Chapter Eighteen
Searching
Zelda
When I arrive at the Brasserie, I only find Cal inside. He’s at the bar, standing beside a vacant barstool with a gin and tonic waiting. I can’t begin to tell him how much I appreciate it. At the same time, the closer I get, the worse I ache. Was it only last night we were so happy together, laughing and watching movies in the Paris Hotel?
“Hello, beautiful.” Cal kisses my cheek as I climb onto the barstool.
“Thanks for this.” I lift the skinny glass and take a sip. “You knew just what I needed.”
“I aim to please,” he grins, placing a hand on my waist. “You just missed Ro and Ava. I won’t lie to you, I’m pretty sure the crown prince is in deep smit.”
That helps me smile. “I’ve never seen Ava so happy. It’s like a fairytale.”
“There you go again with the fairytales. I warned you about those.” My stomach sinks, but he can’t possibly begin to know how true his statement is.
I fight it off. “Still, I’m happy to see them both so happy.”
“It is rather inspiring, isn’t it? Give you any ideas? Sudden cravings?” He leans in and gives me a little eyebrow twitch. As usual, my stomach flips.
Bad feelings aside, I love sitting here with him, exchanging sexual innuendo. He’s so casual in his jeans and light sweater. His brown hair is messy from the wind on the track, and his hazel eyes glow. I know from experience under that blue sweater are the lines and muscles that make me swoon. I almost wish we could blow off dinner as well.
“I’m sorry the ambience isn’t what it used to be here,” he says, misinterpreting my quiet observation. “We should’ve gone to the Buddha bar.”
“The Buddha bar! What’s that?”
“Sushi, Chinese, and Thai food.”
“Mm, I love Thai food!”
His eyes darken, and he steps forward, pulling me against his chest. “I like the full-body orgasm you had saying that.”
Reaching up, I pinch his side. “I did not.” Feeling naughty, I add, “If I had an orgasm it was looking at you.”
He releases me and shakes his head. “Shit, I’m not hungry anymore.” With a wink, he adds, “At least not for food.”
I laugh as I take another sip of my drink. How is it possible this man erases all the heaviness I feel?
“We need to eat. We have to keep our strength up for all that fucking.”
He laughs more. “Dammit, Zee. You’re killing me.”
My eyes narrow, and he takes another sip of champagne. Taking the menu, I scan the unusual selection—Mediterranean with Asian accents?
“What did my uncle want?” Cal says, and just like that, my happiness bursts like a bubble. He sees the change, and concern fills his voice. “Is something wrong?”
My conversation in the limo, my reason for being here, all of it races back to the forefront of my mind. So many secrets I’m keeping from him, so many lies. How could I ever tell him the truth and expect him to understand? Reggie’s voice is in my head, I’ll expose you for the lying little cunt you are… God, that stings so much.
Finally, I answer him the only way I know how. “I have to leave soon.”
Silence fills the space between us like a sudden rainstorm, extinguishing our banter. The noise of the restaurant seems to grow louder, and when I look up, I see Cal’s expression has darkened.
“Why?” He moves closer. “I thought you liked it here.”
His presence is so soothing, but it’s time for reality. I have to let him go. A flash of pain tightens my chest.
“I’m not as free as I’d hoped,” I say quietly.
Our eyes don’t meet. I watch as Cal traces his finger through the condensation on my glass. “Do you have a departure date?”
I shake my head. “Reggie’s working out the details. It will probably be in the next few days. Maybe a week.”
Unable to stop myself, I look up for his warm hazel eyes. My sadness is reflected back at me, and I want to step forward into his arms, hold onto him—as if I have the right to keep him.
“Do you think you can stick around for the race?” he asks “It’s only a few days away.”
“I don’t know.” I don’t know what’s coming next.
“You can definitely stay for the gala. It’s tomorrow night, and I need a date.”
“I’m sure you can find a date.”
A hint of that smile plays around his lips. “Of course, I can find a date, but I want to go with you.”
This time I do move forward into his arms. They tighten around me at once, and my cheek is pressed against his chest. He holds me, and I inhale deeply the spicy-citrusy scent of his clothes. It takes me back to the first night when he loaned me his shirt, which I never plan to return. Ever. The thought of letting him go forms an aching hole in my chest.
