Up until this point, my life has been a series of embarrassing moments separated by chocolate cake. Kellen’s three months old and Hunter and I are going out for the first time. To say I’m nervous would be an understatement.

It’s been so long since I’ve worn anything other than leggings and T-shirts, I almost forgot how I ever zipped up a dress on my own. But when Hunter comes in the bathroom and stands behind me, his hands roam over my butt, I’m thankful I have it on.

“You don’t have any panties on, do you?” he asks as he stares at me in the mirror.

“Nope,” I tell him as I put the finishing touches on my makeup.

“Were you planning to?”

“Nope.”

“Is that the only word you can say tonight?”

Right now, yes. I’m barely holding on because the thought of spending more than fifteen uninterrupted minutes with him has my heart racing so fast, I might pass out.

“I wasn’t supposed to know yet, was I? Or maybe you wanted me to figure it out?”

“Yeah,” I whisper, making him laugh. I’ve managed to answer both questions, but Hunter hasn’t seen me squirm like this for months. “I haven’t been feeling very sexy lately. Milk’s coming out of my boobs and I feel like a burger with the lettuce pads on my nipples. It’s a miracle this dress even fits.”

He kisses the sensitive skin by my ear. “I don’t care if you’re covered in a damn buffet, Kyra. I’ll never stop wanting you.”

“Thank you for saying that.”

Hunter turns me around and places a soft kiss on my lips. It’s exactly what I need. But as soon as he pulls my dress up to my waist, there’s a knock on the bedroom door.

“Kyra, I can’t find the Desitin,” my mom yells through the wall.

Nothing ruins a moment more than hearing your mother asking for diaper rash cream. Kellen doesn’t even have a rash, she just wants to slather it on him because she can.

My husband rests his forehead against mine and laughs. “She has terrible timing.”

“I’ll be right back,” I tell him, pulling down my dress. “Don’t move.”

While he adjusts his crotch, I run to the nightstand and open the drawer. Without looking, I grab the extra Desitin and run it over to the door. Mom grabs it and I rush back to the bathroom. “All taken care of. Now where were we?”

I’m just about to unbutton Hunter’s pants when there’s a another knock at the door. “Kyra,” she yells again, this time her voice is a little shaky, and I think she must feel terrible for interrupting again.

Hunter drops the hem of my dress again and groans. “She’s killing me,” he says. “Go see what she needs. I can’t wait much longer.”

When I pull the door open, mom’s face is pale. She doesn’t say a word, just holds out her hand and opens her palm. And then I die a thousand deaths. “Hold on,” I whisper.

I go back to the nightstand, take a better look inside, and grab the tube of Desitin. I faintly hear her mumble something that sounds like a prayer and then after I exchange one tube for the other, the door closes again.

There’s no way I can go back in the bathroom, so I sit on the edge of the bed and kick off my heels. Hunter’s impatient and a minute or two later, he’s kneeling in front of me, waiting for me to say something. But I can’t.

“What happened? Is Kellen okay?”

“He’s fine.”

I need some air and a drink of cold water. All I have is the bathroom sink, so I leave the bedroom and turn the faucet all the way to the right. Once it’s as cold as I can stand it, I fill up my palm and swallow the water. “We’re staying home.”

“What? Why?” Hunter asks as he hands me a towel to wipe my mouth.

“Because I just handed my mother a tube of lube instead of the diaper rash cream. She couldn’t even look me in the eye.”

“Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

Hunter chuckles and says, “That’s kind of awesome.”

Awesome or not, it’s still #Momfail#3