleeping with her. I know when I’ve done that,” Landon said, forgetting one main point. It was the reason he’d been tested before going anywhere near me without a condom.
“You don’t remember anything, Landon. Maybe this did happen,” I said with resignation as I closed my eyes. It always went back to this and the pain it caused. He took it all on his shoulders, but he didn’t realize I felt my own guilt for walking away from him. I had tried to explain that, but he tended to blame himself, something we were working on.
“I’ve repeatedly apologized for this, Lily. Can’t we put it behind us and just focus on us?” he asked softly, the hurt evident in his voice. “That wasn’t me. All of the cottages were similar, and I wouldn’t doubt if she fucked her way through half of it, assuming it’s Marilyn sending it.” That seemed obvious, considering the background and her being seen with Brian. She could have gotten my number without him, but that was the most obvious answer.
“You’re right. It doesn’t matter, Landon.” I was pretty drunk from dinner, and by this time I was exhausted as well. “I am going to crawl into bed. I miss you.”
“Lock all of the doors and sleep well. I’ll be home in a couple of days. Stay there if you want,” he offered, and I smiled weakly.
“I just might do that.” I loved the view in the morning, and it was just as easy to get around from here as it was from my apartment.
“I love you, Lily.”
I responded by telling him that I loved him as well before ending the call and checking all the locks. I walked down the hallway to the bedroom before I realized that my phone was on the couch, but that might be best with what had happened tonight. I was safe here even if the apartment did feel a little lonely without Landon here with me. I slipped off my dress and took one of his T-shirts out of the dresser to slide over my skin, needing him close.
I curled up in the big bed, hugging a pillow as I wondered what the hell was happening to me . . . to us. I just wanted to be with the man I loved without complication. We’d started off on the wrong foot, but I’d redeemed myself inside my heart by changing my life.
Now I wondered if being honest from the beginning wasn’t the better plan.
Landon
I paced my hotel room after I ended the call, furious about the photo. Sure, it had been taken on a couch that was the same color as mine in the cottage and it was a man and a woman in the act of sex. There were no faces in the photo to identify anyone, but I knew how wasted I had been that night. Getting to this point with Lily would be tough, much less with any other woman on the planet. I dropped into bed and examined the picture a little closer, feeling sick that Lily had been exposed to this.
Brian and Marilyn were on my shit list now, and I considered ways to warn them to leave her alone. Even Nadine hadn’t been this bad, and she was a demanding bitch.
I hated that I didn’t remember what had happened, but I always felt a certain way after I was inside Lily. I’d felt it earlier in the day but not when I woke up with Marilyn on the couch. I’d felt nothing but hungover, sick, and broken that morning, making me think I couldn’t even get it up enough to penetrate anyone that night. I never even had one-night stands when I was too drunk because it was a waste of time. The ones recently were only done when I was wasted enough to let go and attempt sex—nothing at all to brag about to my friends. I needed to find out the truth, but I didn’t know how to go about it.
I kicked off my pants that were already loosened, as I’d been hoping for a little phone action with Lily before I went to sleep. My shirt was already off, and I looked down at my cock, which was at half-mast, with a sigh. Nothing was going to happen tonight, so I decided to sleep off the few drinks I’d had and just go to sleep. Lily was safe in my apartment for tonight, but I had to find a way to get her to move in with me. I wanted it anyway, and we were going strong. Her past with Brian was just that, and we had a new start ahead of us.
Asshole.
I slept fitfully that night, waking up when my alarm went off for the breakfast meeting. I tried to call Lily, but I got her voice mail and told myself it was a weekend. She could sleep in since she wasn’t at a conference.
I met up with the other partners and joined them at a table for the event, sipping coffee as I glanced around at their faces. I wondered if I couldn’t press them for information, given that Marilyn no longer worked for the firm and we all shared a dislike for her. After this conference, we could get some lunch and drinks, and I could start up a conversation.
I struggled through the various speakers, taking notes on what was on my mind while reminding myself to look at the notes of the others at a later date. I was not here today, and I kept thinking of Lily. I was relieved when the event ended and we were dismissed, knowing we were done with business. I wasn’t flying home until the morning, though, as I’d made plans for dinner with some local attorneys last week when things were fine.