His hand moves up, sliding over the back of my neck. His fingers thread in my hair. “Maybe I’ll visit you in Texas. It’s close to Vegas, right?”
That makes me laugh, and I pull back to meet his eyes. “Compared to what? Here?”
“I think I’d like Vegas.”
“I’m sure you would. It’s perfect for playboys.”
The hostess comes to lead us to our table. Cal gives me a tight smile and steps back, catching my hand and threading our fingers. I study his perfect ass in those jeans as we walk, and my mind is frantic trying to think of something, anything I can do to change my situation. I’m so far out of my league in this place. I have been since the first night I attended that charity ball.
Our table is outdoors on a small patio overlooking the sea. Only a few other diners share the space, and a blonde waitress quickly appears.
“I’ll have the burger and chips,” Cal says, handing her the oversized menu.
“To drink, Monsieur?”
“What are you having?” Cal asks me.
“I’ll try the sushi.”
“Good choice.” He glances up at the waitress. “Vinho Verde.”
She nods and takes down my order before disappearing into the restaurant.
“Green wine?” I say, taking a sip of my water.
“Look at you! Picking up the language.” He smiles, and gives me a wink. “It’s not actually green, but it is effervescent. I think you’ll like it.”
“So it’s like champagne?”
“Hm,” he looks out over the sea. “It’s lighter. Better for summer.”
Our waiter returns with two white wine glasses, and a tall, skinny bottle. She serves us both, and places the bottle in an ice bucket.
Cal holds his glass out to me. “To memorable days.”
I give him a little clink and take a sip. It’s crisp with mineral notes, and the fizz is so delicate. “It tastes like a day at the beach.”
“Which is what we should be doing right now. Rowan has the right idea.”
“Right.” I’ve been so distracted since the car ride. “Where did Rowan and Ava go?”
“Paparazzi showed up. They’ll hound him until the race, I’m sure. Anyway, they took off for Occitan just before you arrived.”
I have to remember to act surprised about the race, even though Reggie told me about it in the car. “What race?”
“Apparently my older brother signed up for the Grand Prix this morning. I do hope you stick around for it. I’d like you to see it.”
Taking another sip of my wine, I think about all of it—time, Reggie, the race. “Remember how you told me Rowan kicked your uncle out of the kingdom?”
“He tried, anyway. Guess who’s back?”
“He came with us,” I say, thinking as the server places an artistically arranged platter of sushi in front of me.
“Nigiri, shrimp tempura, tuna…” he points out the different items on my plate, and I smile up at him in thanks.
Cal grabs a knife and cuts his burger. I lift the chopsticks and hope I remember how to use them. It’s been years since Seth showed me how. Thinking that name makes my old life feel so far away. I can’t imagine going back to it and ever feeling the same. Come on, Zelda, you’re smarter than this! You’ve out-conned Reggie once before; you can do it again.
“You said Rowan didn’t tell you exactly what made him do it… Did he at least give you the gist?” Anything I can use? I don’t say.
Cal leans back in his chair, chewing a bite of burger watching me. I mix a pinch of Wasabi into the small pool of soy sauce and go for a rich, pink slice of tuna. Holding my breath, I position the sticks in my hand and pick it up. Balance… it manages to ride from the sauce to my mouth without falling in my lap. The fresh flavor of good fish fills my mouth.
“Good work.” He grins. “I saw you sweating that bite.”
“I wasn’t sweating! It’s just been a while…”
He shakes his head and picks up a French fry. “Let me think… it was something about Hubert and forming an alliance with Twatrington that would essentially unite the two countries under a new government.”
“Can he do that?” My brow lines, and I look up at Cal still watching me.
He does a little shrug. “With a majority of votes he could. The economy was bad. Hubert was head of the Parliament at the time, and while the king is the titular leader, he doesn’t have total control.”
“It’s not a true monarchy?” I actually sound like I know what I’m talking about.
He takes another bite. “Constitutional.”
I go for the pink and green shrimp roll. It’s covered in a layer of rice with salty seaweed on top.
“Could something like that still work today?”
