I thought it was her that was playing a game when we started this. But it’s more clear to me now that I was the one playing. The bottle of whiskey is empty. I keep bringing it to my lips, forgetting that it’s gone, having nothing to take this pain away.

There’s life beyond the hollow shell I’ve been living in. There’s a reason to fight, there’s a reason to feel. Lilly’s shown me that. My heart hurts for her. I wish I could give her something to take the pain away. But nothing can soothe grief. I know that all too well.

Over the last few days, she hasn’t been herself. I told her she’s blaming herself for something she couldn’t control. It’s something no one could have controlled. But she doesn’t want to believe that.

I’ll show her with time. I’ll help her however I can. I just want her to be happy again.

Knock. Knock. Two soft knocks from the front entry distract me from my thoughts.

I’ve ordered her a new laptop. I put the bottle down on the end table and quickly make my way to the door. I’m eager to get her something that will make her smile. She’s been burying herself in her writing. I’m hoping this will make her happy. Even if it's only for a moment.

When I open the door without checking, my heart stops. I hate myself this very second. I should have known better. Fool! I’m a fucking fool for letting my guard down.

I stare down the barrel of two guns, held by men I don’t recognize, but I know who sent them. I stand there numb on the surface, but internally I’m screaming. How could I be so fucking stupid? I don’t have a gun. I have nothing! And Lilly’s upstairs. Vulnerable. It’s my fault.

“What do you want?” I ask without giving in to the fear and reflecting it in my voice. My hand grips the door keeping me upright, as though without it, I’d fall.

Lilly. She’s all I can think about. I start to walk outside, my hand closing the door behind me, but they step forward, crowding my space. I need to get them away from here. As far away from Lilly as I can.

“We can discuss this somewhere else,” I say easily, as they ignore me and continue walking forward, pushing me back into my foyer. One closes the front door and locks it. I start thinking about where every gun I have in this house is located. I have them stashed away in every room. My eyes dart to the corner of the foyer; the one here is behind these two assholes, so I won’t be able to get to the gun in the closet. There are two in the living room though. I only need to get these assholes to follow me in there. But that’s closer to Lilly. Fuck! I try not to clench my jaw and ball my hands into fists at the thought.

I’m not sure if these men know she’s here. I can’t risk them finding out. I wish I could tell her to run. To hide. I wish I could go back in time and never speak to her, never corrupt her with the sins of my past.

If only I could. I’d give it all up to keep her safe.

“You know how this ends, Joe,” the one man says to my left. He’s nearly bald and short, and his leather jacket is slightly too big for him. The man on his right is much taller, his military cut giving him an edge over the other fuckface. Both of them are holding their guns loosely. They’re both arrogant. They think they’ve won. I take in a deep breath, quickly coming up with a plan. Something. Anything to keep her from them.

The bald man continues to point his gun at me as the other man asks, “We just need the code for your safe.” I huff a grunt. Of course. Money. It’s always about the money.

“And why would I tell you that?” I ask with a grin that doesn’t reflect a single thing I’m feeling.

“Because if you do, we won’t make you watch what we’re gonna do to your girl.” He smiles a crooked grin, showing his yellowed teeth. “We’ll put you out of your misery first.” The bald man’s answer chills my blood. My heart pounds in my chest.

As I swallow thickly, registering what they’re saying and trying not to give into the urge to beat the piss out of him, I see movement over the tall man’s right shoulder.

Lilly.

I swear my heart stops. What the fuck is she doing?

“You need to go back where you came from,” I tell the man standing in front of me, but I’m not speaking to him. I wish I could look at her as I talk, but I can’t. I’m afraid they’ll follow my line of sight, turn around and see her.

I’m fucking pissed as I say the same words louder. Both men seem thrown off by the command in my voice, but I don’t care. I can’t even think about them. She needs to listen. She needs to get out of here.

