Blyss
My mind was quiet as I got ready to feel the whip across my back. Troy leaned in close, his breath was hot on my neck. “What is our safe word, Sub?”
“Cherry.”
“Good girl. I’m going to use this whip on you now. Or I might only brandish it around your body.”
“Please, Master …”
“Be quiet!” His tone was strict; his body went rigid behind mine. “I will do with you as I please. No more back talk out of you.”
I nodded and felt let down—depressed about the fact that he wasn’t going to do to me what I wanted. My body had been on fire for him to take me sexually. The sex we had was far better than I thought sex could even be. Why couldn’t he allow me to feel what he’d given others?
The same way that sex had preoccupied my mind before he gave it to me, so was the thought of feeling him do to me what he’d done to others. It wasn’t one of the things I’d thought a lot about when I’d signed up for this. After getting involved with Troy, I wanted more. I wanted to feel his power. It was all I could think about.
I’d dreamt of him paddling me, stringing me up, blindfolding me, gagging me, and even whipping me. When I’d seen that whip lying on the ground, my mind had blurred with excitement. And when he’d said that he might not hit me with it, I’d wanted to cry. I yearned to feel it on my skin, but he’d shut me down before I could explain a thing to him.
“Yes, master,” my voice quivered.
He took me by the chin, running the pad of his thumb over my lower lip. “Tell me why you want me to strike you. And please refrain from saying it’s because of what I did with others.” His eyes were almost completely green as he looked at me like he was searching my mind for answers even I didn’t have.
“My body yearns to feel your power. That’s the only way I can explain it, master.”
With a nod, he kissed my cheek. “Then you will feel my power, Sub. Promise me you will call out the safe word before your body is overly taxed by the whip, and I will fulfill your need.”
“I promise you, I will call it out before I’m overwhelmed, master.” My heart was pounding with excitement.
He was going to actually do it!
Finally, I’d feel the same thing he’d given other women. The elation that was running through me and my body was tingling with anticipation. I was about to have my first BDSM experience! He moved back several steps and I heard the tiny limbs breaking under his feet as he backed up. The crickets chirped, an owl screeched for the second time that night, and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
A whooshing sound met my ears, then a thunderous crack came to my right side. It was so close; I could feel the air it moved. I stopped breathing as I thought about what that might actually feel like on my skin. The whip cracked on the other side of me, sending my body into a tense state beyond any tension I’d ever felt before. Everything in me tried to get away from the thing that threatened me, but I was tied so tightly, I couldn’t move a thing except my head. And that was tucked in, without me thinking about it, keeping it safely out of the whip’s reach.
Troy popped the whip around my body about fifteen times. It was so strange how I went from deathly afraid he’d hit me to wishing he’d just do it already. My entire body began to vibrate as it wanted the impact. The sound of the cracking whip was making me more than frustrated and I screamed with tension—a high-pitched scream that had the whip stopping. “Did I hit you?” Troy ran his hands over my back, looking for a place I’d been hit.
My breathing was ragged. “No, but I want to feel it. Please!”
Troy was so close to me; I could feel the heat of his body on my back. “Are you sure, Blyss?”
“Don’t call me that, please. I am your Submissive, master. A woman who is begging you to let her feel your power. Please!” I was nearly crying with the emotion that was overtaking me.
“I will give you what you want, Sub.” He took a few steps back and cracked the whip four times on either side of me, then one fell across my back and I shrieked with the pain. Something inside of me erupted as another lash pelted me. A couple of pops on either side of me had my body vibrating with urgency. It wanted more!
The searing pain had already vanished from the first two strikes. I wasn’t about to call out the safe word. Another strike sent fresh heat through me. The scream that came out of my mouth did so without me thinking about it. Then I moaned as the burning continued and Troy popped the whip around me. I was shaking, but the roped held me, not allowing my body to move the way it needed to. One more lash fell across my back and I had to call out, “Cherry …” I sagged in the ropes as everything drained out of me.
Troy was moving fast, untying me. It was then that I realized I had started crying. Sobbing, actually. I didn’t know I was doing it and that bothered me a bit. I was picked up and carried to the tent. Troy laid me on my stomach and moved around as I kept on crying like a baby. My back was throbbing, my body ached, and I felt like a blob of nothing but pain.
Something cold was put on my back. “Blyss, are you okay?”
“Not really,” I got out between sobs.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to do that. I told you.”
“No, I’m glad you did. I … I …” my words were choked by my crying. A sudden burst of warmth rushed through me, as if a heater had come on inside of me. An odd warmth, a comforting feeling, moved through me and my head felt light. My crying stopped and I moaned with another sensation as Troy ran his hands over my back.
“This is a pain-relieving antibiotic ointment. There are a few places on your back that will take a few days to heal.” He began rubbing my shoulders as he leaned close to me. “Baby, don’t make me do that again. Please, don’t make me.”