Damn it. I wanted to cancel them, but it was just a few hours. Lily was at my apartment, and nobody should know where that was unless Marilyn had gotten nosy while she’d worked with me.
The partners and I all agreed that we could eat again before we rested for dinner, so we hit a local pub. Everyone ordered beers, and I glanced around the table, waiting until everyone had finished their first one. They might be a little more relaxed that way. “I heard that Marilyn got around the week of the annual conference. I can’t remember who said it, but there might be some pictures or something. You guys weren’t stupid enough to do any of that, were you?” My voice was casual, with a hint of laughter in it, and Kevin glanced at me with a smile.
“Fuck, no. I might have done her one night, but there was no evidence of that. I was drunk, and shit happens,” he replied, and my stomach twisted. “You sure she didn’t get any of you, Landon? She was pretty happy the morning of the luncheon.”
“Nothing happened between us. She stopped by the cottage, but I wasn’t up for anything. Too much whiskey.” I was vague about it. She’d obviously said we’d been together, but I wasn’t going to play it up into something it wasn’t.
I pressed a little further and saw some of the pictures the guys had taken, taking special notice of their cottages. James had a couch similar to mine and he resembled me a bit, though he didn’t mention anything about Marilyn. I didn’t see everyone’s accommodations, so I didn’t know if everyone had the same furniture, but it was a start. I wanted to go home with something to tell Lily to calm her down. It was humorous that she was worried about the women I’d slept with during our break since they meant nothing to me.
I was more concerned about her relationship with Brian. They’d lived together and he’d wanted a future with her, so he was damn sure going to be pissed off right now. I didn’t even know the names of my hookups and hadn’t gotten their numbers. It was over the moment I left their places to go home, more miserable than when I walked through the door.
We headed back to the hotel to rest, and I went over what information I’d gained. I called Lily again, pleased to hear her voice on the other end. She sounded a little happier now and told me that Jasmine was going to come over and they would order some pizza and watch movies. Lily didn’t seem that eager to go out on the town, and I was glad. I relaxed on my bed and talked to her.
I got my orgasm, but only when she suggested it. I could tell she was a little horny and lonely herself, and she initiated the long session of aggressive phone sex. We both had stress to work out, and we did, coming for each other as she cried my name and I shot into the towel that was wrapped around my cock to catch the mess. I told her how much I loved her before we ended the call and I dropped off to sleep, feeling much better than the night before.
Earlier, I’d called the desk of my building to up the security a little bit, asking them to pay slightly more attention to who was coming in and out of the building.
I might have given a description of Marilyn and Brian as well. I claimed some clients were a little upset with me and you could never be too safe, right? That old gag.
I woke up in time to shower for dinner, and then I dressed up for the best steakhouse in the United States before I left with my friends. I reminded myself to bring Lily here for a weekend soon, to take her out to eat and show her the town.
It was a relaxing night of food and laughter. We drank beer and talked shop, as always, but then one of the partners announced that he was getting married in the upcoming year. The other guys scoffed at him in a good-natured way, pointing to me as an example of why not to get married. I laughed along with them, but it hit me that I would marry Lily. Nadine hadn’t tarnished any of that for me, because I was a different man with Lily. I was happy.
We talked about the destination wedding in Belize, a favorite place of his and his fiancée. It made me feel bittersweet, knowing how much had happened there that I looked back on with regret. The good news was that it wasn’t close to the former resort and I could find somewhere better to stay, proving to Lily that it was a beautiful, romantic place.
I looked at the faces of my friends at the table. I hadn’t revealed to anyone that I was dating Lily, wanting to give it a little time first. I was going to be officially divorced in three months, and they might give me shit for jumping into another relationship so soon. The general rule of thumb among my group was to fuck other women and maybe settle down in time, something I no longer agreed with. I’d tell them later since the spotlight was on Mitch tonight. He deserved to bask in his happiness, and I supported him with my words and my tone.
When I got back to the hotel later, I packed my clothes and left something out to wear to the airport. I wanted to be ready to go, as I was feeling anxious to see Lily again. It had felt like a long weekend with everything going on, and I wanted to hold her. I also made reservations for a great restaurant, where I planned to ask her to move in with me again. Hell, I’d propose if that was what she wanted from me.