Cal’s eyes narrow, and he lifts his wine glass, taking a sip. “If Hubert were still in power it’s conceivable. Still, he’d have to change Rowan’s mind about such a unification, and my brother would die before he’d sell out Monagasco.”
Distracted, I stare at my colorful plate. My mind is desperate for a solution. Is it possible Reggie’s found a way around these obstacles—or he’s working on one?
“Is that why you rode with him today?” Cal’s voice has changed. It sounds harder. “Are you in league with my uncle to overthrow the government?”
My eyes fly to his. He’s watching me closely, and my forehead tightens. What would he say if I told him that’s exactly what brought me to his country? I was in league with Reggie to prevent Rowan being crowned king, thereby assuring his enemies control of the government.
Oh god. My insides die.
“What?” I manage a laugh, but it sounds off, even to me. “Why would you say something so crazy?”
Cal’s eyebrows lower, and for the first time since I’ve known him, a fierce light enters his eyes. MacCallam Lockwood Tate is an ass-kicker.
“You’re asking a strange line of questions, Zee. What’s this about?”
Sitting up straight, I place the chopsticks on the side of my plate, forcing my practiced brain to calm. It’s not the first time I’ve been in a tough situation. Poker face returned, I find a believable cover story.
“I was only thinking… if I leave, your uncle will be kicked out again.” Reaching for my glass, I take a slow sip of wine, careful to keep my hands from trembling. Focus on the story. “He doesn’t want to leave his home. I guess I was trying to help him find a way to stay. If whatever he was trying to do before is impossible now, then Rowan can allow him to come back. Right?”
Cal’s muscles visibly relax. He gives me a half-smile as he returns to how we’ve always been with each other. I let out a controlled breath. That was too fucking close. I can’t let Cal figure out why I’m really here before I have something to make up for what I’ve done. I’ve got to find my gift of atonement before he ever uncovers the truth about Ava and me, or he’ll never forgive me.
It’s a long shot he’ll forgive me, period, but I can’t think that way. I can’t let him go without a fight.
“I don’t know if Rowan will ever forgive our uncle for what he did.” His voice is quiet, controlled. “If Reggie wants to stay in Monagasco, you should let him work it out on his own.”
“You’re right,” I say, happy to move away from the subject. “We don’t have to talk about it anymore.”
He does a little wave. “I’ll sign the bill, and we can head back to the estate. There are still a few hours of sunlight left.”
Our eyes meet, and I reach across to hold his hand briefly. “I’m sorry if I spoiled our dinner with all my questions.”
“You can make it up to my by going to the gala tomorrow night.”
He turns his hand over so our palms touch, our fingers lace. It’s so warm and perfect. All I can think about is our bodies meeting in the same way and how good it always feels.
“I’ll go.” I can’t tell him no, and I will do everything in my power to make this right. After that, I know what I have to do.
* * *
Rowan
Ava is in my arms, her soft breasts flat against my chest. Her slim arms are around my neck, and her eyes close as I rock into her. Her dark hair swirls around us in the water like a cape. She’s so beautiful, and my cock is deep between her thighs. I can only let go as waves of pleasure roll over us.
With every thrust of my hips, her inner muscles clench, and she exhales a soft moan. I’m so close to finishing, my balls ache. A tilt of her chin, and our mouths unite, tongues sliding together. She tastes like the strawberries I fed her along with our champagne, and she feels like fucking heaven—hot, clenching, dick-massaging heaven.
“Rowan,” she whispers softly. “Please.”
“Please?” I take another hit off her luscious lips.
“Move me,” she sighs, and I slide my hands down to her ass, gripping it and pulling her harder against my hips, scrubbing her clit against my body.
I’m rewarded with a renewed eruption of clenching muscles around my shaft, and I have to grind my teeth to keep from coming. I continue moving her, harder, faster until her thighs flex at my waist. Her nails grip into the skin of my shoulder, and I’m no longer setting the pace. She’s riding me, getting off on my cock. It’s so damn good, I can’t hold back anymore.
“Fuck, Ava,” I groan, holding her upper back, trying to keep myself anchored on this planet with only her for support.
My dick pulses again and again, filling her, and she’s riding, trembling until she breaks. I feel her entire body tense, and a low moan cracks with her voice.