I turned to my side and saw the distraught expression he was wearing. Running my hand over his bearded cheek, I felt sorry for him. “You didn’t like that?”
He shook his head. “I hated it. And you waited so long to call out the safe word.” He shuddered, then hugged me. “Blyss, I don’t like the way you screamed. It was terrible. I felt as if I was killing you.”
I had no idea the sounds I had made were so disturbing. The man had done things like that before. Had the other women not reacted the way I had? Troy pulled back and I found he had a box of tissues. He wiped my eyes, then held one to my nose and I blew. No one had ever done that for me. He was taking care of me. Not that he hadn’t done that the entire time, but this felt different.
I sat up once I’d pulled myself together. “Master …”
“No! Troy. Not master. Not right now.” The look he gave me was stern. “You didn’t do what you were supposed to. You let it go too far.”
“To be honest with you, I think I went right where I wanted to be. I wasn’t crying from the physical pain, exactly. What I felt was much more primal. Isn’t that what’s supposed to happen?”
He sat back on his feet as he looked me over. “Much later it is. Not with your first time doing anything like this. Usually, one strike is given on the first time. Maybe two if the Sub’s pain threshold is high.”
“I think mine is really high.”
He shook his head, surprising me. “I don’t. The way you screamed told me that much.”
“I didn’t think I was screaming more than anyone else would.” He was beginning to make me feel uncomfortable about how I’d reacted and I wasn’t loving it at all. “Troy, did I go overboard?”
He looked at me without so much as blinking. “No. No, I shouldn’t be holding you to any kind of reaction. You reacted in a way that came naturally to you. You had a burst of energy that escaped you. It came out the way it’s meant to, for you. I’m sorry. I’m overreacting so much with you.”
I was too much for the man. That was obvious. “If you want to end our contract …”
His hands gripped my shoulders. “NO! No, I don’t want to end anything. I don’t want you to seek out another Dom. You’re fragile.”
“I am not!” I was getting so tired of him thinking I was breakable.
His grip tightened as he looked into my eyes. “You listen to me, Blyss Danner, you are vulnerable and fragile. You may not like to hear that about yourself. I get it. I really do. You see yourself as a confident, smart woman. And you are that, but you’re also a little girl who was left all alone. Your cry was primal, much more so than any cry I’ve ever heard. I’m never walking away from you. I’m never allowing another person to take you on as a Submissive.”
“While that’s nice of you, I don’t need you to go to that much trouble with me.” He was overstepping his bounds. I hadn’t signed up to be with him forever, the way he was talking about.
“It’s not trouble. I actually feel obligated …”
It was me who stopped him as I put my finger to his lips. “No. Just stop, please. I don’t want you to feel obligated to me. Troy, I came here to learn, and now I see that I can learn even more than I ever thought I could. That release has left me feeling better than I’ve ever felt. Even better than after you and I have sex, and that’s saying something.”
The way he slouched didn’t make me happy. “That made you feel better than sex with me?”
I’d hurt his ego, something I hadn’t meant to do. But was I supposed to lie to him to save his feelings? “Troy, sex with you is great. Better than I knew it would be. But the way I felt, letting something go that was buried inside of me—that was unbelievable. It’s difficult to explain. It felt as if negative energy was shooting out of my head and out of the universe, where it could never harm me again. And I have you to thank for that. Please don’t stop it now.”
“There won’t be any more of that type of thing until your wounds have healed. So don’t even ask for that. But you do seem to need to cry more. You must’ve been a quiet kid.”
“I was told I cried any time I was awake when I was first born, until I went completely through the withdrawal. And then I didn’t cry at all. I was sent from place to place and never got close to anyone. It didn’t bother me to move on.”
“Not even a little?” He looked confused. “You never got close to anything? You didn’t like a place a bit more than what you went to next?”
“Sure, there were places I liked better than others. There were people around who I thought were more interesting than others were. Some were nicer, some were meaner, and some were barely there. It didn’t matter to me; I knew I’d be moved again.”
I hated the way his eyes drooped at the outer corners. I hated the pity I saw in them. He held out his arms, as if I needed to go into them to find solace. I didn’t need him to provide that. I could find that within myself.
Or could I?
I had screamed in a way that frightened him. I had cried in a way he’d never seen and he thought I needed to cry more. Something was definitely wrong with me. I had been denying that for too long. Troy was there to let me know I needed help, even though I didn’t think I did.
Moving into his arms, I let him hold me. “You can let yourself go with me, baby. I’ve got you. You have me and you always will. I love you, Blyss. My love for you is deep and true, and I will never walk away from you. I feel like you and I came together for a reason.”
“I don’t like feeling weak.”
“No one does. But you have to know and understand your weaknesses before you can ever be truly strong. It’s okay. I’m here for you.”
As he rocked me back and forth, I felt something pulse inside of me. It was my heart. It was pumping at the same rate his was, getting in sync with his.
Was that love I was feeling?