I’d called her before leaving to go to dinner and told her that I loved her, so I fell right into bed to sleep. I rose early, grabbing a coffee on the way to the airport to quicken the process. I boarded on an earlier flight than the others since I had a lot to go home to. I settled into first class and accepted the offer of another cup of coffee from the flight attendant before I flipped through the morning paper. The sun was rising over the horizon as I looked out the window, hoping everything was going to be okay. It had to be.
The flight wasn’t long, and it seemed like I was getting my bag in a timely manner and catching a cab to my apartment. I made my way upstairs, nodding to the staff as I headed toward the elevator, punching the button firmly. I walked to my door and unlocked it gently, pushing it open as I looked around the living room. It was spotless, meaning Lily had cleaned up before she went to bed, even though I’d told her not to worry about that. I had a woman come over to clean every two weeks to catch what I missed, so it wasn’t a big deal. I set my bag down and grabbed some water before I made my way down the hallway and through the open door to see Lily sleeping on her side with the blankets half covering her naked body. She knew how I liked her, and I grinned as I stripped off my clothes and slipped underneath the blankets with her. I pulled her body to mine and kissed her hair as she told me hello.
“I missed you, baby.”
“I missed you,” she told me as I slid my hand up her body to cup her breast. Her nipple hardened as she whimpered, and I began to stroke her gently. I kissed her neck, sucking on her soft skin as she pressed against me.
“I don’t want you doubting us, Lily. I am going to get to the bottom of all of this shit,” I whispered as she nodded and slipped her hand over my cock. One thing led to another quickly, and I was happy that she at least let me come inside her again as she moved to her knees, begging me to take her. I drove myself inside her, crying out her name as she tightened around me. Fucking Lily was like nothing else I’d ever done; she was like no women I’d ever been with.
I gripped her hips as I moved harder. She came first, weeping my name before I jerked inside her and filled her, calling out her name. I dropped beside her, gasping for breath as she reached over me for a glass of water. Lily kissed me quickly before she curled up next to me, smiling into my eyes. “Have fun last night?” I asked her as she nestled against me.
“Yeah. We ate a ton of pizza and drank margaritas while we watched chick flicks. Thank you for having such a great kitchen, Landon.” She kissed me, and I slipped my hand into her hair.
“You know it can be yours as well,” I whispered. She pulled away, looking at me in the light from the window. “I mean that, Lily. I asked you before any of this was happening.”
“I know. I don’t think you’re asking because of that at all. I’m just scared . . . like we’re going to be caught or something. I mean, we’re not exactly spreading the news about us out there.” Lily looked at me, making me feel guilty for not telling my colleagues. Not that she was an open person either, but I wondered of she’d feel better if I outed us.
“We don’t work together any longer, and after some time, it won’t matter that we ever did. I’ll tell everyone I know, Lily. I’m not scared of that. I was just letting some time pass so we knew where we were at.” I kissed her again as she wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled herself closer to me. “I love you.”
We made love a second time, slower and with a bit less urgency. Then Lily took a shower and dressed in some worn jeans with a thick sweater, slipping some boots on before we left to get some lunch. I held her hand as we left the building, leading her toward a deli I’d been craving all weekend as we laughed and talked.
We ordered and found a table in the back, where I asked for her phone. I watched her frown as she handed it to me. I pressed a few buttons until I was looking at the text. She’d kept it there, which didn’t surprise me since there was no reason to hide it. I jotted down the number it was sent from for future research and then handed it back to her as she licked her lips. “Do you recognize it?”
“No, I don’t. I have ways of finding out who it belongs to, though. I talked to some of the guys, and she was sleeping with several people that week. She could have taken a picture of any of them and sent it to you, maybe encouraged by him.” I looked at her as she nodded and took a small bite of her sandwich. I didn’t want to say names, as I wanted to keep the information between us. “They won’t get away with this.”
“I know,” she said with a weak smile. They hadn’t even done too much yet, but I could see the worry in her eyes.
Lily
Landon talked me into stopping by the apartment for some clothes so I could continue to stay at his place. We walked in, and he took a good look around as I grabbed a bag and threw some necessities into it. We hadn’t had the locks changed yet, and I just hoped Brian didn’t have a copy of the key. Landon was going to call the following day and explain the situation, getting the procedure moved up quickly. I sighed as I looked around the apartment that had once brought me so much happiness, angry that it was now tainted by my uncertainty. Maybe I should have moved when I’d broken up with Brian, but this was my home.