I dare to take a step forward when the floor creaks with Lilly’s steps, it distracts them enough that they don’t hear her; both men point their guns at my head. “You should go hide,” I tell them, a sick grin on my face with false confidence in my voice. Run, Lilly!

Lilly must know that I’m speaking to her, but she doesn’t listen. Of all the times I need her to just listen to me, now is the time. But she doesn’t, she just continues forward, entering the foyer and holding a gun in her hands high, pointing at the tall man to my right.

“You have two minutes, Joe,” the bald man says. “Or else Nicky here...” he sticks his thumb out pointing to the other man and turns his head slightly to look at him. My heart jumps up my throat when he does, because as he turns to look at his partner, he catches sight of Lilly. I see it all happen in slow motion.

Fuck!

He shouts and raises his gun at her, whipping around on his heels and I react instantaneously, pushing forward with all of my weight, shoving him down to the ground. All the sounds and screams turn to white noise, my lungs freezing, my heart beating frantically. A rush of heat takes over my body, nearly numbing me. I’ve never felt so much fear in my life.

“Run!” I yell at Lilly as several gunshots go off at once. Bang! Bang! Bang!

Lilly, not Lilly. My throat hurts from my screams as I fight for the gun. Trying to keep him from shooting it, but trying to look at Lilly. Run! Just run!

I hear her shrill scream as another bullet echoes off the wall. A stray piece of drywall falls into pieces and lands on the bald man’s face. And then another gunshot, this one from the gun I’m fighting over. The jolt of the trigger being pulled loosens the grip this fucker has on it.

The bullet flies through the air and strikes me in my upper forearm. Fuck! I curse under my breath. In and out in the blink of an eye. I feel the urge to reach up and grab the wound, but I can’t. I won’t let it stop me from strengthening my hold on the gun. Nothing will stop me.

“Lilly!” I call for her. I can’t hear her. “Lilly!”

My fingertips slip against the gun as the bastard kicks me in the gut. Both of us are wrestling on the ground, trying to rip the gun out from each other’s grip. The pain from the shot in my arm shoots up and down my shoulder. I ignore it, merely clenching my teeth from the screaming pain as I continue to fight.

His head is close to the thick front leg of the foyer table. I could take a risk and stop fighting for the gun, going for his chin instead and try to slam his head into the hardwood. But that would mean letting go of the gun that I almost have a grip on. His fingertips fumble at the trigger again, a bullet whizzing through the air and landing into the plaster wall. He flinches from the sudden shot.

I take advantage of the moment, hurling my body upward. Using my forearm instead of my hand, I smash the back of his head against the leg of the table. It doesn’t do any real damage, but it makes him close his eyes. I’m able to jump forward and sink my teeth into his forearm and grab the gun the second he loosens his grip on it. In a swift moment, the gun is in my hands and I don’t hesitate to put a bullet through his skull. Bang!

My heart races as I quickly raise the gun in my hands and prepare to shoot the other bastard. But instead I find Lilly, staring at the man lying still on the floor. Three gunshot wounds are visible from the blood staining his shirt.

Lilly doesn’t look at me when I call her name, still gripping the gun in both of her hands. She's shaking.

I stand slowly with my hands up, looking between the two men dead on the floor. There’s blood spilling from their open wounds and pooling on the marble floor beside them. At least it happened out here, where I can easily clean up this mess.

I can hardly look at Lilly. I’m full of shame. It’s because of me that she had to fight for her life. I couldn’t protect her. I brought this pain to her. It’s my fault.

She drops the gun to the ground, and it hits the marble hard with a loud thud as she collapses into my open arms. The moment I close my arms around her, she sobs into my chest, trembling uncontrollably. As if my touch broke the trance.

I’ve put up with my brother and father for years. But they brought Lilly into this, and that firms my resolve.

I kiss Lilly’s hair softly, rubbing soothing circles on her back. But I stare straight ahead at the blank wall, knowing I need to kill them. Tonight.