“Yes,” she gasps, bucking against my hips. “That’s it.”
She’s smiling, but her eyes are still closed. Her arms are tight around my neck, and her body moves slower, coming down as a beautiful flush spreads across her breasts.
“Look at me,” I say, catching her chin as I give the low command.
“Hm,” she smiles, blinking those beautiful eyes open.
I can’t help it, I kiss her again, pulling her tongue into my mouth. Devouring her sweetness, causing her to moan again, another little spasm around my dick. Pulling back, I give her lip a teasing nibble, and she sighs.
“So good,” she says, leaning her head against her arms, which are still tight around my neck.
My thoughts move to what we’ve done several times over the last few days. Her body is fantastic, and I’ve become somewhat obsessed with her. I haven’t been as careful as I normally would.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been more vigilant about protection.”
Her brow lines, and her head rises. “I hadn’t really thought about it either. But you don’t have to worry. Technically, you’re my first real lover.”
I touch her chin and the warmth in my chest could only be tempered by my determination to avenge her past.
“You don’t have to explain. I trust you.” Or, more accurately, I’m so fucking horny for this woman, I’ve become completely reckless.
I think about the other possibility of what we’ve done, and strangely it doesn’t bother me. An unexpected wave of satisfaction fills me at the idea of Ava’s belly round with my child.
“I’m on the pill,” she adds, killing that fantasy.
It’s a good thing. I need to get my head straight about this woman. We’ve only known each other a short time. As future king, I have to be more deliberate and responsible about my decisions.
Still, Ava is something special. I love every conversation we’ve had. I love how well our bodies work together, and I can’t forget my feelings on the track today seeing her walking out to greet me.
“You don’t have to worry.” I hold her a little closer to my chest. “I’m clean. I haven’t been with anyone in a long time.”
Those last words, added as an afterthought, cause me to remember my lonely existence before this beautiful creature appeared. I didn’t even realize what I was missing.
“Why were you alone?” Her voice is soft, and her legs are loose around my waist.
We’re floating in the pleasant water, luxuriating in the calm of afterglow.
I think about her question. “I don’t know exactly. My father died, and I felt I had to focus on getting up to speed, proving I was ready to take his place.”
“Does running the country mean you can’t have a girlfriend?”
“No.” I smile and touch her beautiful face. “It just means people always want something. Everyone has an agenda. It’s hard to know who to trust.”
She leans her cheek into my hand. “I tried to stay away from you, you know.”
“I suppose that’s what made me want you more.”
“Is it?”
“No.” I can’t lie to her now. “That night in the moonlight, when you were alone, watching the waves and quoting Robert Frost. It was exactly what I was doing in my mind. Looking at the waves and wishing I could run away.”
Her expression changes, and she places her slim fingers along my jawline. “We both want freedom? Shouldn’t you already have it?”
My arms tighten around her. “I’m pretty sure I know what I want.”
“Me too.”
Our eyes mix and mingle, emerald green and ocean blue. I can’t help feeling we were meant to find each other. Our paths were destined to cross. Passionate preference, such as love at first sight…
She kisses me roughly, holding her body to mine as if she’s afraid I’ll disappear. “I always want to remember this,” she says.
I’ll never forget it.
“Go with me to the gala tomorrow. It’s the kickoff to all the race events. After it, I’ll be slammed with time trials and practice runs. I’ll have to keep things going with the cabinet. I’m afraid for a few days, I won’t be able to see you like this.”
She doesn’t hesitate. “I would love to go with you.”
“We might be hounded by photographers. I hope you don’t mind having your photograph plastered all over the damn place.”
“I don’t mind. I don’t really notice them anymore when we’re together.”
Sliding my fingers along her hairline, I think about my decisions, about what my mother wants, about what’s good for the country. I think about Ava being here on a holiday, the possibility that her visit will end and she’ll leave. A hollow feeling burns in my stomach.
“After the race, I’d like to talk to you about something.”
She smiles. “You could talk to me now. I’m here.”
Turning her body, I pull her back to my chest and wrap my arms around her waist. My chin is on her shoulder, and I look out at the horizon. I think about the future and what I want.
“After the race,” I say.
Her fingers thread with mine, and I know what I want. I know for the first time, and I feel complete.