The guilt of my cheating hit me again as I was zipping the duffel bag closed. I wished I could go back and change the order of things, but that was impossible. Brian just needed to let go and forgive me. We hadn’t been happy, and likely weren’t going to be, and he would find someone who appreciated him the way he deserved. Landon told me it looked like everything had been left alone, and I smiled brightly and followed him out of the house. We went to his car that he’d gotten for this particular purpose and drove to his apartment, where I set my stuff on the bed and stepped out onto the balcony.
The air was cold, and I felt someone step behind me. “Want to get a tree and decorate it here? I saw you did some stuff at your place. It looked nice,” Landon said, and I smiled and nodded. It was still early afternoon, and we had plenty of time to do that and still be in bed early enough for work the next day.
He took me to a lot, which was just a few blocks from the house, to pick the tree. “Have you had a tree lately?” I asked as I looked around and considered each one.
“Not for years. Nadine preferred to travel during the holidays and didn’t see the point. I haven’t been in my new place that long. I think it will be fun, though,” Landon said as he eyed a tall tree with a smile. “You’ll have to sit on my lap and tell me what you want under the tree on Christmas morning.”
I giggled. “I haven’t done that in forever. My parents were so into the holidays and had a lot of traditions. Once I went to Amy’s, we tried to keep the important ones at first. It was hard to find a reason to celebrate anything.” I glanced at him. “I have some of my mom’s ornaments on the tree at my apartment. I could bring them to your house for yours.”
I watched him smile, suspecting he took that as a positive move toward his idea about my moving in. “That sounds great, Lily. I’m honored to be a part of your traditions this year.”
“I love sharing them with you,” I said as he walked toward me for a slow kiss. We made our way around the lot, picking out an eight-foot-tall Douglas Fir that Landon paid for and loaded onto the roof of his beautiful SUV. We drove it home, and it took the help of the doorman along with a guy behind the desk to get the massive tree up to the apartment. Landon told them to lean it against the wall, since we needed to go grab a few things to set it up and decorate, before tipping them generously for their assistance.
He took me to the nearest Target, and we got a tree stand that would keep it fresh along with some lights. He told me to pick out what I thought I’d need in addition to the ornaments I’d be bringing from my apartment, and he smiled as he watched me do so with delight. I hadn’t felt this way since I was a kid, and despite the circumstances surrounding us, I was happy. The cart was full by the time we left, both with things for the tree and apartment. I kissed Landon once we arrived at the car and loaded everything inside, and I was thrilled when he held me in his arms to continue the kiss.
We went home and made hot cocoa, turning on some holiday movies while we decorated. It was only the beginning of December, and we had plenty of time to prepare.
Thanksgiving had been quiet since Amy went to her boyfriend’s parents’ for a week with my blessing. I’d stayed with Landon and cooked a small meal for the two of us, talking to her several times throughout the day for advice.
Once the house was brightly lit with festive colors and multicolored lights, Landon kissed me with intent as I melted into his arms. “Have you ever made love by a Christmas tree?” His voice was soft as I shook my head slowly. “Neither have I.”
I felt overjoyed to be the first as we slipped down to the soft rug by the tree, bathed only in the colors of the lights he’d strung on it. I kissed him hard as we stripped each other down, moving my lips over his neck as he moaned my name. He settled on his back, giving me control as I slipped over him and cried out his name. It was moments like this, when I rode him hard and slow, feeling him fill me everywhere, that I knew in my heart we could work out.
We came together as he gripped my hips and stared into my eyes, making me feel like the only woman in the world.
We ordered in dinner, eating in robes on the couch before calling an early bedtime. We both had to be at work early the following morning and vowed to not let our relationship get in the way of our jobs since we now worked apart. I fell asleep snuggled in his arms, thinking to myself that living here didn’t sound too bad.
The next day I was off a little earlier than Landon, who was involved in a big case. I wanted the Christmas ornaments for his tree, so I made my way to my apartment quickly to bag them up. It was still light out, and I looked around as I approached my door, unlocking it before I slipped inside. I set my purse and keys down on the table by the door before I locked it, making my way to the living room.
My mouth dropped open when I saw the remains of some ornaments on my hardwood floor, broken beyond repair. I fell to my knees and sorted through the mess, crying when I realized they were the ornaments from my childhood. The glass ones were in pieces, and the others that I’d handmade as a child were ripped apart and scattered. I started to sob. I looked up at the tree and saw another one with my picture in it, still intact but destroyed by a marker.
It read: Whore.
I fell back on my ass as I tried to breathe and stay calm, taking a few moments before I managed to stand up. I didn’t think all the ornaments were ruined, but I wasn’t going to stick around to find out. The message was clear, and I grabbed my things before I closed and locked the door, making my way out of the building and into the street before leaning against the wall. I reached into my purse with shaking hands to call Landon, crying through my description of what had happened as he told me to catch a cab to his apartment. He would meet me there, and we’d get to the bottom of this.
I hailed a cab and slipped into the backseat, telling the driver the address as I felt a sharp pain in my knees. I glanced down to see blood and gasped.
“Are you okay, miss?” the driver asked.
“Do you have any tissues?”
He reached into the glove compartment and handed me a small, sealed pack of the travel ones. “Thank you. I must have cut myself on something.”
I was in better shape once I got out and hurried up to Landon’s, making my way quickly to the bathroom to clean myself up with soap and water. I heard the door and him calling my name as I replied that I was in the bathroom. Landon came in, frowning when he saw me sitting down with my skirt pulled up as I tended to the wounds. “What the hell happened?”
“I cut myself on some of the glass, I suppose. I didn’t feel it until I was in the cab,” I replied as rage filled his eyes.
“Motherfucker. He’s a dead man,” Landon muttered as he knelt down to look at my cuts. “I am calling your landlord to find out why the fuck the locks weren’t changed. I am calling the police to get them to the apartment and make a report. I want to go find him myself and rip his head off, but that’s not going to help you at all.” I was relieved that he saw the truth in those words, and I smiled at him as he looked into my eyes. “Do you want to be here when the police get there, or do you want to talk to them?”
“I’ll go. They’ll need to know what I saw, right?” We bandaged my knees after putting some healing salve on them, at which point I changed into jeans and a sweater. Landon had already made the call, and he drove me to the apartment, leading me up to the door as he kept casting worried glances at me. Landon unlocked the door and turned on a light before I walked inside, taking a deep breath.
We walked around together, seeing a few broken picture frames before he walked over to look at the tree. Landon knelt to take in the broken ornaments, cursing when he saw the one that was written on as he turned to take me into his arms. “You’re not, Lily.”
“I know that. He’s angry, and he’s going to take that out on me. I did the wrong thing, but I never intended for it to happen that way.” Tears filled my eyes as there was a knock on the door, and Landon told me to have a seat while he answered it. He led two officers to me as they scrutinized the room, letting their gazes rest on the mess on the floor. “Can you tell me what happened?”
I explained how I stopped by on my own to get some of the ornaments and found them broken and vandalized. I went more into detail about the breakup with Brian, how there was seemingly no drama at first. They asked the same thing about the key that Landon had, to which I responded that I had no idea before I pointed to the ornament that was hanging on the tree. One of them walked over and read it as heat flushed my skin. I felt exposed and raw as the officers shared a long look. Landon sat beside me, holding my hand as they asked if anything else was damaged.
They toured the apartment with me and jotted down all the damage for their report before we were at the door again. The officers suggested to Landon that I spend the night elsewhere, making me smile when he put his arm around me and assured them that I would be. They left and handed me a card for if I had any more information, closing the door as Landon told me to check for anything else I’d need for his house. There was a serious tone to his voice, making me nod as I headed back to the bedroom for more clothes.
He was having a heated conversation with whom I guessed with my landlord as I came back into the main room. I looked at him as I walked into the kitchen to get a bag of some of my snacks as he kept talking, his voice rising every moment. I jumped when I heard him say that I’d be moving out of this apartment without penalty given that he hadn’t taken care of the issue when asked. Then he ended the call as he walked in and pulled me into his arms. “That asshole didn’t seem to give a shit about this. He blamed you for giving your key out when he wasn’t on the lease, but he’ll learn not to fuck with a lawyer.”
“So, I’m moving?” I asked in a small voice as I looked around.
“From this unit, yes. I am going to handle everything, Lily. You can get another place in this complex or any other one you choose in the city if you don’t want to live with me.” I looked up at him with big eyes as he stared at me. “This is moving goddamn fast, and I know you’re scared, Lily. Your ex is stalking you, and I can see how that would make you nervous, but I want you in my life regardless of any of that. I want you in my arms every night, and I need to wake up with you every morning.” He pressed his lips gently to mine as I breathed into him, cupping my face gently before a crash sounded and I jumped back with a scream.
Landon opened my door and ran out, calling something as I took a few shaky breaths. I walked into the living room to see the window shattered. Landon yelled and someone responded as I started to cry.
I heard footsteps and looked up as there was another knock on the door. The word “police” was called. I looked through the peephole to see one of the same officers from earlier standing there, and I let him in as he looked at me closely. “Your boyfriend has a guy down there who admitted to breaking your window, and my partner is taking care of him. Are you okay?”
“Scared,” I admitted, and he nodded with a sympathetic look.
“You can get a restraining order against this guy now that he’s a proven stalker if you come down to the station tomorrow. Unfortunately, I don’t think he’ll get a great deal of time for this, so you’ll want to be protected.” He looked around the apartment. “I’m going to call your landlord to get this place boarded up until you can move out, Lily. I am sorry that this happened to you.”
Landon came up a few minutes later and looked me over. “He’s going to the station. The little shit pissed himself when I came running out, and he admitted everything.” He looked into the living room and shook his head. “The cops said they’re calling the landlord to board that up as well.”
“Yeah,” I said in a shaking voice before he hugged me to him.
“I want to make sure that he gets over here before we leave, Lily. That’s all.” I nodded against him as tears slipped down my cheeks. He waited with me on the couch, holding my hand as I regained control of myself.
By the time my landlord arrived, ready to get some wood over the broken window, I was shivering with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders. He grudgingly apologized to me and glanced at Landon, who led me out of there with a dark look on his face. We drove back to Landon’s apartment with my bag in his hand, complete with the ornaments that weren’t broken for his tree.
I took a long shower when we were back in his place, drying my hair before I pulled on his robe. I tied it around my body and padded into the living room to see him on the couch, looking at the ornaments as he set them down on a blanket on the coffee table. He looked at me and locked gazes with me. “Were the ones you loved the most salvageable?”
I shrugged. “Some of them.” I sat down and looked over the small collection as I sighed. “I don’t know why he did this. He knew what they meant to me.”
“He wanted to hit you where it hurt you the most. Emotions are cruel sometimes, baby.” Landon looked at me as he tucked a strand of damp hair behind my ear. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s over, right?” I smiled weakly. “I’ll go to the station and get a restraining order against him like the officer said. He’ll have to leave me alone.” I felt a rush of fear at the idea of what might have happened if I’d been home alone when Brian was there, of where his anger might have taken him. “I want to move out of there. I want to . . . I want to be here with you. I can’t fear moving forward with you because of something that he did. I can’t let Brian hold me back.”
I was pulled against Landon tightly as I gasped softly. “You have made me so happy, Lily.” He kissed me hungrily as he cupped my face, and I felt my need for him outweigh my fear. I dropped back on the cushions of the couch as he stripped my jeans off my legs and took me hard, the way I asked him to. Needing the reassurance that he was here for me, I wrapped my legs around him as he thrust inside me, telling me he loved me.
I called in to work the next day, still too nervous to sleep well. I went to the station to handle paperwork and get the restraining order in place, and I found out that Brian had confessed to everything while also throwing Marilyn under the bus. She’d sent the picture, though it wasn’t of Landon. She knew it would make me doubt and feel insecure, hopefully breaking us up so she could move in for the kill. Landon assured me that she was blackballed in the state of New York as far as practicing law, if not everywhere else.
Brian didn’t get a lot of time, just a few months and probation. I was concerned when he was released, though he made an effort to email me to apologize for everything. He assured me that he would leave me alone—words from my laptop in Landon’s living room.
Landon
I stepped out of the shower and looked in the mirror, brushing my growing hair back. It seemed like yesterday that we were celebrating our first Christmas together, and here it was the following year. Once everything calmed down with Brian’s brief stalking of Lily, things were perfect for us. We made love by the Christmas tree every night it was up, sometimes sleeping on the couch to watch it along with the moon through the window. Lily relaxed as the days passed by, finally smiling when she knew that Brian was behind bars.
She flourished at work, and I knew she could have anything she wanted in the world of law. I had a great setup at my office with a talented assistant who kept everything going smoothly for me, making it easy to go home to the woman I loved.
I dressed in some jeans and slipped a button-up shirt over my torso, leaving it open as I walked out to the living room. Lily was hanging the last ornament with a soft smile, and then she glanced at me, her eyes trailing down my bare chest. “Hey. How was the shower?”
“It felt good,” I said as I walked over to her for a long kiss. They were still just as electric as they had been in the beginning, and I never tired of feeling her mouth on mine. It was a long last day at work before the holidays, and I was looking forward to some quiet time with Lily.
I pulled her to the couch with one hand, sitting her down as I sank to the floor. “What are you doing?” Lily asked, a curious look on her face.
“I have been with you for one of the best years of my life, baby. I have seen you through two holidays now and become a part of your family. I have fallen more in love with you with every week that we spend together, and though I never intended to wait this long . . . I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife, Lily. I want you to have my children.” Tears filled her eyes as she stared at me, and I slipped the box out of my pocket and pressed my lips together. “Will you marry me?”
“Yes, Landon. I’ve been wanting you to ask me that,” Lily said as she bowed her head to kiss me, our lips melting together. She wrapped an arm around me as it deepened, giggling as emotion overcame her. I took advantage of that moment to show her the ring. Her mouth dropped open. “Is that . . .?”
“Amy gave me your mom’s ring. I had it cleaned up and added a slightly bigger stone from my own mother’s ring to combine the two . . . I hope you don’t mind,” I told her as tears slid freely down her cheeks. “I love you, baby.”
“I love you,” she replied, smiling knowingly as she allowed me to slip the ring on her left hand. “I have a surprise for you.”
“What?” I asked, thinking it was about work.
“I found out that I’m pregnant today. I’ve been feeling off lately and started thinking about how I messed up on the pill on our last weekend away. I took a test and, yeah, it was positive. I was considering asking you to marry me,” Lily joked.
I moved up on the couch and pressed my hand lightly against her stomach.
“You’re having our baby?” I asked, and she nodded and smiled sweetly. “Shit. I didn’t think that would happen this fast. I didn’t think you wanted this.”
“I believe fate took its own course with us,” Lily replied before our lips met in another kiss. We curled up and watched a movie on the couch in the darkened room, which was lit up only by the bright lights on the tree. I held her tightly, thanking God for her as I imagined our future together. In all my relationships and marriages, I’d never felt this way about anybody.
She called Amy the next day with the good news, and soon it was spreading around both of our buildings. It seemed like the next week we were getting married on our favorite beach in Belize, one we had discovered at my friend’s wedding the previous year.
We had our closest friends watching us as we said our vows, Amy beaming beside Lily, whose stomach was rounded with our first child. Lily was into her sixth month and had chosen a dress that flattered her belly, though she looked more beautiful carrying my child than ever before. We had dinner by the light of the setting sun and danced well into the night before I led Lily to the cottage by the water, watching her smile.
We made love for hours as husband and wife before she fell asleep, exhausted from the day. Our daughter, Tinsley, was wearing her out, but Lily loved every moment of it, and I had no complaints about Lily’s overactive sex drive.
I held my daughter three months later, staring down into her beautiful face as tears gushed down my cheeks. She looked so much like her mom but had my dark hair. She was also screaming at the top of her lungs.
“We’re in for it with this one,” Lily told me in a weary voice as she smiled lovingly at the two of us. She’d done an excellent job with the twelve-hour labor, staying calm and focused, particularly once she’d gotten some drugs.
I knew my life was complete, and I kissed Lily as the nurse took the baby to clean her up. I knew that there would be more kids in our future and all the love Lily could stand.
She was my everything. We’d had an intense and rough start of things, but she was mine forever now. She and my daughter were the moon and stars in my sky, and I’d never want anything else.
The End
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I hope you enjoyed CRAVE ME. For your reading pleasure, I have included numerous bonus stories. Please refer to the table of contents to choose what to read next.
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